AUTHOR NOTE: This is one of my earlier works, pre-HBP and contains quite a few literary HP faux pauxs. Hopefully, y'all will overlook them. lol. I'm putting several chapters in one to make uploading faster, so the read will be long. This is NOT a serious story at all. If you want depth, this isn't worth your time. If you want a few laughs and smut, welcome, welcome.

Warnings: Very adult/graphic language, subject matter and content from the very beginning. Also, you might want to empty your bladder before reading some parts of this ridiculous tale.

Chapter 1 ~ Apprentice

With the death of Voldemort, Professor Severus Snape was free to pursue his own ends. He continued on as Potions Master at Hogwarts, having given up on ever becoming the DA teacher. Actually, he enjoyed Potions. With his skills he was able to develop and market his own brews and greatly supplement his income with residuals received from his original discoveries.

Penile dysfunction was something that struck wizards as well as muggles, and although there were erection spells, they weren't reliable. Nothing was worse than going less than half-mast when a wizard should be rowing at full blast. What was needed was a way to insure an erection that would last the journey. And Severus Snape was well on his way to developing a potion that would do just that.

He advertised in the daily prophet for male test subjects suffering from impotence, but didn't get any takers. He then rewrote the ad to say he needed male test subjects for sexual enhancement potion, and they flocked to his lab. It seemed no wizard wanted to admit they couldn't get it up, but all wizards were interested in being "enhanced". Go figure.

Unfortunately, the first few tests had such horrible results that word spread quickly, and the Professor soon found himself in need of more test subjects. Even offering pay didn't help. For example, his first batch of enhancement potion did indeed give the most reluctant cock a boost, but shrunk it to the size of a pinky finger.

"Wot am I supposed to fuck with this?" asked one irate test subject, "A fairy?"

Luckily the potion wore off in three or four days.

His next batch cured the size issue, but the test cocks swelled up like balloons, making penetration impossible. Not to mention wearing trousers, robes or anything. The ballooned dicks were impossible to hide.

"Look at my dick! The head of it looks like I tied it in a knot! All I need is a bloody string to tie to it!" yelled another test subject.

This potion wore off in two days.

Several more attempts resulted in various results…cocks becoming hard but impossibly long, hanging down past the ankle, so the test subject had to tuck the head into their socks to walk about, or becoming erect but the shaft turning corkscrewed. Actually a few test subjects said their partners kind of liked this, particularly the gay ones, so the Professor put it on the back burner for further research. He was still focused on a potion that would sustain a cock in a normal fashion. Another batch gave an erection that turned the cock an ugly mottled gray.

"My wife wouldn't let me anywhere near her," complained one wizard, "she said she wasn't about to be fucked by a dick that looked like it belonged on a zombie."

It was the batch that made the user's cock burn as if being roasted on a fire for two days that made the Professor lose his test subjects completely. Word traveled fast, and he couldn't get even the most desperate wizard to subject his cock to his experimentation.

The Professor was at an impasse.

Soon Hogwarts let out for the summer, and Severus had free time on his hands. Now that he didn't have classes to attend to, he decided to test his potions on himself. He had forgotten that Albus had arranged for him to mentor an apprentice over the summer months, who needed credits for university. When Severus protested, saying that he had an important project he was working on, Albus waved him off saying that the apprentice could help him in his work. Severus thought about this. Maybe he could use him as a test subject. So he agreed, and promptly forgot.

Severus spent his summer months at Hogwarts, having nowhere else to go. He had been intending to buy himself a house, but things were much more convenient at the castle. He didn't have to cook or clean or do the many chores that having a home required. Plus his lab was at Hogwarts, and he would rather not commute every day, disapparating between Hogwarts and his home.

Albus flooed him on Friday evening to inform him his summer apprentice would be arriving mid-morning on Saturday. Severus cursed. He had forgotten all about his mentorship.

"Very well, Headmaster," the Professor said, "Where will he be domiciled?"

Albus cleared his throat. "Your spare room, Severus," he replied, looking decidedly shifty.

"MY spare room? That's preposterous. I don't want him in my rooms," the Professor snarked, "I need my privacy."

"Severus, it is only eight weeks. As you know the entire castle with the exceptions of staff rooms, is undergoing massive renovations this summer, and there are no rooms available to house your apprentice. I'm sorry but my decision is final in this," the Headmaster said evenly.

Hogwarts castle was an amazing structure and self-renovated. Rooms would be magically shifted, enlarged, shrunk and completely redesigned. However, when one room was adjusted, there was a resultant change in the rest of the castle to accommodate the adjustment so there was no stability in any space in Hogwarts during the renovations except in rooms designated by Albus to remain untouched. And he had only designated rooms actually occupied by staff.

Because of this there was no guarantee that a room which was there one day, would still be there the next. It was a bit chaotic, but always seemed to work itself out in the end. The castle was on a kind of timer and a deadline was worked into the self-renovations, so the final design would be in place on the last day.

The Potions Master was livid, but there was nothing he could do once Albus had spoken. Despite his long tenure at Hogwarts, the rooms he occupied were still staff quarters. Albus had the last say on who stayed there. He would just have to make due. Hopefully the young wizard would be the quiet, studious type and not make waves.

