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I deleted this story a few days back and have re-vamped it. Added more information and detailed more things. Sorry if you have read some of it already but I think this is better!!!

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Chapter 1

Crashes and I can't remember

Most childhood memories consist of birthdays and Christmases, things that excited you as a child and burned happy memories in your head. The friends you had in school and things you did together. People cherish these memories and keep them until the day they die. Your first tooth, your first day of school, your first love, your first heartbreak. I wish I could remember my memories.

It was an usually sunny March day when it happened. I was out with my parents, driving home to La Push, or so I was told I can't remember. When a reckless driver crashed into our car causing us to flip and crash off the road. Charlie my father who is chief of police in the near town of Forks was killed instantly and my mother Renee a school teacher also died instantly. I suffered head injuries and broken bones but survived, barely.

I can't consciously remember the accident but I have nightmares about an accident. I see the car rolling and colliding with tree and nature. I can see allot of red and glass but that's it. The one thing that changed my existence, the one thing that pushed me onto the path I'm on now and I can't even remember it. Hell I can't remember me.

I was in a coma for 3 months, or so I was told and the only memories I have of my first 16 years of life are stories from people and pictures that are paraded in front of me. I can remember seeing Carlisle when I woke up and feeling Esme's hand, they told me what had happened and told me that I will be living with them.

I was fostered by Dr. and Mrs. Cullen officially a few days after I was discharged from the hospital. They live in Forks, the town 15 minutes from La Push and the home of my fathers job, so I'm well know to the residents of Forks. My parents friends though it best that I stay close to home so I don't forget where I'm from. That's funny forget where I'm from? I can't remember or does everyone forget this.

I get easily frustrated at my lack of knowledge. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger. I hate hearing my name and not responding to it. I hate that I don't know what I like or what I don't like. I hate everything.

I can't say that I enjoyed meeting my parent's friends. They didn't seem to have faces that made me feel at ease, they looked at me in ways which made me uncomfortable full of pity. I didn't want pity. They showed me photo's from birthdays and different occasion's. Pictures of friends that I wouldn't recognise now. These pictures showed me something that I don't think I would of noticed if I wasn't trying so hard to find myself. The pictures were of a girl, miserable and sad putting on a show. Her family didn't notice her.

Carlisle and Esme had made me feel at home in their huge house. Esme was very motherly towards me and very protective. A text book mother and it pained me when I saw how my despair hurt her. No one like Esme should ever be intentionally hurt. Carlisle was very understanding and easy to be around. I did feel at ease in their company.

I know my name was Isabella Swan but I don't think Isabella suits me, I feel that something in my own name is different but I don't know what. I know I'm 16 year's old almost 17 but that's all I do know for sure. It's frustrating not knowing your friends or family. Not knowing what food I like what book's I've read or what films I have watched. I'm lost. It's so confusing. I look at passing faces and wounder if I should say hello or if I do know them. Am I in love? have I ever been? Will I ever remember?

I used to attend the high school in La Push but since I now live in Forks it would be easier for me to go to school here. My father's best friend Billy Black is a strangely unnerving man, he has a dislike for my new family and I don't know why. At first he fought against Esme and Carlisle for me to stay with him but thankfully the Cullen's had arguments with my foster father Carlisle about me changing schools.

Billy demanded that I stay put but being that I can't remember anyone a new school wouldn't make much difference to me. I don't know but when I visited La Push after the accident I just didn't feel at home there and my old house scared me. Carlisle said this could be my lack oif memory making me feel uneasy but a big part of me was screaming to get as far away from there as possible.

I start at Forks High School as a junior tomorrow. Carlisle and Esme sat me down a few days ago and asked my permission to adopt me. As my foster parents they were getting paid to care for me and Esme felt this was wrong. She though of me as a daughter, even in the short period I've know them they feel that I'm their daughter. I agreed to the adoption. I am now Isabella Marie Swan Cullen. I liked having Cullen as my last name.

Some might say that my easy acceptance of new parents is disrespectful of my real parents and their untimely death. I mean they died only a few months ago but to me they are strangers. I haven't shed a single tear fro them and pictures if them scare me. I don't feel bad for having a new family, it's the only part of my new life that I don't hate.

