Title: It's a Thing Called FANGIRLING
Summary: There's always a little something our dear Sakura-chan has in store for all the freakin' fangirls.
Chapter Quote: "so, I tell him I love him and that's fangirling. She fangirls and THAT'S true love?"
Genre: Humor
Pairing: SasuxSaku

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~For Sakura-chan on her birthday. Belated, dear!~

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Chapter 1: the one and only: It's a oneshot.

Dear ANTI-SasuxSaku Fangirl

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NOTE:
for some reason i cant fucking get that freakin bold part (scroll down and you'll see) out of the way, so sorry for the displeasure guys, it's not really my fault as FREAKIN FANFIC WON'T LET ME EDIT IT DAMMIT! like, one minute i changed it on the 'edit' page but when i saved it it turned out like this, yeah, so... XP blame stupid fanfic for that.

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Dear Fangirl (or boy),

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I know this concern is addressed to most seeing especially since the infamous 'Pairing Wars' are finally reaching its' peak, but my dear, I find it most at heart to address this letter to you, yes you, Fangirl/boy. Let me give you some, erm, statements or rather, reasons as to why the pairing you support is very much childish, inanimate, and very very, what do you call it? Oh yes…crack. So please, do enjoy yourself, ANTI fangirl for I am sure (insert evil laugh) you will have tons of fun reading this self composed mini-essay of mine. But then again, do remember that there will be a continuing statement at the bottom of the said reason/s or statement/s below. Thank you.

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1) Firstly, do consider this statement: "FUCK YOU! I tell him I love him and I'M A FANGIRL, WHEREAS she (Karin) FANGIRLS and you call THAT TRUE LOVE!?" aka, SasuxKarin

Ah yes, Kishimoto-sama (god bless his soul) would never go and set up steps for characterand relationship improvement and development just to have Sasuke end up with some common whore who probably bends up her sexual frustration on another teammate of hers (cough-suigetsu-cough). Also, he wouldn't let all those years and chapters of sasuxsaku character and relationship to go down the drain, wouldn't he? Coz if he DOES, then that'd just be a waste of time and effort, so please fangirl, do think and consider.

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2) Second, DO NOT belittle Sasuke's words of appreciation aka "thank you"

Though the simple words "thank" and "you" may not seem like large words of emotional 'love' or 'devotion', in terms of Japanese pretences, "thank you" or "arigato" is something not easily thrown around, especially in the situation of Episode 109. True, those words may not seem as big as it sounds, it has a great meaning underneath them. Take Gundam Seed for example. It is true that the two characters involving the words "thank you/arigato" feel great love/affection towards each other but instead of saying "I love you", they settle for the words "thank you/arigato" instead. Also, Sasuke-kun said a while ago (due to much pestering XD) that by thanking me, he somewhat meant that he was giving thanks to all those memories we had, all the love I gave him and those stuff.

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3) Sakura bumping/passing into Karin on the manga as she was looking for Sasuke.

Some may believe that this passing is a sign of Sakura somewhat giving the torch of 'love for Sasuke' to some common fangirl like Karin. Though, I beg to disagree that this gives us more proof that there probably WILL be some challenge in between Sakura and Karin in their fight for Sasuke's affection.

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4) Being OOC is not a reason.

Love, Sasuke can fall for me without being OOC (take now as an example XD). Ahem, anyway… think back to those genin days when Sasuke-kun tried to cheer me up and the fact that he smiled after doing so. Also, when Sugiyama-sama made Sasuke confess on Oh! Naruto Nippon!, Sasuke-kun's confession didn't seem ANY bit out of character. Also, as I remember clearly, I was the one of whom Sasuke-kun opened up to the MOST (take note that opening up does NOT include flashbacks and researches since technically, it is not Sasuke-kun HIMSELF telling others about his past thank-you-very-much) also, when Sasuke-kun fought for me endlessly was absolutely NOT OOC so, there you go fangirl, hope that suites that ANTI-sasuxsaku counter that you've been placing.

