Just when I said I would be updating, my stupid computer crashes down on me! What the flip D: Well, say thanks to my friend Patricia for letting me use her laptop :D! Oh, how I love that silly girl. Anyways, enjoy this chapter!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight.
What I wouldn't give to taste it and call it my own.
What is it? An expression that releases amusement and joy.
I'm talking about that fuzzy feeling you get when you are being cared for.
I want to receive it. Feel it, and hold it in my arms.
As in, how do I experience it all?
Here I am, innocently knocking on Bella's door to inform Jasper, Emmett, and the occupant herself that dinner was ready. But once I open the door, what do I see?
Two men spazzing out like headless chickens. Huh.
"What happened?" I asked, confused as to why they were frazzled. I mean, Bella was only sleeping, right?
I heard rustling and hushed whispers through my dulled ears, but I wasn't too sure. Something shifted on my left, and that's when I remembered Emmett was sitting on my bed. Or was it Jasper?
"What happened?" I heard a musical voice drift through the room, and Edward popped through my mind. When did he get here?
"She fainted. Quiet down, I think she's waking up." Jasper replied worriedly, and I felt a bit guilty for dropping dead. Why did I have to faint? Oh, right. The pressure of having to explain why I was crying my eyes out stressed the hell out of me. Well, it didn't help. All I did was show that I was weaker than before, and now I had everyone worrying about me.
"Why, may I ask, did she faint in the first place?" Well, no need to ask Edward. I'll have to explain right about.. "Bella!" Now.
Woah. Why is the room spinning? "Don't you ever scare me like that again, young lady!" I couldn't help but burst out into a fit of giggles when I drowsily glanced at Emmett. He would make a good mother.
Wait, that didn't come out right. I meant that he would make a good father. Father.
"Bella? I'm sorry! You can faint again, I promise! Don't cry!" Emmett was fretting for some reason, but I knew why when he suddenly grabbed my face and wiped the insistent tears pouring down my face. When did that happen?
"Emmie? It's alright, don't worry." He blinked as I flashed him a charming smile. "So, you asked why I was crying?" No use in running away like a coward. Again. Like usual. I scratched the back of neck nervously as Jasper and Emmett nodded slowly. Edward simply cocked his head to the side, his eyes filled with worry at the words 'crying'. The fact that he cared about my well being made me feel a little better, and it eased my anxiety. I laughed weakly as the males continued to stare at me, waiting for my answer, and also ready to coax me if need be.
"I.. Um.." My hands seemed to fascinate me once again as I glared at them. I better not faint again. I felt melodramatic, always acting out as the damsel as distress. All the more to hate myself. "I'm pathetic." I found myself unconsciously spitting out those words bitterly, my eyes hardening. "I'm always making you guys worry for nothing. I don't deserve to be cared for. I'm ugly and selfish and stupid."
It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how surprised they were at my harsh words. Without even looking, I could tell that they were gaping at my evaluation on how I viewed myself.
"I'm so pitiful, I can't even stand up for myself against abuse. I'm just a scared little girl who can't do anything for herself. All I do is cry, and crying doesn't help anything. It shows weakness, but that's okay. Since I'm already a weakling, the only damn thing I could do right is be a defenseless cry baby." I took a chance and tilted my head upward to see their reactions.
Sapphire and emerald irises flashed with bewilderment, shock and anger. I winced at the latter. Emmett shifted next to me, and my head snapped to his direction. His hand rose and I flinched instinctively, my hands shooting out in front of my face. "D-Don't!" His eyes widened in disbelief as I sobbed. "D-Don't..!"
I can't let you go, or set you free.
Try to stay strong, just for me.
Promise that you'll never leave.
Don't you dare give up, that is my plea.
I love you, can't you see?
So don't die, or leave me be.
Stay focused; and just breathe.
"D-Don't..!" Bella whimpered, curling in on herself as she rocked back and forth. Tears slid down her cheeks as she squeezed her eyes shut, in fear of Emmett slapping her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Her voice was nothing but a haunted whisper, her apologies for the unknown drifting in the tense air. "No, no, no.. I'm sorry.." Her brown orbs were glazed over, and I had no doubt in my mind that she was living in the past at the moment.
My heart broke a little at how vulnerable she looked, and I was still a bit shell shocked at the way she talked about herself so negatively. Did she really think that? I stared at Emmett, who brought back his hand fearfully, his eyes frantic to calm Bella down. I could feel the guilt flowing out of him, the thought of Bella being scared of him hurtful.
Jasper looked to be in a introverted state, concentration etched across his face. His brows were furrowed, sadness swimming through the pools of his sapphire eyes. He shook his head to rid his stupor, stepping towards me.
"I'm gonna get some food for Bella." The blond whispered, and I could only nod in response. He left, closing the door with utmost care, the soft click indicating his departure.
"Bella..?" Emmett treaded cautiously, his hand, once again, inching towards her. "Emmett, hold on a second. Let's wait until she's ready." I advised, walking towards them. He nodded, unsure of what to do at the time. We patiently kept quiet, all the while, sneaking peeks at the still shaking Bella. It stayed that way for three minutes. Where was Jasper?
