Whee! It's finished! And it's the last chapter, so smut ahoy! Thanks to everyone who's commented on this fic. I know it's not the best, and it's apparently not to everyone's tastes (lol) but hey, it's done now. Made my week go faster anyway!
Nine: Misunderstandings make the world go round
Time passed, as it is wont to do, and neither Kanda nor Allen saw each other in the months that followed Allen's promotion. His orders had demanded that he leave Head quarters that very same day so he slunk away without saying goodbye to anybody like a good tool of the Vatican.
Time moves on, and as a general rule, so do people, but Kanda couldn't help but think of a lost opportunity to tie himself to the one person he'd ever let into his life with ropes of soft white hair, and spent time dwelling on what was, and what could have been, when he really should have been thinking of other things.
Allen had little time to dwell on the past as he would have liked. As a general, he was prolific, new innocence and accommodators found almost weekly, but he never kept anyone by his side, didn't allow himself to get close to anybody. Because really, what good did it do you? In the quiet times however, those brief pauses when the busy pace of life around you stilled for the tiniest instant, he would allow his thoughts to drift back to those fleeting stolen moments where Akuma and innocence and the Earl and the war didn't exist, but all too soon the world would start turning again and life moved on. And Allen would curse himself for allowing himself to think of things that might have been. He would give himself a rough shake and remind himself that even if he had managed to say what he had wanted when he met Kanda in that corridor, nothing would have really been different right now- Komui would have still called him to his office, he would still have been handed the black and gold coat he now wore, and he would have still been sent out into the world. But something in him still disagreed. It might not have seemed different, but it would have been.
Lenalee stood with her hands on her hips and glared. Kanda found himself a little uneasy when faced with the expression of the girl standing at his bedside in the infirmary. "What?" he asked eventually, hoping that his voice didn't sound quite as scared as he felt.
"You've done it again! You spent years complaining about how reckless Allen was, and you're doing exactly the same thing!" And to emphasise her point, she smacked the broken leg in its cast. Which hurt. Lots. He tried not to let the grimace show on his face.
"I got the job done" he replied, sounding almost bored while trying to subtly shift away from the crazy woman and her glare of doom.
Lavi rolled his eyes- eye? Did he have an eye under the patch? Anyway… and sighed. "It's hardly worth getting the job done if you end up in traction!"
"Tch" was all Kanda replied and pointedly looked away. That sounded like something Moyashi would have said- that no life was worth wasting for the sake of a mission.
With a sigh and a shake of their heads, the other two exorcists left him to his thoughts, which, finally allowed the freedom to roam freely, found themselves occupied by a short white haired boy.
More months passed, and, like his former master, Allen never came home once. Though unlike Cross, he actually kept in contact with the Order, so at least they knew he was alive.
No one was more surprised than Allen himself to get a call from the Order telling him there was an exorcist nearby on a mission who had run into difficulty. It would take another team more than a week to get to his location to help out, but Allen could reach him in a day, so he was ordered to go and provide back up.
Allen tried hard not to think about who the exorcist could be- after all many of the exorcists were 'he's' and Kanda was the one 'he' least likely to need back up, so he was rather surprised when he arrived in the small battered desert town a days travel away from where he had been staying to find one Kanda Yuu being cheerfully bashed around by lots (and he meant lots) of Akuma. By the time he got there Kanda was a little worse for wear, and so Allen didn't pause to chat, instead proceeding to destroy the Akuma who were trying to kill his would-be boyfriend before turning to deal with the mess that was Kanda, currently sitting dazedly under a tree and watching him with half-closed hazy eyes.
Allen complained about having to carry him all the way back to the hotel room. Kanda said nothing, since he'd passed out.
Finally cleaning away the blood and deeming that Kanda wasn't in danger of dying (unless Allen decided to off him in his sleep), he sat down at the bedside and sighed. It had been nearly a year since they had last seen each other, so he sat and tried to catalogue the differences that the time had had on the other man. There really didn't seem to be much difference between the Kanda now and the one from his memories. His hair was a little longer and a little less cared for, and though he'd complained about having to carry the older man, he knew that he was lighter than he had been before; something confirmed when Allen had stripped him to take a good look at his injuries, among other things. Of course, Kanda's healing meant that there would be no scars to show what he'd put his body through, but the slightly too lean look about him was enough to reveal that he'd been pushing himself too far.
