OOOOk people, brand new HP story, I know, you have every right to be mad at me for having Ultimate Love in Hiatus but i go wherever my muse is leading me and right now she has thrown me in a hole full of vampires lol, but i promise as soon as she vents, i'll be back in bussiness with wizards and harmony ;)
in one of her flashes she gave me awesome ideas for a new story and i decided to start fresh till i feel ready to write for the UL, this is all new all angsty and soon to be harmonious, the only way for me to keep up with something is to have feedback for it so please read and review my work :)
as always huge thanks to my a w e s o m e beta and friend Marla1 for her crazy help hehe :)
Enjoy....(wooo i missed saying that for an HP fic)
Harry Potter and the Unborn Happiness
The Night that Changed their Lives
Take A Bow
Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Lights are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say
when there's no one around
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[One lonely star you don't know who you are]
I've always been in love with you
I guess you've always known it's true
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye
People believed things would be great for all of them, people believed things are great for all of them. Of course they would, why not? They all survived a war, they all won, they all made it. They were meant to live happily ever after, meant to be fine. She was fine, she was physically alive, she existed, but no, she didn't live.
Existing is far away from living, objects exist, people live, and she had stopped living a long time ago, making sure she looked good existing.
'Ready to go?' Ron asked from the doorway of her house and she snapped out of her thoughts and nodded her head at him. He didn't wait for her to speak, they had stopped doing so nowadays. He left without a second glance behind him and she sighed and then took a deep breath as the air in her lugs was low. She felt empty and like she would burst at the same time. It was excruciating, being here, existing with Ron in the same house, feeling the guilt and pain inside her, knowing the truth of her actions, believing in fake hope.
She took another deep breath and put on her usual, fake smile, the one that would make Mrs. Weasley sure everything was alright. The smile that would fool almost everyone, almost. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and Hermione almost chuckled sadly at the fake doll she was seeing in the mirror, beauty that blossomed mostly after the war, long hair in curls, light make up, warm smoky eyes, fake smile. Everything was perfect on her, her mask was brilliant. She made sure nothing could betray her eternal banes and she smiled once more at herself, half proud of her bright smile after what happened and half disgusted for the exact same reason.
She left the room, found Ron downstairs and in silence they flooed to the Burrow.
Harry was already there, looking around warily. There were only familiar faces, other people faces that smiled and beamed and grinned but not her face. Classical he thought with a sad small smile of his own for the mood the Burrow always had on Sundays, when everyone was getting around for the "family dinner".
He must be the only one who wasn't smiling, he had stopped doing so for the last weeks, or was it months? No it was two months, three days, four hours and a couple of minutes but who counted? He hadn't seen her a single time ever since things happened. She had made it to avoid everyone and especially him since that day, sometimes it felt like years and sometime it felt like minutes.
She had made it to avoid eight family dinners in a row, many afternoons and even more days at work so she didn't have to see him. Ron said – in his own stupor of how his life had turned out- that she needed to go to her parents, or that she had to finish paperwork of her job or that she had to leave for awhile because her mom needed help. Harry never pushed things to know more, he knew the truth of Hermione's runaways, he didn't need to hear the bullshit Ron had been fed from her.
That specific truth had made his own stomach drop every time he thought of her. Every time he dared to think what happened back then, between them.
The floo sounded and everyone looked around to see who arrived. Ron smiled, first out of the fireplace with Hermione joined at the hands. They smiled at everyone around them. Harry's eyes were glued on hers and her smile disappeared when she laid eyes on his. They locked eyes for a split second and then tore their gazes away, feeling like they would expose everything. Harry felt an arm snaking around his waist and looked down to see Ginny smiling up at him. He forced himself to do the same, she looked at him for a long moment with her own smile frozen in her eyes and then kissed his jaw lightly as she left his side to help her mother.
The living room was full of people talking, laughing and joking, kids playing around but he was stuck there, frozen looking Ginny's back, with a stab of pain he thought of how much he would hurt her if the truth was ever exposed. He may wasn't in love with Ginny but he cared for her and he didn't want to know that he was the cause of her suffering. If things were out in the open, everyone would suffer, not just him and someone else in this room did now.
'Hey, mate, look who made it.' Harry heard Ron from his left and he made sure the smile he put on was flashing, he looked at his friend to see his smile never reaching his blue eyes and then he looked at Hermione. Her head was lowered and when she finally looked at him she made sure she didn't look into his eyes. Ron looked between them for a second and then smiled at Harry again.
