I got this idea after I remembered reading a Dave Barry book, and remembering a section of his book akin to this.

© Kishimoto

AU. Ino is Deidara's sister, due to the fact that she was absolutely perfect for the story role.

Deidara wasn't happy with his life.

He wasn't...unhappy. Specifics were difficult, but he felt like something was missing. He was doing relatively well in college, a feat successful on its own. His father was very accepting of his sexuality, and, although his last relationship failed, the two remained good friends. And his father's house was so near his college that he didn't have to pay room and board.

...so why wasn't he happy?

College had force him into hermit-like habits; drinking coffee, staying in his room so he could type on his laptop and get his term papers done, using only technical means of communication were his life at the moment. Due to that, however, he was at the top of his class.

But again, why wasn't he happy?

"Deidara, since you are so obviously against the idea of sunlight," His sister Ino said, rolling her eye that wasn't obscured by hair, "then you're going to make some new friends. You barely have any."

"Pardon?" Deidara raised an eyebrow at her, momentarily looking away from his laptop momentarily. Ino snorted, as if it were the most obvious thing in the word.

"Get online, you dolt. You only have a small, and I mean small group of friends who you barely talk to because you won't get out. I know college is hard, but geez. So make some online friends." Ino got up from the side of his bed, and stood, hovering over him. He rolled his eyes as obviously as he could.

"Why, un. You might think that High School is difficult, but Christ, you knew I was never good at anything Science-related. Hell, I don't even know why I'm taking this. How is this going to help me when I become a famous sculptor, un?" He glanced at Ino, and she stuck her tongue out childishly.

"Okay, whatever, I don't care. Get on the internet, and go join a chatroom now. You do know what that is, right?" Deidara poked her on the nose.

"Of course you idiot. Where the hell do I go, though? Anywhere, un?" Ino shrugged.

"Pretty much..." She sat next to him, and watched him type away in the address bar, trying to find a suitable chatroom.

"Hey, Horny Old Men! You could go there, right?" Ino said, grinning cheekily at him. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"No, un."

"Uh...hot lesbians looking for love?" Deidara snorted.

"No, but I think you might fit in there perfectly." Ino narrowed her eyes at him.

"Um...oh! You'll fit in here perfectly—Rising Artists! Hey, they spelled 'artists' right too! You must give them credit for that. It is the internet." Deidara furrowed his eyebrows, before deciding to click on it.

'CREATE AN ACCOUNT' popped up in big, bold letters. Ino chewed on the inside of her cheek as Deidara raised an eyebrow.

"Oh come on you nerd, you don't just use that for writing term papers, I know you don't. Seriously. You know those websites you go to when you think everybody else here is asleep..." Deidara blushed, and shoved his sister. "What! You've got nice tastes in porn, that's all I'm saying. Plus you like guys with red hair, which is cool. You should meet my friend Gaara...he's like, super-secretive but once you bug him enough he actually starts to talk to you."

"And I suppose this has nothing to do with you trying to, yet again, set me up with one of your immature high school friends, un?" Ino waved a hand.

"Nah, nah. He's got a girlfriend. Name's Matsuri. Real sweet; you'd like her. Any-who, what do you want your screen name to be? Like, 'Deidara123' as an example or something." He started to type, but Ino interrupted him, "Don't use that example, moron." Deidara scowled.

"Well what the hell, Ino. I mean, I'm not very creative at thinking up titles, un." Ino chewed on her bottom lip, then rolled her eyes, poking him on the forehead.

"Use that phrase you're always saying, you dummy! What is it...Art is a bang? Use that! No spaces, and capitalize everything. It'll make you look cool." Deidara blinked, shrugging.

"Oh...that...is logical. Thanks, un." Deidara typed in ArtIsABang, and quickly tabbed, using his e-mail address.

"Okay, create a password and do the rest of that crazy shit, then you're in. Since you'd be totally lost without me, I'll stay here and help you get started. You are so lucky your sister is techno-savvy." Ino nodded her head proudly, and Deidara smirked.

"You broke a toaster with a fork, un."

"That was one time!"

"...Ino...I'm scared."