Early Saturday morning, the Professor was awakened by the sounds coming from off his study. He climbed out of bed, grabbed his wand and walked out to see what the ruckus was. Three house elves were noisily furnishing the spare room with a bed, dresser, chair and wardrobe, the heavy furniture scraping across the stone floor.

"Can't you elves use a silencing spell while doing that?" Severus said from the doorway, his brows drawn together. The house elves cringed. They had drawn the short straws when the job of furnishing a room in the Professor's domicile came up. No elf in his right mind would set a claw in those rooms if it could be helped. The Professor had a very bad temper and was known to stun elves when he got pissed.

"We is very sorry, sir," one cowering house elf said, quickly casting the spell. "We begs your pardon, sir."

Severus scowled at them for several moments before leaving the doorway wordlessly. He was now up for the day, so quickly showered and dressed, and headed for the Great Hall for breakfast. This was the first summer in many years when almost all the Hogwarts staff had left for the summer. Only Albus, Hagrid, Severus, Argus and Poppy remained.

The other staff members greeted him as he entered, and he threw up a hand at them and took his regular seat. He ordered a ham, cheese and tomato omelet with buttered toast, and The Headmaster looked down the table at the Potions Master, then stood up, picked up his plate, fork, knife and cup, then walked over, taking a seat next to him. Severus looked at the old wizard.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company, Headmaster?" Severus asked him, thinking it really wasn't a pleasure at all. The true pleasure would be to eat his breakfast alone and in silence as he was used to doing

"I thought you looked a little lonely, Severus," Albus replied.

"I am never lonely, Albus. I enjoy my own company," Severus replied evenly.

The Headmaster looked at him sadly.

"Severus, you are no longer a spy. You can find yourself a witch now and settle down," the Headmaster said, picking at his French toast.

"Headmaster, I have done without women for a long time. I am comfortable with being alone. I don't need a female mucking up my peaceful existence "

"Or spicing up your nights?" the Headmaster asked, cocking his head at the Potions Master. "Severus, you're a young wizard. You're working on a project to help wizards find pleasure with witches, but aren't finding any pleasure yourself. Don't you think that's a bit strange? Even from the standpoint of your research. How can you expect to develop such a potion when you are lacking in the area you wish to improve?"

Severus scowled at the Headmaster.

"I assure you, Albus, my tool is still very sharp," he said stiffly. "It wakes up running every morning."

"But a tool unused soon dulls, Severus," the Headmaster replied. "It might run, but it needs to bore once in a while."

Severus snorted.

"Headmaster, I prefer not to discuss the subject of "boring" with you, if you don't mind," he said a bit testily.

Albus looked at him as he chewed a piece of French toast. He swallowed.

"Very well. Are you prepared to receive your temporary apprentice?" the Headmaster asked.

"That really doesn't matter, does it? He's coming whether I'm ready or not," Severus replied, frowning.

"I understand your apprentice is a very gifted student in Potions. Has the highest marks in university. Very intelligent," Albus offered.

"That's a plus at least. I just hope he isn't so swollen-headed that he can't follow instructions. If there's anything I hate, Albus, it's a know-it-all."

Albus grinned a little. Severus looked at him suspiciously as the Headmaster sopped up the last of the syrup with a piece of toast.

"Why are you grinning, Albus? Anytime you grin at me, something very unpleasant is about to occur. Who is this apprentice anyway? What's his name?" the Potions Master asked.

Albus looked at his watch and stood up suddenly.

"Severus, I'm sorry. I forgot I have a very important meeting this morning, and I'm running late. I will see you later," the Headmaster said quickly, exiting the Great Hall.

Severus scowled after him. He knew Albus didn't have any appointment. He just didn't want to tell him the student's name. Well, he'd find out soon enough.

Severus finished his breakfast and headed for the dungeons. As he turned down the corridor, he noticed someone walking ahead of him, wearing a light summer cloak, the hood drawn up. Since there was no one in the dungeons besides him, it was safe to assume that this was his apprentice. He sped up.

The person stopped in front of his potions office and knocked. There was something familiar about that knock. Severus frowned and quietly crept up behind the apprentice.

"I assume you are looking for me," he said silkily.

His comment had the desired effect. The student jumped and turned to face him, his breasts heaving. Wait. His breasts?

Small hands lowered the light hood. The Professor's eyes widened. Oh no. No. This just couldn't be. Albus wouldn't do this to him.

"Hello, Professor Snape," Twenty-two-year-old Hermione Granger said, holding one hand to her breast in reaction, but giving him a broad smile. "You startled me. I forgot how quiet you are. I'm here to start my summer apprenticeship."

Severus scowled, then pinched the bridge of his large nose in irritation.

Obviously Albus would.

"Are you all right, Professor? I bet with a nose that large your sinuses bother you a lot," Hermione said, frowning at him slightly.

"Miss Granger, I assure you that it is not my nose or my sinuses that are bothering me," he shot back at her. "I was unaware that it would be you I'd be mentoring. If I had known that, I would have blatantly refused."

Hermione looked rather hurt.

"Why?" she asked him.