Allen rolled his eyes. Typical Kanda. "You know, you're such an asshole. If you hadn't jumped to conclusions that day, we might never have been in this mess." He sighed. "No, I guess it wouldn't have been so different, but if I felt like there was something to come home to, I wouldn't have stayed away so long." He laughed to himself. "I suppose I can't really blame you for it all though. I might have jumped to the wrong conclusions if I heard you say the things I did… but you could have given me a chance to explain instead of a broken nose." He touched said feature lightly, the change of shape not very noticeable unless you touched it, but there all the same. "I just couldn't carry on like we were… being with you all the time and it not meaning anything… it was killing me. I'm such an idiot…" he slumped forward, his head hitting the mattress at Kanda's side as he huffed in defeat.
"You'll find no arguments from me" a rough voice said as a hand landed on the back of his head, pushing his face further into the bed.
"Kanda!" Allen said, forcing himself upright and staring at the unconscious man in surprise. Only of course he wasn't unconscious anymore. "Are you trying to suffocate me baKanda?" he snapped, though he wasn't really angry, just relieved.
Kanda seemed to sense this and merely raised an eyebrow. "Why would I do that? I wouldn't be able to listen to you make a fool out of yourself if you were dead" he pointed out reasonably.
Allen flushed. "You weren't supposed to be awake" he mumbled embarrassedly, looking at the mattress.
Kanda looked at the wall and wrinkled his nose a bit. "I'm glad I did." He didn't remove his hand from the back of Allen's head, even though the reach was uncomfortable, instead wrapping his fingers in the white hair to stop Allen from moving away like he looked like he wanted to. "I'm sorry I didn't let you explain… no" and he frowned at the wall like it had done him personal harm. "I shouldn't have needed you to explain. It wasn't my business anyway."
Allen looked up at the same time as Kanda's eyes swung from the wall, gazes meeting briefly before darting away again. Allen's mouth moved like a camel chewing spit as he contemplated what to say to that. In the end he shrugged and sighed. "Why did you want an explanation?"
Right, the deciding moment in your life… what are you going to say? The truth? Some parts of the truth? Lie to him and say that he just didn't want to share his fuck toy with some random tart? His mind didn't even mind that he'd just insulted Lenalee- he was far enough away the Komui's complex wouldn't be able to pick it up. Probably. Well, here it goes… "I was a little jealous… and hurt when I thought you'd moved on and I didn't warrant an explanation… but the real reason was" he swallowed tightly "I-"
He didn't get any further than that because Allen apparently decided that words were useless things and mouths should be put to better use. It had been nearly a year, but their minds remembered each other's bodies and as their mouths pressed together, neither could hold back the sudden burning rush of want that coursed though them. Allen pulled away panting. "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that… you're still hurt and we-"
"Shut up Moyashi" Kanda ordered before pulling him back down. "If you're really sorry you'd be putting that mouth of yours to better use." Allen's eyebrows disappeared into his hair, which, Kanda noticed in a detached sort of way, was longer now, just passed his shoulders, and a smirk appeared on that almost-but-not-quite adult face.
"Well, I better get on with apologising then" the white-haired demon said, sliding down his body, which for some reason was already naked. Kanda raised an eyebrow as he noticed this and Allen just shrugged. "What? I wanted a look while I was waiting for you to wake up.
"Little pervert" Kanda said, not at all minding as long as Allen made it up with some of that mouth-on-cock action he'd so enjoyed before. He wasn't disappointed as Allen pulled back the covers in a slow and teasing way and then proceeded to try and suck his dick off of his body. Kanda was rather surprised when a small bottle appeared from somewhere in Allen's pockets before the general's shirt was shed, thrown to the floor carelessly, followed by a pair of boots and trousers, all while Allen's mouth was still occupied. Kanda found he was rather impressed by Allen's multi-tasking, but was a little concerned about the appearance of the bottle, not sure if he wanted to be pounded into the mattress while he was still injured. He raised his eyebrows ad decided to draw attention to the bottle, hoping to get a hint as to where the liquid it contained was going to end up. "You're carrying that around with you? You are a little pervert!"
Allen looked up at him and grinned as though he knew exactly what was going through the other man's mind, pulling back and grinning wider when Kanda made a small noise of disappointment as the mouth ceased its movement. "And what did you expect? I needed something to replace you with." And he scooted forward, not taking his eyes from Kanda's as he slicked his fingers and reached behind him, sliding them into himself.