"Oh, quit being a baby. Just speak up, they'll be nice. Except if they're assholes, which is probably very likely." She nodded her head sagely, and Deidara smacked his head on the wall behind him.

ArtIsABang: Uh, Hi.

LovesToSpooge3: u a girl?

ArtIsABang: ...No. Why?

xxShota: well, that sux. nobody here is a gut.

xxShota: guy*

ArtIsABang: And this matters because...?

GPimpG: fuk, dude, u gay or sumthin'?

ArtIsABang: Why does any of this matter?

xxShota: b/c dude, we need a girl. i wanna hook up with a gurl.

ArtIsABang: Fuck...you guys are morons...I thought we'd actually talk about art or something, but instead, all I get are you asses.

Deidara quickly exited, narrowing his eyes at the screen. Ino grinned sheepishly at him, and shrugged.

"Well, that was a waste of precious time. Sorry, but I have a lot of work to do, un." He started to go back into Word, but Ino shoved him roughly.

"Hey you dolt, there's somebody messaging you!" Deidara gripped his shoulder, shooting glares towards his sister, before seeing a blinking point come up on the screen.

Scorpion: Hey. I saw you in the chat, and I figured, since you were the only one who actually had some grasping of the English language, you would actually be fun to talk to.

Scorpion: Plus, I see you like art as well?

"Talk to him!" Ino hissed, poking him in the shoulder with her bony finger. Deidara narrowed her eyes at her, before furrowing his eyebrows.

"Wait, how do you know it's a he, un?" She rolled here eyes again.

"How many girls do you know like Scorpions?" Ino said, and Deidara blinked.

"Good point." Ino moved off the bed, and started towards the door.

"Well, you two have fun. I have to go work on my Chemistry homework. Ta!" She blew him a kiss, and he sarcastically caught it, smiling brightly.

He turned his attention back to the matter at hand, and bit his lip, trying to think of what to say.

ArtIsABang: Ah...yeah. I want to be a sculptor. I...didn't see your name in the 'Members' box.

Scorpion: A sculptor? That's interesting. Ah...I guess you didn't look hard enough, then.

ArtIsABang: Ahahah. So why didn't you speak up sooner? I'm certain I lost quite a few brain cells in just a short period of time.

Scorpion: Well, I was curious. My idiot friend made me partake, and I did so against my will...So, what's your name, 'ArtIsABang'?

ArtIsABang: Deidara, and yours?

Scorpion: Sasori. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Deidara bit his thumbnail as Ino sat beside him, giving him advice on what to do. 'Don't use smileys unless he uses them' or 'remember to spell-check before you type; he seems like a really picky guy' or 'don't tell him you like it in the ass yet, jeez!'

The last one had earned her a slap on the head.

"Well obviously, Deidara, just tell him about yourself. You still have yet to mention it! This whole convo so far has been one big awkward turtle!" Ino shrieked, poking him in the shoulder yet again. He hissed.

"Stop poking me, un." He grasped his shoulder, and Ino pointed a finger at him, but her threat was caught in her throat as the familiar dinging sound was heard.

Scorpion: So what do you like? Art, obviously, but what else?

"Talk, dammit!" Ino hissed, and Deidara frantically turned back to his computer to type.

ArtIsABang: Well, yeah, Art. I like Pop Art especially, after sculptures. I think art is fleeting and ephemeral, there for a minute, then bam! It's gone. It'll be remembered that way.

Scorpion: I disagree whole-heartedly. Art is eternal, and is something that lasts forever. However...your opinion. Can't change it.

ArtIsABang: Well...thanks for respecting my opinion. How old are you? I'll tell you my age if you tell me yours.

Scorpion: Turned twenty a while ago. And...?

ArtIsABang: Eh...nineteen. So Sasori...what school do you go to?

Scorpion: Suwamoto's Academy.

ArtIsABang: Really? Small world, me too. It's a shame we haven't met; we probably have so much in common.

Scorpion: True...so...I don't mean for this to sound creepy or anything, but what do you look like?

Deidara's breath grew slightly faster, and Ino rolled her eyes, "Come on, dumbass, just describe yourself. Or do you want me to do it? I...might make him want to not know you, if that's what you want..." Ino pouted her lip innocently, and Deidara snorted.

