Broke Straight Guys

I think I'm having an illegal amount of fun writing this story… I like writing the different sides of Gaara for this. Shy, campy, flirtatious… I can't wait to find more. Also, putting Naruto in awkward or uncomfortable situations is doubly fun.


Bareback Disco Stick


The call came as he was just about to get off work, his cell buzzing in his pocket twice before breaking into a bouncy polytone ditty that came with it for free. It was the tune that he set for unknown numbers, one that he rarely heard as he wasn't accustomed to passing out his digits to any random stranger who bought him a drink. Technically he wasn't even supposed to have his phone on at all, but it was a rule only heeded by the floor staff. Even then, the waiters merely set them on vibrate. Staying connected was a priority in this wild world.

He had the time to answer it, despite it having been a busy night as Saturdays tended to be. Everyone was out with their families, friends, and lovers. Couple after couple was seated and Gaara sighed as he assigned each table. How long had it been since he had gone out on a nice dinner-and-a-movie date? Ages seemed to have passed since then, back in a time long forgotten when Sai wasn't completely batshit crazy and love blinded him to the obvious signs of the so-called 'passion' lurking just beneath the surface. He wanted a guy to spark the warm feelings of those evenings once more, any guy, it didn't have to be that luscious eyecandy he got to call a friend. He wanted a boyfriend to kiss and cuddle and be doted upon hand and foot by. All the men he'd ever dated seemed to like doing that, spoiling him rotten with little things like foot rubs after a long day of work and chocolate up to the big time gifts, a starburst cut sapphire ring being the one that immediately came to mind. He supposed that always being the receptor of these tokens of affection meant that he was the 'girl' of the relationship, but he didn't mind.

God, he needed someone tossed his way! He was a dog desperate for a bone—but not that kind. And it was as he was thinking that that his phone decided to ring with the unknown caller tone again. Raising the phone to his ear cautiously, he glanced from left to right to see if his boss was sober enough to be on the prowl. She wasn't, so he accepted the call.


"How's it going, Gaara? Still want to give me that massage?"

Gaara immediately felt his lips melt into a smile. It had been a week since he'd seen his forbidden fruit on their trip to the coffee shop. He had begun to think that perhaps Naruto hadn't wanted to see him another time. "Tonight's a bit hectic, but I'm sure I could fit you in…"

"I'm kidding, I really wanted to ask you if you feel like going drinking. The guy I asked first is ditching me to hang with his girl. Not that I blame him. She's freaking hot."

"Is that so?" Gaara mused, a bit put out that he had been the fallback option. Naruto wasn't at fault, though. They'd only met twice.

"Oh, my bad."

Naruto seemed to regret mentioning a hot girl to a man who was very, very gay. He had much to learn about the sparklier side of the world. "Just because I don't sleep with women doesn't mean that I can't think they're beautiful or sexy or 'hot'."

"No phones at work, fag."

Gaara pointedly ignored the passing server, who scowled at him before scurrying away elsewhere. "But yes, I'm up for a drink or two."

"Gaara! What have I told you about phones during work hours?!"boomed the angry voice of his boss from her office where she was likely drunk off her ass. So the waiter had tattled on him.

"…or ten. Come save me?" he asked, checking behind him to ensure that he couldn't be snuck up on. His boss was surprisingly stealthy for a drunkard.

Naruto chuckled. "Can't. You'll have to save yourself this time. Should I pick the place or is there somewhere you wanna go?"

"Umm…" There were only a handful of bars that he frequented and he was sure that none of them would be to Naruto's liking. The safest non-gay decision on that list was a bondage club and even that might be too much for him. It was simply the stigma that society created. You really did meet the nicest people in those places...

"I'm not really planning on getting laid, so if you want to go to a, um…"

"Gay bar," Gaara said bluntly.

"Uh… Yeah."

"I'm not going to be offended if you say the words 'gay' or 'queer' or anything else like that, Naruto. At least, as long as you're not being insensitive about it." Gaara had a lot to teach his friend about relations between those who were straight and those who were not. "And thank you for asking, I did have a place in mind. The bartender is a total fool for anyone who's the slightest bit cute and he always gives me discounts. If you flirt with him a bit, he'll probably give you anything you want for free. You're just his type. Wear something that shows off your muscles and you won't have to pay a penny all night."

"I think I can manage that. Who's driving?"

"I'll call a cab for us."

"Then I'll pay for it. Consider it payback for the coffee. That reminds me, I have to figure how to compensate you for that massage, whenever I get that…"

"That's on me. I want to do it for you." Getting to see him undressed again was reward enough.

"What time are we going at?"

Gaara contemplated this. He didn't want to be at work for much longer, lest he incur the wrath of his boss. She would probably forget all about his rule breaking tomorrow provided that she didn't come to deal with it personally. So if he left now, he still had to account for the time it would take him to get home, shower, and change clothes. He could do that fairly quickly. "I'll stop by your place in about an hour."

