here is the last chapter of this story... i think...i may open it back up again in the future. this gets kind of explicit...so count this as a warning! the song 'gabriel' by lamb is stunning, and may i suggest you listen to it whilst reading this? it's just perfect for this chapter.
so...let me know what you think.
i dont own fruits basket, or 'gabriel' by lamb, and i don't make any money from this.
I can fly
But I want his wings
I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
Revel in the songs that he sings
My angel Gabriel
I can love
But I need his heart
I am strong even on my own
But from him I never want to part
He's been there since the very start
My angel Gabriel
My angel Gabriel
Even the air was empty. It felt like every breath I took echoed in the air around me, the room we infinite, and I, in the middle of it, was lost in my isolation. I laid looking up at the ceiling, I could make out vague shadows of the rafters above me. I secretly wished they would cave, crushing me in their wake. It was raining hard outside, the drops of water splashed against my window, reverberating around my train of thought, around my ponderings of hollowness.
They were all in bed, sleeping soundly I hoped, sleeping heavily so they wouldn't hear the storm. Winter was always so cruel, completely merciless. Earlier in the evening I had been worried about snow, now I was worried about drowning.
I sighed deeply, there was no room in my life for such adolescent infatuations, infatuations that should have disappeared with my teenage years, yet they hung on, clung to me like a disease, and they had grown into a love that was wounding me more than anything else.
I chastised myself. I was getting too old! I should have some control, and so I closed my eyes, I would force myself to sleep, just as I would force myself to wake in the morning, I would force myself to exist.
As I cleared my mind of everything, or Hatori in particular, I heard a screech of tyres from outside. It made me jump however I was slow to react, slow to move from my bed from fear, or maybe from comfort. Anything was possible. I had just shifted slightly to inspect who had most probably torn my gravel up along my drive when something hit my window, creating a louder noise than it should of. This too shook me wildly, I had watched too many horror films.
I stood, wandering cautiously to said window, trying to keep as far back as possible lest anything smash through it and knock me into next week. Another thing, now identifiable as gravel tapped the glass, I almost leapt back, but forced myself forwards, it was probably Kyo, he always ended up locked out. peering as best I could through the heavy rain I picked out a drenched white shirt, soaked black trousers and a pair of white socks. It was Hatori.
As quickly as was humanly possible I switched a lamp on. The pebbles stopped coming. Opening they window I leant out.
"haa-san! What are you doing! Have you seen yourself? Were you mugged?" it's a strange thing that one can both whisper and shout at the same time.
"let me in" he was sobbing, it was hard for me to detect, but it seemed so.
"wait there" I closed the window firmly, my hair was damp from just leaning out, he would be soaked.
I stopped at the bathroom to pick up a towel as I went down to accept him through the door. the locks came undone quickly, and as I creaked the door slowly open, he appeared before me.
His hair was dripping, stuck to his face in a way I hadn't seen since we used to swim together in the lakes. His clothes stuck to him, defining his shape clearly, his usual tie was gone, and of course, he was wearing no shoes.
He ignored my question and stepped in through the door, brining water in with him.
"where are they?" he sounded accusing.
"Yuki, Tohru, Kyo?"
"they're in bed. Haa-san Wh-" he stopped me. With a force I had never seen in him before he pushed me brutally against the wall pinning my shoulders there as he forced a vicious kiss upon my lips. He tasted of rain and tears, of madness and need. He breathed into me, his air entering my lungs. he pushed against me, his hard body keeping me where I belonged, soaking through my night Yukata. His tongue forced its way into my mouth, exploring, tangling with mine.
Once he was confident I would not escape, he let his hands drop to the belt at my waist, lazily tied with the prospect of sleeping in it. He tore at it, pulling it undone like he could not wait. In truth he really could not. The Yukata fell open at the front I was exposed to him, and he looked down at me, at my body that he knew too well, and that he had been obviously missing.
He was calm suddenly, taking me in with long breaths that could be described as sighs. His damp hand, shivering with cold reached out to touch my stomach. I jumped, he was like ice. It caused my hair to stand on end, my knees tremble and my eyes to roll into the back of my head.
I still held the towel, as if it would disappear if I dropped it.