'Hey you, mate,' Harry said and looked at Ron with a smile on his own, never reaching his eyes.
'Hey you, Mione, finally you came.' He said and he couldn't help his tone not being almost accusing.
Hermione looked up at his eyes and their gazes locked once more. Harry knew he had to stop being accusing if he wanted the Burrow to remain as facedly peaceful as now. The people kept talking around them, Ron said something about bringing drinks and checking when the food would be served but nor Harry nor Hermione listened more as their eyes were still locked, sharing the pain, loving the moment of it, caring for the wounds, wanting to open even more at the memory.
Hermione was sat on the bed in her nightgown, she was there for the last hours, not moving an inch. Her mind was as blank as her heart was. Ron had proposed to her, Ron, to her, and she had denied. Why, she knew very well why, she knew things with Ron had been dead in every section for a long time ago. Sometimes she just hoped she would be free, from Ron, from everything. She never imagined Ron would propose as to have a last chance in their relationship, a relationship made on bickering, insecurities and fights. Ron was always centered on himself and how good he felt when he compared himself to others. Hermione's life was always centered on Harry freaking Potter. She wasn't sure how stupid she was when she crushed on Ron.
How could she want Ron, back then, when she would easily sacrifice her life for someone else? The answer was simple, that "else" saw her like a sister. That "else", loved her as a sibling, even hate can be turned into love, but how can you change kinds of love? Things with Harry had also been suffocating for a long time; something had changed in both of them. Hermione was always ready to give everything for the man she loved, but now, something was so out of place that even she couldn't understand what was on with him. The moments he was looking at her, the moments his eyes were piercing her soul were different, more painful, more intense, and more heart-breaking than before. Something was different and if she – the one who knew Harry Potter better than himself- couldn't understand then who could?
Hermione sighed deeply, it had been hours since her fight with Ron, they had accused each other for many things after her denial to marry him. They had spoken clearly to each other after years; they had been true to each other for the first time.
A loud crack was heard and Hermione sighed once more as she guessed Ron was back either to go on with the fight or to ask forgiveness, a forgiveness she was ready to give by habit by now. However she gasped when she felt two strong hands gripping her shoulders and bringing her up to her feet. She looked in emerald eyes in shock as the man she loved was the last person she expected to see in the middle of the night in her bedroom.
'Harry what are you do-?'
'Why didn't you accept his fucking proposal!!?' Harry interrupted her surprised question and she left speechless at his words. He knew, of course he would, Ron would have talked to him already, for both the proposal and later on, the denial. Harry looked in her eyes for a long moment, their eyes always communicate better than their mouths, the seconds many times lied, their eyes would never do such thing. His heart was getting into pieces, he knew for that bloody proposal for the last days, he expected for tonight to end his torture, he expected for a bloody happy call of Ron, saying she accepted, he waited that sign to finally kill his bleeding heart and burry I deep in a grave.
He hoped for that moment, he hoped for the reason of his heart's death, he hoped for the redemption that never came when Harry saw Ron in his and Ginny's doorstep looking a drunk mess with the little box of the ring thrown in his pocket and the angry face of his. Harry jerked Hermione in his arms, needing an answer, and a darn good answer for his heart to continue on with the torturing.
'Why?' he repeated and Hermione seemed to snap out of her shock and the lock of their eyes.
'It's none of your business, Harry.' She finally said and released herself and pushed him away only to have his hands locking around her wrists and pulling her against him once more. 'Release me!' she demanded but Harry didn't oblige.
'Tell me why you didn't accept!' he pushed and she started struggling to get free, unsuccessfully as he was way stronger than her. She whimpered in effort but still Harry didn't leave her, partly because he didn't want to and partly because he simply couldn't. 'Tell me, Hermione, why, give me a reason.' He said slowly and Hermione stopped fighting. The tension between them was unbearable, Hermione looked deep in Harry's eyes and then she saw it, she saw what was going on with him, she saw what was up, she understood. She couldn't dare say it out loud, she couldn't dare hope on it but she believed it, she knew she should believe only what her eyes could see and right now, Hermione could see love, lust and passion from Harry's eyes on her, the veil of pride and fear was lifted and pure love and need and so much more were released.
'I-I couldn't do it,' Hermione stammered as she knew she had to reply soon as not to be jerked from him again. She wished she could tell Harry why exactly she didn't want to marry Ron, she wanted to tell him who she wanted to marry, who was the one she loved, but how could she do such thing? She would hurt so many people; she would destroy so many lives.