"Because I had my fill of you when you were a pupil, that's why. I thought I was through with you for good. This is completely unacceptable. I will not have you staying in my rooms with me," the Professor said, his face black.

Hermione put her hands on her hips.

"If memory serves me right, Professor, you gave me perfect marks my last year at Hogwarts, and told me at graduation I had been a challenging student that made teaching less tedious for you than it could have been. I haven't changed. I assure you, I am still challenging. So you can assume that my apprenticeship to you will NOT be tedious. I need this time with you to complete my Potions degree, Professor. I need 'hands-on' experience. You have to be my mentor. It is already established that you will be at university, the verification of my internship signed by the Headmaster himself," she said, her eyes flashing angrily at the Potions Master. She continued.

"And as far as me staying in your rooms, I can promise you, you will be safe from any untoward advances. As irresistible as you imagine yourself to be, Professor, I assure you, I can control myself, and you will sleep safely in your bed at night. I only hope I can say the same," Hermione said.

The Professor looked at the witch as if her head had spun around.

"You hope that you can say the same?" he sputtered, rage almost taking his ability to speak away. "Miss Granger, you could be naked, greased and tied spread-eagled to the bedposts begging for it and I wouldn't come anywhere near you."

Hermione flushed a little at that image. She was into being tied up. In her opinion, the Professor would be the perfect wizard to live out a ravishment fantasy with. She had been stuck on the pale, dominating, dark-eyed and volatile Potions Master him since her seventh year. She was a virgin then. She certainly wasn't now. In fact, his declaration made her hackles rise. His statement sounded awfully like a challenge to her sexuality. Hermione frowned at the dark wizard.

"Well, if that's the case, then why worry about me being in your rooms? The Headmaster said I would have my own room, and since we have just declared our lack of interest in having anything sexual pass between us, there should be no problem," she said.

"I don't want you in my rooms because I don't want to be subjected to a constant stream of inane questions and chatter," the Professor replied.

"I promise I won't say a word to you about anything other than the work you assign me, Professor," Hermione said evenly. "Gods forbid I could ever have a decent conversation with you anyway."

How dare she say that? The Professor had a wide range of interests and was a virtual fountain of knowledge. He was an excellent conversationalist when he had someone worth talking to. He frowned at her. Well, he was in for it. This dialogue was a waste of time. Albus had already settled the matter. He had to mentor her, and she had to stay in his rooms.

Scowling, he opened the door to his Potions office.

"Go in, Miss Granger," he growled, thoroughly miffed at this turn of events. "I will hold you to that promise."

With a victorious little smirk that made the Potions Master want to twist her head off her shoulders, Hermione entered. She waited as he followed, walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out several books. The wall slid back. The Potions Master swept in and Hermione trailed behind him. Severus turned and looked at her.

"This is my study and library," he said, his eyes flicking to the wall-to-ceiling bookshelves filled with tomes then back to Hermione, who was eyeing the library with an extremely lustful gaze. "I expect you not to touch any book without my express permission."

Hermione looked at the Professor with an expression that he immediately recognized as her "rule-breaking" look. The moment he told her no, she was going to go into stealth mode. He would have to be vigilant to protect his books.

"All right, Professor," she said insincerely.

Severus looked her over. He could see she wore low-slung muggle jeans and an indecently revealing midriff shirt under her light cloak.

"Do you intend to wear the clothes you have on all summer?" he asked her, "You have no bags."

"I have everything I need," Hermione said, looking at the door leading off the study. "Is that my room?"

"Actually, that's MY room. But you will be staying in it, yes," Severus said territorially.

Hermione looked at him consideringly, then walked into the room. Severus followed her, standing in the doorway as she reached into her cloak pocket and placed several small items on her bed, which was spread in Gryffindor scarlet and gold. Damn elves. This was a Slytherin's domain. Severus felt like part of his rooms had been annexed by Gryffindor house and Hermione was flying their colors.

Hermione pulled out her wand and cast an enlargement spell. A slew of bags, boxes and suitcases swelled and filled the bed. Gods, did she bring everything she owned?

"You look like you plan on staying here permanently," the Professor said, frowning at all the luggage the witch had brought with her.

Hermione looked at him.

"Never," she said pointedly.

The Potions Master gave her a small smirk.

"That, Miss Granger, is the most reassuring comment you've made since arriving," he said, turning and walking into his study.

Hermione scowled after him, walked over to her door and slammed it shut.

"There will be no door-slamming in these rooms, Miss Granger!" the Potions Master shouted at the closed door. He was sure she heard him.

Severus plunked down in one of the two armchairs in front of the fireplace. A wicked grin slid across his pale face. So, she wanted to be his apprentice, eh? Well, she wanted to work, he'd give her work. Grunt work. Starting with cleaning all the niffler cages, without magic. Nifflers were adorable, but they had a very high metabolism. They seemed to shit every five minutes. Severus stood up and hurried to his lab.

Once he got there, he walked into the back room where the lab animals were kept. He removed the self-cleaning spell he had on the twelve cages full of nifflers. The floors of the cages were raised several inches, each having a grate beneath where the pungent niffler droppings could fall through to a tray below. By tomorrow morning there would be towering piles of niffler shit with which Miss Granger could start her "hands-on" approach to her apprenticeship.