"See you then."

The line promptly went dead.

Gaara, regretting what he was about to do, turned to his coworker. Ol' Miss Reliable. "Can you cover the rest of my shift?"

The doorwoman raised her head, pulling herself away from her own phone on which she was updating her Twitter page. She liked having him around regardless of the fact that he ignored her for the most part. That way she could say she had a gay friend when she technically didn't. He never gave her fashion advice or anything, but that was okay. "Is he at least hot? I'm not covering if he's not."

Fighting a mighty battle to not roll his eyes (and nearly losing), Gaara nodded. Girls were weird like that. They always wanted to know the dirty details. He thought that if they were hankering for the lifestyle so much they should just get it over with and do a gender reassignment surgery. Never mind that turning the pink taco into a nice twig and berry set was currently pretty much impossible. They probably wouldn't care anyway.

"He's extremely hot, but off-limits."

"Steal him from his boyfriend."

Like things could be that simple. "He's straight."

"Suck his dick and change his mind."

Gaara blushed at her utter crassness and wanted to tell her that he'd tried. He left instead, grabbing his coat before departing. For the life of him, he really could not find out what women found so fascinating about gay men. Maybe it was the same for men who loved lesbians. Human sexuality was such a mystery that way.


Gaara looked at himself in the mirror with the utmost scrutiny, giving himself a final once-over. He wore his favorite jeans, the ones that made his ass look like it was worth a million bucks and a casual dress shirt because it was laundry day and everything else was in the wash. For the longest time Gaara hated his slender frame, but it was nights like these that made his self-esteem skyrocket. Sure he was a little on the lean side, but someone was going to love him. He winked at his reflection and got his wallet. The cab was waiting for him already. After giving the man Naruto's address, Gaara settled in the best he could and relaxed, anticipating the night to come.


A short debriefing outside the bar was necessary. There was nothing that could be done about it. He couldn't toss Naruto to the dogs on his first night in one of these establishments, it would be too cruel. Funny, but cruel.

"Okay, so what if someone starts hitting on me?"

It was the third time he'd asked. "Very politely say you're not interested and the keyword is polite. If you don't watch what you say, you might end up with a drink in your face."

"I think I can manage that."

"Are you ready?"
"About as ready as I can possibly be."

Indeed he was. Naruto looked great, having taken Gaara's suggestion to heart. He wore a navy blue tee that stretched taut over his pectorals, revealing these gorgeous guns and the leather cord of a necklace was partially hidden under the shirt. There was an unexpected bonus in his tan cargo shorts that showed off his sinewy calves and Gaara knew that Naruto would soon be getting more attention than he could ever imagine in his wildest dreams.

Surpassing the line was easy with a quick nod of the doorman at Gaara and they sidled up to the bar in no time to make their orders: a beer for Naruto and a chocolate martini for Gaara. As suspected, the bartender took to the blonde immediately.

"Where've you been hiding this one, Gaara?" The man couldn't peel his eyes away from Naruto for even a second. "He's almost as cute as you."

"The same place where I find all my men, Erik." Gaara gave Naruto a mischievous look. "In their closets."

"Not cool, man. Not cool." Naruto continued to grumble to himself once he realized that he was not included in the conversation, downing a third of the beer in one go in hopes that he wouldn't KO Gaara for setting him up like this.

"You know what, I take back my original statement." Erik scratched his chin thoughtfully. "He's not cute, he's flat-out sexy. Mmhm, he's damn near perfect if I do say so myself. I bet people fling themselves at him when he walks down the street. Women lose their minds, throw their panties at him and all us boys are creamin' our pants if he so much as looks our way. I'm telling you, Gaara, this boy is sex on fire."

Naruto blushed sheepishly at the uninhibited praise. Women in bars berated him, but he felt like he was the sexiest man alive right now. He made a mental note to himself: 'when in need of self-confidence booster, go to gay bar.' The kind words made him feel humbled to a certain degree. Here he'd been thinking that a bunch of strangers would nitpick at his sense of style for a couple of hours while Gaara tried to hook up with a dude. "Well, I don't know if I'm all that…"

"And you know what the best part is?" Gaara queried innocently. "He's single."

That practically sealed the deal. Gaara had to die now, gay mafia or not. There was a limit to how much crap you could give your friends and that had crossed the line by a mile. Throwing them into a pool? Okay. Gluing their hands to their face? Okay. Dumping their unconscious body in a Bergner's parking lot at three AM wearing nothing but tiger-striped panties? Also okay—provided that the officer who woke them up to charge them with public indecency was a good listener and subsequently dropped the case when a proper explanation was given. Naruto still hadn't forgiven Sasuke and Kiba for that. Setting someone up in a gay bar? Hell no. That shit was not funny. Guys were going to be trying to get in his pants for the rest of the night and he did not like that at all.

