Jedi Lullabies

Crack-Fic. by True Colours and Essence Of Gold. Set after Phantom Menace.

A/N: Let's get one thing straight. We do not follow Star Wars like a religion. All those people who do can get a life (awww we love you really, just joking ). But though we know that Qui-Gon Gin was not alive for long enough to do this, and that the trilogy didn't end this way, and Darth Maul wasn't alive. But for Artistic License, let's say they were. And we are Artists more than Star Wars Fans. But we are... HYPER! BRACE YOURSELVES FOR THE MOST HECTIC BEDTIME EVER!!!!!!!

Airships coursed endlessly round the highways of Corusant, filling the skies with light and sound even at night, but inside the Jedi temple all was quiet. Jedi knights sat in silent meditation, striving to grow closer to the living force. A few of the council members were seated in their chairs, communicating their thoughts through the force. But in the quarters of the younglings there were Knights not at rest, all those fortunate enough to be blessed with a Padawan...

In a small bedroom Obi-Wan Kenobi sat with his apprentice in his arms. Anakin Skywalker was a small boy, scarcely over eight years old, and, as he had only very recently come to Corusant, he missed his mother greatly; Obi-Wan knew this. It took a long time for sleep to come for Anakin, and Obi-Wan had resorted to a lullaby. His grey eyes were far away as he sang softly:

'You're my padawan, sugar-plum, gummy ummy um drop... the apple of my eye.' Some Jedi chose to impart to their pupils a few choice lessons before bed - next door a teacher from the Naboo system warned his pupil:

'Be wary of attachment. Attachment leads to fear.'

'Is it a road to the dark side, master?'

'Occasionally.'

But Obi-Wan considered that at the end of the day simple comfort was best for a youngling.

Anakin's head drooped and Obi-Wan halted his song with a sigh of relief. Simple comfort was all well and good, but still...he looked down compassionately on the face of the sleeping boy, tucking the blanket in around his shoulders.

'Goodnight, my young apprentice,' he whispered, straightening up. He was still standing there when a voice rang out down the corridor.

'Obi-Wan Kenobi! Obi-Wan'

Oh, by the force, that was Master Windu! Obi-Wan shot out into the passage-way, shaking out his robe, trying to appear brisk and dutiful when his Master appeared. If the other Jedi ever guessed that he was not only failing to impart wisdom to his Padawan, but singing him to sleep...he felt the force around him tremor with his own horror.

'Jedi Kenobi!'

He snapped to attention as Mace Windu came striding around the corner, his robes billowing behind him. As ever, his face was a hard mask. This was a man who had no time for foolish songs.

'I am looking for Master Yoda,' said Windu. 'I was told he was in this wing; have you seen him?'

'Yes master, he had gone to settle the younglings, you know they won't sleep unless he sings to them.'

'Yes.' Mace Windu breathed out heavily through his nose, disapproval written all over his face. If you would accompany me, please...'

'Yes master, of course.'

Together they began to make their way down the corridor to the dormitories, where the younglings, those who had not been assigned to a teacher, slept. As they approached, they could hear the cracked, aged voice of their master, raised in song.

'When feeling low you are,

Lower than the floor,

And feel like you don't have a chance you do,

Make a move do not till in the groove you are,

And the Peter Panda dance do.'

'Master Yoda, may I interrupt?' Mace Windu called.

'Patience, Windu, you must learn patience. Too quick, too hasty are you! Just three times hop like the Snow Llamas do! Twice flip-flop like the Gungans of Naboo!'

It might work for the oldest and greatest of the Jedi with the younglings, but Anakin would definitely be considered too old for this kind of thing. Don't be neurotic, Obi-Wan, he told himself, Master Windu can't read your mind...well, he can, but...

'It is rather urgent, master!' Windu shouted, his voice beginning to show his hidden irritation.

'... and the Peter Panda dance that is!' Yoda finished, with a flourish. A few of the younglings clapped, but most were fast asleep. Yoda came over to Windu and Obi-Wan, his face expectant. However, Windu wouldn't let it go. 'Are you sure it is wise to... cavort about in front of the younglings in that way, master? You have your dignity to uphold!'

