Warning! This is a phiction where ALL the characters (except maybe Raoul) are completely out of character... once again! Please don't flame me! I don't own any of these characters... blah blah blah... Read on!

We enter a racy little hole-in-the-wall cabaret in downtown Paris. This is obviously not the place for gentlemen, but we notice that some of the high-class society men are sitting around a table drinking hard and toasting to the good fortune of their guest of honor, Raoul, the Vicompte de Chagny. This is his bachelor party.

Friend 1: C'mon Raoul let me buy you another drink

Raoul: No more! I'm gonna hurl!

Friend 2: Oh no you don't! (Stops him from exiting to the privies) The girls are about to come back on!

Raoul: Oh goodie! Trot out the ladies! (Claps his hands together and rubs them vigorously)

Announcer: And now, for your viewing pleasure, we have for you tonight a real treat! Our exotic Spanish dancer has been with our club for years and is our resident Diva Queen! Let's hear it for Diva Hotstuff!

Cheers and whistles from the crowd of the darkened room. A spotlight falls center stage and we see a rather lumpy and large leg poke out from behind the red curtains. The swanky music starts to play and Carlotta steps out wearing practically nothing, and falling out of what she does have strapped on. Moans and hisses come from the audience and the men start making barfing sounds and howling like dogs.

Friend 1: Get that thing off the stage! That's revolting!

Raoul: Now I am gonna barf! (Turns green)

Carlotta dances her way over to Raoul's table and proceeds to wiggle her bottom in his face. Raoul turns his head from the sight and starts to get sick under the table. One of his friends stuffs a franc note into her garter as quickly as possible so she will leave.

Friend 2: Thank God that didn't last long. Hey Raoul, you ok?

Raoul looks up from his puddle of beer barf and nods weakly.

Carlotta, getting tired of the rude remarks starts yelling at them.

Carlotta: You had all better behave of I'll get the management to throw the lot of you out!

Friend 1: (yelling back) Lose some weight you fat toad! Ha ha!

Carlotta storms off the stage in a huff and the announcer quickly recovers the situation.

Announcer: And how about that lovely girl! Let's all give her a hand. (No clapping and crickets chirping) Okay then, on to the next girl! You boys are in for a real treat now! She's a young little tart with an appetite for living the spicy life! Let's give a warm welcome to NutMeg!

Clapping and whistles again, among the undertone phrases of 'lets hope it's better than that last one'. NutMeg walks on the stage, swinging her hips around and wearing a very tight little corset and fishnet stockings. She is very very beautiful! Howls and cat calls ensue from the men as she begins her dance on the center-stage pole.

Raoul: Now that's more like it! (Sobering up after his protein spill)

NutMeg dances over to their table where she manages to coax quite a sum of money from the party. They pay her to give Raoul a lap-dance, which she does gladly, while lifting some cash from his wallet while he was distracted by her décolletage.

Meg: Thanks boys! It's been fun, but I have to spread it around! Ta ta!

She leaves them to find two older men sitting in another dark corner. They are wearing overcoats and have their hats pulled down over their faces.

Meg: So how 'bout it? You gentlemen up for some Real entertainment tonight?

Firman: (Shocked seeing her up close) Aren't you one of our ballet girls who work for us at the opera?

Meg: (She is shocked to discover who they are and does her best to hide her identity)
Why, whatever do you mean? How could I work here all night and still have the energy to dance all day at the opera as well?

Andre: Yes, I suppose you are right. Well, while you are over here (he pulls Meg down onto his lap) we might as well get to know each other. (He tries to grab a handful, but she slaps him)

Meg: Erik! Throw these two perverts out of her now!

We see a darkly dressed figure step out from the corner. He is wearing a mask over his face and a hood over his head. He walks over quickly and towers over the two cowering men.

Erik: (In a seething voice) Gentlemen, I suggest you do as the lady asks and leave IMMEDIATELY!

They both stare at him wide-eyed for a moment then scramble for the nearest exit.

Meg: Thanks a lot darling!
Erik: No problem (gives her a ripe smack on the butt) Why don't you go and send out Christine. It's about time she made her debut!

Meg runs backstage to find Christine and Madame Giry approaches Erik.

Giry: Erik, I thought we discussed this. I am the Madame around here and I am in control over the girls. Your job is to run the place and take care of the bad customers.