Naruto sent his so-called friend the most malevolent glare that he could physically muster. His brow furrowed, his nostrils flared, and he nearly gave himself a brain cramp trying to shoot death beams out of his eyeballs to incinerate Gaara where he sat. Instead of bursting into flames, the redhead gave him a viciously victorious smirk before standing with drink in hand and waggling his fingers at Naruto in a condescendingly playful wave.

"Don't get too wild, you two."

"Hold on, you bastard!" Naruto protested, shooting an anxious look at the bartender. Erik grinned at him in a way that was anything but innocent.

Gaara wasn't concerned. His companion was in good hands. Time to find his next potential mate. He brushed elbows here and there with a couple of fellows, but none of them were sending signals he wanted. Eventually he was half drunk and he began to cut down on his standards, bringing him up to the present in which he was in a corner swapping spit with a guy whose name he couldn't remember. Keith? Kaleb? Who cared? Tonight he didn't feel like searching for a lifelong relationship. Keith/Kaleb sure had grabby hands, he couldn't help but think as they reached down to squeeze his butt yet again. How many times had he done this now? He got the point, he had a nice ass, was this really necessary?

Maybe that's why he was glad to get a minute of respite when he heard the cry of, "Save me, Gaara!"

Gaara looked up and saw one of Naruto's arms flailing wildly in the air from the center of a circle of men. Well, the blonde had lasted longer than Gaara had suspected he would. It wouldn't hurt to help him. "Be right back."

"Don't take too long."

But he didn't really hear Keith/Kaleb. He approached the group with hands on his hips and said, "Excuse me, boys. I need to borrow my friend for a second."

Naruto burst through the ring upon hearing his voice and the men backed off a bit, watching the scene from front row seats. Gaara tried his very hardest to keep a straight face. He couldn't. Naruto looked ridiculous, hair mussed and topless, how could he not laugh?

"What on earth?"

Naruto temporarily forgot his anger towards the redhead for being the one who abandoned him in the first place and shouted, "Gaara, some gay guy stole my shirt! Do something about it!"

Well, that was a new one. "Naruto, hun, you have to be more specific than that. 'Some gay guy' is everyone in here but you. Tell me what happened."

"I was drinking and that bartender was on the other side of the bar and this dude comes up to me all 'hey sweet thing, wanna dance?' and I was being polite like you told me, saying 'no thanks, I'm straight' and the next thing I know there's ten more guys around me and my shirt is gone!"

"Well that was stupid of you."


Gaara had figured that it was a matter of common sense. Apparently not. "Never tell them you're straight. Sometimes they'll take it as a challenge because they think you're in the closet."

Naruto would've liked to have known that before he opened his mouth to tell the stranger 'no'. "You're an asshole."

"Whatever. The closest thing I can compare it to for you would be when you hit on a hot girl and she ignores you, but you don't want to stop. Close your mouth, there's no reason for you to be gaping at me. I had girlfriends before."

"But I thought that you guys knew that you were gay from childhood or something!"

Gaara scowled at him and pushed him into the arms of one of the buffest onlookers. "Have fun with him, gentlemen. He likes you all. He really does. He's just shy."

The man looked down at Naruto. "So you've been playing hard-to-get all this time… Well, I know just the cure for that…"

Naruto immediately paled at whatever the cure implied, thrashing in the stranger's grasp to no avail. "No, I haven't been playing anything! I'm straight, for the love of god—when I get my hands on you, Gaara, I swear I'm going to kill you!"

Gaara blew a kiss at him and returned to Keith/Kaleb, ignoring Naruto's screams of 'oh god, not my pants' and asked, "Where were we?"


Somewhere in the seconds between Gaara abandoning him for a second time and the attempt to stick foreign appendages in his pants where they most certainly did not belong, a vision of loveliness appeared to rescue him from the melee. She reached out to him and he gladly took her hand. Away she led him, like a faerie spiriting away a child who'd gotten too close to one of their circles, returning to the relative safety of the bar. Naruto breathlessly took a good look at his savior. She was… His mind suffered a dearth of words to describe her. Long was her dark hair and silky smooth down her back, fair of face and gifted in form. She made up for her small breasts with a ruffled sleeveless top in a dark pink paired with a short white skirt.

"What was that mess about?"

"I'm not quite sure myself," laughed Naruto, tired from the ordeal. "I think I owe you a drink or two for that. Is that alright with you, gorgeous?"

"Yeah, it is."


"Hey, take it easy…"

"Do you want to do this or not?"

Gaara grunted as the man (whose name turned out to be Kory, an extremely dickish and pretentious variation on the traditional version) pushed him harder against the wall of the bathroom stall, cheek flat against the cool metal and his pants around his ankles. "I do, but make sure you put on a condom."

