Insulting E-mails, Prank Calls and a Bag of Muffins Part 2

Megatron sat on his throne and began to bite his fingers...or at least try to. After his battery gave out whilst argu─▒ng with Optimus Starscream then alerted him with some more bad news and it had now made the entire Decepticon base panic. What had happened? Soundwave had locked himself up in the only toliet in the base with that naked pin up of Jazz! Now a long que stretched down the hallways as Decepticon oil-tanks were ready to burst after someone decided now would be a good time to have a Energon break and Megatron needed to use it fast after having such a long argument with Prime whilst drinking Energon lite-shakes...they're not gonna help reduce those thighs y'know!

Megatron: I'm trying here!

AutobotV: Try exercising!

Megatron: I don't wanna!

So as Megatron waited for Soundwave to finish...y'know...with the pin up of Jazz...he decided to come up with a plan to stop a pissed off Optimus from attacking him. They couldn't fight the Autobots with full oil-tanks cause the last thing they wanted to do was lubricate themselves in front of their arch enimies so Megatron had to bide time for the mean time. The only thing he could think of was to grab at least two of his Decepticons who weren't bursting for the toilet and then attack Prime and his Autobot group in the hopes that in a smalll chance they could defeat him. He guess he would have at least a 50/50 chance of victory and it was worth a shot. So addressing his soilders he stood up tall and proud...well his legs were a little crossed atcully.

'Is there anyone who ain't got a full tank?' he demanded.

There were a few shakes of the head and to Megatron's surprise Starscream stood forward and he drank the most.

'You don't need the toilet then Starscream?' quiered Megatron.

'No...I did what Bumblebee does in desprete times!'

Everyone: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

AutobotV: Starscream! You can't lubricate on some goverment offical who acts like a hot shot but he wears gay underwear!!

Starscream: Prime wasn't that disturbed by it!

Anyway...at long last there was the sound of a flush and Soundwave finally walked out the toilet...staggering a little...and still held on to his Hot Bots montly with a passion. Scrapper cried with joy and pushed him out of the way and ran on in to empty his tank while Soundwave just sighed with happiness while happy little thoughts danced in his mind and due to the rating I gave this fic I can't say what those happy thoughts were but you pervs out here know...oh yeah you know alright! Megatron was just glad to have him out and calculated that with Starscream and Soundwave they might stand a chance against the pissed off Prime.

'Alright you two! Follow me! We have to prepare for battle!' bellowed Megatron.

'Slagging hell Soundwave! What did you do in here!?' wailed Scrapper from within the toilet.


Meanwhile in the very, very hot desert and after a long explination and a few diagrams on a chalkborad Bumblebee finally managed to remind Optimus Prime that he had a fragging powerful crystal in his chest called the Matrix and it had the power to destroy a planet sized robot that ate planets for lunch....don't ask me what he eats for breakfast! Of course the whole thing shocked Optimus a little.

'How did that thing get in there?' he pondered looking at his chest.

'We dunno either...it just showed up like a late plot device!' suggested Jazz.

'Anyway we can't use this against Megatron...it might run out of power and I don't know how to recharge it and the last thing I want is a planet sized robot coming along and I have to hand it over to some little punk who is destinted to destroy the planet sized robot and then realizes that he can't casue the matrix just ran out of power cause we used it on Megatron just for a luagh!'

Bumblebee pouted and Ratchet sat deep in thought. Jazz began to kick pebbles and stones while Prime despretly tried to think about how he was going to get even with Megatron. he wasn't going to let that Decepticon get away with sending him a mean e-mail like that...although I have pointed it out that it was a rather crap one but even that would piss me off! As the sun burned down and Jazz suddenly started cooking fried eggs on Bumblebee's back Prime suddenly sat up with an idea.

'I have it! The one idea that will help me get even with Megatron and I won't have to fight him!' cackled Prime.

'How?' asked Ratchet as he started cooking bacon with Jazz's eggs.

Prime must of been smirking behind his mask for he grabbed both Jazz and Ratchet, pulling them in close so he could explain while Bumblebee had to scrap off the egg and bacon off his back. I'm suddenly in the mood for potato pancakes!