Billy again tried to cause more problems when the adoption went through but I told him of my lack of guilt and stood up for my new family. I guess this stumped him, it's seemed that he wasn't used to Isabella with a voice. Was I some push over before because only when I stated my opinion did he back down.

It doesn't matter how much I wish to leave the past parents, as I call them behind me there is a part of me that wants to know them but a bigger part of me telling me that knowing them would only upset me greater. There's so many voices in my head that conflict each other and confuse me. I know somewhere I remember and those parts scream to me and influence me. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. I love Carlisle and Esme very much but until I get full closure on my past parents, I can't quite call them mom and dad.

Friends from La Push have tried to talk to me and show me photos of my past but I also look distant in them, it somehow looks like I don't belong there. The doctors say that it's unlikely my memory will fully return, I still hope that one day I'll be able to find the girl I was and see if I'm still her. I highly doubt that I am, from the few encounters I've had with people from my past they seem to act akwardly towards me. I was a shy lamb now I'm a brave sheep.

"Isabella honey, Our guest are here" Esme called and pulled my out of my mental ramblings. Esme no matter how dark the times may seem always manages make me feel safe. Esme told me that we would have company of dinner tonight. The Hale's, Carlisle works with Gaynor Hale she's a doctor too and Jeff Hale is CEO of a big law company. They have two children, twins a year older than me who also go to my school and Esme though it would be a good Idea for me to meet them before school started.

I walked into the dinning room and politely greeted Gaynor and Jeff and I spotted two people my age, so it's safe to assume that they are Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The were both unbelievably beautiful and blond. Rose could easily be a swimsuit model and just being in her presence could kill my self esteem and Jasper looked better than most than most Greek gods. I don't talk to anyone much, I get scared. Esme has been helping me gain more confidence lately by taking me to work with her.

"Isabella, this is Rosalie and Jasper. Kids this is Bella" Gaynor shared Esme's kindness and I felt at ease with her. Rosalie smiled and Jasper offered me his hand.

"Isabella you looking forward to starting at Forks?" Rosalie asked me before we began dinner.

"I suppose. I can't really remember school so I hope I like it" I answered honestly and Rosalie smiled.

"Do you know anyone there?" She seemed like an easy person to get on with or was it her pity for me? I was so used to people looking down at me and pitying me that I'm always on my guard.

"Nope, well if I did I won't remember them" I tried to joke but it came out sounding pathetic. Great Isabella if they didn't pity you they do now.

"Oh I'm so sorry. Well you know me now and Jasper, so don't worry" She seemed genuinely sorry and very nice. Jasper nodded in agreement with his sister.

"Kids, dinner is served" Carlisle called to us. I lead them to the dinning room.

Dinner was a friendly event. I learnt about some of the teachers at Forks and some of the students to avoid. Jasper told me about his girlfriend Alice Masen who as he described is very excited to met me. Excited being a huge understatement, if it wasn't for a family thing tonight she would have been with him.

Rosalie told me about her best friend Edward Masen who was Alice's brother and who was star soccer player at Forks. I asked if she had a boyfriend but she didn't, surprising looking at her. I even asked if she was a cheerleader, she has the perfect stereotype for it but she almost choked on her food. Rosalie hates all things fake she'd rather work on her car. I liked Rose there instant trust in her voice. They seemed like a very friendly bunch and I was happy to sit her with them and try to be myself, well the self that I am now.

I found out that Jasper also played soccer and was very into history, he wanted to major in it at college. Jasper had a calming presnace about him. I was able to not be to panicked about situations looming and found it very easy to talk to him.

Rose promised to pick me up for school and Jasper apologised for his girlfriend in advance. When I asked why he just laughed and and said you'll see. It also turns out that Alice and her brother Edward are Carlisle and Esme's god children. When I asked why I haven't seen them before or heard of them, they said it was because they were giving me time to settle in before they unleashed Alice on me. I laughed, that was the third person to say that.

The night was as always filled with nightmares. I cried into my pillow when I woke. I didn't want Esme to hear again because I didn't know how to answer her. I could see images and hear voice sometime even feel pain but I didn't know what the hell I was dreaming about. Esme broke her heart each time I suffered my panic attacks. I learnt to calm myself quietly now so that Esme wouldn't hurt as well.