"No thanks, un. It'll be a cinch." Thirty seconds later and a blinking point glaring at him, Ino let out a giggle.

"Well, it doesn't seem like a 'cinch', now does it, Deidara?" Deidara narrowed his eyes at her, and she stuck out her tongue.

"...I hate you."

ArtIsABang: Uh...about 5'6'', long, blond hair that goes down to..my mid-back, I guess. I usually keep it parted to the left. Accident I had as a child, wanna keep it hidden. Uh...fair skin. Not too pale, but seeing as I'm a hermit, I find that amazing. Blue eyes, big. I, apparently, have a cute button nose, or that's how my sister describes me. I like the colors yellow and white a lot, so I wear them a lot...and mesh. Mesh is the best thing ever.

So what about you?

Scorpion: Well, I'm about 5'6'' too, and I've got red hair. You seriously would not miss me in a crowd. I have fair skin, muddy brown eyes which are a little small. I have an annoying (awesome) (Tobi, I swear to god...) roommate named Tobi. I like red and black. Wow, I can't believe I just told you about myself. How long have we known each other? A couple of weeks?

...Deidara, I think this might be the start of something beautiful.

More weeks passed, and Deidara found himself getting on his laptop more and more. Not because of school, amazingly. He was so...intrigued about this Sasori person.

He liked sake, was lactose-intolerant, hated to be kept waiting or making others wait, had extreme distaste for termites and other insects, raised by his Grandmother and was an orphan, liked blonds, and was on the DL, apparently, hearing from Tobi. The brunette had sent Deidara a picture of himself, and the blond had to admit that he looked rather childish, but had a certain charm about him.

Hearing the fact that he too, was a homosexual, Deidara had nearly jumped for joy. But, the man's calm demeanor certainly made his down-lowing much easier. But, as Tobi had said eloquently, he was a full-blown fag.

Deidara could practically feel the maiming that was going on.

Scorpion: Well, it's the weekend. I can stop bludgeon myself half-to-death with my college workload. Did I ever mention how much Advanced Physics sucks ass?

ArtIsABang: Yes. Many a time. It just so happens that you wouldn't shut the hell up about it for those two hours like...a week or so ago.

Scorpion: Oh yeah...

ArtIsABang: How many times have you changed your password again? I mean, I never expected that little runt to be any good at hacking.

Scorpion: You have no idea...it's really annoying. He keeps trying to hook me up with random guys. Seriously. He hacks into my account and pretends to be me, only really horny and...ugh. I find his interests quite...distressing.

Scorpion: Well anyway...I have a proposition. Since, well, you've only described yourself to me, I can't really get a clear picture of what you look like. So uh...

ArtIsABang: You want to see a photo of me, am I right? You sure like to beat around the bush.

Scorpion: I'll beat around your bush.

Deidara felt his eye twitch, and Ino, who was sitting next to him once more, snorted audibly. "I think he wants in your pants, Dei. Seriously, just give him a name and an alley and you guys'll be screwing like monkeys." Ino laughed at her own joke, and Deidara sighed discontentedly.

"I'll tell Shikamaru you have AIDS, and then you'll be laughing, un?" Ino snorted, and Deidara's glare on her sharpened.

"Right, like he'll believe you."

Scorpion: You alive?

ArtIsABang: Yeah, yeah, my sister was just...remarking on your out-of-character sexual innuendo. Seriously, what the hell was up with that?

Scorpion: It's fun to fuck with people. You're another person added to my list of fun fucks.

Ino spit out her drink, and Deidara's mouth hung open. Ino fell off the bed laughing, letting out an 'ow' before continuing to hold her sides laughing.

"Shut the hell up, Ino! Just because he...is seemingly trying to make a move on me, that's no reason to laugh at his pathetic attempts, un!"

"Yes it is!"

ArtIsABang: Stop. Please. You're very awkward.

Scorpion: Takes one to know one. Anyway...I have some random-ass picture I'm pretty sure Tobi posted of me on Google...I'll see if I can find it. And you have to return the favor. Or else.

ArtIsABang: Or else what?

Scorpion: Exactly.

ArtIsABang: What?!

