A/N: This story is also dedicated to wprincessannw because she gave me the idea! Sorry, I know you're thinking "How long does it take someone to write a story?!" Sheepishly – I finally got some free time.
Disclaimer: I can't think of anything funny to say—I don't own the rights to LWD.
Lizzie knew Derek was gone to hockey practice so to hear something moving around in his room freaked her out. Knowing how messy it was in there, she was afraid something finally came alive and was going to escape. Grabbing a trusty hockey stick, she snuck into the war zone, stick raised in attack, when she saw her sister.
Sighing in disappointment, Lizzie lowered her arms and asked, "What are you doing?"
"Looking for blackmail material while Derek is gone," Casey didn't look up from her search as she replied in a tone that said, "well, duh." "Help me and we'll get done quicker."
Lizzie was tempted to argue that she wasn't helping but decided to give it up as a lost cause and half-heartedly kicked shirts aside to look around.
Ten minutes later, Casey exclaimed, "Liz, get a screwdriver! There's something in the vent."
"Go!" Casey demanded.
Rolling her eyes, Lizzie stomped off in search of the needed screwdriver, mumbling to herself the whole time.
Once they had the screwdriver, it didn't take the girls long to get the vent off and find the lock box that was hidden in the back of the duct work.
Scowling at the box, Casey said, "Great. We'll never get this open."
Looking from the digits to Casey and back again, Lizzie started to smile. Taking a chance, she quickly putting in the three digit combination and smirked when the locked popped open.
Staring at her sister in disbelief, Casey asked, "How did you know what the combination was?"
"I guessed," Lizzie replied, smirk still in place. "Don't ask," she preempted. "I think that's something you should ask Derek."
Sulking, Casey turned her attention back to the box. Inside were some letters from his mother, pictures drawn by Marti, a variety of photographs, and a leather bound book. Glancing thought the photos, most of which contained her during some embarrassing moment, Casey decided these were Derek's way to torment her and dismissed them without further thought.
Flipping open the leather bound journal, Casey recognized the handwriting as Derek's. What she didn't recognize was the language.
"Lizzie, what language is this?"
Brow furrowed in concentration, Lizzie shook her head in answer. "I don't know, but Derek's going to be back from practice in about fifteen minutes."
"Help me find some paper and a pencil," Casey demanded as she headed towards Derek's desk.
"Why?" Lizzie asked, though she was afraid she knew exactly why.
"I need to write down a couple of the entries if I'm going to translate them."
"Casey, what if this was your journal…"
"Derek's already read my journal and used it against me. It's only fair I use his against him," Casey quickly replied. "Especially since he went to all the bother to write it in code."
Handing over a pencil, Lizzie was afraid this little adventure was not going to end well.
"Hey, Casey," Noel Covington said with a grin as he sat down next to his friend and not so secret crush. "Why are you using a Dutch/English dictionary to translate Klingon?"
"Excuse me?" Casey practically yelled into the quiet of the library. Waving away the librarian's concerns, but now whispering she asked, "This is written in Klingon?"
Feeling awkward and a little lost, Noel nodded. "Yeah. Klingon. From Star Trek." Blushing and looking a little sheepish, he added, "I'm a bit of a sci-fi nut."
Smiling beautifully, Casey shoved the paper at her friend. "Noel, this is great! You can translate this for me."
"Please," she begged with big puppy dog eyes.
Caving, Noel took the paper and read it over once then twice. After a third reading, he looked up at Casey and asked, "Did Derek write this?"
"Yes," she agreed. "What does it say?"
Shaking his head, Noel handed it back. "Sorry, Casey…"
"I thought you just said you understood Klingon."
"It's against the Man Code," Noel quickly interrupted. "I cannot tell you what he wrote there. I am positive that he would kill me if you found out what's written on that page."
"Noel," Casey tried to wheedle. "Derek's never going to find out…"
"No," he insisted, standing up. "I'm sorry, Casey. Good luck, though."
Watching Noel walk off, Casey growled, "Darn it. Now how am I going to find out what Derek wrote." Suddenly, however, it occurred to her to wonder just how Derek knew Klingon in the first place.
"Hi, Ralph," Casey flirted as she walked towards D-Rock's ditzy drummer.
"Hey, Casey," Ralph replied, surprised at how Casey was acting. "Nice shoes."
"Thanks." Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she asked, "Hey, Ralph, I was wondering if the rumors were true and you understand Klingon."
"I speak it too," he proudly answered, sure that would impress the hot girl in front of him.
"Wow," she cooed. "How did you learn it?"
"When Derek and Sam and I were seven, my older brother convinced us that it would be cool. Now I know he was just messing with us, but it gave us a code that only we knew – that was cool."
"Oh, Ralph," Casey laughed. Suddenly, she pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and shoved it at him. "I just recently found this and I was wondering if you could translate it for me."
Ralph only had to glance at it before shoving it back at Casey.
"No way, dude! Derek's my best friend."
"Ralph," she pleaded, futilely trying to give the paper back to Ralph.