My alarm went off at 6:30 and I was barely sitting up when a short, spiky black haired, pixie looking girl burst into my room grabbing me into a death grip hug.

"Oh hey Isabella, I'm Alice. I'm pleased to meet you" I was still in shock staring at her. I had to smile at her enthusiasm. This was the infamous Alice Masen.

"Is this what Jasper meant?" I asked Rosalie standing in my door way laughing as Alice rummaged through my closet. Rosalie nodded. I watched as this tinkerbell worked her charm on my wardrobe.

Alice insisted on dressing me up and doing my make-up, I don't know what type of person I was before but I really didn't like this now. Make a mental note buy bedroom door a lock. Rosalie owned red BMW and we drove to school in this. I didn't want any attention but arriving in this car next to the model and the fairy, I may as well have 'Isabella Cullen right here' in neon lights flashing above me. We parked next to a silver Volvo and I recognised Jasper.

Next to him was a gorgeous tall boy with bronze hair and amazing green eyes, this must be Alice's brother Edward his face looked so familar. Did I know him? I swear I've dreamt about him. Again I was frustrated. Alice still had her arm around me and was nattering about shopping. Apparently she' going to make me love shopping. We reached Jasper and Edward and Alice rushed an introduction and carried on talking.

"Edward this is Isabella, Isabella my brother Edward. So like I was saying Port Angeles hasn't got the best selection but it's the closest. We should go tonight" I manged a quick smile at Edward, he obviously didn't know me. Maybe I did dream about him, I mean who wouldn't? Alice continued to be pulled along with her, I caught Jasper mouth "I told you so". I went to the office to retrieve my class list and I had all but one class with Alice and the one class I didn't have with her Edward would be with me. I would get to know him, maybe this would ease confusion.

I found out that Edward and Alice were twins and were both juniors with me. Rose and Jasper were seniors.

Lunch time arrived quickly and I saw Jasper, Rose and Edward at a table full of people, some of which I recognised from classes.

"Isabella, this is Lauren, Jessica, Angela, Ben, Tyler and Mike" I smiled to each of the people and sat between Edward and Alice. I looked at Edward again with this nagging feeling of familiarity. I tried not to stare but I was trying to place him. He caught my stares and I flushed pink with embarrassment.

"So is it true you can't remember anything?" The girl I think called Lauren asked, I stared at her. How blunt.

"No, I can't remember anything except the last 3 months" There was no point lying and the acid in her tone of voice was annoying me.

"Oh my god, that's so sad." Jessica, I think said the table fell silent. Great more pity.

"Isabella you dating anyone?" Mike I do believe blurted out, Edward slapped him across the head and Alice changed the subject quickly. Rose mouthed "sorry" to me.

The conversation around the table was about sports, then shopping and whats on at the movies. I guess it was how typical teenage friends interact with each other, for a moment I felt relaxed but the bell soon disrupted my peace and I had biology.

"Isabella want to walk with me to biology? Alice said that was your next class" Edward asked in a much smoother voice than his sister. I nodded. I noticed Jessica tagged along as well, she had chemistry in the same block or something. She was staring at Edward and giggling, maybe they were dating, now I felt as though I was intruding. Jessica kissed Edward on the cheek and bolted to her class. Edward turned slightly red as Jessica left. The class was already full and Mr. Banner signed my slip and showed me to my seat, next to Edward.

"Hey partner. Don't worry you'll like biology, your good at it" How would he know? I tried not to ask as this would raise more questions .At least I wouldn't be paired up with that Mike boy, he keeps staring at me.

"Hey. I hope so." I smiled awkwardly and turned mt attention to the notes in front of me.

"I've copied all my notes for this class, so you'll have something to read and catch up on. I know It must be difficult so I thought these might help" His velvet voice was very genuine.

"Thank you Edward and sorry about before. I don't want to intrude with you an Jessica" I just wanted to apologise I didn't want to be a pain.

"Intrude?" He sounded shocked and very surprised.

"Yeah, with Jessica and that. That last thing you need is a spare wheel" I was hesitant with what I was saying.

"Jessica?" He looks offended, oh great I've offend him.

"Yeah, She's your girlfriend right?" I said slowly hoping not to make him mad.

