And Now for Something Completely Different

A Harry Potter and Tin Man crossover. I haven't seen any of these and i wanted to read one so...I wrote one. Au from the battle in the ministry. Sirius still went through the veil, but doesn't die.

Warnings: Slash, man on man, threesomes. probably some violence, and bad language. So far no serious adult situations.

not beta'd but more because I'm not taking this story seriously then because i cant find one.

Chapter 1

Harry ran after Lestrange, heart speeding up to push the rage he felt through his whole bloodstream. He chased her out of the room with the veil and out into the atrium outside the Hall of Mysteries. He caught up with here there, his youthful body giving him the edge. All his pain and rage at the unexpected loss of his Godfather welled up in him and he pushed it through his wand.


He hit her in the back and for one satisfying and horrifying moment, she screamed and writhed on the ground. Then, she stopped and laughed weakly. "You have to mean it Ickle Harrykins. You have to want to hurt me." Her laughter strengthened when she saw his horrified face, "What does it take to make you want to hurt me. Got any other Godfathers I can kill?"

Even though it was shaking, Harry kept his wand trained on her laughing form. He whirled around when another, deeper voice joined her laughter. "You want it don't you."

Realizing his possible mistake, Harry turned and backed up so he could see both Voldemort and Lestrange, although he didn't know how seeing them could possibly help him out of this. "I can teach you how to harness your rage. Make it your slave and give you anything you want. I can make you powerful Potter, powerful enough to bring back your beloved Godfather." His promises slithered darkly along Harry's skin, seeking a weakness. Harry held strong.

He was saved from replying by Dumbledore's appearance. "Tom, do not make promises you cannot keep." Voldemort didn't reply, he simply snarled and threw a spell Harry couldn't identify at the ancient headmaster.

The battle was on, and the walls and floor exploded around him. Harry tried to dodge and lunge out of the way of the multi-colored lights. He threw up a shield with all his strength and looked around for Lestrange. She was gone.

Suddenly, Fawkes swallowed a familiar green spell that was flying towards Dumbledore and exploded in a flash of brilliant fire with a shriek. Voldemort was surrounded by blue flame before he could get off another spell. Harry watched as cracks appeared in the blue and it burst apart leaving only smoke.

It was only the sudden explosion of pain in his scar and alerted the young wizard to Voldemort's proximity. A hand around his throat intensified the pain and tears ran down his face, but he refused to scream.

"I have your pawn. Lay down your want old man." Voldemort snarled.

Through the pain, Harry watched as Dumbledore's face transformed from the grandfatherly expression he knew into an evil bastardization of righteous determination. "When I kill you, I will have no more use for him. Prepare yourself for the afterlife." Harry saw with betrayed eyes, a sickly green spell fly in his direction, and felt Voldemort maneuver him in front of it.

Just before the green light hit, he saw a fanatical gleam in his mentor's eye. The spell hit, and acting purely on instinct, Harry pushed the spike of pain threw him and out his back. He dropped to his knees, surprised to be alive, and heard a sizzle behind him.

Voldemort was clawing at his face, mouth open in a silent scream. He dissolved into blood and bone, until all that was left was a pile of smoking cloths, his wand lying innocently atop it. Surreptitiously, Harry grabbed the wand and shoved it up the back of his shirt to tuck it into his waistband.

"Well done my boy, I knew you could do it." Harry only raised his head a little, allowing Dumbledore to see that this fa├žade wouldn't work on him anymore. He'd seen his true colors. "My boy, do not look at me that way. I couldn't let him know how important to me you are." 'Yea right' Harry didn't dignify it with a response. He raised his hands to touch his chest where the spell hit him. He was sore, but there was no blood, and no opening.

Dumbledore opened his mouth to speak again, but Harry was saved by the appearance of the order, and their prisoners. Neville, Luna and Remus ran to him immediately, but Harry noticed Ron and Hermione went to Dumbledore first. The three enveloped him in a group hug and he tried not to grimace. It must have shone though, because they pulled back almost immediately.

Remus asked franticly, "Are you injured any where? I almost died when you ran away. What were you thinking?" Again, an unexpected presence saved him from needing to answer.

"JUST WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!!" Minister Fudge shouted. He apparently had arrived just in time to see Harry divert the spell and kill Voldemort, but he and his entourage had been so shocked they'd not moved.

Every one looked to Dumbledore to explain, but the old man gestured to Harry. Taking a deep breath Harry began, "Minister, Headmaster Dumbledore received information that the ministry was going to be invaded by Death Eaters. He informed those he felt could be trusted and arrived here to battle with Voldemort."

He assumed it was all true. Dumbledore must have gotten wind he'd come here and that the Death Eaters were attacking, and informed the Order. He'd also arrived to battle Voldemort. It just left a lot out. The rest of the order glanced down to hide their shocked expressions. The Golden Gryffindor was acting suspiciously Slytherin.

