Lelouch Lamperouge; lady-killer, lover, and liar. Conning single, rich women out of every penny they have is his past time. Pretending to be gay to woo the world's wealthiest man and swindle him out of every cent he has is his mission.
Chapter One: A Con-Artist and His Muse
"Mr Lamperouge? Mr Lamperouge?"
Lelouch jerked from his daze and shook his head. "Sorry, it seems I was staring. Your eyes really are a very vivid blue. Like the skies of my childhood."
Somewhere in the back, a mass of green shook from laughter.
Delicate eyebrows rose. "Like the skies of your childhood? How do those differ from the skies of your today?"
Poetic, this one. It was cute.
"Well, for one, I found you under this one."
A blush of red dusted her cheeks. Picking up a glass of wine, she took a sip to relieve her obvious embarrassment.
"Tell me about your childhood," she asked politely, placing the cup down on the glass table. It clinked like the expensive crystal it was.
"I…" Lelouch's shoulders fell. Lifting a hand to his mouth, he closed his eyes. Here. The pause was the key. One Mississippi… two Mississippi… three Missi— "It hurts to talk about it. I had an abusive mother, and my father died four years after I was born by assassination. I'm the youngest of all my siblings."
The mass of green sitting three tables away shook again.
A delicate hand covered her rouged lips in shock. Blue eyes cast downwards in shame. "I'm sorry, I didn't…"
Lelouch smiled. "It's fine. I don't mind telling you, Emily."
Another shade of red dusted her cheeks. CC was right; she loved the tragic hero types. Suddenly, the mass of green sat rigid before getting up from her table and dragging a thumb across the air over her throat. If the frantic arm waving and expression of horror was any indication—something had happened.
Time to go.
Reaching across the table he held her hand. Taking a pregnant pause, he reached inside his coat for something else and took out a red, velvet ring box. Inside was a fake diamond ring meant to be given away like the hundreds of others sitting back home. In boxes. Emily gasped and a hand flew to her mouth.
"Lelouch…" she whispered.
"I know it's so sudden but… I love you, Emily—so, so, so much. Please. You're the one, I know you are. I have an estate back in France—"
"—lots of servants. You'll never have to work at that factory again—"
"Lelouch!" She sounded desperate. Good.
"—Please, I can't live without you, Emily! Just say yes, please!"
CC was waving her arms at him, pointing frantically to something outside the window with both hands urgently. She earned numerous glares.
"Lelouch," she stated emphatically. Tears welled up in her eyes. "I've lied to you. I'm sorry. I'm not a factory worker, I'm not poor. I'm… actually very rich."
Lelouch feigned shock. "You… but, Emily, I thought—"
"Lies. I didn't want you to love me for my money. So I hid my identity. But… you love me. And I… I really… love you."
"So, does this mean—"
"Yes! Yes! I will marry you, Lelouch Lamperouge!"
Lelouch let out a sight of relief. "Thank heavens. Emily Carter you've made me the happiest man alive!"
CC had gone.
Getting up, Lelouch walked round after placing a few bills on the table to pay for the expensive meal. He had to wince at the waste of wine—it was expensive too. Taking her offered hand, he gently urged her to her feet. The golden dress he bought for her shone in the candlelight.
That dress was expensive.
"Let's go for a walk, shall we? This restaurant atmosphere is too small to contain my love for you. I want the world to know just how wonderful my Emily is! And how happy she's made me!"
Emily smiled, tears still trailing down her powdered cheeks. Holding her hand firmly, he led her out of the restaurant. He was almost at the door when—
Blue eyes widened in shock before narrowing in some ugly expression which could only really ever be defined as anger.
"Kallen! How good to—"
Lelouch's head swung right and the acute sensation of sharp pain blossomed on his face. It was as painful as the last time.
"Lamperouge, you bastard!"
Heads everywhere swivelled in their direction. Waiters and waitresses stopped what they were doing at once. Yeah, it had turned into that kind of a scene.