"No. Jessica and I are certainly not dating. She keeps asking me out but doesn't take no for an answer. None of the girls here have very much going on behind the make-up. Please don't think that." His voice was fast and high. I guess I read that situation completely wrong.

"Oh okay, I'm sorry for assuming" Mr. Banner started his class before we could talk anymore, today was a practical task. Mr. Banner placed our equiptment on our desk and carried on explaining the experiment.

"Bella, do you want to go first or shall I?" My head shot up to look at him, I guess my face filled with confusion. His face filled with panic at my reaction.

"What you call me?" I asked a little surprised.

"Oh I'm sorry. I just.. sorry Isabella" Great first I offend him and now I embarrass him. Way to go Isabella. Way to go Bella? I like it.

"No I like Bella. I actually hate Isabella but I don't correct people because I don't what to correct them with" This seemed to smooth out his worried features. I smiled at him and took the microscope.

The bell rang I had gym next. I'd didn't know if I liked gym so I didn't really have much of an opinion of it, yet. So far I've managed to work out that my balance isn't my best feature, who knows maybe sweats can work wonders. Edward waved me goodbye and Alice met me outside my locker. We walked to gym and again I don't think she stopped talking. Alice being my complete opposite soothed me, I didn't have to make conversation and she wouldn't push me on my past. I loved being in her company, she was friend.

I guess gym is now my least favourite class, I almost killed some girl with my tennis racket and Alice now has a ball shaped bruise on her leg. I haven't stopped apologising but she's very upbeat about it, apparently I've given her an excuse to shop for new trousers.

"Isabella you can catch a ride home with me and Edward if you want. Rose never stays for soccer practise but your welcome to go home with her if you want. Edward and Jasper have soccer practise, they won't be long we'll wait on the stands. It's fun to watch" Alice showed me the outside sports fields, a place that scared me to death. I really do hate gym and looking at their facilities I was scared. I spotted Edward, Jasper and Mike on the soccer field to left of us. Edward waved, as did Jasper but Mike winked, I grimaced at that.

"I think he likes you" Alice stated, well obviously he keeps staring. I really don't like Mike so I hope Alice isn't hoping to become cupid.

"I'm not interested" I said, dreading anything Mike.

"Shame, He doesn't normally take a liking to girls in the school" I don't think Alice was on about Mike, wait who was she on about? I opened my mouth to ask when I spotted the baseball practises behind Alice and it felt like something had kicked me hard in the chest. My eyes glazed over and head began to pound. Oh no not here.

"I don't care. I'm watching TV. Zip it" His tone was aggravated

I opened my eyes to see Alice, Mike, Edward and few other people staring at me. Mike went to pull me up but I screamed and flinched away. I held my face where the bottle hit that little girl. I jumped up and ran away from the questioning eyes. "THAT'S IT ISABELLA" was that a memory? I saw some baseball being played and suffer a panic attack. It felt so real and I didn't even realise I was crying until I tasted the salt fall on my lips.

Edward, Jasper and Alice called after me but I ran and didn't turn back to see them.

I was struggling to breathe tidy, I pulled out my phone and hit Esme's number.

"Please can you pick me up from school" I squeaked out through breathless gasps.

"Bella what's wrong? I'm on my way!" Her voice was now panicked and I could hear that she was running and I soon heard her car start.

"Thank you" I cried into my phone before hanging up. I collapsed onto the bench and sobbed into my hands.

What had happened in my past? Was that my life? Do I really want to know? I needed to know.

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"But dad, moms late. I'm worried. Its almost 11pm" The girls voice was shaking.

"GIRL I WON'T TELL YOU AGAIN" He roared, his eyes still fixed on the flat screen.

"I'm going to phone the police, maybe they can help me find her"

"I AM THE POLICE. NOW SHUT YOUR STUPID LITTLE MOUTH. CHILDREN SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD." Still he hadn't turned his head.

"Dad, please" the little voice begged

"THAT'S IT, ISABELLA " The man moved showing a baseball game on the TV, this is what was so important than his child? The man still had a beer can in his hand

"I'm sorry, please no" The girl begged louder, voice trembling with fright. The man raised his bottle and the last thing the girl saw was the glass break against her face and smelling salt and rust before it went black.