Summary: The natural balance of things is disturbed when too many clichés are permitted to run around Tortall unchecked. Can our heroine right the wrongs and save our favourite characters from the clutches of the rabid fangirls? Warnings for snark and Raoul without his pants.
A/N: Go check out the Goldenlake forums – fiefgoldenlake dot proboards dot com :)
"Who are you, and what are you doing in my bed?" A voice demanded tartly.
Kat stirred, slowly opening her eyes. A sharp poke to the ribs brought her sitting up quick-smart. "Ouch! What's your problem?"
A sixteen year old girl stared at her. "You. Are in. My bed." She shook out her long red hair, and narrowed her violet eyes. "Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now."
Kat stared at her. "Uh.... One, it wouldn't be very ladylike. And uh, two... you'd uh... wreck your sheets?" She winced a little. "God, I have a massive hangover. What did I do last night?" She looked around. "I... swear this isn't where I fell asleep."
Alanna continued glaring at her. "You don't know how you ended up in MY bed? Not to mention, you partook of alcohol in the City of the Gods! Have you no shame?"
"The-wait, what?" She pursed her lips for a moment, then lay back down and pretended to sleep. She stayed that way for a full minute, until the other girl started tugging the sheet off her. "Stop it! I'm going back to sleep. So I wake up!"
The girl stopped. "You do realise that makes absolutely no sense, right?"
Kat sat up and sighed. "You're kidding right? I don't believe this." She looked around the room. "Where's my handbag? I need my iPhone."
"Your what?" The other girl was getting more irritable by the second. "I'm going to go alert the Daughters if you don't give me a satisfactory answer."
Suddenly, Kat noticed a note on the dresser next to the bed. With a sinking feeling, she picked it up and began to read.
I have dropped you into the realm of Tortall. Over the last few years it has become increasingly polluted by fanfiction, and I fear that the natural balance of things has been upset. I would greatly appreciate it if you could sort a few things out for me, and get it back to normal.
I hope you don't mind the slight inconvenience!
Kat reread the note a few times, and then passed it to the girl. "I'm assuming you can read? Well, there's your explanation."
The girl frowned. "Who is this Master Pierce? And why did he transport you into my bed, of all places?"
Kat felt her headache worsening. "Mistress Pierce is a sort of, er, sorceress. And I think she wants me to go on some kind of... quest." She looked the girl up and down. "Who are you, exactly? It might help me figure out where to start."
The girl bristled, drawing herself up to her full (rather small) height. "I am Lady Alanna of Trebond. I'm being present at Court next week, and I'm going to romance all the dashing knights, and break their hearts. And wear lots of low cut dresses!" She sniffed at Kat, still wearing her outfit from the previous night.
"Ahh" said Kat. "I... guess I know where to begin"