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5) I, Haruno Sakura, am a teammate and nothing more… BULL. THAT IS BULL.
Yes, well, this number is very much divided into different sections.

-5.1- Episode 3: before anyone else, I was the first one, the FIRST one of which Sasuke-kun revealed his past about.
-5.2- Episode 33: when Sasuke-kun saw me injured by that sound nin (bless his soul), he need not have to kill the life out of the man's arms (swoon). It was necessary as a teammate for him to beat up any enemies within the area, but doing THAT much? I don't think so ("right, Sasuke-kun?" blush. Glare. "hn")
-5.3- Episode 78:
ah, the Gaara arc. Who would forget about that? In that event, Sasuke-kun oh so whole-heartedly tells Naruto that he HAS to save me (3) it was also the same episode wherein he claims that I (and Naruto) are the most important people to him at current and THAT, he never wants to loose us, his important people, for the second time. ("omg, Sasuke-kun I never knew that!" "…" "Sasuke-kun?" "hn")
-5.4- Episode 109:
yes, apart from the whole "confession-thing" there is also something in there. There was also slight hesitation when I appeared in between their (Naruto and Sasuke's) fight on the hospital rooftop. Upon seeing me holding them back, dear Sasucakes over here, seemed concerned to NOT fire his blasting chidori at me ("oh hell yeah!"). sigh. Good thing Kakashi-sensei appeared.
-5.5- Manga Chapter 306:
why, oh why was I the first (apart from Sai) to see/meet Sasuke-kun, hm? Why me? Why not Kakashi or Naruto? Why not even Yamato? Also, why did Sasuke-kun even bother to call me, huh? So fangirl, what do you say?
-5.6- Manga Chapter 355:
if me and Sasuke-kun are really not meant to be, then do tell, WHY the dogs accompanying ME were the FIRST ones to GET the scent of Sasuke, huh? Wouldn't it be more meaningful if Naruto were to get it first, seeing as though they ARE best friends, right? (manic laughing) or why not Kakashi-sensei? I mean, those two DO share this father-son relationship? Why me? Why not Ino or Hinata? Well, to tell you this fangirl, it was I who had been able to track Sasuke-kun's scent first because, it is I who is in his heart, I who he I to marry, and I who will BEAR the future of the Uchiha Clan mwahahahaaaa!!!

And fangirl, do admit there are hundreds- no, THOUSANDS more SasuxSaku hints and we ALL know that whatever hell of a pairing you support does NOT even come close as it is to our beloved. SasuxSaku PWNS them all!!! (mwahahaha!) Also, fangirl -or boy- you may have notice that there are a lot MORE instances in the anime, manga, interview, OVA, movie, openings and endings but sadly, it is not enough to fit in to this LONG LONG roll of parchment and sadly, if i were to state ALL (even the ones in Shipu Konoha Gakuen Den and many more) there will have been NO time at all to elaborate for until up to now, Sasuke-kun is showing signs of saying SASUxSAKU, so give it up will you!? SASUXSAKU PWNS YOU ALL!!! mwahahaha!!!Ahem, continuing on...

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6) You don't believe me? FINE! ASK KISHIMOTO-SAMA HIMSELF!

-interview with Masashi Kishimoto- Q: Do you have any favourite episodes of the anime? A: 17, 19, 30;HA! Well ironically fangirl, those episodes (god bless Kishi's heart) contains SEVERAL sasuxsaku moments, if not, one. What does THAT have to do with it, you may ask. Well, simple. Those episodes somewhat revolve around a certain pairing so it may be safe to say… GO FIGURE!

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7) OVAs, Movies, Openings and Endings

To my defence, fangirl, you, yourself might have noticed Naruto Movie 1, thhe ending wherein Sasuke-kun was seen resting on my lap. It also show some hints of Sasuke's jealousy when I swooned over Yuki-san's co-actor ("sorry about that, Sasuke-kun"blush "hn"). Also, have you not seen the lyrics of Long Kiss Goodbye? True it shouts narusaku because of the characters used but really, if you look into the lyrics you'll see MANY similarities that simply shout SASUSAKU. Also, on the movie ending 'Lie Lie Lie' if you look into the lyrics you'll see MANY similarities. Same goes for the OVAs, especially their endings.