Severus went to his supply closet where he kept his caldrons, beakers and other items he used in potions making. He looked them over. All the cauldrons were tarnished. They could use a bit of shining up, and the glassware was dull. They could do with a good washing. The Professor's black eyes looked around the closet. Actually, the whole space needed to be emptied out, cleaned and dusted, and the items rearranged. Hmm. He mentally added that to his list of tasks for Miss Apprentice to do. He was sure he could find enough menial labor to keep her out of his hair for at least a week. If she complained, she was always welcome to leave.

He'd open the door for her.

Hermione put her things away magically. The wardrobe and dresser were packed to overflowing with clothing and she had to do a space-increasing spell to fit everything in. She transfigured a box into a bookcase and placed her own little library between the shelving. If the Professor thought for one minute that she was going to stay in these rooms and leave his huge library unscathed, he was nutters. There was no way she wasn't going to explore those tomes. Hermione already figured that the Professor would probably place an alarm ward on the entire collection. But she had a talent for breaking wards. She would simply lift the ward and create an illusion of the chosen book to fill the empty gap left behind. Hermione could be quite crafty when she needed to be.

The witch kept up with the latest experiments going on in the wizarding world, and was well aware of the advertisement the Professor had run in the "Earn Fast Money" section of the Prophet, asking for test subjects for 'male enhancement.' She was also aware that he couldn't get a single test subject now because of the results of the experiments. Word traveled fast in the 'experimentation' crowd. There were quite a few wizards and witches that made extra money this way, and they quickly let others know when a test was likely to leave them in a bad way. Professor Snape's 'male enhancement' program had pretty much been blacklisted. She didn't know exactly what he was attempting, but she hoped to find out.

She wondered what he was using for test subjects now?

In his lab, Professor Snape examined his latest incarnation of his male enhancement potion critically. It was a very appealing royal blue color this time, and smelled quite pleasant. The niffler he gave a dose to was sporting a nice, furry little woody, apparently without any ill effects.

The Professor unstoppered the bottle, tilted it to his lips and drank the bottle down. He waited. It had taken about two minutes to work on the niffler. Severus figured it would take at least twenty for him. Twenty minutes passed, and nothing happened. Severus frowned and waited another twenty minutes. He felt a stirring in his loins, then got a massive erection. There was no pain, or ache. He opened his pants to examine his cock. One thing about working with his own organ was that it was large enough to notice any physical changes immediately. He hefted his shaft in his hand and peered at it carefully. There were no strange growths or color changes. Well, that was good.

"Um, excuse me, Professor," Hermione voice rang out behind him.

The Professor quickly tucked his cock into his boxers and fastened his pants, Hermione watching his movements with amusement. From the way he was moving it was easy to tell he was fastening up his pants. Had she just caught him wanking off in his lab?

"Professor," she said sweetly. "You know, there are more private places you can do that."

The Professor whirled on her, smoothing down his robes in front. He had tucked his cock carefully but there was still a little telltale bulge.

"Do what, Miss Granger?" he demanded.

In answer, Hermione's amber eyes flicked loin-ward, then back to his face.

The Professor swelled visibly, in his upper parts, that is.

"Miss Granger, if you are insinuating that I was in here masturbating, you are terribly mistaken," he seethed at the witch. The nerve of her. "And why didn't you knock?"

"You left the door open," Hermione replied. "I was coming to ask you if you wanted me to get started?" Hermione's eyes swept curiously around his lab.

"No. Go visiting or find something equally time consuming to do. You will start your apprenticeship with me tomorrow," he snapped. "Now please leave my lab."

"Fine," she said, exiting the doorway.

"Still a nosy little chit. Still jumping to erroneous conclusions," he muttered leaving the lab and closing the door.

In its cage, the niffler began to squeal, and started convulsing. Suddenly it bulked up to three times its size, its claws elongating, its little eyes reddening and taking on a crazed look. Its little woody swelled to an enormous size. The Hyde-like niffler snarled, looked around hungrily, then stood up on its hind legs and started viciously humping the exercise wheel, its lips drawn back from its sharp teeth in a lustful grimace.

Professor Snape's latest batch of potion seemed to be quite potent. The niffler's reaction had been quite extraordinary.

How would it work on a Potions Master?

Hermione stormed out of the Professor's room after tapping, poking and pulling on various objects around the closed entrance. She pulled the torch right then left, and the wall slid back, letting her out. She planned on visiting with every staff member, except Argus Filch. They never got along. She would just have to knock when she returned.

Severus entered his study and took a quick peek in Hermione's room to be sure she was gone. He then warded the study, sat in his armchair and unzipped his pants, intending to finish examining his cock for oddities and changes. It was certainly hard, and caused him a bit of discomfort, because a cock does not like to get hard for no reason. It wanted relief, and throbbingly let the Potions Master know this.

"You've been fine to this point. Surely you can stand a bit of unmet lustfulness in the name of magic," Severus said to it as he leaned forward and examined his rod closely. There were still no noticeable changes other than it was enormously engorged.