'I shall use the greatest Autobot technique that only the great leaders of Cybertron knew! A technique so great that only Prime's were allowed to know of it's exsistance! It is so great and powerful that it once made Six Shot cry, Devestator scream like a woman and in legends it made Unicron lubricate himself and then he went into hiding in a black hole for a few thousand years sulking! If I were to use this forbidden technique then who knows what might become of Megatron!'

Now it was strating to get interesting and both Ratchet and Jazz leaned in to hear what this ancient Autobot technique was. Bumblebee was spellbound as he tried to imagine what it was. Hell even I'm curious and I'm sitting here with a bag of popcorn just waiting to hear it. As the wind howled around them and sun glowed in the sky above Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots almost whispered the ancinet Autobot techniqe into his comrade's audios...

'We shall send Megatron a prank call!'

AutobotV: WHAT!?

Optimus: What?

AutobotV: THAT'S IT!? THAT'S THE ANCIENT AUTOBOT TECHNIQUE!? A PRANK CALL!?

Optimus: ......yes....

AutobotV: .....you are serious right?

Optimus: ......yes.....

AutobotV: ....Anyway.....

Both Jazz and Ratchet looked a little confused at their leader's crazy idea while Bumblebee got excited for the little guy never sent a prank call to anyone before! Even though this scene was a little short we now head on back to the Decepticon base where Megatron was preparing his troops...well it was more like Starscream, Soundwave and himself, for battle since everyone else was using the base's one and only toilet! As Megatron planned how he was going to beat Optimus Starscream got a little worried to see that Soundwave was still staring at that Jazz pin up. he had know for a long time that Soundwave had a thing for Jazz and he remembered that one time when Soundwave sent Jazz a poem...using Laserbeak who thought he was supposed to fire at him. So without Megatron looking the red Seeker tried to help the Decepticon communication officer with his problem.

'Soundwave...why the frag do you have a thing for that Autobot? He's a slut!'

Soundwave glared up at Starscream.

'I can dream can't I? Anyway...I have plans of my own...plans that will make me a very happy Decepticon...oh yes indeed!'

As Soundwave cackled to himself with his happy thoughts in mind a slightly freaked out Starscream went back over to Megatron to see how he was coming along with his plans of defeating Optimus Prime. So far he only got to as far as gloating about how he was going to win and that was pretty good!

'Soon I will turn Optimus Prime into a pile of sludge!' cakled Megatron.

'I think you mean "scrap" Megatron,' muttered Starscream.

Megatron stopped laughing and looked at Starscream with an annoyed look.

'What?' he snarled.

Starscream flinched when he detected a sudden wave of anger radiate of the foul mouthed Decepticon and then he realizied he made the biggest mistake a Decepticon could ever make...he corrected Megatron and correcting Megatron is like loosing a model's bag on an airplane and then you get accused of being racist and she screams at you until you cry...thats what it was like with Megatron! As Starscream starting screaming for forgivness Megatron starting setting his Fusion Cannon from low to Ultra Mega High mark 2.

'M-Megatron! I'm sorry! It's just that sluge would imply that we are organic when saying scrap would help explain our robotic culture! Plus scrap is like one of Cybertron's top swear words next to slag and frag and you always use it! I'm sorry! DON'T KILL ME!'

As Megatron chased Starscream round the room Soundwave was deep in thought. he could see himself in a white-silver tuxedo and high at the top of an ivory staircase, lying on a velvet bed and dressed in a gown that was silmilar to Marlin Monroe's dress was Jazz...his beloved. A couple of blue bird's placed a crown of flowers upon his head as Soundwave climbed the stairs to proclaim his love to him. Music played in the backround butterflies flew around. Jazz waved to him and dropped his hankercheif witha teasing look in his optics. Soundwave just pranced up those stairs and as he got higher and higher and Jazz got closer and closer Soundwave thought that there was nothing to stop him from having this wonderful dream...until the phone rang.

'Oh slagging frag in a pit!' he snapped as he grabbed the phone.

Meanwhile Megatron had Starscream cornered and was preparing to fire while the poor Seeker begged for his life.