Scorpion: Well...shit. Can't find it. Anyway, give me your e-mail and I should be able to find a file. Tobi...forced me to make a MySpace, so there should be a picture of me on there. , that's my e-mail. It's uncreative as hell, but I never saw the need to use it. Yours?

ArtIsABang: Uh...my sister made mine, so I take no credit for the name.... Seriously, my sister is freaking creepy. (Don't believe him, Sasori!) And she likes to watch me talk to you. It is, yet again, creepy.

Scorpion: ...Eh, tell your sister sorry, but that is a little creepy.

ArtIsABang: Exactly. So...about those pictures...?

"Holy...shit...He's even hotter than he described!" Ino bit her nails, and blushed, "I wonder if I can turn him straight...if I can then hell, my records would go through the roof." Deidara stuck his tongue out childishly at her.

"Sorry slut, this one's mine, un." Deidara poked her on the forehead, and Ino narrowed her eyes.

"Calling your poor sister a slut...honestly, what type of brother are you?" Ino pouted, and stole glances at the picture. Deidara patted her on the head.

"I'm an awesome one, un." Ino huffed, crossing her arms and turning her head to the side.

"Oh please. Don't me so melodramatic. Save that for that pink-haired girl, un." Ino shuddered.

"Sakura is rather dramatic..." Ino tapped her index finger to her chin, and stuck out her bottom lip. "I mean really...who dyes their hair pink?" Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, what picture should I send, un? I mean, I find myself unattractive, so anything is fine with me as long as I don't look like a bloated mushroom." Ino plopped his laptop in her lap, and searched through countless numbers of pictures, before flailing and pointing enthusiastically.

"Ooh! The one where we went to that cool restaurant? You look totally cool, plus Sasori knows what your fine-ass sister looks like!" Deidara resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Right...well...I do look good there...I'll admit. Alright, un. Despite your annoyance, I find your flair...charming." Deidara gave her a small tug on the ear, and she gave noise of annoyance.

"Just show him the picture you dolt."

ArtIsABang: Well, my sister wants to do you.

Scorpion: Well, Tobi wants to do you, if that's any consolation.

ArtIsABang: Not...really...

Scorpion: I thought it might. You are quite attractive, if I say so myself. And Tobi says so too, because he's begging me to say you look cute.

ArtIsABang: What the hell, is he gay or something?

Scorpion: Not...really. Bi-curious is the way to put it, but he's not 'I-take-it-in-the-ass' gay. Just...getting there.

ArtIsABang: That certainly makes me feel better.

Scorpion: You have a nice skin tone. Dammit, I wish Tobi was as hot as you.

ArtIsABang: I'm sorry, what?

Scorpion: Nothing. I was simply complimenting you on you hotness.

ArtIsABang: ...uh, I think you have nice eyes too?

ArtIsABang: What is with you? Are you trying to have...internet sex with me or something? Seriously, you're never this...awkward. You keep reminding me of my sister. I don't want that! She has too much power over me already!

Scorpion: Well...I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

ArtIsABang: Wait, NO. You are avoiding the topic! Tell me why you have been acting so...awkwardly charming lately and I will let you go!

Scorpion: ...You really are cute. Very cute...

Scorpion has signed off

Deidara and Ino stared at the screen, their eyes widening to the size of unidentified flying objects. Ino squealed, and hugged her brother's midsection.

"Oooh, he likes you!"

For the next few weeks, Deidara found himself slowly falling into like, like, due to the fact that it's rather difficult to fall in love with somebody you've only known for about two months or so. However, the blond was slowly, but surely, developing feelings for the red-head. The only thing he could hope is that Sasori reciprocated at least a little.

Ino had been spending less time with him, realizing that he had gotten the internet down quite easily. However, she began to notice his...serious withdrawal from the world. Having to force him out of his room on more than one occasion proved quite difficult. Both were stubborn bastards. Ino, however, just had a little more 'umph' to her.

"Deidara, please get your ass outside..." Ino said, using her big baby blues to try and get her brother some Vitamin D. She tugged on his left wrist, trying to get him to move from the bed. He rolled his eyes.

"Ino, I'm not going outside, un." Ino breathed out a deep sigh, trying to calm her nerves.