"what's wrong?" I was gasping, the brutality of his kiss had shocked me, my face and chest was flushed my heart was erratically pounding deep inside me.
"what do you mean?" he groaned, his voice was croaking, he was still crying and he seemed in no state to stop.
"why are you here? Why are you doing...this?" I couldn't think, there was something desperately unusual about this situation that I was almost on the verge of tears myself.
"i-i j-just can't" he bellowed. "I just can't do this....anymore"
Seeing him like this, so broken from his limitations in such a crumbling state shocked me. All of his control, his poise, his stoic persona had completely slipped.
I handed him the towel, but he didn't take it, and so, laying it on the stairs, I started to unbutton his shirt. I took my time, I had to be gentle, he was like a deer, if I moved too quickly he would run, bolt, and I would not see him for dust. Water from his hair, his jaw and his collar was dripping on my hands running up to my wrists. I finally finished unbuttoning the shirt, and leaving it hanging open, leaving his shimmering body in the warm hues of the incandescent bulbs of the hallway, I lead him upstairs, bringing the plush towel with me.
I gently held his hand, guiding him to follow me, allowing his heavy footsteps to be heard my whomever should be awake. He had come undone, such a rare state for him to be in, and so I was careful with him, I knew him to be frail. My door stood open as I had left it, my lamp glowed from inside and it had never seemed so inviting to me before. He entered behind me. This was the first time he had ever been inside my room since I had moved into this house. He looked around, taking in his surroundings, he caught sight of himself in my full length mirror and stared for a while. Maybe he was surprised by what he saw, by the state of himself. or maybe he had recognised some kind of life from within himself. I couldn't say, it was always impossible to know what he was thinking.
He closed the door quietly. We knew what we were going to do, what was going to happen between us, however we didn't talk about it. We had no words for each other at the moment.
It was clear what he wanted and I was more than willing to oblige. There are various times in life when one should consider the moral implications of what they are about to do. This was one of them. But my own need, my own longing for him had far overtaken every moral fibre in my body.
He just stood there, looking like a wounded puppy, how fitting. I walked toward him, peeling his shirt from his shoulders, it clung tightly around his wrists and so I lovingly unbuttoned his cuffs, allowing the dripping wet specimen to drop to the floor.
His smooth skin was damp, wet in places. His hair still dripped, droplets ran slowly down his chest over his rippling muscles. He was still highly defined, he always had been, his shoulders were strong, scarily so. He had changed so much since I last saw him like this. My hands found their way to his chest, touching him as he had me, testing to see if he was real. I don't know whether I was happy or scared when I realized that Hatori, my haa-san, had gotten into his car, in the pouring rain with no shoes or coat on, no doubt driven to my house like a lunatic, haphazardly parked his car loud enough for everyone back at the main house to have heard it, threw stones at my window, broken down on my doorstep and nearly molested me in my own porch way. It would be a severe understatement to say I was surprised.
My wispy touches maddened him, his breathing increased, his tears stopped from what I could see, and he stared me deep into the eyes. He stepped forward slightly so my hands were fully against him, so I was touching him instead of teasing him. they began to move of their own accord, gliding upwards along his chest, running lightly over his throat I wanted to taste him there, touch him over every inch of his body in case this was the last chance I got, in case he came to his senses and I was left all alone, the dumped teenage girl crying on her bed.
I stepped closer, finding his lips and kissing him chastely. I loved every millimetre of him, yet I could not tell him. not yet. His lips were still wet from rain and no doubt still damp with tears, but I didn't care. I head the back of his head, gently snaking my tongue into his mouth, tasting him properly. His arms were static, unsure of what to do with themselves. But they found their way, they wrapped around me, pulling my Yukata off of my shoulders. It pooled at my elbows, I would not let it drop yet. His cold hand were all over me, along my spine, around to my front over my stomach, he always did like my stomach. I moved my kisses, lower and lower first to his jaw, then to his neck and lastly to his collarbone. You never forget how to pleasure someone who you love wholeheartedly, no matter how long it's been since you last encountered each other.