"Yeah, whatever."

There was a pause where Gaara heard a foil packet being opened, but he couldn't see what was being done. It worried him. He felt a warm cockhead at his entrance and it began to burrow inside him without warning. Wincing at the intrusion, Gaara felt his anus clench tight around the cock, trying to force it out as he hissed in pain. Not much had been done in way of preparation and the going was rough. The man pulled back a half inch, the edge of his cockhead scraping down Gaara's inner walls like nails on a blackboard. He paused for a second, then pushed back in, centimeter by dry centimeter. Tears prickled in the corners of Gaara's eyes as he tried to steady his breathing. This was not pleasant, this hurt terribly, and instead of the pleasure he'd been expecting, there was nothing but the urge to shit.

"Fucking Christ, you're tight! What are you, a virgin?"

Any of the boldness given to him by the alcohol was completely gone, leaving him desperately sober and timid once more. "It's my… second time…"

Instead of taking this into account, the man began pushing harder into him, forcing his full length as deep as he could, ignoring the few tears that trickled down Gaara's cheeks. The redhead lost his erection, his penis now drooped between his thighs and he prayed that all would be over soon. Kory rutted away at him for a good ten minutes, none of which were pleasant for his docile recipient. When the end did arrive, it was unwelcome as he felt something warm and wet invade his innards. He rounded on the bastard as soon as he pulled out.

"You said you would—"

His complaint fell on deaf ears as the other man exited the bathroom without a shred of remorse. The cum dripped out of his ass, a cruel enlightenment that reminded him that not everyone could be as nice as his blonde friend and he wiped away as much as possible, cheeks burning in shame while he twisted up a piece of toilet paper into an informal and uncomfortable plug that hopefully would prevent the physical remnants of what would soon become a nasty memory from staining the jeans he loved so.

It was time to go.



"Yes, Haku?" His voice was laced with the warm charm of a man struck by Cupid's arrow. The rage he held towards Gaara was long forgotten. Naruto couldn't help but feel serene around the pretty girl.

There was a moment of hesitation where she contemplated what she was about to do, questioning the consequences both good and bad. Then, with resolution in her dark eyes, Haku stood on her tiptoes to kiss Naruto chastely, her bow-shaped lips warm against his mouth. It nearly knocked the blonde off his feet. He'd never been kissed this way before, so full of tenderness and for lack of a better word… love.

She disengaged herself from the connection and said, "You're the first man I've been able to trust since I was raped. Thanks for being so kind."

Naruto felt a lump in his throat. He didn't know what to say after a revelation like that. Was there anything he could possibly respond with? Total silence would not do, even if he couldn't figure out the words, he still had his touch. Comforting her somehow was his first impulse and he followed through by stroking her cheek with shaking fingertips. She smiled like a radiant dawn. Beauty filled her internally as much as it graced her outermost human shell.

Slowly, a black rage boiled up within his chest. Who could ever do such a terrible thing to a girl like her? What kind of sick fuck got his rocks off on making her cry and beg for mercy? In his mind's eye he could see it, the chase, the capture, the savagery. Tears streaming down her cheeks, screaming for help until she was hoarse, the imagery only grew worse and worse. How long had it taken her to overcome the resulting trauma? A month? A year? Or would it never go away entirely, everlastingly lurking in the back of her mind? His anger magnified, spreading like a malignant cancer and he wanted the bastard's blood on his hands. For all he knew, the guy could still be walking around looking for his next victim. The tumor clenched at his heart painfully and he nearly sobbed.

But he knew there was nothing he could do about it. And he hated it.

"Oh god, Haku…" he whispered. There was nothing to do but embrace her, shaking with suppressed anger.

When he let her go, she asked, "Can I spend the night… with you?"

"You don't have anywhere to go?"

"No. I was staying with my mother after it happened, but my father beats both of us and I didn't stay long."

"You can stay, but are you sure you—"

"Don't worry about it. I'm completely comfortable with the thought of sleeping with you. In both senses." She winked at him.

Naruto had a response, but before he could speak, Gaara grabbed him by the arm and was trying to drag him out of the bar. Bewildered by the strange behavior, Naruto asked what was wrong. Gaara told him, sparing the minor details. The blonde was not happy about the redhead's revelation either at first and he got angrier at the sick people who did these things, but then he realized something. This was something he could help with this time, perfect for sating his awakened bloodlust. He had gotten a look at the fellow Gaara had been chatting with briefly, making it easy to find him boasting of his conquest to a group of friends. Naruto punched him square in the face. Cartilage crunched under his fist and blood gushed out of Kory's brand new broken nose.

"When someone tells you to put on a condom, do it you asshole! If you ever try to pull that shit with someone again, I'll rearrange your fucking face!"

For good measure, he punched him again, then a third time, just so he would remember.