Yoda shrugged. 'Gets them to sleep it does. But more quietly, Master Windu, and calm yourself. Much anger I sense in you. Much irritation. A sure road to the Dark side this is.' Mace Windu closed his eyes for a few seconds. 'You are right, master Yoda. But to business. I have sensed that the mysterious Sith Lord is getting closer to us. Have you felt it, Obi-Wan?' Obi-Wan thought about it. He hadn't been concentrating on the force- he had been concentrating on not thinking of Anakin's lullaby. He reached out, and nodded. He could feel this Sith Lord's presence too. However, the few seconds had cost him dearly. Windu was staring at him, eyebrows raised, while Yoda had a look of Empathy. 'Yes, well, I am sure that you won't need me for any longer, I'll be getting to bed, goodnight, may-the-force-be-with-you.' Obi-Wan said in a rush, then power-walked quickly away before either could respond to the thoughts they had heard. He rounded the corner and disappeared, leaving the Masters to contemplate the incomplete picture his thoughts had shown.

'I think Obi-Wan is experiencing some problems with his Padawan,' Windu said gravely.

'What kind of problems think you?' Yoda asked. Windu glared; he suspected that the Jedi master knew only too well, and was deliberately feigning ignorance.

'Well, ah...' he faltered. He was really out of his depth with this youngling business. What went through their minds he couldn't fathom. 'Maybe the youngling is...demanding too many sweet foods? Something about cup cakes and sugar plums?'

Yoda's eyes crinkled at the corners, and Windu had a strong sense that he was being laughed at.

'If that is indeed so, then deeply concerned we should be. Want Anakin's teeth to fall out we would not. Unbecoming for a Jedi. Hmm. Hmhhmm.' Chuntering under his breath, he hobbled off down the corridor. Windu stared after him, running a hand over his head in perplexity.

'Whatever the problem is, he seemed unwilling to share it,' he called after Yoda. 'Why would he want to avoid the help of the council?'

'Be mindful of the living Force, Master Windu. Search his feelings, and find the answer you will.'

* * *

'Heads and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes,' sang Obi-Wan. 'Heads and shoulders, knees and toes (clap clap), Jedi mind tricks work on all of those, heads and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.'

He was sitting cross-legged opposite his young apprentice, who was enthusiastically adding in the claps at appropriate intervals. It was almost impossible not to feel cheered by the sight of the boy's happy smile, which was probably why Obi-Wan had found himself singing again. After his close shave last night, however, he was wary, and so he was trying to instil some Jedi teachings into his pupil. Of course, the nursery-rhyme medium left something to be desired, but it was better (he hoped) than...cuppy-cake.

'What's the matter, Master Obi-Wan,' Anakin asked, his head on one side as he took in his master's grimace. Obi-Wan felt his heart melting as he looked at his young apprentice.

'It's nothing, Ani,' he said reassuringly. 'I felt...a slight disturbance in the force, that's all.'

'I expect Master Windu tripped over Yoda's walking stick again,' Anakin mused. 'KABOOM disturbance.'

Obi-wan suppressed a smile, but it faded as Anakin's expression became pensive and then melancholy. Obi-wan sighed. 'Are you alright Anakin?' The small boy looked up at Obi-wan with a heart-breaking expression. 'I'm lonely. Master, will you sing me the Padawan song?' Obi-wan groaned internally, feeling himself cave to Anakin, against his better judgement. 'Humph. Fine. Just once.'

'Yay!'

'Shush, you're supposed to be settling down now!'

'Yes, Master,' Anakin said obediently, wriggling under his blankets. Obi-Wan sighed, rallied himself and began to sing:

'You're my Padawan, sugar...'

'HEEUGHBLAHASEUSHHHHHhic!'

Both master and apprentice started up in alarm. Someone was standing in the corridor outside, and, from the sound they were making, having some kind of seizure. Next moment the door flew open to reveal the grey-clad and unnecessarily tall figure of Qui-Gon Jinn. Obi-Wan had been reciting the first-aid checks in his head, but now he found that he had lost the ability to think altogether. His old teacher's face was filled with shock, disapproval and, even more worryingly, a hint of amusement. But the former two were what prevailed as he opened his mouth and cried:

'Obi-Wan! Why are you coddling your Padawan? Coddling him! And why is he awake at this hour anyway, and...' Qui-Gon spoke with mounting horror...'WHAT were you singing to him?

***

To be continued.

A/N: Pleeeeaaaaasssssssseee review, as is not just a oneshot! Negative criticism welcome.