'Why?' Harry asked calmly. 'Give me a reason!' he demanded and Hermione closed her eyes to collect herself, she couldn't think clearly as to lie to him, she was too close to him, his hot body against hers, his breath still so close on her skin, his eyes piercing her face. Even if she could master a lie, he wouldn't believe it, he knew her too well to buy her excuses. Darn it.
The next thing she knew was her eyes opening and seeing Harry leaning close to her fast, then his lips were crushed against hers and the only thing she could feel her heart pounding, she opened her lips to him, giving him access to the depths of her mouth. His arms snaked around her, keeping her from the waist, his other hand pressing the back of her head against his, her hair clenched in his fist. Her hands roamed over his body. Their kiss was hot and hard, desperate and needy as they had been for each other. Hermione could feel something clicking inside her, something coming to an end and something new starting. She knew she should stop, Harry was her best friend, Ron's best friend, Ginny was Ron's sister, Harry's girlfriend and her own friend but she couldn't stop herself, she was far too tormented to stop this drug that took the pain away.
Harry kept kissing her, touching and exploring her, he was far too destroyed to care for the further damage their actions would cause. He needed the one person he loved, the one person who was always there for him, Hermione, his friend, his rock, his once seemingly sisterly figure, his current and eternal love. His hands kept running up her body as he moved them both against the wall, he didn't want them on the bed, not where Ron had been with her. He pressed her against the closest wall and she moaned as her body slammed against the wood, he looked in her eyes and saw her need, her care, her lust and something more he didn't dare to believe was addressed to him, her love, he pushed himself to believe it, maybe after all, she was as a good actress as he was around other people, they couldn't fool each other.
Their lovemaking was passionate, fast and raw, they didn't need to be gentle with each other, they didn't hide their need, nails scratched, teeth nipped, lips nibbled and hands gripped and clasped as their encounter needed minutes to complete, their coupling lasted a few but glorious minutes of heaven.
They were both panting when they were done, Hermione still attached on Harry her arms wrapped around his neck and her legs around his waist, her gown pooling around her waist. His head rested against her shoulder and hers against his. They didn't speak for a long time, moments passed by and they remained silent, scared to believe it, afraid to hope for it, frighten to realize it but always willing to accept it, never regretting their actions as they were made by the leading emotion for each other.
'I love you,' Harry chocked out as the tears started already, he felt Hermione stiffening and for a moment her hand ran up and down the back of his neck in a soothing manner, it stopped and she sighed as a sob escaped her lips.
'I love you too,' she whispered against his skin, 'please leave, before it's too late, leave and forget it, forget us.' She went on in a pitiful excuse of a voice, he obeyed her, listening to her as he always did, hoping she would be right to do what she asked, she always knew better. He let her stand on her feet as she supported her back against the wall their encounter had taken place moments before.
They looked at each other for a moment, their eyes saying everything they needed to hear, everything they needed to know as to keep up for the rest of their lives with what happened, they couldn't stop the reaction, they couldn't stop their love, it was overwhelming, it was above their own powers, magical and non, they could only hide it, keep it away from everyone, their love for each other would tear everyone apart.
Ron returned with the drinks and offered a butter beer to each one, both Harry and Hermione took the drink and looked away as the red head moved close, they couldn't look at each other any longer, their souls bled enough already, they needed to heal somehow, their pain was increasing only by the presence of each other under the same roof, now Harry understood why Hermione kept her distance for the past weeks, she knew the pain, she knew what would happen.
Still, he didn't care, he embraced the pain, he even liked it, because he knew she loved him as much as he loved her, because they were there and they had been true to each other, he would give anything up as to have he. He knew he wouldn't do such thing, not with everyone's happiness depending on his actions, but he would, if he had a greater reason as to give it all up, he needed something more than each other's buried love as to push the limit, as to dare.
For now, he joined her plan, he kept the appearances, he kept the act, he kept dying inside.
angsty indeed? i know we don't like ron with hermione and ginny with harry but give me some time :) you know how much i like to prove those pairings wrong before i can have the harmony on, in this fic things will be kind of different, i can feel it being the most angsty of all, something close to my Veil of Freindship but with even bigger surpsises and conflcits so stay tuned and review my work so i can know all this is not in vain :)
CP09 is back on her HP track :)
please review loves