Feeling much better, he stormed back to Gaara and Haku and escorted them to the door, where a cab was called for them by the bouncer. Gaara gave the driver directions to his house. The ride was a silent one, punctuated by Gaara's faint sniffs at odd intervals and a few failed attempts at conversation initiated by the driver. None of them wanted to speak after the evening they'd had.

Gaara paid the cabbie for taking him this far and tried to bid the other passengers farewell so they could get on with their busy lives, but Naruto insisted on walking him to his front door. By now, Gaara's eyes were faintly red and puffy, but tears didn't fall from them as they had been.

"Are you okay?" Naruto asked in a soft voice.

"Yes…" Gaara paused, taking in a breath of cool night air. "No."

"Do you want me to stay?" Sadistic jokes or not, Naruto would stick by his friends whenever they needed him.

Naruto had that girl to be with. Why was he even bothering to ask when he clearly wanted to be shagging her instead of comforting him? He should say no. Let him have his fun. Maybe he could deal with the mess his emotional state was in right now by himself. It wouldn't be so hard. He'd done it before. He had never much liked burdening people with his petty troubles. He was going to say no.

"…Please, Naruto. I don't want to be alone tonight."

Living by himself had its advantages, but on the evenings he couldn't sleep, his empty home seemed to be a haven for the things that fed his twilight paranoia. He had a great deal of fears stemming from the wakeful nights: getting robbed, forgetting to turn the stove off and burning alive, being murdered, the list continued on and on. So he triple checked the locks on the doors and windows, made absolutely sure that nothing in the kitchen was left on and all candle flames were smothered, and when that was done he would crawl into his bed, pull the sheets over his head and curl into a ball, listening to the thud of his heart and the constant dripping of the leaky bathroom faucet. Every sound he couldn't identify immediately made his heart skip a beat. A boyfriend beside him made things better and having girls over was alright too, but only a smidgen. None of the men he ever dated were exactly the 'protecting' type and even if Tenten was spending the night, she was usually drunk and didn't have any of her familiar weapons to work with.

He had always wanted something more tangible as a means of defense, a shield that was clear to him. Buying a gun seemed like a waste of money, but the thought of Naruto in his guest room made him feel at ease. He'd proved himself twice before and Gaara had confidence in him.

Naruto had had a few bad nights of his own and knew a fraction of what he was sure Gaara felt now. "What about Haku? She doesn't have anywhere to go. I was going to take her to my place, but…"

"It's okay. I have a guest room. You two can stay in there."

"Thanks, Gaara."

He gestured towards Haku that they would be stopping here instead of back at his place and she got out of the cab with a courteous nod to the driver. Gaara unlocked his door for them. The place was as he'd left it, clean and not a thing out of place. He sighed to himself, happy that he had made it another day without someone robbing him blind. Considering it wasn't technically his house, he was thankful for that. He was just watching the place for his old man until his brother could move in. He wasn't allowed to add any of his own personal touches and while he disliked this, he would be rewarded by his father paying for a loft in the city for the rest of his college years—provided that he kept his grades up—once his housesitting duties were complete.

Haku and Naruto settled into the guest room and he found some old clothes for them to sleep in. After that, he gave himself an enema in his bathroom to rid himself of any remaining traces of Kory in his system. It had been a gag birthday present from Matsuri that he kept on a whim, but he was thankful for it tonight. Cleaning himself out had been a tremendous relief.

When he came out of the bathroom, Naruto was waiting for him in his bedroom. Haku was nowhere to be seen, presumably still in the guest room. He sat down on the edge of the bed once Gaara had tucked himself in. "How are you feeling?"

"Like crap." Gaara pulled the covers up to his eyes. "Men are all assholes."

"Even me?" Naruto queried, trying to bring some light into the situation.

"Not as much."

Naruto ruffled his hair. "That's nice to know."

"I mean, what was I thinking? I don't do one night stands—why the hell did I think that doing it in a bathroom would be okay? God, I'm an idiot." Gaara thought he was babbling, but the construction worker didn't seem to mind in the least.

"Don't beat yourself up about it. You're not an idiot," Naruto assured him. "It was a stupid choice, but at least you're smart enough to realize that, right?"

"I guess." Gaara sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "Maybe this is a sign I need to get a new boyfriend."

Naruto chuckled nervously. "I uh, can't help you out on that one."

Gaara rolled his green eyes at the blonde, mood having improved already. "Oh, get over yourself. You weren't that good in bed." He smirked insouciantly at Naruto's furious blush.

"W-what would you know? You don't have anyone to compare me with!"

"Don't have to." Gaara wriggled under the safety of his blankets impishly.

Naruto pounced on him, pulling the covers away to tickle him. "Admit it! I'm the best lover you've ever had and will ever have!"

"Never!" Gaara tried to hold in his laughter, but it was inevitable.