"No way! I'm not that stupid." Slamming his locker shut, Ralph ran off before Casey could try another tactic.
Watching Derek's friend run off, Casey knew she could not give this up. Derek wrote the book in a fake language, locked it away in a fireproof box, and then hid it in the vents. There was no way she wasn't finding out what was written on her copied page.
"Case…" Derek stopped mid-sentence as he took in the fact that Casey was sitting on her bed unusually straight, smiling weirdly, and he was fairly certain that he heard a thump just as he was opening the door. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing. Homework," she corrected. "Why? What are you doing?"
Deciding that he didn't have time to figure out what was wrong with his weird step-sister, Derek ignored her and grabbed her math book off the corner of her bed.
"Hey," Casey screeched. "Give that back."
"No time, Case," Derek replied with a smirk. "I have a study date with Melissa Torongeau and I left my book at school."
"It's not like you're actually going to study," she yelled after him.
"But I have to make it look like I care," he called back with a laugh.
Rolling her eyes, Casey stood up and closed her bedroom door. Walking around the bed, she picked up the items she'd shoved off the bed when Derek burst into her room. Settling back onto her bed, Casey once again went over her notes and checked the words over in her thick Klingon/English Dictionary.
Five minutes later, Casey had finished translating the sentence that had caused both Noel and Ralph refuse to translate for her on the grounds of the Man Code. Reading the sentence over twice and checking it five more times, Casey decided that Derek actually wrote what she was reading.
Staring at the paper the words she'd translated suddenly sunk into her brain. Freaking out, she jumped off her bed, paper in hand, and went running into Derek's room. Finding it was empty. She rushed into her room to grab her shoes. Once her feet were shod she confused George until he gave her his keys before running out of the house like it was on fire.
Used to Casey's weirdness, not a single member of the family decided to question what had just happened.
Derek happily draping his arm around Melissa Torongeau's shoulders and was leaning in for the kill when the front door to her home burst open, startling them both. They were both shocked, however, when instead off one of the absent Torongeau family members who came into the room, it was a harried Casey McDonald.
Waving a sheet of paper around in front of Derek's face, she demanded, "Did you write this?"
Pushing the paper out of his face without even looking at it, Derek snarked, "What are you doing here, Space Case? I know you may be confused…"
"Oh, stuff it, Derek! If you want privacy, lock the door."
"Excuse me," Melissa started to exclaim.
"Like this," Casey said, grabbing Melissa's arm and hauling the girl out of the room and out of the house. Slamming the door after its owner, Casey slid the deadbolt into place.
Ignoring Melissa's banging and screeching, Casey stormed back over to an angry Derek and once again shoved her paper in his face.
"Did you write this?" she demanded.
"Casey," he started to snarl.
"Der-ek! Just read it! You can yell at me afterwards!"
Glaring, Derek snatched the paper from Casey's hand and quickly looked it over. Blood drained from his face and he actually growled in anger.
"How did you get this?" he demanded. Grabbing Casey's arms and giving her a shake, he once again ordered, "How did you get this?"
"I read it out of your journal that you keep in that metal box in the vent."
"And you got the box open, how?" his hands squeezing her arms tighter in his anger.
"I didn't," she defiantly answered.
"Casey," he rumble in warning as he gave her another little shake.
"I didn't," she insisted.
Believing her, Derek let Casey go, ignoring her glare as she rubbed feeling back into her arms. Turning away from her, he rubbed a hand through his hair in agitation.
"Who translated it?" he asked, determined to kill whoever it was.
"I did. I promise," she quickly added at the look he gave her. "I found out it was written in Klingon on accident but couldn't get anyone to translate it for me."
An awkward silence came up between them, one that was made worse by the sounds of Melissa demanding to be allowed back into her home.
Unable to take the silence any longer, and still curious beyond measure, Casey quietly asked, "Did you mean it?"
"Mean what?" Derek wearily asked.
"What you wrote. In Klingon," she added with a teasing grin.
Seeing her grin, Derek could feel himself smiling against his will. Shrugging, he nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I did. So?"
"So, what?" Casey teased, suddenly feeling giddy.
"So what did you think about what I wrote?" Derek countered, stepping closer to her.
Blushing, Casey glanced at him with a flirtatious grin. "I thought…I couldn't believe you felt the same way as me."
Gently pulling her into his arms, Derek smirked. "You think I'm infuriating and beautiful, and that only makes you love me more?"
"Yes," she teased. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she added, "Only I used handsome instead of beautiful. It sounded manlier."
"And I'm all man."
Giggling, Casey shook her head. "No, you're all big headed."
"Oh," Derek said with a look of fake hurt. "You wound me."
"Well, I better kiss you and make it better."
"I think you better," he agreed.
Just before their lips met, Casey pulled back her head and asked, "What were the numbers you used to lock that box? Lizzie guessed what they were but wouldn't tell me."
Smirking Derek replied, "Your measurements."
"My measure…Der-ek! You can't…I mean…"
Interrupting her with a kiss, Derek muttered against her lips, "Kiss me better, Case. Just kiss me better."
Casey proceeded to do just that.