I honestly have absolutely no idea where I'm going with this.
And I realized a lot of you must be confused, so I'm adding a recap:
King Atobe (the ruler of England) keeps announcing unfair taxes and the such. All the Hyotei members are a part of England, and they look down on Seigaku and RikkaiDai, the rebellious part of England. They had moved to the new country a few years ago, and Seigaku and RikkaiDai want to branch out and start their own tennis teams/countries. Meanwhile, Rokkaku (France) and Fudomine (Spain) are bored, and missing their friend Fuji.
Marui is Patrick Henry. Ryoma is George Washington. Oishi is Benjamin Franklin. Fuji is Thomas Jefferson. Akaya is Paul Revere. Jackal is William Dawes (the person who goes on the midnight ride with Paul Revere). Sengoku was Christopher Columbus (but that was like, centuries ago so he's out of the picture). And the other characters will be assigned historical counterparts later.
"Hi Atobe," Saeki said happily over the phone. It'd been a long time since he'd spoken to his friend Atobe—the only people he really got to talk to nowadays were the people in his country, who, to be honest, were kind of boring, and Yuuta, Fuji's little brother, a Hessian, who visited once in a while. And while Yuuta was lots of fun to tease, he couldn't really play with the younger boy because of Fuji's constant threat to kill him if he should even give the boy a paper cut.
Fuji was a very scary person.
Meanwhile, Atobe was staring into the phone, wondering why in the world Lieutenant Saeki Lafayette of France would be calling him.
A muffled, "Hello, Atobe" could be heard in the distance, and King Atobe realized that it sounded faintly like Tachibana of Spain.
"Hello, you two. What do you want?" he asked bluntly, holding out his free hand. "File my nails," he ordered to a servant, and turned back to the phone.
"I don't want to file your nails, Atobe," Saeki protested. "I want to start a war."
"Yeah," came that muffled voice. "We want to start a war because we miss Fuji."
"I miss Fuji, too," Saeki said perkily.
"That's why I said 'we,' smart one."
"I don't get it."
"Enough!" King Atobe snapped. "You want to start a war, you say? Fight on my side, then, and we can attack the imbeciles who supposedly wish to start their own tennis team."
"Will we be able to see Fuji?"
"When you defeat him, yes, absolutely," Atobe answered smoothly.
Saeki considered that for a moment. Sure, it'd be cool to get to face Fuji in a sword battle, but while Fuji was a pro at tennis, he kind of sucked at sword-fighting. And while he wanted to see his friend, he wasn't sure about killing him.
"Can we meet up with you and discuss it over a cup of coffee?" Saeki asked. "I'm not sure if I can kill anybody."
King Atobe curled his lips into a fine, confident smile. "Who said anything about killing?"
"Are you sure you want to go through with this? RikkaiDai isn't even here yet," Momoshiro said, quietly hiding behind a crate of sugar aboard the ship. Ryoma, Eiji, Fuji, and the rest of Seigaku were all beside him, while Captain Tezuka stayed back in the village, having a secret meeting with St. Rudolph, or the Hessians.
"Momo-senpai," Ryoma answered flatly, "it was your idea, remember? Mada mada dane."
He laughed nervously. "You're right! Ahaha..."
"Well, let's get this over with," Oishi said. "I'm not used to doing such uncivilized things, but I suppose this is for a good cause, right?"
"Can't we save some of the sugar for ourselves?" Eiji whined. "I haven't had sugar in my drinks in forever, since we went on that boycott and all after the stupid raised taxes. I don't like taxes. They're hard to type; every time I try to type taxes I end up pressing the 'z' button instead of the 'x' button and I end up writing 'tazes.'"
"I don't think we have computers yet, do we?" Kawamura asked, confused.
"Oh, you're right. Never mind."
Kaido and Momoshiro decided to sneak ahead to make sure the ship was entirely abandoned while Inui waited outside to keep a lookout.
That left Fuji, Taka-san, Eiji, Ryoma, and Momoshiro.
"I guess we should get tossing, huh?" Fuji said idly.
"I brought tennis racquets," Eiji offered, holding out nine tennis racquets and setting a few aside for their preoccupied teammates.