"Say it!"

The fingers on his sides and stomach were too much, he had to surrender. "You are the best lover I've ever had and will ever have!"

The fingers stopped tickling. Naruto looked oddly serious.

"And I can prove it again."

His lips crashed down onto the other man's mouth like a wave on an unsuspecting swimmer and Gaara was drowning, dying a little as the man kissed him so passionately. This, yes, this was what he'd been longing for, not a tawdry bathroom affair. He snared his hands in that magnificent yellow hair, daring him to go deeper. Hungry for flesh, the blonde ripped away the thin layer of pajamas keeping him from his carnal satisfaction. Teeth bit his nipples harshly and hands parted his thighs, revealing his pucker. Gaara moaned, liking the ferocity. Naruto's erect cock dripped in anticipation and Gaara heard himself beg for it, screaming silently as it pushed deep inside of him and they made sweet, earth-shattering love, reaching a sweaty climax.

At least, that's what should have happened.

Instead, Naruto accepted the surrender and bade him a goodnight. He went to be with his woman. Gaara wrapped his arms around his body and stifled a sob. What did love have against him? He dated the wrong guys if he could find any at all and when he found the guy of his dreams, he wasn't interested. Was he meant to love no one but himself? Speaking of self-love, the erection brought on by that fantasy of his was begging for attention. He squeezed it tentatively. There was just so many things wrong about masturbating when there was someone down the hall, but Naruto seemed like he as about to get his mack on with that girl, so wouldn't it be a fair trade?

He palmed it boldly, imagining it was the hand of the boyfriend of his dreams. With the other hand, he pinched his nipple experimentally and shivered with unexpected pleasure. He had never thought of touching them before, had never figured they could feed a man's arousal. The piercings another one of his former exes had had made perfect sense suddenly. Once more he pinched his nipple and, with some regret, let the hand go elsewhere. He rubbed the sensitive ring of muscles around his entrance and breathed in sharply. It was still slightly wet from the enema. He slid a trio of fingers inside himself and bit his lip to stifle his cry. He was sore from the bastard, but it felt good otherwise. He closed his eyes and visualized, giving his desires form.

What did he want in a man? Someone funny, with a good sense of style. A great ass and an even better smile. Decent sized muscles, his newfound love. Rough hands to caress his body slowly, to make him moan for more of that sweet touch. He didn't care what ethnicity this man was. Why should it matter? An open mind brought many options to the table. As for in the sack, he had to be willing to experiment if Gaara wanted to. Experience was a major bonus, but STDs were out completely. The last thing he needed was hep or herpes or something worse. He wasn't asking for Dickzilla or anything, but some decent sized meat would certainly be appreciated. Most importantly, the ultimate guy had to tell Gaara that he loved him every day.

Gaara made the fantasy complete, resuming pleasuring himself. With each slow pump, he rolled his hips, the movement sucking his fingers deeper inside him, getting close to the prostate but not quite. He tried to press against it, but he couldn't reach, so close and yet so far. He whimpered at the imperfect feeling, raising his hips higher off the bed in hopes of better penetration, hand still stroking his manhood, hips still rolling. God, he knew he was almost there—yes! His chest nearly caved in on itself as he was left breathless, fucking his hand faster, jerking his cock harder, keeping both sources of pleasure in constant activity. His hips would soon fail him, he had to finish it. His dick gave a small pulse and he yanked the pillow out from underneath himself and he screamed into it as he came.

What if Naruto and that girl heard him? What would they think?

Gaara made a note to himself: 'Get a boyfriend for sure.'


"Was he okay?" Haku queried as Naruto returned to her.

"Yeah, he was being hard on himself, but I'll think he'll be fine."

She smiled. "Male comrades are so inspiring. How long have you been friends?"

"Only a couple of weeks."

"Really? You seem like you've known each other forever."

"Maybe we hung out in a past life or something." He did admit that he felt a certain connection towards Gaara.

"Do you believe in reincarnation?" Haku asked as she stretched out her arms.

"I dunno." Naruto shrugged. "I haven't really made up my mind about that all that religious stuff yet. Never made sense to me. I guess I'm not imaginative enough to consider someone controlling everything in the world."

"What about guardian angels?"

"If you'll forgive me for being cheesy, I think I've got one right here." Girls dug cheesy lines, even if they denied it.

"If I was an angel, then I'm sure I've fallen."

"Nah, that's impossible. I can still see your halo."

Haku turned off the light. "If you want… You could restore my faith in men."

"Only if you're comfortable."

"I trust you."

Naruto kissed her softly, cradling her as they made their way to the bed. He had to be careful with everything he did or he feared the night would end in tears. He lavished attention on her warm mouth, changing his target to her neck when she began to squirm with discomfort. Naruto pulled her shirt over her head, running his mouth over her pink nipples until they were taut. Every part of her he touched he worshiped aloud, calling upon any and all adjectives of a positive nature that he could think of, disregarding the scars here and there that marred her pretty flesh. Only when his hand found her skirt did she stop him.

