Twilight-truely, honestly, deeply

Part 1

"Bella i'am sorry i dont want you any more."

"But Edward?-" wait what was he doing?

"I'am sorry" And with that he was gone

It had been two months, two weeks, fiive days, seventeen hours, sixty-seven minuets and ten seconds since Ed-he left me and my whole world had turned upside down.

Nobody seemed to notice me anymore, even the teachers who had been so eger to place me in the spot light seemed to now let me sink into my seat. i soon became bord of all the daily chatter in the cafertria, so i silently trotted of biology byself.

Mike was very animated today he was still hoping but every time i turned him down he came back. so i ignored him thankfully he left me alone and soon stopped talking to me all together and so did everybody else. even Agela kept at a good distance.

My life was empty i felt lifless and lonely.

it was as it someone had dug a big hole in the ground and left me there to root away. class went slow as usualy Mr Banner called on me ask a lot of questions which i all got wrong. he glared at me for a long moment he was about to say something but i was already up and getting out of my seat headig straight for the door without looking back.

Art my favourite lesson began to drain life out of me. our teacher told us to draaw anything that was insperational to ourselves. so i drew a picture of my heart being ripped put pf my chest, layong in the big empty hole Edward had dug for me stapped it with a kife.

when i was finished i sat down and looked over at my masterpiece. i was saticfied. i took all my anger out on a piece of paper because i couldnt say suddenly looked at me and then down at my work "Are you Okay" whisperd sounding really worried. i shock my head to indicate 'no'. she got the message.

After school i parked my car in the near by woods. I sat down in the diry muddy ground and cryed till my eyes were red and sour. My eyes hurt so much as i saw my tear driplets turn from clear to red.

I couldnt go home like this not thta Renee would notice the change but because i couldnt be asked to move. I didnt want to go home to an empty house as Renee was the editor of a bid magasine brand and did most of her work in the city. I havent seen charlie in a long while since Edward-i forced myself to say his name- left me. Charlie was chief of the police in this little time of Forks.

The rain came down heavier and heavier as the minuets passed.

As i got up i stumbled over a rock and found a trail. without thinking a followed as i heard voices. It lead me to an open erea coverd with big green trees.

Two men were argueing over something...

"i needed the money today"

"yeah and i'll get it for you, just give me the stuff" cried the guy in the blue hoodie.

"you'd better Joe, ill meet you back here in two days time"

As they approched me i hid behind the tree trunk and watched them. when they left i saw a packet of tablets on the ground were the two guys had been stod.

It wasnt just any tablets it was extercy

A DRUG

I was speechless for the most part. what was i doing? here? now? i knew what i was about to do was wrong but what was i living for now? i was living for nothing, prince charming wasnt coming to kiss the princess and live happily ever after.

Not wanting to think about anything i quickly popped it in my mouth and drew it back with water. seconds passed and nothing happened.

To my surprise i didnt stumble when i got up on two feet and walked gracefully to my car.

I felt on top of the world so i decided to leave the car in the woods and walked home.

What should have been a fourty-five minut walk felt like a five minut drive.

Everything was different, it was like i've never opening my eyes before. I just wanted to forget everything that had happen and that was happening and what woulod happen. Just to forget. as the night pasted by i had already comsumed most of the tablet.

Only two remained. Everything stooped the name 'Edward' felt like nothing to me.

The next day i still had a hang over i still felt amazing. I decided i needed a look and a new attitude. I had to more tablets and headed out without eating anything. Renee was already gone.

Two hous later i walked out of the masion looking different.

Again i took the five minut drive to school by foot. As more and more people came into the school building they all looked at me star struck.

I cought my profile in a pasing car. i could hardly believe it myself but icouldnt remember anything about this morning. all i remember was being high and not having to worry aboout anything.

My hair was jeet black. everything was black. I wore a black top with spigetti straps and black shadded jeans. Today a didnt even bother trying to talk to anybody. whispers went around school as i walked to my locker. Lauren looked at me in disgust but i didnt even care. i just keeped ob going.

By lunch time i was craving. I needed more and i wasnt going to stop till i got some. i suddenly rememberd the taking the two men in the woods had with Joe the man in the blue hoodie. they were going to be there again today.

All my usual followers noticed the change in my behavier.

Still i said nothing i was surposed to be studing for a biology test but after school i raced to the woods and again there they were. this time instead of hiding i came out and they both stopped short and glared at me,

"Hi" I started "um so i need to buy some drugs" i whisperd

Joe just looked at me shocked so said it again. The other guys was willing to

"what do you want?" he said with a smirk on his face

"I dont care just give me anything, everything you have would be nice a whole set." i replied.

"Joe give her the stuff" he said all joyful and happy.

i reached out they were going to gie me everything they had on them now. I couldnt help but think i had hit the jackpot.