His knees quaked beneath him, he shivered, this always drove him mad. Without warning I bit him hard, my slightly elongated canines almost breaking his skin. For the first time he moaned out loud, gasping through his newly replenished tears. His nails dug into my back scratching hard. This in turn made me moan, I mewled leaning my body against him for support breaking the connection I had with him through his neck. He awakened something in me then. Reminding me of why I loved him so much, so distantly, and so enduringly. It also reminded me of why I had desired him so much, why that one time we had been together had stayed with me for so long, and how I never seemed sated after him. I let my Yukata drop to the floor, forgotten in the midst of a long suppressed passion.
For many years I had thought he had erased his own memories of me, but now I knew he was suffering as much as I. That he was lost in his thoughts of me too, and now we were going to find each other. He grabbed my shoulders again pushing me backwards to my bed on the floor, I settled to the ground beneath him and he loomed over me, a heavy protecting force that I was more than happy to be under. He settled between my legs, his hair although drying was still damp still dripping in places, and as I ran my hand through it, to sweep it from his face it clumped together revealing his damaged eye. He jolted, not knowing what else to do but panic. He went to move away. But I caught his hand.
"it's ok. It's ok." I whispered, comforting him and reminding him that there was no way on earth I could ever find him ugly. He still seemed unsettled, but he didn't move away anymore, he trusted me. I cupped his jaw in my hand, making sure he looked me in the eye as I leant up to kiss him again.
It was a gentle one, more of reassurance than of passion. He needed to know that I wanted him, madly, more than anything else in the world, and the remnants of Akito's rage would not stop that. he broke the kiss and looked me up and down, analysing the changes in me, in my strength and form, how I had grown, aged and developed. He did this the first time we were together, the first and only. I would have squirmed under such scrutiny in any other kind of situation, but I could tell from the look in his eye that he liked what he saw. That I pleased him, this made me harden between my legs. I liked to think that I was desirable to someone, that the person I was going to sleep with wanted me as much as I wanted him.
"ohhhh....god" he groaned.
My heart sank to my stomach. Had he just realised what he was doing? Was he regretting it? I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the look of disgust in his eyes when he recognised me beneath him. but he didn't. He didn't suddenly become disgusted with me. He didn't look at me like I was the reason he was in such a state, even though I was, instead, he looked at me with love. For the first time since kana, love.
Leaning on just one of his hands, he ran the other along my side. It tickled and I tried to wriggle away with a smile, but there was no mutual grin from him. instead he gripped my hip hard, he held me to the duvet beneath me making sure I would stay where I was put.
"haa-san!" I sounded like my usual self, I sounded real. But he didn't answer, didn't laugh.
I stopped, assuring him that I wouldn't try to escape again, and so he continued. He slipped deliberately from his knees to lay on top of me, My steadily hardening length coming into contact with his through his trousers. I gasped, there was no going back now. his eyes closed, reassuring me that he felt it too, fisting his hands into the sheets he gained a better position angling himself so that when he next moved, he would come into contact with me again.
Without warning there came his first thrust, the fabric of his trousers smooth against my bare skin, sensitising me until I felt weak. My toes curled and my arms flew around him, embracing him tightly. To him, it must have seemed strange to have arms around him when the only human contact he got on a daily basis was examining patients.
His movements from that point on were awkward, he was becoming impatient, he needed release badly, and he couldn't get it wearing trousers. this could go two ways, I could help him along, could shift position slightly and let him enter me, let him finish quickly, or I could drag it out a little, make sure we both really experience it, if I could get away with it.
I slid my hands to his lower body stopping when they met his waistband, I slipped them round to his front, halting for a moment at his belt buckle, making sure there were no signs of panic readable upon his face.
I was safe for the moment, all I saw was exhaustion, I saw him fighting to keep his strength, and I would sap it even further in time. The belt came easily undone, it's buckle clinking quietly as I shifted it aside to find the button that kept him from me. Trousers were alien to me, I wore them very rarely, and I never took them off of someone else, after all, Ayame's outfits were wide and varied, yet they were never comprised of anything even vaguely resembling trousers.
It appeared there were no buttons, but poppers instead. This surprised me, momentarily throwing me off, but I was back on form within seconds, and he was undone, I reached down inside, thinking I'd find some form of underwear, but I instead found nothing. For the first time that night he smiled at me, and I couldn't help but beam back at him broadly, ever ready, that's what he was.