"Well if I did have an available witch, no doubt she'd be extremely satisfied," the Potions Master said to himself, a bit wistfully. The sexual stirrings that resulted from imbibing the potion were something he hadn't felt for a long time. Severus woke up each morning with a hard-on, but pissing easily relieved that. His daily rise wasn't sexual in nature.

As the Potions Master sat there, his urge to fuck was starting to really bother him. He hadn't felt the urge to masturbate in almost a year, but now…shit.

"All right," he said to his throbbing cock, gripping it in his fist. "Here's some relief, you randy tool."

He began to fist his cock, imagining himself driving into a nice, wet, tight pussy. He didn't bother with any other details, such as what the witch looked like, he only focused on the part that was most important. He began to grunt as pleasure shot through him. Yes, that potion was quite good. The thing was, the more pleasure he felt, the more his lust increased. He couldn't peak.

"Shit!" he breathed, working his fist faster, his imagination picturing his cock covered in creamy white lubrication, ramming back and forth into a sweet, pink core between luscious, spread soft thighs.

Suddenly the room shifted out of focus, telescoping in and out, and the Professor felt a rush of adrenaline rip through his body. He began to shake.

"What the…" he began, then the pain hit him and he writhed out of the armchair, falling on the floor, his back arching up as he bounced around on the hard, cold stone. The Professor's eyes rolled back in his head and he felt as if his mind was receding into a deep, warm cave, passing something else that was coming out of it. Then everything went black.

Severus' body began to convulse and transform, his lean, sinewy frame bulking up, his muscle mass increasing. His face became broader, more pronounced, and his jaw squarer, a cleft appearing in the center. His brow protruded in an almost ape-like manner, his eyebrows becoming thick and bushy, connecting in the middle, forming a uni-brow. His robes tighten around him, riding up to his knees. His cock increased in length and girth until it was an unbelievable size. He was already huge, now he was monstrous.

Hyde-Severus lay there on the floor for a moment, groaning. Then he sat up and looked around the room, sniffing the air. He stood up and looked around some more. What was this place and where were the females?

He stiffened, catching a whiff of what he was looking for, then lumbered over to Hermione's closed door, and looked at it. He grunted and pushed on it with a huge, sausage-fingered hand. It didn't move. He studied it, noticing the knob. He grasped it in his hand and turned it. The door clicked open. He pushed his way inside, his head swinging back and forth as he looked for the female he smelled. She wasn't there, but an enticing scent was coming from the dresser. He walked over to it heavily, took hold of the knobs and yanked it open with such force, the drawer fell out and broke, scattering Hermione's underwear all over the stone floor.

Hyde-Snape looked down at the little bits of fabric, his heavy eyebrows lifting, his black eyes hard. What was this that smelled of female? He reached down and picked one delicate pair of black knickers up and sniffed them. Of course they were clean, but he could still detect the scent of Hermione on them, he was so attuned to her sex. He grunted and pressed them against his nose and breathed deeply, his cock throbbing. He tasted them, but there was no flavor. He flung them down in irritation, and picked up another pair, blue this time.

After sniffing and tasting them and getting no satisfaction, the transformed wizard grasped a handful of knickers and wrapped them around his cock with both hands and masturbated with them, sliding the fabric over his enormous shaft and grunting with pleasure until he ejaculated strongly all over the remaining underwear lying on the floor. He got come on the bare floor, dresser and wall as well, he came so powerfully, roaring and rearing back as he shot gob after gob of thick, milky release. It went on a full three minutes before the hulking creature was finished, and his head dropped forward, grunting and heaving from his efforts.

Exhausted, the Hyde-Severus stumbled out of Hermione's room, through the study and into his bedroom. His huge form flopped face first on to the bed, making it creak beneath his weight. The wizard-monster promptly fell asleep, a pair of Hermione's come-soaked knickers still stuck to his cock.

Hermione spent a pleasant day catching up with the Hogwarts staff. She walked across the grounds and had a nice visit with Hagrid, who almost affectionately crushed her to death when he saw her. After drinking some rather good tea, and attempting to eat some rather bad rock cakes, Hermione bid the half-giant goodbye, promising to see him around Hogwarts.

She then visited the infirmary to see Madame Pomfrey. She was startled to see the medi-witch wrapped in the thin arms of a rather ardent Argus Filch, who was kissing her as if trying to devour her face. From the way their bodies were pressed together, this was not a one-time event. Hermione tried to slip back out of the door, but Filch's sixth sense kicked in and he broke the kiss, spinning around.

"I see you over there!" he cried, stalking out of the office and bearing down on Hermione. "Spying on me, eh?"

"N…n…no. I was just coming to see Madam Pomfrey, Mr. Filch," Hermione replied, paling a little. She had bad memories of Filch. The twisted caretaker stood over her, scowling, his sharp eyes scanning her face.

"Oh, it's you," he said, recognizing her. "All grown-up now, but still skulking about the halls of Hogwarts. If I had my way, you'd be strung up right now."

"Argus!" Pomfrey said, walking out of the office fixing her hair and smoothing her apron. "Stop terrorizing Miss Granger. She had no idea you were here."

Argus turned to Poppy, and his craggy face softened a bit.