Emily's head turned to him sharply. "Darling, who's this?" she said indulgently.
Oooh. He didn't like that tone. Didn't like that tone at all.
"A… she's a former acq—"
"—wife," Kallen spat. "He's a crook, girl, you're better off without him."
CC was right to worry.
Time to really go.
CC, disguised as a waitress, pushed a cart with an elaborate pyramid of crystal glasses filled with red wine his way. It rattled and started gaining momentum.
"Well, well, look at the time. Kallen, nice seeing you again. Emily, I'm sorry things didn't turn out. You can keep the ring."
Kallen took a step forward, winding her hand back and—
"Lelouch Lamperouge, you—"
"Look out!" Emily shrieked.
—swivelled her head to the left and shrieked as the cart attempted to run her over. Emily frantically looked back and forth from Lelouch's ex-wife, Kallen and her new fian—
Let it never be said that Lelouch was a fit man.
The stone floor really was too soothing to ignore. So cold. So comforting. So dirty. Running the three blocks non-stop away from the restaurant took just about everything out of him, leaving a thin film of sweat on his brow. Ugh. Physical exertion.
Surely, he thought, surely this will be how I die one day.
Lelouch could count on one hand the three times he had to run so hard. The first time he spent chasing Nunally's cat all over the house for something it had stolen—for which Angel nearly gouged his eyes out for.
Lelouch hated cats with a definite and burning passion.
The other two times involved his older brother, Schneizel, and a variety of pies and peanut butter.
"You're such a girl. Can't even run a block into the nearest—"
"Shut up," Lelouch growled from his position on the ground.
Quite honestly, right now he looked like someone had beaten the living daylights out of him. If things had continued on the dangerous path it had started for, she had no doubt Lelouch would've had the tar whipped out of him.
CC sighed and plopped down on the ground beside his prone form. "Emily Carter is officially blacklisted."
"What about that nutcase that wants to kill me?"
Spreading her legs out in front of her, she swayed them left and right, occasionally clicking her shoes together. "That's just Kallen's way of saying 'I love you,' " she stated cheerfully.
Lelouch struggled to a sitting position beside her, leaning against the wall. "I'd hate to see how she says 'I hate you.' Who's next?"
CC blinked. Then frowned. "Really?"
This time he frowned. "Really what?"
"You really want to discuss this sitting in an alley? A block away from a murderous ex-wife? What if she sniffs out your fear and—"
"Point made. Let's get back to the house."
Lelouch rose to his feet and offered CC a hand. She took it and he pulled her up. Dusting his pants off, he walked out of the alleyway with CC beside him. A pair of girls walked by and looked him over. Lelouch smiled, winked at them, and they blushed, giggled, and continued walking.
Despite his scruffy appearance, he still had it.
CC laughed. "Such a lady-killer."
"Merely using the to-die-for good looks God blessed me with."
"Right, of course. I have to ask though… skies of your childhood? Assassination? Really?"
Lelouch smirked. "Hey, don't judge."
CC giggled, clutching her side.
"Th-That'll be seventeen-twenty-five, Miss."
CC inspected the steaming box, lifting the lid a bit. It smelled… cheesy. Just the way she liked it. Breaking off her revelry in the warm scent of melted cheddar, mozzarella and all the fixings, CC turned back to the delivery boy. He was beet red. Poor kid.
CC was wearing only her white panties and shirt that was three sizes too large so she could show off her ample bust to unwary pizza delivery boys. It was her hot gimmick to getting pizza free. Just watch.
"Hold on. Let me get some cash for you."
Lelouch watched her place the three boxes—wait, she said she was only getting two!—of foodstuff on the kitchen counter before returning to the door—cashless.
The pizza boy was red in the face, staring at obvious places. So the kid was a pervert. Well, CC was to blame for that. Lelouch never stared. He was too good for that. Besides, he stopped thinking of CC as a woman, and more of a pizza compactor, after watching her devour ten boxes in a single sitting.