Erik: You know, I still say we should hire a bouncer. You know how I loathe having to scare men off like that!

Giry: Don't worry about it. It's not like that happens every night. (leans over to tell the announcer that Christine is coming out soon) (to Erik) How do you think she will do?

Erik: I'm sure she'll take their breath away, as she does at the opera!

Giry: Let's hope so! I can't keep losing money over Carlotta! I would fire her, but then she would sue me for breaking her contract! It's bad enough we have to see her at the opera!

Erik nods in agreement then his focus turns to the stage as the announcer introduces Christine.

Announcer: How about that NutMeg! Not to spicy, and always sweet! Lets give her a round of applause. (Whistles and cheers) Now, tonight we have a new girl! She comes from up north where it's always cold and she's found some interesting ways to stay warm, lets give it up for Christile Chandaleer!!!

Raoul is chugging a beer when he chokes as he sees Christine step out onto the stage.

Raoul: What the...

Friend 1: Hey isn't that your...

Friend 2: Hey Raoul! You sure know how to pick 'em!" (Nudges Raoul in the ribs with his elbow and beckons Christine over to their table)

Christine cannot see their faces in the dark with the bright spotlight on her but she hears that this particular table is throwing a bachelor party for a rather rich man. She is hoping to make a lot of money that evening so she dances her way over to them and starts to lean over their table.

Raoul: (grabbing her arm violently and pulling her down to face him) So! You really are a cheap little harlot!

Christine: Raoul! What are you doing in a place like this?
Raoul: Shouldn't I be asking you the same thing! I see your friend Meg must have persuaded you to start working here! I know the opera doesn't pay much, but your going to marry me, and you wouldn't have to work anywhere again!

Erik: What's going on over here! (Erik grabs Raoul by the arm and squeezes so hard that he has no choice but to let go of Christine) How dare you touch her!!!

Raoul: She's my fiancé! I can do whatever I please!

Christine: (runs to hide behind Erik) See Erik, I told you he would find out!

Raoul: Get back over here you little whore!

Erik: (Grabs Raoul by the throat and pushes his friends out of the way, who are trying to defend him) For that little remark you can die!

Christine: No Erik! Please don't kill him!

Erik: What then? He deserves to die! (Erik gets and idea) Wait, I have a better idea!

Raoul: (Starting to look scared) What is that?

Erik: Join us... or die!

Raoul and Christine: Join??

Erik: Yes that's right!

Raoul: (Being the stupid fop that he is, actually has to think about it) Well, if I join you, do I get paid?

Erik: (surprised by his reaction) Of course you would get paid. You keep 15% of what you make on the floor.

Raoul: Um. . . sounds good, but there aren't any ladies in here that would pay...

Erik: Ladies? Who said anything about ladies?

Raoul: (looking panicked starts to scream and try to escape) No no, let me go!

Erik: Madame Giry! (She comes over to him) Take him in the back and "prepare" him for the next show!

Giry: With pleasure! (She holds his ear in a vice-like grip and drags him kicking and screaming to the back room)

Christine: Erik, you know he won't marry me now, don't you!

Erik: Of course! Why do you think I asked you to work here nights?

Christine: Oh, I guess you're right! Anyway, you are much sexier than he ever could be!

Erik: What a girly boy! (Looks up) speaking of which, here he comes!

Raoul is dressed in a little pink tutu and torn fishnet stockings. He has gaudy makeup smeared across his face as if he got in a fight with the lipstick. He tries to cower into the corner but Madame Giry snaps a whip and he inches out towards the stage.

Announcer: Oh look! Now this is a night to remember! Two new girls! Raoulina comes from a rich family, but don't let her money fool you, she's a cheap little slut who loves to show a man a good time!

Raoul: No, no! I'm not a woman! (The crowd isn't listening to him and the drunken men are starting to get angry because "she" isn't dancing for them. One particularly large hairy man starts to get up on the stage with him and grab him) No, stop it! (Raoul tries to defend himself but the man is too strong and carries him off)

Christine: Really, Erik. Can't you do something to stop this?

Erik: Nope! He's getting what he deserves!

Christine: You're right! Last time he calls me a whore! But I'm a little worried.

Erik: Hmm? Why?

Christine: Well, from the looks of it, he's going to steal away all my good business!