Disclaimer: Dragon Ball Z, its characters and likenesses, are all owned by Akira Toriyama and the creators of the animated series. The characters are used for my amusement and are not being written for money purposes.
Note: this is my entry for the SweetestIrony contest at deviantART for the month of March, the theme being "intoxicating." My dA name, if anyone cares to follow up on, is gardenofboyo (all one word). Enjoy.
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A one-shot by ShaggyDiz
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"What… what concoction is this?"
Gohan asked Videl this question as both of them stared perilously into the refrigerator, finding an entire shelf – quite possibly more – lined with what appeared to be mugs of some sort. The mugs were strange in that they contained some sort of frothy liquid, light brown in color, but closed off at the top. It appeared that it was a cap or lid that topped off the mug, as if concealing the brew within.
"What does the label say?" Videl asked.
"Why would mugs have labels? That doesn't make sense!" stated an exasperated Gohan.
"Calm down, will you!" Videl glared at the teen briefly before returning to the fridge. She saw the label around each one of these so called mugs, which by now the pair had guessed that there were around twenty mugs, though that might be a low estimation as to how many mugs were in the fridge. A closer look revealed the name: "Turtle and Gorilla's World Famous Butterbeer!"
"Turtle and Gorilla? I've never heard of this before," Videl muttered. She looked away from the fridge. She noticed a box in the recycling bin at the far end of the kitchen, which had the same design as the label on the mugs. A small red label on the box stated "Brand New," which made Videl do a double take.
"What's up?" Gohan asked.
She looked back into the fridge. "I saw a misleading argument, that's all."
Gohan merely shrugged. "Who do you think brought this here?" he asked.
"Who else?" came the sarcastic reply.
"Hasn't he been gone for three days now?" Gohan asked, referring to the assumed person in question.
"Haven't we been out of the house for the past five days now?" came the once again sarcastic reply.
"Okay, okay," Gohan muttered. He noticed that his lack of common sense in this situation was obviously making Videl a little peeved. He wisely avoided his next question – "So I guess he put them here before he left?" – and went on to a different question: "Why would he leave so much of this stuff here if he was going away?"
Videl shrugged. "That I don't know, especially since he'll be gone for another ten days."
"That really is strange," Gohan said, perplexed. Videl merely sighed. She reached into the fridge and pulled out a couple of the mugs. "What are you doing?" Gohan asked, a bit panicky at that.
"What else? Now drink up." She handed Gohan one of the mugs – now fully realized as a beer bottle, a clever advertising ploy on Turtle and Gorilla's part – and wretched the cap off of her mug. Gohan weighed the situation at hand: to drink Hercule's beer, or to not drink Hercule's beer. There were the obvious dangers, of course: the pair was both underage and still in high school (with a major test the next day). Chichi would no doubt be furious if she were to find out that the two were drinking beer. Hercule might too, and might proceed to kick both of the teens out for two weeks if he wanted to (he still was Videl's father after all, and by all accounts, she still lived in the mansion).
And yet, the pair wouldn't be going back to Gohan's for another five days at least (the prior five being spend between there and Capsule Corp.), and Hercule was gone for another five days after that. Hercule probably would not notice two beers missing anyway either, unless he was picky about the beers in his fridge and had each of them individually counted and numbered.
But there was school though. Gohan was about to tell Videl "No" when two things occurred: he saw that Videl had a strange and yet somewhat excited look on her face, and then that was followed up with Videl reaching over (having noticed in that same moment that Gohan hadn't opened his mug of beer) and twisting the cap off for him. "What are you waiting for?" she asked. "Try it!"
Gohan had no choice – between Videl's curious expression and her action of opening the mug of beer – and poured some of the liquid into his mouth. He let it sit for a brief moment before letting it slide down his throat. He titled his head sideways and said: "This tastes like… butter?"