"All right, my pet. For you I'll leave her alone…but if she's anything like I remember her, she needs a bit of terrorizing. Sneaky little thing she was. Stealing potions ingredients and brewing up illegal potions in out of the way places."

"That was a long time ago, Argus," Poppy said soothingly. "I'm sure she is much better behaved now."

Filch looked at Hermione severely as if seeing all of her sneaky little tendencies.

"Nope, she hasn't changed," he determined. "She's still not to be trusted."

He shook a gnarled finger at the witch.

"I'll be watching you," he said, scowling at her, then turning to Poppy. "I'll see you later, my pet. We'll pick up where we left off."

He gave her a peck on the mouth as Hermione cringed inwardly. Poppy and Filch? Ewww.

With a final scowl at Hermione, Filch stalked off. Both witches looked after him.

"What a man," Poppy breathed as Hermione looked at her incredulously.

The medi-witch looked at Hermione then opened her arms and embraced her.

"It's so good to see you back at Hogwarts, Hermione," she said, smiling at the witch. "I hear you are finishing up your studies at university."

"Yes, Poppy, I am," Hermione replied, smiling back at the healer. Her taste in men might leave something to be desired, but she was still a very sweet and caring witch. Hermione and Poppy became close during her last year at Hogwarts, when Hermione assisted in caring for the wounded during the Final Battle. She had shown such skill and bedside manner, that Poppy had hoped she would pursue a degree in Healing. But Hermione decided on Potions.

"I am apprenticed to Professor Snape for the summer," Hermione said. Poppy's face went somber.

"You have my sympathies," she replied. Hermione laughed.

"Professor Snape is the final challenge at the end of four years of hard study," Hermione said, "He's a hard wizard, but he's brilliant. I hope to learn much over the next few weeks."

Poppy nodded, then looked at her with narrowed eyes.

"You are sharing his rooms, aren't you?" she asked Hermione, her mouth drawn in a thin line reminiscent of Minerva McGonagall's disapproving expression. "Albus should be ashamed of putting you in such a compromising position. Imagine, a young witch your age sharing quarters with a man old enough to be your father."

Hermione felt a little stir of anger at this. What did Poppy think? That she and the Professor would be fucking? Not that it would be a horrible thing to bed the snarky Professor. That very act had been the subject of many a fantasy over the years, but she still didn't like the insinuation.

"Poppy, it is a common practice for apprentices to share the quarters of their mentors. The Professor is a cold, dismally dark individual, but I have never heard of him ever taking advantage of a witch."

Or even being with one, for that matter.

"Be that as it may, Hermione…this could be damaging to your reputation. It's perfect fodder for the rumor mill," Poppy said, folding her arms.

Hermione couldn't help thinking that Poppy's tongue helped power that mill. She was a lovely witch, but like most of the female staff at Hogwarts, she loved to gossip.

"It doesn't matter, Poppy," Hermione said. "It's not as if I am a pristine, untouched little Gryffindor anymore. I've made my rounds. I can handle a bit of gossip."

Madam Pomfrey's eyebrows rose at this admission. Then she realized this was not the bushy-haired little girl she had come to love, but a young woman who was now living her life as she wanted.

"Of course you can," Poppy said, smiling. She was no Minerva. She knew children had to grow up and accepted it. Hermione could handle the Professor and the rumors that would arise.

"Come, let's have a cuppa, and you can clue me in on what's been happening in your life," the healer said, locking her arm in Hermione's and guiding her into the office.

They spent a pleasant couple of hours talking about old times and new strides being made in the healing profession.

Hermione then visited the Headmaster, who enfolded her in his long arms fondly.

"Ah, Hermione. The halls of Hogwarts must be singing with joy at your return to us," he said, smiling at her broadly, his eyes all a-twinkle behind his half-moon glasses. Albus was as outrageous as ever, dressed in a voluminous zebra-striped robe and matching pointed hat.

The Headmaster sat down behind his desk, and Hermione took a seat in a comfy armchair in front of it.

"So, how warm a reception did you get from the Potions Master?" Albus asked her.

"Well, it was rather heated," she replied with a small grin. "He raged about not agreeing to be a mentor if he had known it was me who was to be his apprentice, then he folded and let me in the rooms. I'm not to touch his books or chatter inanely."

Albus smiled.

"Sounds like it went rather well, though I am sure he will have a few words for me next time we meet. I believe I will lie low for the next couple of days," the Headmaster said thoughtfully.

"Sounds like a good idea," Hermione agreed, "Then he sent me forth from his presence like some imperious monarch of the dungeons. So I am making my rounds. I'm going to have supper in the Great Hall then head back to the dungeons and go straight to my room. He said I will start my apprenticeship in the morning."

Albus looked at the clock.

"Supper has already started, my dear. Come, let's go together, shall we?" the Headmaster said, rising from his chair, walking around his desk and helping Hermione from the chair. He locked his arm in hers."

"I'm going to try a dish from America tonight. Pickled pig's feet. I'm told it is considered 'soul food' although what the severed feet of pigs have to do with the soul is beyond me," he said, escorting Hermione to the floo and tossing in some powder. The flames turned green.

"The main hall," he said, guiding the witch through.