"Could you turn around and close your eyes? That man hurt—no, mutilated me down there. I had to get a lot of surgery done so I could even go to the bathroom."


"I don't want you to be disgusted by me, Naruto."

"You could never disgust me."

"Then you don't mind doing it from behind?"

Naruto chuckled lowly. "Are you kidding? Guys like me usually have to beg someone like you to achieve that honor."

"You certainly know how to flatter, don't you?"

"I mean every word of it."

"You liar."

"I'm serious," he said as he turned around, eyes closed as she wished.

When Haku permitted him to look again, she was laying flat on her stomach, her soft white bottom flawed by more old scars. Naruto tried his best to ignore them.

"Hold on a sec, I have to get a—"

"You're clean, aren't you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Let's go bareback."

"I could marry you, Haku."

She giggled slightly. "I trust you."


He slid into her slowly and made gentle, passionate love to her. She thanked him, kissed him goodnight, but when he woke up the next morning, she was gone.


The last thing Gaara expected to hear was the sound of eggs being broken open on the edge of a frying pan. As he made his way down to the kitchen, he heard a sizzle. Last night must've been worse than he thought if he was having auditory hallucinations. He scratched his belly, yawning widely as he entered the kitchen with the intent to make himself breakfast.

"Hey Gaara."

Gaara's mouth snapped shut and his eyes shot open and he jumped with a shrill little scream. No hallucination, Naruto was standing right in front of him. His body recoiled in mass flinch, arms pressed to his chest, leg flying up in a weak kick in the intruder's direction in hopes of making his sudden guest disappear as the scream continued, diminishing as he ran out of breath, ending in a light squeak. Naruto stared at him with an odd look on his unshaven face. When the initial surprise wore off, he immediately went on the attack.

"What are you doing in my kitchen?"

"You wanted me to stay the night!"

"Bullshit! I never let people stay when I'm drunk!"

"You were upset by that guy! You said you didn't want to be alone!"

Gaara's memory was fuzzy, so he couldn't automatically believe what was being told to him. "Why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

"This coming from the guy in his tighty whities!"

"Get out of my kitchen!"


Gaara snatched the spatula that Naruto had been holding and started swatting at him erratically. A few good blows landed on the blonde's head and neck and he was forced to retreat to the guest room. Fuming with embarrassment and frustration, Gaara turned off the stove and got dressed. He couldn't face Naruto again without something on. Since he didn't have classes or work this morning, he settled for a pair of navy blue yoga pants and a t-shirt that his brother had won from a radio station.

Once he'd cooled down some, he thought back to the previous night. He remembered getting fucked by the douchebag in the bathroom and Naruto punching the guy out. His bum was still aching, but he knew that was from the pleasure he'd given himself. Naruto had been right, he had told him that he and the woman could stay. Come to think of it, where was she? With Naruto? Upon further contemplation, he realized he should've warned him away from her. Either way, he had to apologize.

He knocked the bedroom door. "Are you going to finish making me breakfast or not? I'm hungry."

The door came open a crack. "Spoiled is what you are, you bastard."

"Blame my exes."

"Your exes can go to hell for all I care."

"Come out, Naruto. Don't you want to spoil me?" Gaara asked in his best babying voice, batting his eyelashes at the blonde. When all else fails, be camp!

"Fuck no!" Naruto tried to close the door, but Gaara's foot wedged itself in before he had the chance.

Gaara smiled to himself. Straight men were always quick to freak out at the smallest amount of flirtation. "Didn't I tell you? You aren't that good in bed."

"Shut your facehole!"

"Seriously, come out. I'll make us some crêpes."

"Make a what?"

"They're delicious. I'll put fruit in it and real whipped cream on top…"

It sounded like a trap. A tasty trap. "You'll hit me with a spatula again."

"Do I have to get down on my knees to tell you I'm sorry? Because I will."

Naruto opened the door. "Shine my shoes while you're at it, will ya?"

"Fat chance."

"I accept your apology, but if you hit me again, I'll knock your skinny ass out."


Naruto sat at the kitchen table and leafed through a stack of magazines that Gaara had pointed to in case he got bored while the food was being made. Most of them were either catalogs or had to do with 'healthy' cooking. A few newspapers had made it in as well with certain articles marked, a great deal of which were about gay rights. He probably intended on cutting them out later. There was also a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, which didn't make much sense to Naruto, who had a few of his own. This was soft-core straight porn. But he dismissed it and continued rifling through the stack.

Gaara was in the zone. He liked cooking. What he didn't like was being interrupted while he was cooking. Naruto did just that.