I found his hardness, swollen against the constrictions of his clothing, and I began to stroke it, slowly, maddeningly so that he would only get a taste of what was to come, so that I could be what I was good at, and that was a tease. His chest heaved as he lifted himself away from me slightly, allowing me more room to caress him. but there would be no quickening of strokes, I would not let him have me that easy. He once again rested only on one of his arms, holding himself unsteadily above me, as he pushed at his trousers down awkwardly, I leant to the side slightly to watch as more and more flesh appeared, even in the dark hues of the room, I could appreciate the warm tan of his skin. He swapped hands and was finally able to free himself of the constriction, they fell to his knees.
This was my cue.
We were reliving moments past and I hoped that he remembered what came next.
I sat up, kissing him as I moved, he understood, he recalled as I did that it was his turn to lie on the floor. Out swapping of places was intimate, we never lost contact we were always connected, whether it was through mouth or body, we were never away from each other.
And now, we were closer than ever, I could feel the heat coming off him, it was almost in waves, warm skin against warm skin, an understanding that we could not reach in any other way. A few minutes ago he was the protector, now, he was the utterly protected.
A kiss was passed between us, passionate, smothering in its intensity it was over quickly, my tongue was lathing its way along his body, my lips kissed parts of him that had not been exposed to foreign eyes in years, I nipped at his collarbones, loving his jolts of pain and pleasure combined underneath me.
I reached his nipples, my teeth instinctively biting at them lightly, making him gasp out loud. The most private part of me twitched in anticipation of how loud those gasps would get. I pulled the left one into my mouth, lavishing affection upon it, sucking it, pulling on it gently. I loved the taste of him. it was something completely indescribable, something like a mixture of natural water and tobacco, but with something else too. His scent infected me, made me feel dizzy, but I continued, moving lower still.
I traced my tongue around his belly button, kissing his stomach, and finding his hipbones, I always loved hipbones. I bit at the skin I found there, and his hands jumped to my hair, pulling it, making me moan and clamp my teeth down harder. It was a viscous circle, he would pull harder, and I would viciously nip at him.
In a moment of slight lucidity I reached down to take him into my hand, he was larger than the last time, his desire was stronger, and as I stroked him once again, all of the muscles I was biting on tensed and flexed.
I was cruel, I left him suddenly, left him laid on my bed, blushing over his pure expanses of skin. Debauchery personified. This was all about control, it always had been, he had lost it, and I had taken it from him, he was now putty in my hands. Literally.
I lifted one of his legs, grasping him by the shin, I came in close to him and kissed the back of his knee, he jolted, but I kept a tight hold on him and moved further up the back of his leg, making my way up to his muscular thigh, his arm flew across his eyes, this was embarrassing him and he didn't want to see what I was doing to him. it was fine with me, there was something else that could tell me he was enjoying it, of course.
I was still nervous, still worried I would scare him away, but I couldn't stop, I had thought this incident through a million times in my head and the prospect of passing it by was unthinkable to me.
Hatori was a strange creature to me, he was easily abashed by things, yet he would always find a way of telling you what he wanted, like a dog asking for a walk, how appropriate.
He shifted his nervous legs apart. It was an awkward movement, yet a bold one, and so I said nothing, I just got on with it. Leaning to a drawer across the room, I bought forth a bottle of lubricant. Guilt spiked me momentarily as I thought of Ayame for the first time, I had to shake it away though, I could have Aya whenever I wanted him, this may never happen again.
Quietly, I emptied a little of it onto my fingers and with my other hand, I began to touch him lightly in a place he had only ever let me, to my knowledge. He bit his lip turning it a deep red colour. It struck me then, how most of the colours of sex were red, it seemed odd to me that such an act could be in monochrome.
I replaced my dry hand with my lubricated fingers, and began to press onto his tight ring of muscle with a bit more force. His mouth opened and a soft and steady flow of air attacked his lungs, I wouldn't do anything more until he asked me.
My fingers flitted over and over the same spot, he writhed, to the untrained eye, he would look as if he was in excruciating pain, I knew otherwise, this was not agony, it was desperation. This carried on for as long as I was willing to wait, and so, I took my hand away. As soon as we broke contact, his arm lifted and he looked at me with fury in his reddened eyes.
