A/N: This is my first RENT fic and one of many (many) of my random one-shots. There are two (maybe three) other RENT one-shots going up today, and a chapter story that may eventually go up if I ever finish it. All of these center around Mark, because I absolutely love his character. So, why my foray into RENT fics? Because I listened to the soundtrack. I love RENT and I've listened to the soundtrack a hundred times, but this time in particular sparked a creative brainstorm. So, here is the first one-shot, just a short insight into Mark's head. Enjoy!


There were moments, crazy, desperate moments, when he thought about grabbing a needle and plunging it into his veins. Moments where he wanted nothing more than to inject himself with a short-lived high and a slow, deadly poison.

But he wasn't after the high. He didn't desire the pleasure, the feeling of soaring.

He wanted the poison, wanted the disease to creep through his veins, consuming him from the inside out.

He didn't want to die—because what person really did? But, sometimes, he coveted death in a needle, because more than anything, he didn't want to be alone.

He didn't want to watch as they died, didn't want to stand by, the picture of health standing at the foot of a deathbed, holding their hands as they wasted away, begging for them to stay.

He didn't want to die.

But he didn't want to survive either.

In the end, he never could bring himself to do it, not even on the worst of days.

He didn't know if that made him brave or a coward.

Reviews? Let me know how I did!