"Deidara, all you do is sit there and...type. I mean, your grades have still kept steady, which is amazing, to say the least, but it's only a matter of time before you revolve your entire being around Sasori! I'm starting to get worried, you sack of crap!" Ino turned her eyes to Deidara, normally soft blue turning sharp. Deidara furrowed his eyebrows.

"If I'm not mistaken, you were the one who practically begged me to get an account, un." Ino clenched her fists and toes, counting to ten inside of her head.

"Yes...but I wanted you to be a little more social. Now you'll barely talk to me, your own goddamned sister!" Small droplets formed at the corners of her eyes, but she hurriedly wiped them off, "I'm your sister! I can't believe you're pushing me away just because of this guy you've only known for two months—wait, bloody hell, you love him, don't you?" Deidara turned his head and looked at her, blinking several times.

"Nope, sorry, un. Just like. You know, that step just before love, un?" Deidara said, and Ino snorted.

"Oh please, you've known him for how long now? Two months? Three? You love hiiiim!" Deidara poked her in the side, making her let out a rather audible squeal. He let out a short laugh.

"Right. I love a man who I've known for three months. Honestly, it's just a silly crush, it'll go away, un." Deidara typed away quickly on his laptop, and quickly entered his daily routine.

ArtIsABang: So my sister says I'm in love with you.

Scorpion: Oh? And to what does she draw this conclusion?

ArtIsABang: The fact that I"m becoming reclusive and only talk to you and do my college homework/study. How does that prove anything? I mean, just because I like talking to you doesn't mean that.

Scorpion: That sounds weird, considering the fact that Tobi said the same thing and I've been wondering the exact same idea.

ArtIsABang: fffjkasdksadjljewirewj.

Scorpion: Did you just have a stroke via chatroom?

ArtIsABang: No, that was just my sister. She was trying and failing miserably to steal away my computer. She's going to have to try harder than that to get it!

Scorpion: Anyway, about what you said. Is it weird that Tobi keeps saying I like you and am in love with you and shit? Because he's an annoying little fucktard.

Scorpion: No I'm not, don't believe him, Deidara! And he won't shut up about you whenever we're eating!

ArtIsABang: ...um...thanks...Tobi...

Scorpion: Killing somebody because they annoy you is against the law, isn't it?

ArtIsABang: Sadly, yes. I could maim so many...If it weren't for law enforcement and physics, I'd be unstoppable.

Scorpion: I'm sure you would.

ArtIsABang: Don't mock me!

Scorpion: Right...anyway, I have a question...would you ah...oh...never mind, it was a stupid question anyway. Seriously, just ignore me.

ArtIsABang: No, it's okay, what is it?

Scorpion: Really, it's alright. Stupid idea, okay?

ArtIsABang: Oh...alright then.

Scorpion: I have to go; I won't be back tomorrow because I have to go visit my aunt. I'll talk to you in two days, okay?

Scorpion has signed off

ArtIsABang: ...I hope you know that I like you. A lot.

It had been six months, and Deidara had turned into an agoraphobic hermit.

At times, Ino would have to forcefully drag him out of his bed, and into the sunlight. He shrugged it off, thinking nothing of it as he spent less and less time with his family and more and more time sitting in his room with his computer, either talking to Sasori or doing his college work, with the former being likelier than the latter.

Ino hummed loudly as she pushed her legs back and forth on the swing, holding onto the chains that held up the swing tightly. She glanced over at Deidara, who was casually swinging back and forth. Her normal cheery demeanor was quickly replaced with a scowl as she noticed her brother's lack of communication.

"Deidara, un." She said mockingly, giving him a cocky grin. He rolled his eyes.


"Dad says that, since your grades have been really good—for god knows how, I might add—he's taking us on a trip to...wherever we want to go. So where do you want to go?" Deidara shrugged.

"Nowhere, really. I'd rather stay home, un." Ino flew off the swing, and landed on her ankles, standing with her back to him. Her fists clenched, and she breathed heavily.

'One...two...three...four...fuck...this...shit!' She thought angrily before turning to face him.

"What...what the hell is wrong with you!" Ino turned to him, her face filled with some sort of sad anger. Deidara blinked, his eyes widening and mouth slightly agape as he stared at his sister.