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8) Sakura, if you DO end up with Sasuke, all he'll do to you is keep you locked up and demand you be ready to give him his unlimited source of heirs and sex.

(inner-Sakura: "what's wrong with unlimited sex?") BLUSH. Ahem, do you really think I'd let THAT happen!? And besides, whether or not Sasuke-kun decides to ahem, baby-make, either inside OR outside Konohagakure, my skills would also be of use. I mean really, inside, like hell Tsunade-sama and Naruto would let me get stuck at home. And outside, if Sasuke-kun DOES kidnap me and what-not (seriously, that's MUCH more romantic, anywho…) outside, my purpose would forcefully be not of baby-making only but for combat since both of us WILL most likely be considered missing-nins when that/those events happen.

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9) Genetically speaking, there are a lot more females out there who would give Sasuke better heirs… NOT

AHEM. Fangirl do you even know WHAT you're talking about!? Firstly, Sasuke-kun can NOT end up with the following:
A. Hyuuga girl (as much as I love you Hina-chan) for A. it will permanently alter the sharingan's genes and Sasuke-kun wouldn't like that and B. have you not seen the LATEST MANGA CHAPTER!? Also, like, dude… did they even talk!? No? NO! See! Ahem, anyway, Karin…
B. Karin, Karin, Karin… (whore) as you can see, she MAY give Sasuke-kun's heirs (-twitch-) some good chakra sensing but nothing more. Can she do medical ninjutsu? No, she can't! all she can do is track people and have them suck her freakish chakra. Is that healing? I don't think so! Does she even fight? No, she doesn't! according to the character informations' book, she fend off enemies when she was young ny hiding behind trees whenever she sense some enemy chakra nearby so HA! She's weak…WEAK!!
C. Ino (-twitching madly-) really fangirl? Are you THAT desperate in pairing Sasuke-kun off to some random person? Need I remind you that as of now, piggy's new love interest (somewhat) is that… that bastard Sai (fuck you, Sai! How dare you call me ugly!! Ugh why I oughtta #$%^*&^!!!)

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10) SasuxSaku on a NON-NARUTO Movie Production

Okay, a few minutes before I'm typing this, TenShi-ChYaAN (aka xemotionallyconstipatedx-sama) has informed me that while she was watching a Chick Flick on TV staring her Local Artists, Gerald Anderson and Kim Chui (it's a love-love tenn movie), she noticed that the two met at an ANIME CONVENTION. Kim, who was cosplaying yours truly(Sakura), was dragged into it by her best friend who was addicted to anime. There she met Gerald, who was dressed as Sasuke-sama. Obviously, she had no idea whatsoever when they were called "best anime couple" as I quote "ano ka ba?! Di mo ba alam na kayong dalawa kaya magka-love team at magkasama!?" and to that VERY lovely statement translates to "what are you!? Didn't you know that the two of you form the best love team!? (motions at their cosplay)" Okay, so when I watched that (TenShi-ChYAnN gave me a DVD) I squealed!! ("hear that Sasuke-kun!? Even a non-naruto chick flick teen movie ADVERTISES us!!" blush "hn" translation=flattered)

11) What about NARUSAKU!?

Really! He's like a brother to me! Please! Can't I feed a friend without people accusing me of wanting to rape the guy!? (Sasuke: "hn. Not on my watch") can't a girl express her care towards her teammate!? (Sasuke: "HN!?") Can't a girl even have a close friend, a brother-close friend by her side!? Is that too much to ask!? (Sasuke: "#$%^&*&^%!! I am so killing that dobe how dare he $%^&^%^ Sakura!!!")