"they dont come easy" He gazed at me

I coulldnt help but gaze back, as if money would ever be a problem for me. I pulled out a had full of cash that had been stashed in my backpack.

When i woke up i was in my bedroom with all different types of drugs laying around me. i was high nothing and nobody could stop me.

School was becomhng a wast of time i sat down at my alocated seat on the dzy of my biology test. At that moment i couldnt be i was out of it.

suddenly i caught Mike giving me the 'i knew you were mad look' " look" He whisperd, "I dont know what is wrong but you need to snap out of it!"

Ignoring hima and looked away not caring that this test help over 70% of my grades.

Mr. Banner came round picking up the test shhets so a quickly scribbled out my name on the cover and handed it over.

Yet again i ran to get more drugs. I WAS HOOKED ON DRUGS

I couldnt go through an hour without craving more and more each day

I was illing myself more and more each day to ease the pain i was feeling and somehow it worked. i kept telling myself that 'everybody will die someday what does it matter if my day came a little bit earlier?'

Quickly went to Charlies so he new i was still alive

"Hey Bella" he said all cheerful

wow. it sounded like forever since someone actually said my name.

i was completly muted so i just nooded and went inside.

It had been six months, one week, two days, nine hours, two minuts, one second since He left. My like had changed, Nothing was the same. I had stoppeding going to school altogther. None of my parents noticed the difference in me. But at least Charlie noticed my new eating habits, simple i didnt have any. comstently trying to avoid food, every time Charlie asked me to eat with him i made up an excuse.

Unfortunantly Forks high school noticed my absence from school and wrote a letter adressed to him but i cleverly managed to hid it.

Charlie decided he wante to visit a friend in La Push. so i had the day to be able to do what i wanted.

Not long into the moring i took a stronger drug not bothering to even look for the name. I went to get my car and got in. I new it was bad to be driving now byt what do i have to lose.

I waked into the ban still wearing all blacka nd people just stared at me. maybe they didnt recognze me any more? what was wrong with me?

As i qued up i heard voices frok behind me.

"Emmet, stop that now" This was Esmes voice i could recognize it from any where.

i turned and to my amazment to see the entire Cullen clan in the same line behind me. I was hoping non of them would recognize me. Especially Edward. I told myself to stay calm not wanting them to see what i was capable of under the influence of drugs so without looking back continued in front.

My cloth size had gone down very sevierly from the last time they saw me.

Edward was behind me behind me i could feel his presents suddenly the talking stopped. If i looked back he would see my eye colour.

"Bella" his soft velvet voice sang "Bella, please look at me"

I felt my knee start to shake, i felt sick inside

Slowly i turned my head to stare into his sparkling eyes.

All seven vampires took one llok at me and gashed. nothing more then that.

silence felt lonely.

Alice was the first person to break it "I'v missed you soo much" she actually ran up to hug me but i stopped her and she went rigget.

Continuosly stared at Edward same way he sared at me. Alice moved back in line with the rest of her family.

oh crap i forgot they could still smell my blood.

Carlsile Took the step forward and asked if i was okay i couldnt find my voice because i was muted. i hadnt spoken for so long i couldnt find my voice any more.

"Oh my God" Carlsile mumbled still looking deep into my eyes only this time he was touching me. The touch of this cold hands sent shivers down my spine. this made me feeling even more weak and tired but i was still craving. i had to get out.

Edward touched me

it has been six months, one week, two days, thirteen hours, eight seconds since he last touched me.

I was filled with overwelmness

But i was going to combust if i didnt get more drugs, so i ran far far away.

I got to Renee's and nobody was alone. so far so good. I hadnt spoken to anybody since i started the drugs. Renee though she heatd me speaking to myself a couple of weeks back, but it coudnt have been in my sleep because i havnt been sleeping for the past four weeks.

My mind was all over the place i needed to forget everything.

Just then i saw needle on my bedroom counter. My heroen and cocann stash.

Nothing could stop me instently stabbed myself in the arm and watched the liquid rais up into my vains changings its colour. again and again until i forgot until i was satisfid.

blankly i picked up the sharpest object i could find and stabbed it into lower thigh making big scratch marks down my leg.

The plain was worth the pleasure i felt like i was on claud nine.

So i did again. i went to the toilet and found a pair of sissors and carved a heart shape in my palm that was sure to leave a mark.

Blood poured out for hours and i slowly fell asleep watching it.

The next morning i though it would be best to go to school. I felt happy because i forgot.

I walked ito class on time with my arm out exposed.

People noticed, Angela even came to ask me if i was okay. i just nodded her off.

Biology, there he was in all his glory looking at me with ancouise eyes.

As soon as he was me, Edward got up his seat and came to me.

"Bella what have you done to yourself?"

me:

him: "are you okay"

me

him: "say something"

me

i think he got the message because he left me after that