"Why?" Ryoma asked. "Why not Ponta?"
"Why would I bring Ponta?"
"Senpai," he replied, sounding exasperated, "why wouldn't you bring Ponta?"
Eiji looked confused, and so he repeated: "I brought tennis racquets."
"Perfect," Fuji said with his ever-present smile. "We can use these tennis racquets to toss the sugar overboard."
"We're here," Marui panted, staggering aboard the ship. The rest of RikkaiDai followed (excluding Yukimura and Sanada, who were also meeting with Tezuka and the Hessians). "Sorry we're late."
"Actually," Niou interrupted with an annoyed look, "we wouldn't have been late if it weren't for Marui."
"I've been low on sugar!" he insisted. "Okay, you can start tossing sugar overboard now. I just need one crate for myself." And with amazing strength (that greatly contradicted what he'd said about two seconds earlier) he lifted an enormous case of sugar. "And that crate." And up went another crate. "And just that other one over there." And with that, he balanced three crates of sugar all the way home.
Jackal shook his head. "Let's continue without him. By the way, put these on." He handed everybody a tiny ash tray, and smeared a few dark lines on himself. "So we look like Indians. Nobody will be able to suspect our identities then."
"Indians don't have red hair or platinum blond hair or green hair," Yanagi said with a pointed look to Ryoma, who carefully held his head as if he were defending his hair.
"Doesn't matter for me," Jackal said cheerily. "I'm bald. Let's start tossing."
"No taxation without representation!" Akaya cried, and began tossing immediately. "I love throwing things overboard! It's been so long since I've done it."
"Oh, really?" Fuji asked, making small talk with the younger boy.
"Yeah, the last time I did it, I'd thrown the captain overboard the ship because my dinner was too salty."
"Maybe you should have thrown the cook overboard instead," the smiling brunette suggested.
"Hmm, maybe. Oh, well. And there was also that time I accidentally stabbed a guy with my fork and he went to the hospital even though I didn't mean to kill him or anything. And then I got in trouble for it! Can you believe it?"
"The same thing happened to me," Fuji said solemnly. "I didn't mean to poke Tezuka's eye out with a cactus needle. Of course, he got better, but I still was punished for it."
"That's so unfair."
And as they chatted, neither of them noticed that their friends had suddenly backed ten meters away from them.
"Run, run!" Inui suddenly cried, shoving past the gigantic crates of sugar. "Everybody, run for your lives! Hyotei's coming!"
The patriots' heads shot up, and immediately they raced out of the ship, leaving poor Inui to fend for himself.
Gakuto and Oshitari had already gotten aboard the ship, surveying the damage and wondering what they were going to tell their diva of a king. Shishido was chasing after the 'Indians,' while Choutaro trailed behind, begging him to stop shooting at the nice people. Kabaji was carrying Jiroh around because there really wasn't anything else to do (he might have sunk the ship if he had gotten aboard) and Atobe was at home being Atobe.
Hiyoshi sat in the corner of the ship, complaining about being left out.
"We've got to get home," Akaya panted, hiding inside a barn nearby the hectic scene. "We need to get home as soon as possible, get this stupid charcoal off our faces and pretend this never happened."
"Good idea," Momoshiro praised cheerily. "And with any luck, Tezuka-senpai's talk with the Hessians will have gone well. And then we might have a chance in this war."
"Or we could end up completely crushed and possibly killed by Atobe's infinite army," Fuji said casually.
"Yeah, that too."
Voila! And, after advice from some very smart reviewers, I give you the preview:
"So I'm guessing that talk with the Hessians didn't go so well."
Tezuka, Yukimura, and Sanada surveyed the destroyed and ransacked room and collectively nodded. "Not that well."
"So what happened?" Inui asked, curiously.
"Tezuka insulted them by demonstrating his zero-shiki drop shot," Yukimura said brightly. "And they decided that they were going to side with Atobe and Hyotei because of it."
Surprisingly, Akaya was the one to speak. "Gee," he said, "that sucks."
There was a moment of silence, as everybody stared at the remains of the house. Then Marui asked, "Does anyone want cake?"