Sometimes, at night, he had nightmares of being a pizza and being hunted down by her.
"You know… it seems that I've lost my wallet."
That poor, poor kid. If he had any guts this would've turned out differently.
"You think it might be in here?" she asked innocently, lifting the shirt higher—above her navel.
With lace and little bows on each side.
The kid swallowed.
CC dropped the shirt. It had been bought expressly for this. It wasn't Lelouch's. Something so huge wouldn't have fit Lelouch. Lifting her hand, she folded her arms under her ample bust, carefully propping them up a bit. If you looked closely, which he was, you'd see that she wasn't wearing a bra.
"Where could it be?"
"A pocket… in your shirt maybe?"
Oh how bold.
CC paused in thought. "Could be. Let me check."
"Actually. Let me ask my husband." CC spun around suddenly. "Darling, have you seen my wallet?" she asked innocently. "I don't think—Oh, he's gone."
The door closed without further fuss. The deadbolt clicked and CC was dressed in something else only slightly more appropriate with a steaming pizza box sitting in her lap. Less than a minute had passed. When the TV clicked on, Lelouch merely frowned at the audio interruption, and continued to pore over a list of potential victi—er—soul mates.
_"—five million dollar donation to charity today. The young CEO of the world's largest Sakuradite supplier, Suzaku Kururugi, has been faithfully continuing his father's business years after his death. Statistics say that Kururugi is possibly the richest person on the planet right now—"
Well that certainly caught his attention.
God bless selective hearing.
"—with skyrocketing assets continuing to climb higher. Here he is now, with a few words to commemorate this generous donation."
A boy in a suit roughly Lelouch's age came onscreen in front of a glass podium. A genial smile lit up his face and he had kind features. Green eyes; dull brown hair.
"This kid…" CC muttered, chewing thoughtfully on her pizza.
"I'd firstly like to thank my parents for everything they've been able to supply me with, even after their deaths. It's only my dearest hope that—"
"…I'm fairly certain…"
"—ers experience happiness. So I'm really hoping this donation will be of great help to supply the necessary funds needed to keep this hospital up and running so that it may continue to service children in need."
"Mr Kururugi, you're such a generous person—and so young too. Do you have any future plans for the Sakura group you lead?"
"Always. I only have my company's best—"
"…but I could be wrong…"
"—now we're expanding into Brita—"
"CC, shut up! I'm trying to listen!"
"—a stronger sense of unity between Japan and our global neighbours."
The reporter smiled. "Very noble indeed. For all the ladies out there, we know you're single. Any—"
"He's single!" Lelouch yelped.
CC snorted. "He's also—"
"CC, shut up! This could be the biggest thing to happen to me since Nonette! You could do it this time! We'd be rich!"
Growling in frustration, CC folded her arms obstinately. Turning to him, she fixed him with those eerie golden eyes of hers that haunted his pizza dreams at night. They were predatory and he had to remind himself he was not pizza right now.
"If you'd just listen to me for a second, you'd know that he's—"
The reporter's eyebrows rose into the air at the nonchalant admittance. "That certainly is a disappointment then. Any special someone's then?"
Kururugi smiled wistfully. "Afraid not. I'm still looking for that special someone."
CC shook him lightly. "Lelouch?"
Statistics say that Kururugi is possibly the richest person on the planet right now.
He was also single and looking.
He was rich.
He was single.
He was rich.
He was single.
Lelouch rose from his seat on the couch with fervour. Determined violet eyes locked onto digital green ones smiling into the camera as lights flashed all over him with reporters clamouring for pictures.
"I'll do it."
*hack* *cough* Okay, I really couldn't resist. I got hit with the idea stick and just ran with it. As Lelouch said earlier: "Hey, don't judge."
- Minute Maid
Beverage of Queens.