A/N: I was watching Kings tonight and to begin with, the whole monarchy just reminds me of Gossip Girl. Jack Benjiman especially reminds me of Chuck. So I wrote this fanfic which is based on the scenes that happened between Jack and this "Joseph" that has suddenly appeared. I have to admit, I like him even though he was only in like two scenes. I hope he's not just a plot device and comes back. ANYWAY, back to GG. This will probably become a multi fic if they continue that story line of Kings, because I'm totally stealing this idea from them so... sorry, but I just had this compulsion to write it. If you like it, I will continue it. Sorry if it seems a little rushed but I'll probably continue this.
Disclaimer: All rights go to the respective artists of Gossip Girl and Kings.
"I didn't think you'd be here tonight." Chuck didn't have to turn to know who that angelic voice belonged to. But when he did turn, he let a snide expression cross is face. He couldn't let her know.
"What are you doing here?" he snapped. Blair just studied his face for a moment. She didn't answer.
"I didn't think you'd show," she said instead. She took in his livid glare. For once he wished that it was how it used to be. It used to be so easy to push her away. It used to be so easy to make her believe that he didn't love her. "I get it," she said. "But you're alone tonight. There aren't paparazzi following you around. We can…"
"No," he growled at her. "I didn't call you. I don't want to see you. Take the hint." Blair's eyes narrowed at him. His cruel words couldn't faze her anymore. She couldn't leave him now.
"I miss you," she said instead, softly.
"When will you get it through your head what this is? What are you going to do, tell me how much you love me again?" he asked maliciously. He had said it before and it seemed to have worked. But he wasn't so sure that it wouldn't anymore. And he just he couldn't let her in. "Well, fine," he spat. "If you won't leave, I will."
Chuck spun around and went in the opposite direction, trying to blot out thoughts of guilt. Trying to blot out feelings of love that shouldn't be there. He made sure that she saw him with the women in that club as he left her in the dust.
She still found him. Even after he went to great lengths to remove himself from that club to go to a darker and even more sinister one, she still found him.
He knew she had seen him with his long lines of hoes but somehow, she just didn't seem to care like she used to. Even in his self destructive downward spirals, he could actually make her hate him. He could get with as many women as he wanted and she would bail.
It had been so long since then. He knew those sort of things didn't seem to get to her as they used to. He wondered if he had changed as much as she had. He was still insecure about himself. He still was worried that his reputation as a womanizer was being jeopardized because of her.
Not even because of her, but because of his love for her. It wasn't her fault. None is this was. It was completely all about him. He had fallen in love and he had actually admitted it to himself.
But being in charge of Bass Industries meant he had to project a certain image of himself. He still had to remain presentable. But he still wanted her. He still loved her. He couldn't even think about letting her go. He couldn't bear it. So he kept her as his dirty little secret and she let him.
She knew exactly what he was doing to her and he wondered why she allowed it. It couldn't be because she loved him too. Wouldn't she care enough to tell him that she couldn't live like that? But they were the same.
He had known that they were for a long time and she was just beginning to realize it. So maybe the real reason was that she couldn't bear to let him go either. Even though he was treating her the exact opposite she should be.
She deserved better. She deserved someone who could show her off to others like the queen she was. But that wasn't him. Sometimes he wished that he could just cut himself off completely from her. Maybe it would end all of this agony. But he knew it would be far more painful to let her go at all. He would rather this pain than the pain of never seeing her again, or worse, seeing her with someone else.
"Chuck." He lost it. He couldn't have her here. She couldn't be here. She was jeopardizing everything, including her own reputation.
"I told you to stay out," he snarled, whirling to face her and gripping her by the shoulders. He couldn't think of a better response. She didn't back down. She never did. They were the same in that respect. They were the same in every respect. She just gave him a composed and cool gaze. He wished he still had the capacity to hurt her, but he just didn't.
"Say whatever you think you need to," she said simply. Chuck didn't back down either. He just stayed where he was, clutching her in unadulterated anger. He hated her for getting to him like this. He hated her for not hating him. He hated her for making him love her.
"You don't know anything," he spat, shoving her away.
"I love you," she said calmly, like she did it every day. They used to stray away from that simple phrase. The only time they said it was in secret, safe in the warmth of each other's arms, where no one could get to them.
That was it. Chuck couldn't let that stand. This was in public. He couldn't hear how she loved him. He couldn't hear something that made him human.
He grasped Blair's upper arm tightly and pulled her along. She kept up with him easily, walking with him. He led her straight to the bouncer.
She looked at him with those wide, doe eyes of her. She understood. She didn't need a bouncer to escort her out. She understood how he needed to push here away. He hated himself even more for that. She should hate him. She should curse his name and want to socially destroy him. But she just didn't.
Blair shrugged off the heavy hands of the bouncer and escorted her out. Chuck couldn't help but walk behind her to the curtained door as she walked out.
She turned to him as she reached the sidewalk. Her face was so understanding at made him want to retch.
More importantly, it made Chuck want to drink heavily and sleep with any woman. Which he did. It made him want to sleep with as many women as it took to convince himself that he didn't want her anymore. He used to be able to face her and lie straight to her face and get her to cry. It just didn't seem to work anymore.
Chuck stared out at his city as the sun began to rise. He was vaguely aware of the faceless women still lying in his bed. He didn't care about them. He didn't care about anything except seeing her again. He hadn't been with her in so long and he was sure it was taking a toll on him.
He felt the presence of one of… them. One of the women he used for recreational use. He used to be so absorbed in the alcohol and drugs that he couldn't even tell if it was her or not. It never was. He couldn't even fool himself.
However many times Chuck slept with them, it just got worse and worse. It used to make him feel better about himself. it used to make him forget about her for how short amount of time. Now all he could think about was her.
Chuck felt lips press against his bare shoulder as he stared out across New York.
"It's okay," she said. It wasn't Blair. It never was, anymore. This nameless woman didn't know anything about him. She didn't know the insecurities he felt over the lack of paternal love.
She didn't know how he blamed himself for both of his parents' deaths. She didn't know how to comfort him while his whole world was falling apart.
"Don't worry," she said. "You still have me." She had no idea what was bothering him. She only knew the script to use when she was in the presence of Chuck Bass.
"Get out," he said through clenched teeth. He was trying to reign in his hatred, and most of all, self loathing.
"What?" she asked surprised. He finally snapped.
"Get out!" he yelled. He wished he could just forget his one and only. It seemed the only solution. But he would surely die if he did.