I smiled at him, fully aware of the fact that he wasn't in any kind of condition to move, or punch me. I sat back on my knees, getting more of the lubricant, I knew without even having to consider it how much I needed. He would never forget this.
Shifting position I sat on the floor, my legs wide spread and bended at the knee, I leant back on my hand, exposing everything that I kept private. If I was any normal person, I would have been embarrassed, but I am Shigure Sohma, and I do live up to my reputation sometimes. I spread the cold gel between my legs, the temperature making me jump. I was used to this kind of thing, and so I wasted no time in slipping a finger inside myself, I gasped, stretching around my digit. He watched intently propping himself up on his elbows. I slid steadily in and out of myself, closing my eyes and lolling my head back as I basked in the sensation of being watched. One finger became two, it was uncomfortable, but I liked this kind of discomfort.
I opened my eyes, he was licking his lips, edging closer to me whether he knew he was doing it or not was a different matter. I ran my free hand over myself, touching my ever sensitising skin giving myself Goosebumps. His expression changed, he was wordlessly questioning me. 'is it ok?'
I nodded at him, slowly pulling my fingers out, watching him, watching me.
He crawled forwards, this was going to be brutal. I braced myself, he had a lot of emotion pent up within him, and this was going to be his time to vent it. I could feel the heat emanating off of him as he placed himself between my legs. He took himself in his hand and positioned himself at my entrance, he eased himself inside me, millimetre by millimetre, it burned, it ached and it was almost too much. I groaned out loud, winded by the sensation of being full. He was definitely more gifted than the average man, and I had not prepared myself properly.
I felt light headed as he buried the last of himself within me. My arms were quaking struggling to keep my upper body where it was, I would have to lie back soon. He looked at my, deep into my eyes.
"ok?" he gasped, he sounded as if he was hyperventilating.
"o-ok" I repeated.
He was slow as he pulled out, gentle, with the touch of a doctor he laid me back onto my bed, making sure I was comfortable. And then, with an unanticipated shove, he re-entered me again. We both cried out loud, we would be heard, but there was no way of silencing ourselves now. he repeated his move, this time it was easier on me, the delicious pain was turning into an even more gratifying pleasure, a warmth deep inside me. He did not close his eyes, not like last time. He now watched me, watched every line in my face, every reaction to his intrusion. I can't fully explain his expression, only that it was similar to intense concentration. His wounded eye, still enormously scarred watched me too, I wondered what it saw, if anything. His thrusts sped in their rhythm our sighs became loud moans, our moans cries. I held onto his shoulders, grasping at him. he pressed his forehead to mine, he was now a blur, too close, but I could still hear him, hear the slurred formation of words under his ever shortening breath.
"I love you" at first it was just a sigh, but then it became a mantra. "I love you, I love you, I love you, iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou" he was hurting me, his thrusts too brutal, too deep, but I wanted it.
He began to cry, his tears running down his face as it contorted with his orgasm, he came deep inside me, allowing me to be his, just for tonight. Collapsing upon me he sobbed, there would be no climax for me tonight, but I lost interest in that quickly. I just held him in my arms, soothing his hair, reminding him of the compassion that could be felt through touch.
I ached, my breath stifled by his weight, I didn't move him however, he moved himself, pulling us both onto our sides. He wrapped himself tightly around me, sobbing into my chest.
"Shigure" he sounded wounded, devastated.
"it's ok. It's all ok" I pulled a blanket over us.
"I'm so sorry"
He didn't answer for a while, I thought he had drifted into sleep. Yet my reply came:
"for everything. I'm just, so sorry" he whispered, vulnerable, weak, and at my mercy. Hatori was never like this, not if he could help it. The truth is though, there is a weakness within us all, he is mine and there is nothing I can do about it. Forever in my heart, I held him close to me, I cradled him, precious, and for all I knew fleeting, but in one way or another, always, always, always mine.
Bless the day he came to be
Angel's wings carried him to me
I can fly
But I want his wings
I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
Revel in the songs that he sings
My angel Gabriel
My angel Gabriel
My angel Gabriel