"You...you lock yourself up in your room and...and I have to make sure you eat! I have to drag you out of your room just so I can make you survive! I thought it would be a good—great idea if you would actually socialize with other people...but...but I was wrong!" Tears spilled out of her eyes.

"I barely see you anymore...you're starting to worry me...barely...barely talking to anybody but fucking Sasori!" Ino slapped him hard across the face, and Deidara clutched the reddened cheek.

"If you're in love with him, say it so I can have my normal brother back! I'm sick of worrying whether or not he'll eat or move!" Ino fumed, and wiped the tear stains off of her cheeks. "Tell him you love him, it's obvious, and then give me my brother back!" Ino shouted, glancing at him with worry and anger in her eyes. Deidara gulped.

"Fuck...just...I'll see you at home!" Ino ran off, hopping onto her bike and speeding off. Deidara stared after her, and sighed, wondering just what the hell he got himself into.

ArtIsABang: So um, I think that...

Scorpion: What? Spit it out, jeez.

ArtIsABang: Well, fuck, today I got in a fight with my sister because I spend too much time with you and I've become withdrawn from the world. But fuck, I didn't know that I was actually affecting her! Shit, her personality didn't change at all! She's the same stubborn girl I've known since I was three!

Scorpion: Okay then. How are you going to solve this?

ArtIsABang: By telling you I love you.

Scorpion has signed off

ArtIsABang: I...see...

Scorpion has signed on

ArtIsABang: You.......okay there?

Scorpion: Sorry...about that...just had to ask Tobi if I was here.

ArtIsABang: If you were...here?

Scorpion: Seeing as though you just admitted your love for me, and the fact that we've known each other solely by communication through the internet, I find it a little hard to believe.

ArtIsABang: Oh...

Scorpion: However, that doesn't mean I can't believe it. Is it even more stupid that I'm in love with you too?

ArtIsABang: …I'm sorry, what?

Scorpion: Fuck, I don't know. You're literate, unlike most pricks on the internet, you love and appreciate art, even though I don't agree with it, you're cute, charming...and...possibly homicidal. But dammit, I can't wait to just get on here and talk to you! My shitty little life revolves around you. I feel pathetic.

ArtIsABang: At least you didn't get yelled at by your sixteen-year-old hormonal sister.

Scorpion: True, but I was scolded by a nineteen-year-old bi-curious shrimp who enjoys wearing orange sunglasses.

Scorpion: Orange sunglasses give me migraines.

ArtIsABang: That's super. So...

Scorpion: So...?

ArtIsABang: What do we do? Where do we go from here?

Scorpion: ...well...there's a little shop near coffee shop near the business department...have you seen it? What's it called....?

ArtIsABang: ...Starbucks.

Scorpion: Yeah, there. We could...meet up there...tomorrow. I don't have class. And I heard they have decent coffee.


Scorpion: So it's settled. We'll meet up there around...twelve or so? Does that sound okay? If not, I don't want you blowing me off because our plans were shoddy or some shit like that.

ArtIsABang: Okay, well, I can make it. I'll...see you there?

Scorpion: Yeah...

ArtIsABang: Well...bye...

And...and I really do love you...

ArtIsABang has signed off

Deidara sighed, closing the lid on his laptop. He stepped out of his room, and cracked his neck, trying to get the muscles to relax. He walked into the kitchen, and saw Ino, who was throwing a not-so-subtle glare in his direction while drinking a juice box. He stood behind her, and started to braid her ponytail.

"I'm sorry, Ino, un. If...if it's any consolation, I told him I love him." Ino raised her eyebrows, and removed the straw from her lips to turn her head towards him.

"Interesting. So you actually do have balls. And here I thought they were a myth..." Deidara pulled on her ponytail, and she gave a slight whimper in pain.

"Oh please, un." Deidara turned her around to face him, and Ino kept her eyes firmly glued to the ground.

"Ino, you little brat, look up at me, un." Ino's soft eyes turned sharp as her pupils looked into his eyes.

"What is it?" She hissed out, and Deidara struggled not to shudder.

"I told him. We're meeting tomorrow at Starbucks. He's more of a hermit than I am, un." Ino raised an eyebrow, and giggled slightly.