'Please Megatron! You have such a good volcubluary! You just never use it!'

'You're not helping yourself Starscream!' growled Megatron.

However before Megatron could end the life of everyone's favourite Seeker Soundwave popped up with the phone in hand.

'It's for you,' he mumbled, handing the phone over to his leader.

Puzzled Megatron took the phone and answered while Soundwave and Starscream listened in.

'Hello? ....yes this is Megatron the greatest master mind in the universe! ....I what? ....waitaminute....I didn't order 24.5 billion mexican pizza's from domino's! ....I don't even eat pizza! ...what? ....WHAT!? ....y-you can sue me! ....I have to take them or esle? ....what am I gonna do with 24.5 billion pizza's? ...we're giant robots! ....n-no wait...please don't sue me! ....we can work this out....no wait! ....don't call the cops! ....please I'll do anything! ....you want me to sing Britney Spears "Oops I did it again"? .....but it's 1984 and that song hasn't been released yet! ....wait, wait OK! ....oops I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game, ooh baby, baby....that's the only bit I know!'

As Starscream tried to stop himself from laughing to death Soundwave tried to hack into the call and he detected some snickering from the other line. As he tried to figure out why Megatron continued to plea against whoever had called him.

'....I can sing Celine Dion! ...Neeeear....faaaar...where ever you are...I believe that the heart does....go ooooooooooooon....weeeeeee'll staaaaaay...foooooorever this way...and I know that my heart wiiiiiiiiiiill...go on and oooooooooooon! ....is that OK? ...so you're not gonna sue me? ....you're not? ....WHAT!? ...Oh please don't let Simom Cowell hear this! ...I wanna audition for next year's Pop Idol! ....wait a minute...who's laughing? ....WHO IS THIS!?'

To Megatron's horror the person who just called him was laughing like a maniac and calling him the dumbest thing to ever grace the Universe. Then to make it even worse Soundwave finally figured it out who it was that was calling them and what they were doing.

'Megatron...that was Optimus Prime...sending you a prank call...and he taped it....'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....' howled Megatron.


As Optimus Prime, Jazz, Ratchet and Bumblebee returned to base they couldn't stop laughing at what Megatron had been saying during the prank call. They had also discovered that Megatron was a fan of Celine Dion so thumbs up to the Canadian diva! With the intention to post the vidio on the web the bots entered their base still in fits of laughter.

'I gotta hand it to ya Prime...that was the best idea ever!' giggled Jazz.

'I thought Ironhide was a terrible singer...just wait till the others hear this!' cackled Ratchet.

'He sounded so stupid!' laughed Bumblebee.

Optimus nodded in a greement.

'Yes my fellow Autobots we have defeated Megatron...right now he must be crying and holding a doll or something for comfort! However we must never misuse the power of the prank call! It is a dangerous power and we have responsibilities...also we can only use it when the other guy has truly pissed us off! We are Autobots who have sworn to protect those from stupid evil things like Megatron and if need be it we shall use the power of the prank call to thwart his plans again and gain until he becomes a walking wreak!'

As the three Autobots agreed Prowl showed up with a pile of data pads that he had used to calculate where he could get powerful weapons from. He had at last figured out where on Earth the Autobots could re-supply themselves with more weapons so powerful they could destroy an entire planet! Eager to hear it Optimus called a meeting and promised his Autobots that at the end of it they could all listen to Megatron sing to Britney Spears and Celine Dion. Once they had all gathered Prowl stepped forward to give Prime his solution.

'Optimus...after going through it with Wheeljack and Perceptor...and using a magic eight ball and random gossip I have come to the conclusion that there is only one place on Earth where we can re-stock ourselves with weapons!'

'And where is that Prowl?' asked Prime.

As the Autobots leaned in to listen and I prepare to end this chapter until next time...Prowl told all the Autobots where they could get weapons powerful enough to destroy a planet and get them at a really good deal. Looking at his fellow Autobots with a face full of pride the second in command uttered one simple name of the place they had to visit...

'...Wal-Mart!'

AutobotV: ....you have got to be sh*ting me....