Albus seemed to enjoy his pickled pig's feet immensely. Hermione was glad she was seated far from the wizard. The feet didn't look or smell very appetizing to her. And they still looked like pig's feet when his order was filled. Where house elves even got pig's feet was a mystery. The little creatures always seemed prepared. Hermione looked at the empty seat that should be holding her mentor. Professor Snape did not come to supper. Possibly he was working in his lab. Like her, the Professor could easily lose track of time while working on a project. She knew that he was fond of kielbasa, so ordered a to-go plate for him, hoping to get on his good side.

Once she left the Great Hall, she decided to try to floo to the Professor's quarters. Maybe he hadn't warded the fireplace. She stopped in front of the main hall's floo, took a handful of floo powder from the box on the mantle and threw it into the flames.

"Professor Snape's study," she said clearly, and the flames turned green. Rather surprised, she stepped through.

The moment Hermione entered the study, she smelled something gamey. She wrinkled up her nose. What the hell could that be? The closest thing she could identify it with was the smell of a menagerie that she had visited once in muggle London when the circus was in town. Definitely an animal odor. She set the wrapped plate of sausages and sauerkraut on the table between the two armchairs. It was then she noticed the door to her room was open. She distinctly remembered closing it. She walked toward the room, and noted the animal scent was getting stronger.

She walked in and gasped. The drawer that had held her underwear was smashed on the floor, and all of her delicates thrown all over the place. She walked closer and saw dried stains all over her knickers. Closer examination showed the stains were on her dresser, the wall and all over the floor as well. Then she looked even closer, picking up a pair of stained knickers with the end of her wand. She stared at it a moment in horror, dropped it and charged from the room.

"Professor!" she yelled at the top of her voice. "Professor Snape, where the hell are you?"

In his bedroom, a groggy Severus roused himself, aware of Hermione screaming. He was lying face down across his bed. He didn't remember retiring, especially fully dressed. He groaned as the screeching voice came closer to his bedroom.

What the hell was Miss Granger yelling about?

The Professor rolled to his back then sat up on the edge of the bed. He brought one pale hand to his forehead. It was throbbing. He felt as if he had been on an all night Firewhiskey binge. Something about his clothes didn't feel quite right, either.

Hermione appeared in his doorway. He looked at her.

"What the hell are you screeching about, Miss Granger?" he asked with irritation in his voice.

"Professor Snape, are you some kind of fucking deviant fetishist or something?" she asked him, frowning.

The Professor looked at her in amazement then scowled deeply. Oh, he felt like shit.

"Miss Granger, are you drunk?" he asked, returning a question for a question. "Why would you ask me such an insane question?"

Hermione looked at the Potions Master. He looked as if he had tied one on.

"No, I'm not drunk. I asked you that question because every single pair of knickers I own are spread all over my floor and covered in come," she replied, her nostrils flaring. "And you are the only one in these rooms that has the tool necessary to spray come all over my knickers."

Professor Snape rose to his feet, and felt his pants drop around his ankles. What the fuck? Hermione couldn't see this, because his robes covered it. The Professor was also aware of stickiness around his midsection and loins. He collected himself.

"Miss Granger, I did not ejaculate all over your unmentionables, I assure you. Please leave my doorway and give me a chance to collect myself and I will investigate the matter," he said evenly.

Hermione stared at him mutinously for a moment, then turned and left the doorway. Severus made sure she wasn't coming back, and shuffled into his bathroom and closed the door. He opened his robes, which felt rather loose in the shoulders. He looked at his shirt underneath. It was in complete tatters, as were his pants and his boxers. His cock felt bound up. He slipped down the remains of his silk boxers… the only thing holding them up was the elastic waistband. To his horror, a pair of knickers was stuck to his pelvis.

"What?" the Professor said, wincing as he pulled them off, some of his pubic hair stuck to the white flimsy garment.

He held them up and inspected them. They were certainly women's knickers. How did they come to be stuck to him? Further examination showed a large amount of dried come covered his private parts. Hm. The last thing the Potions Master remembered was wanking off in the armchair, but he didn't remember coming. And why were his clothes all torn up?

The Professor stripped completely and looked at his robes. Mere threads held the seams in the shoulders together. He didn't know what happened, but of one thing he was certain, he needed a shower. So he took one. It took quite a bit of scrubbing to get all the dried semen off him. It was a very large amount.

Finally clean, Severus balled up his tattered clothing, threw them in the corner and wrapped a towel around his waist. He opened the bathroom door and peeked out to see if Hermione was lurking about. She wasn't. The Potions Master walked to his bedroom door and closed it. He dressed quickly.

Something had happened. Did he actually ruin his apprentice's underwear in his sleep as a result of drinking the male enhancement potion? It was a disturbing thought. He opened the bedroom door and stalked across the study, sweeping into Hermione's room.

The witch was moving around the pile of knickers on the floor, stopping and looking at the stains on the wall and dresser, then moving to another angle and studying the floor.

Good gods. Miss Granger certainly had a lot of lingerie. Severus walked closer and examined the mess. Yes, those were come stains all right. But the amount of come was too much to have been released by one wizard.

Hermione scowled at him.