"How so?"

"He didn't know what a Starbucks was...Seriously, un." Ino let out a melodic laugh, and Deidara smirked, his eyes closed.

"Well...at least you told him. And at least you're getting out of the house, which is good." Ino said, flashing her pearly whites. "Really, you were starting to worry me." Ino said. She wrapped her arms around her brother's midsection, and Deidara rested his hands in her hair.

"Ahh...there's no need to worry about me, un. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." Ino snorted, face still buried in his stomach.

"Right, I'm sure. Who was the one who had to drag your sorry ass out of bed and make you eat?"

"...shut up, un. I've decided to take you...er...well...dad up on the offer to go somewhere. And he said anywhere, right?" Ino nodded. "How about like, Amsterdam? We can smoke pot legally there, un." Ino's eyes lit up with a hint of childish mischievousness.

"Hell. Yes."

Deidara tapped his fingers on the table absentmindedly, right hand fisted under his chin as he waited at a table for a red-head to show up.

Dammit. Waiting was a bitch.

He aimlessly took out his cell phone, and played pong, trying to get his mind off of the fact that he was about fifteen minutes early.

"Fuck..." He hissed, and ran his fingers through his hair.

He was so bored.

"Excuse me?" Deidara looked up, and tilted his head to the side, a small, but visible, blush on his face. A tall red-head looked down on him, and Deidara blinked.

"S-Sasori! Oh jeez, I didn't think you'd be here, un!" Sasori smirked, his brown eyes dancing with amusement. He took a seat across from him, and chuckled.

"You're even more awkward in person. And what's with the 'un'?" Sasori's hand inched its way towards Deidara's own. Luckily, the blond was too transfixed on Sasori's person to notice.

Sharp red hair, messy as all hell. Fair ivory skin, and muddy brown eyes that weren't too big. Red jacket...dark blue jeans. He seemed like a typical college student.

"Ahh...! Um, I say 'un' all the time 'cause of this speech impediment..." Deidara said, and rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes widened when Sasori placed his right hand on top of his own left.

"You know, you really are cute, un." Sasori said mockingly giving the blond a cocky grin. Deidara narrowed his eyes as another blush formed on his face.

"Well...you're...kind of an ass, un!" Deidara said. Sasori smirked, and brushed some hair out of his face.

"But I'm your ass."


Sasori leaned forward, placing his lips on Deidara's, and the blond's eyes widened as his breath got stuck in his throat. He closed his eyes, and hesitated to return the kiss. After the need of oxygen settled in, Sasori pulled back, and stared into Deidara's big blue eyes, lidded with confusion.

"What...what was that, un!" Deidara said, eye blinking rapidly. Sasori smirked, and settled back in his chair.

"That was a kiss, Deidara. You do know that I still love you even after a week of admitting it? Honestly, you're very forgetful of things." Sasori intertwined their fingers. "Do you still feel the same way...?"

Deidara nodded.

"Good..." Sasori placed his lips on Deidara's.

ArtIsABang: So...that was nice today.

Scorpion: Mhm. We should do it again sometime. Maybe hot sex could be included afterwards.

ArtIsABang: You're a horny bastard, aren't you?

Scorpion: Yes, but I'm your horny bastard. You have yet to take advantage of the situation.

ArtIsABang: We just met in person today!

Scorpion: So? We've known each other for about half a year.

Scorpion: Sex is bound to happen very soon. Very soon.

ArtIsABang: Oh fuck me...

Scorpion: Gladly.

ArtIsABang: I swear to God...

ArtIsABang: So what are we, anyway? I mean...I...love you and you, me. Are we like...a couple? Because, I'd be okay with it. Just...tell me, okay?

Scorpion: Yeah...I love you...and...I guess we are a couple.

ArtIsABang: So...where do we go from here?

Scorpion: There's a carnival in town tomorrow...you wanna go with me?

ArtIsABang: Sure! I'd love too, Sasori.

Scorpion: Or you could come over and I could show you a real fun time...what do you say, Deidara?

ArtIsABang has signed off

Holy shit.

Longest one-shot I've ever written.

Seriously. Reviews are much appreciated.