Fudge fanned himself and cleared his throat multiple times. Finally one of the Aurors with him took over. "So where is Voldemort?"

Harry pointed at the smoldering pile of clothing and Ron, who'd been standing near it, squeaked and ran away from it.

"Alright, We'll get you and those present's memories as proof. Where are the Death Eaters?"

Order members pushed and/or levitated bound, unconscious or injured Death Eaters forward.

Another Auror slowly moved forward to unmask them, taking note with calm detachment that they had two Lestranges, Goyal, Crabbe, and Malfoy Sr. and, McNair, and Rosier.

While the Aurors took possession of the prisoners, Fudge got over his shock and tried to take control of the situation. He couldn't allow the information out, that Voldemort was alive, though now dead, and he'd said otherwise. It would look like he was covering it up.

"You are all under arrest for breaking and entering a government building. Aurors arrest them."

The five Aurors swallowed and looked at the twenty odd, armed, Order members and then back at Fudge.

Dumbledore smiled in his twinkly way and asked those under him to stand down and allow the Aurors to escort them to the appropriate place. He would take care of it. Most trusting in the old man automatically dropped their weapons. Harry shook his head and said no, softly so only Luna, Neville, Remus and the few order members around him heard; Kingley Shacklebolt, Mad Eye Moody, and Tonks among them.

"Minister I'm sure you'll excuse me if I and my personal guard refuse, as I've had trouble in your custody before."

Fudge and Dumbledore wore identical expressions of shock. Those Order members unknown to Harry, moved away and put down their wands, but Kingsley, Moody, Tonks, Remus and his two peers held their ground and attempted to school their expressions.

"I was unaware you were assigned a personal guard Mister Potter, and it appears so was your Headmaster."

"I am sorry, but you are misinformed. We were hired after his Dementor attack, for any time he left the school property. We met him here when he contacted us about retrieving a prophecy about him from the archives." Kingsley's cool confidant tone left no room for argument.

"Aurors Shacklebolt and Tonks, you have jobs here." Fudge said, suspiciously.

"I am allowed to do freelance work on my day's off, as today is, Minister." Was the dark man's unshaken reply, and a purple head nodded decisively.

"And Lupin is a werewolf!" A voice that sounded suspiciously like one Ronald Weezley shouted out. The Minister nodded, as if that was a valid argument. Remus flushed, but before he could defend himself Harry said. "I have found Mr. Lupin to be a trustworthy resource, and his enhanced senses immensely valuable." A light smile from his old professor was his reward.

Dumbledore spoke up, obviously unhappy with his rouge pawn. "You have two school children with you. Surely you are not claiming them to be your body guards."

Harry held in a hiss, and felt Luna's hand on his, preventing his heated response. "We are his friends. A Gill-villed swallow told me he would need support when he went to rescue the prophecy, so we came with him."

No one seemed to know how to reply to that, although Harry and Neville were holding in chuckles. Finally a relatively new Auror asked. "What kind of proof do you have that this was your reason for being here." Fudge looked at the young Auror with pride, and idly Harry wondered if the man would get a raise. Neville stepped forward. "We have badges from the phone booth where we entered, as is protocol for night time visits, saying we were on a rescue mission. I assume it is because Luna said we were here to rescue information on Harry's past." A grunt sounded from where Hermione Granger and Ronald Weezley were standing when an elbow hit soft stomach tissue mid breath.

Looking disappointed Fudge let them be, but asked them to please remain in the atrium so they could chat. Harry nodded but asked if they could wait elsewhere as there was a decomposing Dark Lord in this room.

Hiding chuckles the group followed Moody and Kingsley to a waiting room. When Neville opened his mouth to praise Harry on his quick thinking he found no sound would come out and shot a look at Moody. "I here tale that sometimes the Minister be knowing all spoken words in these here rooms." The three teens nodded and accepted that the rooms were most likely bugged.

Instead Neville asked, "So, did you hear the prophecy?" Harry shook his head, "Malfoy's father dropped it before I could."

Tonks asked the question they were all thinking, "What do you think he wants to talk to us about? We were here on official business."

Moody answered in his usual gruff voice, "He will probably be arresting those with Albus, but if they're crafty, they may be getting off with only a vow of silence. They probably be wanting something of the like for us."

Harry ignored the urge to comment on Moody's pirate like way of speech and folded his arms across his chest. "He can't force us to take a vow can he? I mean who would believe us anyway. You're with me, and I'm a raving lunatic, who makes things up to get attention."

Kingsley answered after he finished checking the walls and seats and allowed them to sit. He had been going through the motions he would if he was really on guarding duty. "He cannot force you five, it's against the law though he will probably try, but Tonks and I work for the Aurors. If we don't take the vow he will likely fire us."