Videl nodded. "Who'd have thought someone could make butterbeer? They didn't false advertise on this one. I actually don't feel like throwing up because of this," she remarked. She took another long, hard drink before pulling out two more mugs from the fridge. She then walked into the living room, carrying three mugs with her, with Gohan wondering what she was going to do once she disappeared from his view.
He took a look at the label on the mug more closely. There seemed to be nothing too harmful about this drink: 150 calories, ten grams of carbohydrates, no sustainable vitamins or minerals. The label did curiously say that this was made with real butter, but the recipe was secret. After seeing that, he found the alcohol content: five percent. "Not too bad," Gohan pondered to himself.
He walked into the living to rejoin Videl, foolishly deciding that it wouldn't kill him to have two beers.
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"What do you think they're up to?" Erasa asked Sharpener as they stood outside the Satan mansion's front door.
"How would I know? They're not answering, so obviously they're doing something that we shouldn't be bothering with!"
The two blondes had been standing outside of the door for about two minutes now – not a long wait, no doubt, given the size of the place – but long enough for both of them to realize that a non-answer at the door meant something.
"Well maybe I should try calling Videl again," Erasa said. She had tried calling two hours ago, but there was no answer, nor no return call. She knew that both Gohan and Videl were going to be back here today (hence the phone call), but decided that, after not receiving a reply, she would just show up to the front door and see what was going on.
Two minutes had gone by though, and the pair decided to knock again. "Maybe they are doing something we shouldn't be bothering with," Erasa said quietly.
Sharpener silenced her. "Do you hear that?" he asked her, his face becoming intense.
It took Erasa a moment to figure out what Sharpener was talking about. There was a strange singing of sorts coming from inside the house, which she discovered came from only two people. The singing itself was what made Sharpener confused.
"Is that… a drinking song?" Erasa asked to an increasingly confused Sharpener. She tried the doorknob, finding that the door wasn't locked. The pair walked in, and the sounds of singing became more pronounced. The song was definitely one of drinking, almost of medieval quality.
Erasa and Sharpener made their way to the living room and could barely believe the sight before them. Gohan and Videl were both standing on the couch, their adjacent arms crossed together, with mugs in their free hands. They were both red faced and swaying dangerously back and forth on the couch, but their swaying was more to a tune that was playing through both of their heads. Erasa and Sharpener watched as the two sang loudly and harshly, to each other and away from each other, widely swinging their mugs back and forth, and at the end of the verse, they drank from their mugs, only to start singing again. The singing was slurred beyond reason, though the blondes gathered some words from the two drunken teenager's song: the joy of drinking beer (butterbeer at that), camaraderie, and living life fully.
"Gohan! Videl!" the blondes had called out. It took a moment for the drunken teenagers to realize that there was a different voice than their own. They paused in their singing and looked towards the entrance of the living room.
"Erasa! Sharpener!" the teens called out sloppily. They both stumbled off the couch and landed oddly on the floor, both of them laughing hysterically at each other.
"What are you two doing?" Erasa asked.
"Quick! Go to the fridge!" Videl said, ignoring the blonde girl's confused question and facial expression. "Go now!"
"Yes, go now, hurry!" Gohan added in, somehow stumbling off of the floor with Videl. They held onto each other and laughed even harder. After a moment, they climbed back onto the sofa and promptly resumed their singing, picking up where they left off.
Erasa and Sharpener looked at each other, not really knowing what to say, but decided that they should do what the drinkers said to do. As they walked through the living room, they noticed at least a dozen mugs scattered throughout the living room, mostly on the table, but a few others ending up in curious places.
The blondes entered the kitchen, now finding themselves in a supposed safe place. They breathed a sigh of relief before turning towards each other. "What were they drinking?" Erasa asked.
Sharpener shrugged, instead walking towards the refrigerator to get a proper answer to the question. He noticed the box with the label "Brand New" sticking out of the recycling bin, but paid no mind to it. Instead, he opened the fridge, with Erasa by his side, and they both perilously peered in.
"What kind of concoction is this?"
Five minutes later, they had their answer.
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I hope you enjoyed. As always, read and review.