She was so…human. It was lovely. As I carried her unconscious through the woods, it made me remember being human. I would give anything to be human again and grow old with Bella. I imagined us sitting on a porch that stretched around the entire house overlooking a lake in a small town with nothing to do but to be together. But that would never happen.
I also imagined if I hadn't been condemned to this hapless existence, I would have never meet Bella. In fact, I'd be dead at seventeen having done nothing of use with my young life. Although I never showed it through my constant pessimism, I amazed myself how much I had accomplished. I can speak in eleven different languages. I've visited almost every country on this planet. I can't even count how many years of education I've had. Although that's more than anyone single human completes in one life time, I was also amazed at what little I've done with my life. Jasper had served in war; saved hundreds, maybe thousands. What was wrong with me? In my first years of this "new life" I killed so many...
Was I to ever remedy that?
What about Carlisle? He has never bitten a human. Ever. He has only saved them. Me, I've only destroyed lives and the one I'm holding, the one I love more than anything in this world and the next I'm considering taking the life of for my own selfish desire. What a waste of an existence. Sometimes I wish Bella would just stay with Jacob even though the very thought of it repulsed me. She'd be content and she'd eventually move on. I could go off and wait until the day she died an old woman. I'd then go to the Volturri and request they take my life. If they refused, I'd cause a scene.
Ahg! The very thought of Bella just being with him disgusted me. He had no knowledge of anything beyond the tip of his nose. I sighed. Who could blame him? He's only been alive for seventeen years. I sighed again. I hated this new bipartisan side of me. If I wasn't so selfish, I'd leave again and let her be with Jacob. But I simply couldn't handle that. I smiled selfishly knowing she couldn't either.
I reached the end of the wood and Bella was still passed out. I looked and found that stupid truck and slipped Bella in the passenger seat, buckled her up and got into the driver seat. After five minutes of driving, I had already become bored with the scenery. I thought I had missed it. I was obviously delusional then entire time.
I drove back to her house and swiftly carried her up to her bedroom. Although Charlie was out of the house I was so used to climbing through the window and it was more fun than taking the stairs. I laid Bella into her bed and sat in the rocking chair across the room. I missed this room. I loved the smell, the feel, the entire atmosphere. I belong with Bella. Wherever she is, I'm there. Whatever she was, I was also. I couldn't fathom anything meaning more to me. All of a sudden, Bella stirred and I was at her bedside before she fully woke. I stroked her face and smiled down at her. Embarrassed that she had passed out, her once pale cheeks turned a fantastic rouge and she turned away, laughing. She turned back and asked, "So, what do we do now?"
"Well," I started "I think I've separated the family enough. It's time to bring them home."
Her eyes brightened. She eagerly agreed, ripped off her covers, and jumped out of bed. She didn't make it far until her body caught up with her mind and she became dizzy and lost balance. Within a split second I was behind her catching her.
"Bella, maybe you should lie down a little longer."
"No. I miss Alice and everyone else. Leaving was all your idea. Now we're doing things my way." I couldn't argue with her logic. And anyway I knew the attempt at telling Bella what to do was always in vain.
Much to her dismay, I helped Bella down the stairs maintaining a glacial pace. We sat down at the kitchen table and I handed her the phone.
"I'll only be a few minutes." I began feeding her Alice's number.
"Please, Edward I know her number." She was offended. I smiled, backed away, and gestured for her to continue. I could hear the ringing from the phone and then the screeching,
"BELLA! My God, I was wondering how long it was going to take you and Edward to call. How have you been? I miss you so much…"
Bella's smile lit up. Although overwhelmed by Alice's constant yapping, she was happy. I walked out of the room and turned on the TV careful not to adjust Charlie's settings, in an attempt to drown out Alice. An hour passed and I decided I needed to intervene. I walked into the kitchen and tapped on Bella's shoulder. She jumped. I couldn't believe it. She had forgotten I was even here! I couldn't help but laugh. I whispered in her ear "You know there are five more left to call."
"Oh I know, I was just about to speak with Jasper." I rolled my eyes.
"I'll only be a few minutes."
It had only been three hours till she called the entire family. Only about five minutes of that time was spent talking to Rosalie. Rosalie knew what Bella wanted and she hated her for it.
When Bella got off the phone with Esme, we walked up stairs and nestled in her bed. We just sat there staring at each other until she spoke.
"Why did you come back?"
"Bella, I can't live without you. I tried and it obviously didn't work. It was the darkest time in my long existence. I intended to come back, make sure you're safe and happy. After, I would have left. But when I got here and saw your face I knew I couldn't leave again, even if it meant watching from the sidelines, leaving was out of the question. Within a few hours, you were inches away from death. Of course, I couldn't just sit there and watch. I had to come out and kill Victoria. Bella, I was never more terrified in my entire life. At that moment I wanted to be with you, no matter the cost, selfish as that is. I had to stay."
"Where did you go? What did you do?"
"Bella, it isn't worth discussing. It was the most stupid thing I've ever done or ever plan to do again. I was miserable. The only thing that kept me away from you is the chance that you might be happy without me…"
"Edward, stop it. In this moment I've never been happier in my entire life. You can't ever leave me again. My life was a blur. I was only moving because people expected me to. For months I sat and did nothing…" I hated myself.
"Charlie was going to send me back to my mom's. I need you here." There was silence for what seemed like hours. Then, Bella spoke again.
"Have you ever heard that Connie Francis song I Will Wait for You? I listened to it a lot while you were gone." I knew the song well and once again, the stinging pain of leaving her behind entered my mind.
She could tell I didn't want to talk about this anymore and I don't think she did either. I could see her eyes starting to droop.
"Bella, go to sleep."
"No, I'm fine." I laughed.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right by your side when you wake up." With that, her eyes were slowly closing, being careful to keep her eyes on me while they were open. Soon she was asleep. I just laid there next to her as the minutes passed by. Soon, they turned into hours. My mind was clear. That is, until, Alice popped into my head.
Edward! We're all home! Bring Bella…obviously. HURRY!
It had been eight hours and I thought Bella had slept enough. Besides, she'd be madder at me if I didn't wake her up. I lightly brushed her face
"Bella, dear. They're all home. Would you like to go see them?" She was still in a fog. Then she processed what I had just said.
"Yes! They're really here? Let's go, why are we still here?" And with that, I threw her on my back, jumped out her window and began running back to my family.