"Miss Granger, I understand you are upset about this, but the amount of come released couldn't have come from me. No single male could possibly do this. It looks as if a dozen men or more wanked off on your garments," he said, trying not to think about the knickers he found stuck to him. They were very incriminating.

Hermione looked at him accusingly.

"Maybe not one 'normal' man, but how about a man that has been magically enhanced?" she said, frowning at him. Damn. She knew about his project.

"Miss Granger, are you insinuating what happened to your knickers has something to do with my work?" Severus asked her, trying to cow her. Hermione refused to be cowed.

"Professor Snape, how are you testing your potion? I know for fact that you've been blacklisted by practically every lab-jumper in the wizarding world because of some of the results of your experiments," Hermione said.

"My work is currently at a standstill," the Professor lied smoothly. "I have no human subjects. Only lab animals on which to do research."

Hermione looked at him levelly with her amber eyes, almost as if she were looking through him.

"I think you did this, Professor. But you don't remember doing it. I think you tested your potion today after it worked on one of your lab animals, and I think it took you over somehow. You looked like shit when I looked at you in your bedroom. You looked hung over. That's what happened, isn't it Professor? I've considered you a lot of things in my time, but I've never considered you to be a liar, sir. Please don't make me add that to my list," Hermione said earnestly.

Professor Snape looked at her. He didn't know why he should care about Hermione Granger's opinion of him. But the truth of the matter was he had tested the potion, and he had awakened covered in come with Hermione's knickers stuck to his loins. She had pegged exactly what had occurred with that sharp mind of hers. He was busted.

The Professor sighed.

"Miss Granger, today a niffler had very positive results after imbibing my potion, and no obvious ill effects. After observing the animal, I deduced it safe to test the potion. I was in the process of examining myself when you walked into the lab. After you left, I continued to examine myself for any oddities or noticeable changes in my…my…"

"Cock, sir?" Hermione offered.

"Penis," Severus replied, a little shocked at Miss Granger's candor. "Then, I woke up to your yelling. I have no idea what occurred between examining myself and waking up in my bed."

"Did you notice anything strange when you woke up, sir? I noticed you took a shower before you came to my room," Hermione said, knowing he must have discovered something in order to take a shower and change clothes at this hour.

Severus sighed. He had forgotten just how sharp the witch was. Well he was in for it all.

"Yes. My clothing was in tatters beneath my robes, and I had a large amount of dried semen on my lower extremities," he confessed. He was NOT going to tell her about the knickers.

"How large an amount?" Hermione asked him curiously.

"More than there should have been if I had ejaculated in my sleep," the Professor replied uncomfortably.

Hermione's eyes shifted down to her ruined underclothes. She looked thoughtful for a moment, then raised her gaze to the Professor.

"I'd like you to repeat the experiment with the niffler for me tomorrow, Professor. I almost have my Masters in Potions. I could help you. You can't test the potion yourself without an observer. It's impossible. You can't make any progress this way. I am your apprentice after all. Helping you develop a male enhancement potion that works during my internship here with you would be quite a quill in my cap. Plus…"

She gestured at her stained knickers.

"We can keep this from happening again. What do you say sir?" Hermione asked the Professor, looking directly in his black eyes.

Severus sighed again. Her logic was, as usual, impeccable. He couldn't be both subject and researcher in this case. He needed assistance. Even if his assistant was an irritating know-it-all. A brilliant irritating know-it-all.

"Very well, Miss Granger. I will demonstrate the potion for you tomorrow morning, right after you finish your first task," he said, a little smirk on his face.

"Task? What task?" she asked, frowning.

"A bit of animal husbandry," he replied, thinking of the shitty niffler cages. He turned to leave.

"Oh, Professor, just what am I supposed to do about my ruined knickers?" she asked him scowling.

The Professor looked at the mess, pulled out his wand and scourgified the entire room, her knickers included. He repaired the drawer, magically put it back into place, and floated the lingerie back into the drawer, enlarging the space a little to pack them all in. Then he put his wand away.

"There you go Miss Granger," he said, turning to leave again.

"Hold it, Professor. Scourgifying might work on the floor, walls and dresser, but not on my knickers. I will not wear underthings that I know you have come all over, "she said, shuddering a little. "You have to replace them. All of them."

"Replace them? That will cost quite a few Galleons. It was just a little come, for Circe's sake! A bit of bodily fluid," he said, scowling at her.

"A little? There was more than two liters of come on my knickers. You messed them up, you replace them," she said with her hands on her hips. Hermione had a look in her eyes that would brook no opposition. She would argue for hours if he didn't agree to pay for her knickers. Again, he gave up and in.

"Very well, Miss Granger. Let me get my purse," he said bad-temperedly.

Again, she wore that little victory smirk that made his blood boil. He calmed himself and started to exit the room. Then he turned back to her.

"Is there anything else, Miss Granger?" he asked sarcastically.

"If there is, Professor, I'll be sure to let you know," Hermione replied, still smirking.

Severus stalked out the room, feeling he had lost a major battle here.

His apprentice was certainly formidable.

A/N: Hermione is something else. She called him on it. She really got him when she said she didn't want to think he was a liar. And truthfulness is one of Snape's strong points. So I couldn't let that aspect of him be ruined. The demonstration ought to be interesting. Please review.