Tonks looked resigned but not to upset. It wasn't the first vow she'd taken. Some days she felt like in the future she'd not be able to speak at all.

They sat quietly each thinking their own thoughts until an Auror came to escort them to the Minister's Office. Harry was only some what surprised to see Dumbledore still there.

"Ah, Mister Potter and party, thank you for waiting. I would like your account of what transpired in the Department of Mysteries."

Harry cleared his throat softly, signaling that he would handle it. Although he needn't have bothered, none of the others even considered tackling it.

"Minister, that won't be a problem, although I will keep it brief, I need to go to St. Mugo's and get checked out from the spell the Headmaster cast at me. Speaking of him, I wonder why the Headmaster is here. My personal business is none of his." He watched with satisfaction as Dumbledore's eyes flashed in rage for a moment. The Minister cleared his throat and shifted his weight nervously. He was in the middle of a power play between the two most influential light wizards in their world, no matter how much bad publicity he put out on them.

"Ah, well you see Mister Potter, Dumbledore is here to make a deal to prevent prison time for himself and those with him." Harry's eyes widened in shock. How was that again?

"But that is a matter for later, you were about to tell me you version of the events of tonight."

"I'm sorry Minister, but if it's a matter for later then perhaps that's when the Headmaster should be here." Harry stifled his glee when Fudge acquiesced and Dumbledore stepped out.

"Well, I came upon information that there was something in the Department of Mysteries with my name on it." He didn't mention that it was information gleaned from a vision sent by Voldemort. "So I contacted my friends and a few others and flew here as soon as possible." He was interrupted by an Auror who asked why he didn't wait until daylight, or until he had permission to leave Hogwarts premises. "Yes, well the rules say you can leave with your guardian's permission, and you can check the Floo network logs that I fire called my godfather to get it." He bowed his head for a moment when a flare of pain swept through him. He tried to shake it off, but the tears were already coming. He had to explain it to the Minister. "I'm sorry Minister, but Bellatrix Lestange sent him through the veil tonight, and I haven't even thought about it yet." He looked to the side and tried to regain control of himself. He could fall apart later. Remus reached over and held onto his hand tightly.

When he felt he had himself in hand, he continued. "We got here and went through the phone booth entrance, and went to the Hall of Mysteries."

Again the Auror interrupted, "it says here one Harry Potter entered on a rescue mission with five others not seven."

Before Harry could think up an answer, Kingsley stepped in. "Moody, Tonks, and I arrived later." Which was true. Harry was grateful the dark man had thought to include Sirius.

"When we got to the Hall of Prophecy, we looked around and ran into a group of Death Eaters. They started firing at us, so we defended ourselves and ran." Harry felt he was getting fairly good at speaking half truths. "We ended up in the room with the veil and a bunch of other people arrived and started fighting with the Death Eaters. Lestrange forced," He gulped and his voice started wavering, "Sirius into the veil and I may have lost my head." A quick 'understandable' from the Minister, but he didn't stop for fear he wouldn't be able to continue.

Excepting his use of an unforgivable, Harry told the truth. Including the Unforgivable from Dumbledore, and that the old man's words, which caused a growl from Remus, and that he not only survived the killing curse cast by the headmaster, but diverted it through him and into Voldemort. He didn't mention that he had the man's wand.

The Minister sat in silence for a few minutes, allowing the Quick Quill to catch up, and giving himself some time to think. Eventually he asked, "Could you give us your memories?" He had to ask because they were on private legal business, and so couldn't force them.

"I wouldn't mind, but then it shouldn't be necessary to take any others." The Minister sighed, resigned when the Longbottom Heir and Lovegood child nodded.

Harry pulled out his memory, only guessing at how it was done from watching Dumbledore and Snape, making sure to only include the last part, from when Dumbledore arrived to when the Minister did, and leaving out where he grabbed Voldemort's wand. An Auror held out a glass vile for him to put it in.

The Minister called back in Dumbledore who arrived with Ron Weezley and Hermione Granger in tow.

Immediately Ron started the blame game. "We were with them the whole time Minister, and we have the memories to prove it."

Harry felt those around him shift and said, "I contest the use of their memories. I suspect that the Headmaster could have supplanted memories into them while they weren't in here." It was a risky chance but he couldn't allow them to prove all their claims false.

Everyone was momentarily stunned still and Harry allowed a measure of pride to envelop him. At least Dumbledore hadn't expected that.

"That is a serious charge Mister Potter. Falsifying evidence is punishable by time in Azkaban." Harry appeared to meet his eyes evenly, when in reality he was focused on the bit of skin between the Minister's eyes. The man could be able to use Legilimancy, he couldn't take the chance.

The female Auror who'd remained silent up until then leaned forward to whisper in the Minister's ear. The Minister nodded and waved a dismissing hand at her.