Kanda wasn't sure if his eyes could get any wider without falling out of his head, and unbidden his hands reached up and grasped Allen's thighs where they straddled him, his breath all of a sudden becoming very hard to draw as Allen's face contorted with all sorts of expressions. Allen apparently wasn't concentrating on Kanda as he should have been, because he missed Kanda's own fingers being slicked and jerked in surprise when another finger that wasn't his own slid in alongside the two already buried in his body. He jerked again, his body rocking against Kanda's when the older man reached and stretched and curled that finger and brushed against that place inside that made him see stars and pant and writhe and moan with the need for more. He made a wonderful noise of protest that was replaced by something more guttural as Kanda's hand encouraged his fingers free and were replaced by something else. He groaned as Kanda pushed into him, leaning forwards and gripping the older man's shoulders, being careful of his injuries. He didn't wait for Kanda to finish his slow slide to sink into him, sitting back suddenly with a harsh sound that was part pain but mostly pleasure as he began to move over Kanda without pause.
The other man rocked up to meet each downward thrust, gripping those pale slim hips with bruising force as their movements became more frenzied and uncontrolled. When Allen threw his head back and moaned, low and deep in his throat as he came, Kanda almost stopped to watch, wishing in that instant that he had the photographic memory that Lavi did so he could capture that moment in his mind forever. He managed to keep enough about him to continue to thrust, his movement loosing all rhythm until he too released, deep and hard into his lover with a quiet rich noise that rumbled in his chest.
Mindful of Kanda's injuries, Allen collapsed to the side instead of onto Kanda's chest with a deep sigh as he curled into the other man, burying his face into the crook of his neck and inhaling the smell of sweat and sex. Kanda's arm came and rested over Allen's shoulders, holding him possessively, but neither spoke and soon sleep claimed them both.
They ended up sharing a shower the next morning, blaming it on the lack of hot water sufficient for two separate ones, but that did not explain why the entire time spent in the shower involved a lot of unnecessary touching and kissing, which continued after they had exited the shower and ended up on the bed once more, clad only in towels slung loosely around their waists.
Allen looked up at Kanda from where he lay on the older man's nearly healed chest and sighed. He was cursing himself for his weakness. He'd never actually got to say what he wanted, and hadn't let Kanda finish, afraid of what would come out of the other man's mouth if he let him continue. But now… he needed to know… was this the last time they lay together like this- Kanda's hand trailing loosely up and down his back, his own head pillowed on Kanda's chest? He knew he couldn't carry on if this meant nothing to the other man, but at least, if it had to end, he'd had one last taste of everything that was Kanda before they walked away from each other forever. "What now?"
Kanda looked down at him, a frown on his face. "What do you mean?"
Allen's mouth twitched as though his words ached to be freed and he sighed again. "I know you know how I feel about you. But if it's not what you want, I need to know so I can say goodbye and get over it. I can't carry on like this; I can't… be meaningless to you anymore."
Kanda started to sit up, and Allen flinched as though he'd been hit, and Kanda realised it must have seemed like rejection. This was confirmed when Allen started to slide from the bed, his head hanging and his hair covering his eyes. Kanda swallowed his stoic pride and wrapped his arms around the retreating exorcist, stopping him in his tracks. "You were never meaningless to me, Moyashi." Then he shook his head. "No, that's not right- I think you - I think I really did hate you once… but not for a long time now." He moved his hands to Allen's still down-turned face. "We should never have started this" he sighed and rested his forehead against the younger man's. "It was doomed to fail from the start. But it's too late now." And he forced Allen's face up to look at him.
"What are you saying?" Allen asked, looking rather lost as he tried to follow Kanda's ramblings.
"I broke the terms of our arrangement long ago, when I broke my promise and fell for a stupid little bean sprout like you."
Allen just blinked at him. "You… what?"
Kanda scowled and turned away, his face a little red. "I'm not repeating myself."
Allen smiled and wrapped his own arms around Kanda now to stop him from pulling away. "Love you too."
Allen plucked at the edge of Kanda's towel a moment as a lecherous smirk crossed his face. "You're all healed now, right?"
Kanda rolled his eyes. "Little pervert."
Well there you go, fic in a week. Don't think I'll do that again for a while, I'm knackered!
*fans face* well… there we go… random, pointless smut that wasn't quite PWP, but came pretty close. I think that should tide me over until my little sisters have gone home!