AN: Oh my God, you hate me don't you? Dammit. I knew it. Sorry. I can't say it enough. Reviews, please?

I grabbed Nessie and ran all the way down to the first floor landing. Then, I placed her on my back, piggy-back style, and ran out the house as fast as I could.

"See!" she yelled. "I told you there was a monster in my room!"

"Yes," I said, as I kept running further and further from that house, nearing Forks' city limits. "You were right, I was wrong. Women rule the world, girl power, rah rah rah. Please be quiet so that I can think."

She grumbled a little but still managed to stay silent.

Ok, I analyzed in my head. There is a 'monster' in the house we live in.

Sure, no problem. I can deal with that. I mean, I am a monster. In fact I was a very muscular, quite handsome, and very – Enough, Emmett! Focus.

No, what I can't deal with is the fact that he was terrorizing my niece. I mean, don't get me wrong. Nessie is annoying and all, but she is still my brother's daughter. I needed to take care of her. I had promised Edward I would.

But, well, um, right now, at this exact moment, the time you are reading this… I'm a wee bit scared, to be honest.

There, I said it. I am afraid. Now, you can tease me to the grave. Oh, wait—.

Nessie interrupted my jumbled thoughts.

"Uncle Emmett, what are you going to do? I can't sleep with that thing in there!"

"Right." I nodded. Point A.

"I mean," she continued, "What if it tries to eat me?"

I considered it for a moment. Highly unlikely. Nessie could probably bite his head off. But, still, we'll consider it Point B.

"Look, honey," I said. "Why don't we go to grandpa Charlie's and leave you there for the night."

"But, why?" she whined. God, what was it with kids and those stupid high-pitched voices? She made my ears hurt.

"Well, to get you away from the monster. You don't want to be around him when he attacks, do you?"

She shook her head solemnly. "No. I really don't."

"Right," I said. "That's why you need to leave, and I need to brave the doors of the Cullen residence in search of this monster we just saw."

"Fine. Just get me away from it!" She squeaked again. God, she must be part human, part vampire, and part mouse.

And what an ungrateful brat! I'm risking my life for her and she doesn't even wish me luck!

She needs to hang out around me more often. I know how to teach people good manners.

I ran with her on my back to Charlie's house. As soon as I neared the house, I took her off my back and she landed swiftly on the ground.

"Now, listen." I told her, sternly. "I don't want you to mention any of this to Charlie. This is a weird for a vampire, what will a human think? Just agree with whatever story I tell him, alright?"

"Cool," she agreed.

See, this is the stuff I teach her. I swear, she is becoming a better person just by being around me. Now, if I could only de-pitch her and her stupid voice, she would be perfect.

I held her hand as we walked up the porch stairs and knocked the door. I heard Charlie heave a groan as he got off his chair and walked to the door. The floorboards creaked under his weight. When he opened, the door, the first thing I noticed was his potbelly. I kid you not, he looked like Bella when she was pregnant.

"Man, you got fat!" I whispered.

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"Um… Oh, you're home. Phat!" I reiterated quickly.

"Well, yes, I am home. The Rangers are playing." He said, eyeing me curiously. He then leaned to the floor and pulled Renesmee in to a hug. "And what are you doing up, not asleep." He gave me another stare as he said that last part. I got my story ready.

"Well, here's the thing, Charlie," I began. "Bella and Edward aren't around, and I was left to babysit for their daughter." I patted the head of said daughter affectionately… or in a way that might be presumed to be affectionate.

"But, you see, I forgot that it was Roses' birthday tomorrow, and I still haven't bought her anything. She demands to have her gift early in the morning. Dude, don't ask me why, but she does. So, seeing as I haven't bought her anything, I'm leaving to Chicago right now to go see if I can buy her anything and surprise her with it. I can't possibly take care of a girl while running around stores, begging them to stay open so I can see some of their stuff. Therefore, I would appreciate it if Nessie stayed with you."

I almost took a bow; I was so proud of myself. That had to be the best lie I have ever told. And completely believable, too.

"And you can't just tell Bella and Edward to buy something from wherever they are at? Or EXPLAIN to Rose that you were busy. Surely she knows you were taking care of Renesmee."

I glared at him. "I just can't," I said grumpily. He RUINED my lie!

"Alright, come in, Nessie." He looked a little scared.

Renesmee went in without a fight. She really did look tired. I kissed her swiftly, told her to be a good girl (Charlie whispered, "You're one to talk."), and walked away from Charlie's eyesight.

As soon as I was away, I ran all the way home and as soon as I got to the front door, I slowly opened it and peered inside. I walked up the stairs, and opened the door to Nessie's room slowly. There it was! Oh my God, Emmett, don't run. I fisted my hands, prepared to throw a punch, while utterly terrified.

Wait… was that Professor Snape?

"Yes, it is," he answered.

Are you doing that Legimency thing? I thought,

"I am," he said.

"Cool." I said.

And then me and Professor Snape made hot chocolate and watched the Rangers game, while bonding on our mutual hatred of Pansy Parkinson and Professor Sprout.


P.S. Yes, the ending will change… Maybe even this entire chapter. I just wanted to write something. :P Hope it at least made you smile! Don't worry. The (real) ending is nigh!