"Oh my god, what the fuck is this?!" Naruto screamed, flinging a magazine at the refrigerator like it was a radioactive potato. It slithered to the floor harmlessly. "Oh god, there's another one!" That magazine quickly met the fridge as well. "My eyessss… My virgin eyesss…"

Gaara looked over to find Naruto furiously rubbing at his corneas like he'd been blasted in the face with a handful of sand. "What are you doing?"

"You did that on purpose, you bastard!" He pointed at the magazines he'd thrown, treating them like they were the vilest of snakes.

Gaara reduced the heat of the stove and went to pick up the magazines, wondering what had gotten Naruto in such a tizzy. Apparently it was last February's issue of Playgirl and something called Buns & Thighs he'd picked up at a gas station. Part of his wanking stash. Oops. How was he supposed to explain his way out of this one?

"I swear to god, I didn't know they were there, Naruto. I don't even know why these are out here. I must've been cleaning and put them in the pile without thinking about it." He set them out of the refrigerator where they would be hopefully out of sight and out of mind and that would be the end of it. But he was dealing with Naruto.

"You knew! You knew! It's not funny! Just like you trying to hook me up with that bartender last night!" Naruto jabbed an accusing finger at him and Gaara figured the best course of action was to ignore his ranting ways.

Turned out that it was. He got finished with the crêpes in no time flat and Naruto calmed down at the prospect of having food in his belly. It pleased Gaara to see that his food was being received so well, Naruto wolfing it down wholeheartedly. He hadn't lost his touch after all. Doubt about his skills had begun building when he first started dating Sai, who was a total fast food junkie. He wouldn't eat a single thing that didn't come in a paper bag or cardboard box and could be ordered through a window. Once, Gaara had brought him over for dinner and made him butternut squash soup. Sai took one look at it and tore a giant gash in his ego by saying that it looked like someone had thrown up in a bowl and served it. He distinctly remembered crying in the bathroom for an hour while Sai ordered pizza for himself. So to watch Naruto eat like it was his last meal was a godsend for him.

Naruto wiped his mouth on his napkin, clearing his throat so he could ask the question that had been pressing on his mind. "Hey, have you seen Haku? I haven't been able to find her."

"No, I haven't. I thought she was with you." He had to admit, he was relieved that she was out of his house. He didn't like having strangers around.

"I hope she's okay."

Naruto was genuinely worried and Gaara felt almost bad about his imminent revelation. "Naruto, I think you should know something."


"Haku was probably a T-girl."

Naruto looked at him blankly. He didn't follow gay slang.

"A transvestite," Gaara clarified.

Naruto began choking on his crêpe. He pounded himself on the chest until the blockage went down the right pipe. "Dude, not while I'm eating!"

"It's true." Gaara primly took a drink of his black tea. "You have the express honor of having slept with a T-girl."

"That's impossible!"

"It was bound to happen eventually. Most men who have casual relationships have had sex with a woman who is, in fact, a man without even knowing it."

"You're ruining my appetite. A lot of bad things happened to her and now you're claiming—"

"It's okay if you don't want to listen to the truth, I'm just saying—"

Naruto covered his ears with his hands. "I don't want to hear it. Haku is going to stay in my mind as a beautiful woman I hope I made happy."

"Suit yourself."

Naruto found that he couldn't eat much after that discussion, so he set his fork and knife down and changed the topic. "Hey, Gaara?"


"Is there a—you're totally going to think this is stupid—is there a gay mafia?"

Gaara laughed at the question.

"Right, right, I knew there wasn't."

"Wait, what are you talking about?" His smile diminished. "There is one. My cousin is in it. But you can't tell anyone that, especially not the police. He may or may not have killed some people and may or may not be trying to get my permission to kill a couple of my exes."

Naruto giggled nervously. Either Gaara was for real or he had the best poker face in the world.

"Hey, we should do something fun again another time. You can pick the place."

Naruto continued to laugh, but he was crying desperately on the inside. What was he supposed to do with a guy who had ties to the mafia?


I'm seventy percent sure there is a gay mafia in real life. Everyone else has one, so I figure 'why not?' Russians, Italians, Japanese… Some real scary shit. I went to summer school with a kid whose entire family was made up of almost pure Cossack Russians and most of them were involved with the Russian mob. His grandpa came to pick him up one day when I was talking to him and he said, 'Come here. You see this glove? I killed a man with this glove.' I don't think I ever talked to him again after that. I'm so glad I went to summer school in a different city. You meet such weird people there. Like the real guy who got dumped in a Bergner's parking lot at three in the morning in nothing but his underwear. Good ol' Jeff.

But, I digress. Gaara's ties to the velvet mafia will probably be a subplot, but not the main story. And just in case you were wondering, this will probably be the last of Naruto's attacking people for Gaara's sake you'll see. I didn't even realize I'd done it until I started editing.

Have a nice day.