"Auror Mostruff is going to check the surveillance spell where Dumbledore was waiting."

Moody grunted in satisfaction, and those around him smiled a little. Harry didn't let his surprise show; he'd not expected them to take his contestation seriously.

They waited in tense silence for the Auror's return. Ron and Hermione glared daggers in their direction but their three peers didn't look at them, and remained aloof, carrying on a quiet discussion amongst themselves. Neville asked softly, but loud enough to be heard by everyone, "Are you hurt too bad Harry? Can you make it just a little more time?" The quiet boy had to look down to hide his smile, but Luna carried it on perfectly. "Oh, I should get you a Sure-Faced-Salamander for your birthday; they are great for speeding up the healing of wounds caused by those who'd betrayed you." The others in the room blanched.

"Yea, I'm fine guys." Harry's voice was ruff due to his difficulty holding in his laughter. The Minister looked ashen at the reminder that Dumbledore had cast an unforgivable at the boy hero. He glanced at the Quick Quill which was still copying what would be public information if all of them didn't take a vow of silence. Harry knew that since he wasn't dead, he'd have a hard time proving the green spell had really been the killing curse, and that Voldemort hadn't died by his proximity to Harry, or by something completely unrelated.

The Auror returned and cast a spell on the large mirror that covered one wall of the Minister's office. The mirror showed Dumbledore leaving the office, and followed him as he walked to where Ron and Hermione were waiting. They had a quick discussion about why Dumbldore was out there and not in the office, where the Headmaster called Harry a few names that made Moody laugh. Then surprise surprise, the Headmaster put his wand to each of their heads for a moment and then the three of them had shared a smile. "Now we will be able to convince that tool of a minister you are innocent, and perhaps put our washed out weapon in prison before he becomes the next Dark Lord." Dumbledore said.

That was the last thing the mirror showed and immediately the two Aurors, Kingsley, Tonks, and Moody had Dumbledore and the other two by wand point.

"Is this really necessary?" The old man said, but Harry could see the fear and desperation in his eyes.

By the time Harry and his true friends returned to Hogwarts they were completely shattered, but also reeling from the last few hours.

Dumbledore had been arrested for casting and unforgivable, attempted murder, attempt to falsify evidence, and using mind magic on a minor. Both Ron and Hermione had returned to Hogwarts because the evidence showed they'd not given their permission to the old man. They were probably writing letters to Ron's family and Rita Skeeter, if they had any brains at all, which was debatable.

Harry had been forced to go to St. Mungo's where he'd gotten a clean bill of health other then that he had magical exhaustion and shouldn't do spells for a few days. He'd gotten a note to show his teachers at Remus' suggestion.

The boys walked Luna back to the Ravenclaw dormitory and then headed to bed. Harry ended up sleeping curled in Neville's embrace. The shy boy had been surprisingly forceful, claiming that Harry had gone through too much and ordering him to cry and then sleep.


It was summer, finally, and Harry was standing where he'd come almost everyday since Sirius had died; in the room with the veil listening to the whispers. Sometimes he could convince himself he could understand what they were saying. 'Come back to us.' Or 'We need you'. Other times he thought he heard Sirius, 'Its time now pup'

Each time he convinced himself it was just his imagination, but he would spend hours in this room. The unspeakables who worked with the veil learned to ignore him. He'd received the Minister's permission in return for his support after Dumbledore's arrest.

He jolted when he felt a small hand on his shoulder. It was Luna. "The Snorlacks are going to eat off all your cloths if you sit here not moving." He didn't even chuckle; Luna's strange way of seeing things had become common place to him. Ron and Hermione had succeeded in turning most of the school against him. Fudge wouldn't let the complete truth get to the public and so all that most people knew was that Dumbledore had attacked Harry with the killing curse, and that Harry hadn't died again. Ron convinced most the Gryffindors that Harry brainwashed the Minister, and was the next Dark Lord. The Slytherins were pissed because their parents were being round up. The Ravenclaws only wanted to study him to find out how he could survive the killing curse again. The Hufflepuffs had been completely loyal to Dumbledore and believed that he'd somehow tricked the Minister, just like he had the Goblet of Fire the year before. In short, the only people who would talk to him were Luna and Neville. Even the teachers refused to talk to him or grade his tests or homework.

None of it bothered him though. He spent all his free time here, listening to the elusive voices in the veil.

"Sometimes I can understand them Luna."

"I know Harry. I can too." Harry looked up in surprise to find Luna's normally flaky persona gone. "You can?"

"Yes its time for you to go back."

"Go back, what?" Luna just looked at him sadly, but with understanding. "You're not meant to be here anymore. You did what you had to. You killed him. Now you need to go home."

In his shocked state, Harry didn't notice that they were walking toward the veil. He did notice when she pushed him in. His last sight before black overtook him was a tear trail down her cheek, and red lights envelop her.