Hateful Rage

I hate him… I hate him because he's so popular… everybody knows him, everybody knows who he is… and nobody knows me. I hate him, I hate him so much… it's unbelievable right now to think with my rational mind that I've fallen in love with him and got involved too deep in him months ago. Now… he's all over my life… His figure wouldn't disappear from my life. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm going crazy… all because of him, I hate him. All of those sweet memories that he had given me doesn't even mean anything anymore. All I know is that this hateful and malice inside me is unbearable.

He's just so popular… and now… because of his popularity, he doesn't have the time to spend with me anymore. He starts to make excuses, saying that he's busy with work and college and that he doesn't have the time to have lunch with me or even talk to me on the phone. As soon as I phone him, he immediately seeks for excuses and cut off the line and I would be standing there, hearing the endless dead line that come from the phone. It irritates me to no end…

I know… I know what he's doing. I just found out recently and really… it's not that hard to find out what he has been doing all along while dodging and avoiding me. He could be seen all over the internet…the forum, some websites, and other places. His screen names could be seen everywhere and he's socializing with everyone, be it male or female. I read his posts and comments and those are not your usual comment… he cheated with me with the people on the internet. I know it's insane for me to even think of any of this, but it's true. The contents of the messages and the comments are inappropriate. Some involves role-playing, some even went straight to some very very inappropriate sex content material. I hate him.

I wonder why he suddenly develops such fascination over the world in the internet… So, that means I mean nothing to him? The internet people are more important than me?

It's not merely the internet… in real life too… I spotted him with someone else, smiling and joking, kissing, teasing. I saw him… My heart has been shattered to pieces a lot of times and I've lost count how many times it was. I don't want to even begin to count it. I never confronted him before… never… because I have a feeling that he would change… someday… I hope. But he never changed… and he avoids me even more. And I fall and fall into my abyss of misery… My boyfriend… the one that I dedicated my whole heart to…

Why? That's the only thing that I want to ask.

You wouldn't answer, because you didn't know that I know.

I hate you… I want to be separated from you. I want to break up with you, but I know that it's not the best solution…because I know that God would make fun of me and always let you pops up in my life every single second, making me more frustrated.

The only way to solve the dilemma...? I know a way… it is to destroy the root and the source of the problems. And I know the way…

It's time for your end, my dearly beloved. It's your time to end.

I know you're stronger than me. Hence, I took the chainsaw that sat in your garage before I went into your house. I have free access to your residence. This is almost too easy.

As I stand there, looking at you with my grudge holding expression, you looked back at me…I can see that you want to fight back. I can see the burning rage in your emerald eyes. "What are you doing, Roxas?"

"I could ask you the same question, Ax," I laughed maniacally, delighted with the sight that the source of my burden and problems would disappear from the world soon. Soon…

I start up the chainsaw and began slicing through his body. Immediately, I found out that his red hair is not of any match to the crimson of his blood, beautiful crimson, flying and splattering around all over the place as I cut him into two, three, four, five…uncountable pieces. I laughed. I laughed… this is hilarious… this is just too funny… he's made of nothing but bones and meats… so pitiful…such pitiful creation. Do you know that you deserve to die like this Axel? For breaking my heart? Do you know that? My heart has been broken so many times… and I doubt that this could match up to the pain that I've endured for so long. Thank you, Ax. Thanks for giving me such pleasure…of seeing you being slaughtered, of having you slaughtered by my hands.

The smell of your blood is sickening and I'm tainted with your smell. Your smell. Such sickening smell.

Several minutes later, I found out that there's nothing I could cut with the chainsaw anymore. Your room is splattered with pieces of your meats, with stains of your blood. So messy…so…messy…. I chuckled darkly. "Rest in peace, Ax." I smiled, curving my lips upwards sincerely. Finally, the root of my problem is gone… gone, forever.

I raised my head and looked at myself in the tall mirror that stood directly across me. My face…my hands… all red…all crimson…ruby… it's…kinda beautiful in a way. Everywhere around the room, there's Axel. At the corner, under the bed, on the bed-cover, in every unreachable area. Axel… everywhere. Gone…he's gone. It's such a shame…if only I could make him disappear without a trace. It's such a shame that his meats and bones are scattered around the room…small and miniscule pieces.

I laughed again.

This is hilarious. I would never get away from this… I know… and I would never think of getting away from this. I'm guilty, but you're even more guilty, Axel. You forced me into this. Your fault. Oh, right… I forgot… I want you to apologize… it seems, I'm too hasty… that I killed you before you utter a so well-deserved apology to me.

"…" There no way I could hear you again, right?

Ah…yeah… I could chase you until the ends of the universe…and that means…in the afterlife. In the next life and in the life after. I nodded. "Yeah, we'll meet again in the next life, right, Axel?"

Taking up and starting the chainsaw again, I slashed through my neck. It happened so quick that I think I can see the world spinning around and then… I could see my head, separated from my body, the image reflected so clearly by the mirror. And I think… then… I grinned…before I died.

"Next life, Axel. I will chase you until the ends of eternity until I hear you beg for my forgiveness."

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Aha! I'm going insane… another result of my writer's block. This actually happened to me. O.o ho, wait… well, part of the thing in the front… a miniscule part. A…ah… -shifty eyes- xD LOL. Seriously! I'm going insane because of this one essay of MINE!! I'm STUCK!!! O.o I hope you enjoyed. Sorry for going all crazy again and for the grammatical mistakes. Thanks!