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Well, fangirl? What do you have to say now? I hope your small impudent brain has been able to swallow all that up. Clearly, now that I have stated to you that yes, me and Sasuke-kun are the BEST out there, there still are some if not, many reasons as to why our pair is the best and will remain THE best for the rest of eternity. For, yes, fangirl, SasuxSaku reasons beyond all odds. Now, PLEASE, stay away from me and my fiancé! And stop sending those spamming death threats, why don't you!? We both know that that can't happen (wink) now, go shoo and never call, speak, touch, contact, bother us ever again or so help me my wrath for you will have no bounds that Amaterasu-sama herself would take the need to untangle myself from the bloody mass of carcasses that is your body. I mean, you wouldn't want a pregnant, hormonal woman on your shoes, right?

Also,I would like all of you to know, yes, even you my beloved fanboys that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to stop me and Sasuke-kun's wedding. Yes, there WILL be a wedding (you don't expect us to raise this child as a bastard, do you?). Hmm, thought so. So now PLEASE STOP SMAPPMING OUR MAIL.

Oh, and another issue, YES fangirl, pregnant hormonal woman I am (in yo face, biatch!) so please, take leave now and let me pester my Sasuke-kun with unlimited requests of weird food cravings. Now what do you think would pray better, chocolate sundae with apple pie and ketchup mixed on it or baked tomatoes stuffed with chocolate mint ice cream and oyster? Hm, whichever sounds yummy to me. Now, goodbye, I still have to make Sasuke-kun make the food/s stated above.

GOOD DAY!

XOXO

Love,

Haruno soon-to-be-Uchiha-and-do-not-argue-because-dammit-i-AM-pregnant-and-hormonal-and-I-will-definitely-kick-your-asses-shannaro!- Sakura

Reading over her shoulder, Uchiha Sasuke can't help but give a twitch at her choice of words for the last few paragraphs.

"don't you think you're being a bit too tough on them?"

Smile. "hmm? No, I don't think so" kiss "ne, Sasuke-kun, mind getting me that chocolate sundae mashed with apple pie and ketchup on top?"

Twitch "that's disgusting"

Frown "…"

Sigh "I'll get it" kiss "I love you"

Grin "love you too" turns "now" evil smile "wanna play who-can-hit-more-fangirl/boys-with-a-kunai after?" she said, gesturing towards some raging fangirls drooling on their windows

Smirk. "sure"

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…ah, true love…
there's nothing as sweet as true true love

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Crack. LOL I kinda had fun writing this… XD even re-watched and re-read some anime/manga to get the facts out… LOL it's not really much of a bother doing that though, (grin) not when you have all the episodes/ova/movie/interview/oh! Naruto Nippon! On dvd XD lol this was originally supposed to be published for Sakura's birthday but the hell… BTW yeah, i was watching TV when i came upon the movie (which i only watched coz i saw Kim, the main girl, cozplay as sakura and bump to gerald, who was cosplaying sasuke-kun!) and that scene and i fucking SQUEALED!!! SQUEALED LIKE A PIG SQUEAL!!! SEEE HAHA EVEN THE WHOLE MOVIE PRODUCTION TRANSPIRES SASUSAKU!!!!

archie-chan: PWN... LaWL, i just HAD to add it there... XD LaWL

HOPE YOU LIKE THE MINI-ESSAY! –glompies-

Read and review pls and thank you!

Xemotionallyconstipatedx –THAT'S ME!-

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i love sasuke-kun, i love sasuke-kun, i love sasuke-kun
loving sasuke-kun's much better
even if he IS a character in pen and paper
i love sasuke-kun, i love sasuke-kun, i love sasuke-kun
it's better this way
than to let myself get hurt like that all over again
it's better like that
i love sasuke-kun, i love sasuke-kun, i love sasuke-kun
...because he'll never hurt me...
...because he'll always love me...
...because he can never leave me...
...because he can't flirt with bitches i know...
i love sasuke-kun, i love sasuke-kun, i love sasuke-kun

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God, i am so... xemotionallyconstipatedx REVIEW PLS! (grins) you don't want a psychopath hunting you down now would you?