"I c-can't help it." Bella broke the silence, her voice cracking. "Old habits die hard."
My body had a mind of its own as it strode to the side of Bella where Emmett was not occupying.
"It's okay to be scared." The minute I said that, I felt Bella throw herself at me. Her arms wrapped around my waist as she hid her face into my chest.
"But I don't want to be scared anymore." My astonished gaze connected with my brother's. He sent me a sheepish smile before getting up and heading out towards the exit.
I rubbed soothing circles on Bella's back, wondering lightly if Jasper and Emmett left me on purpose.
"No one's e-ever offered to help me when I needed support. I've been venturing out on my own, left to fend for myself." Bella blubbered, shaking her head in shame. "I don't think I can handle the burden by myself."
"I'll be there. You won't be alone anymore, I promise."
Don't let me down
with promises you can't keep.
I've had enough
with crying myself to sleep.
No more lonely nights
where I silently weep.
So please don't let me drown.
I'm in too deep.
She sighed wistfully as the crystal droplets made contact with her pale skin, splashing its cold tangibility with refreshing essence. Her brown locks darkened as the wet globules soaked it mercilessly, elongating the already lengthy hair past her thin waist. Her chestnut eyes stared heavenward towards the gray blankets above with unbelievable wonder and sadness as she stretched out her small hand out to the stormy firmament. The girl paused her actions with an abrupt halt, dropping her arm limply back to her side and bowing her head. She slumped down to the ground, not caring about the mud staining her tattered jeans, and clutched the slick grass below her, grasping the blades of green between her fingertips. Believing the grip she had on reality was the literal metaphor of coming back down to Earth – exaggeratedly having the Earth in her hands, she balled up her fist tightly. At first glance, the girl would not appear to be crying. Within further inspection, the only clue that gave her away was the slight quiver in her shoulders.
"Why?" She curled up into a vulnerable fetal position, water dripping off her chin, and her long hair clinging to her face.
The brunette cleverly used Mother Nature's tears as her camouflage – concealing the saltine liquid sliding down her own cheeks, but nothing could hide the whimpers ripping out of her throat or the now erratic trembling of her body. In the midst of her sorrow, she wiped her mud clad hand on her drenched shirt. Slowly, she brought her fingers to her lips, making sure they touched. Her mouth twitched, a microscopic smile adorning her beautiful face. As before, she raised her hand towards the skies, the appendage being subjected to as an offering. Her smile grew as the fierce cloudburst wept, taking away her fears as the downpour caressed her.
Her gesture caused the sky to sob harder, larger drops of water bursting out like crazy, with booming claps of thunder haunting the air. The wind howled in grief as she cradled her arm against her chest, relishing the feeling of comfort Mother Nature was offering her. She indulged the tranquil air settling upon her, the tendrils with the color of rich chocolate whipping around her.
"Why am I so lonely?"
The noise of distant thunder and constant flashes of lightning woke me up from my slumber. I glanced at the clock beside me and saw that it was past midnight.
It was raining.
The gentle, muted pitter-patter that my dulled ears heard was the tell-tale sign of precipitation.
The question echoed in my mind, triggering a long forgotten memory.
Bittersweet, first love.
"Bella, I.. I love you."
"Jacob, you know I can't! With Phil and all-!"
"I'll protect you! Better yet, we can run away and-"
"Jacob, no. He'll.. He'll kill you."
I wanted to go outside. Step out in the rain, just to wash away everything. I wanted to blend in with the storm and become an element. A breath of fresh air was alluring.
"Bella, I don't care if he hurts me. As long as he's not laying his hands on you, I'll do anything."
"Jake, don't do this to yourself. I'm not worth it."
"I'll prove to you that your worth more than anything I can offer you. You're my world, Bella. Nothing can change that."
Throwing the duvet off my form, I made my way out of my room. The sound of lulling stillness conquered the air, and I was sure that everyone was asleep. Nodding to myself in confirmation, I padded towards the staircase. My bare feet had already adjusted to the cool wooden floors. I had a small internal battle of how I would escape the welcoming abode. The grand, massive door would surely make too much noise, right? What if the wind outside accidentally caused me to apply to much force in closing it? The predicted slam would wake up everyone, and they would insistently question my motives in going outside in such conditions. The window was too much of a risk as well.
The door leading to the backyard would have to do.
I trotted to the kitchen, where the backyard door was located. A fierce breeze greeted me, as my hair was forced to cascade behind me.
I stepped outside, closing the door as quietly as I could. Rain splashed against my skin, caressing me with its splendor. My eyes drunk up my surroundings, finally absorbing the thick forest surrounding the grounds.
I failed to notice the timberland up until now. Curiously, I shuffled into the thicket of trees, also failing to notice the ominous eyes watching me from where I was delving into.
Oh snap, suspense much? Haha. I hope you guys liked this :) Review?