Disclaimer: Am I J.K. Rowling? Didn't think so. I guess that means I don't own HP.
Hey yo! It's Mika-chan! This is my first HP oneshot, so I'm kinda nervous about how this will turn out. This is dedicated to the infamous Weasley twins, since April Fools Day is the perfect holiday for them. Anyway, let teh deadly tale begin!
Fred and George Weasley loved causing chaos and their birthday was an opportune moment for them to do just that. The twins were born on April Fools Day, a day filled with mischief and mayhem, a day that pranksters around the world used to their advantage. People who loved the first of April were usually people who liked to swap real wands for fake wands that would turn into rubber chickens at random moments. People who lived for practical jokes. People like the Weasley twins.
The twins always celebrated their birthday in their own way. While the rest of the Weasleys celebrated with cake and a party, Fred and George always played intricate and outlandish pranks on each other. On their fifth birthday, George had given his brother a box of Pumpkin Pasties, but he had presented Fred with an empty box. Fred was quite perturbed when he opened what he thought was his present, but he realized it was a joke when George gave him the Pumpkin Pasties not long after. When they turned nine, Fred had disguised his gift (a sack of Dungbombs) as a set of Nose-Biting Teacups. George, believing the ferocious teacups to be his real present, didn't realize his brother's joke until well over a week later.
And then there was the year the twins entered Hogwarts.
No one had really thought that Fred and George would continue in their mischievous ways. They were, after all, in Hogwarts, a prestigious school of magic. Childish acts of foolishness had to be put behind them if they wanted to succeed as wizards.
The day began as a normally as it could. Lee Jordan had started the day off by setting off some of Dr. Filibuster's explosive fireworks, which he did every morning. At breakfast, Fred and George had exchanged their gifts: sheets of parchment with instructions written on them. The twins decided that they would hide their presents somewhere in Hogwarts, which could prove to be a challenge when it's enormous size was taken into account.
George had found his gift first: a box of Chocolate Frogs and an Ever-Bashing Boomerang hidden in the Muggle Studies classroom underneath a desk. Fred had a bit of trouble finding his, however. George had hidden a clue in Fred's Potion's textbook, which contained well over a thousand pages. He eventually found his gift: a box of Cauldron Cakes and a Sneakascope.
The professors at Hogwarts, however, remember the event because of the damage done to the castle. Fred had hidden a clue in the Astronomy tower underneath a telescope, which broke somehow in the process. George had accidentally released a cage of mice when he hid his clue in Professor McGonagall's office, though no one can figure out how he did it. Lee Jordan said that they must have been released by another student, but no one seemed to believe his theory, since the twins already had quite a record for mayhem.
Now it was their seventh and final year at Hogwarts and Fred and George were looking forward to having some real fun. They wanted to annoy Umbridge, a loathsome woman who reminded students of a toad, since she was being as foul as she usually was. They had to obey her, since she was the Hogwarts High Inquisitor, a position given to her by Cornelius Fudge, but many of those who obeyed her didn't do so very often.
Fred and George had spent weeks planning for the event. They'd originally planned on setting up a Portable Swamp in the fifth floor corridor, but Hermione suggested against it, since someone was liable to get injured. Rather than argue with her, they'd then settled on replacing Umbridge's morning pumpkin juice with armadillo bile. This backfired, however, when George found no armadillo bile in the Potion's storeroom. Hermione overheard them discussing their next plan (kidnapping Mrs. Norris and trapping her in a cage dangling off the Astronomy tower) and told them off for it. It seemed to them that Hermione would complain about anything they did, so they eventually decided on doing something relatively safe: perform the Leg-Locking Curse on Snape while he was walking down a hallway. It was safer than their original plan, since Fred had wanted to do it while the Potion's Master was going down the steps.
They hadn't told Lee their plan and he was looking forward to seeing what they would do. Over the years, Lee had observed many a prank from the infamous Weasley twins. He thought he'd seen the worst when Fred put fireworks in George's pumpkin juice, but then George put a curse on his brother's quill that made each word different than what Fred wanted it to be. So when Fred went to write, "the War of the Trolls was held from 1236-1300", he actually wrote, "Snape's nose resembles an octopus". Naturally, Fred was quite annoyed by this, but Snape, who'd heard about the situation from Professor Binns, was even angrier.
Hermione, on the other hand, was quite worried about the pandemonium that was sure to come. She was known for being worrisome, something that annoyed just about everybody, and told people off for doing something she thought was dangerous. George had assured her that no harm would come to anyone, but Hermione remained uncertain.
So on the morning of April the first, Lee Jordan started the day with his usual explosives. Fred quickly copied down Lee's homework for Charms while George gradually became more active as he awoke from sleep. The twins opened their presents, which were hidden in the dormitory, before telling Lee what the plan was.
"But you said you wouldn't tell me." Lee pointed out as he pulled on his robes.
"Do you really think we only have one plan, Lee?" Fred raised an eyebrow.
"You're planning more than one thing?" Lee frowned.
"Of course we are!" George exclaimed, shoving his Transfiguration textbook in his bag.
"So what's the first one?" Lee wanted to know.
"Leg-Locking Snape when he's walking down a hallway." George grinned.
"That's not very devious." Lee's eyes narrowed.
"Well, we were going to do it while he was on the stairs." Fred said with complete nonchalance.
"As I said, not very devious." Lee tied his shoelace before starting on the other one. "You two must have something else in mind."
"Oh, we do, Lee." Fred nodded, tossing him the roll of parchment with the Charms homework.
"And what is that?" Lee wanted to know.
"You'll find out." George said as they made their way down the spiral staircase.
"This must be good." Lee said. "I'll have you know I've planned something for today, too."
"Don't tell me you put itching powder in Michael Jenkins' robes again." Fred sighed.
"No, I 'dropped' a swelling solution on Adrian Sewell's face." Lee grinned.
"Oh, he deserves it." George and Fred said together.
"Well, what can you expect?" Fred shrugged. "He's a Slytherin."
"Enough said." Lee nodded in agreement. "So when are you going to curse Snape?"
"Whenever we see him walking in the hallways." Fred said.
"But we're going to have to be discrete about it." George pointed out. "Unless we want to be caught, anyway."
"Oh, I thought you did, George." Lee's words dripped obvious sarcasm.
Fred pretended to be annoyed. "How meddlesome can you get?"
"Oh, you'd be surprised." Lee grinned deviously.
Transfiguration proved to be an interesting lesson. The class was attempting to turn a chickadee into a filing cabinet. It was basic Transfiguration, but Professor McGonagall felt that the seventh years needed some review of the skills learned in the first few years.
Being the pranksters that they were, Lee, George and Fred created their usual chaos, despite the fact that all three were seated at complete opposite sides of the classroom. Lee managed to put the Tongue-Tying Curse on Patrick Finnegan, which made the latter turn the chickadee into a rhino instead of a filing cabinet. That caused quite an uproar resulting in the Banishment of said rhino by Professor McGonagall. After the ordeal had passed, Fred and George commenced turning the chickadees of other students different colours. George had succeeded in turning Andrew Summerland's chickadee bright magenta when Professor McGonagall noticed and made him change it back.
They'd passed Snape when they were heading to History of Magic for their second class. Deciding this opportunity was too great to ignore, Fred ducked behind a statue of Uric the Oddball and waited for the Potions Master to pass before saying the curse. Snape dropped the enormous stack of books he was carrying and ended up tripping several feet down the hallway, having to endure the cackles of laughter from various students as they passed by.
Not surprisingly, History of Magic was as dreadful as ever. Professor Binns droned on about the war between house elves and garden gnomes for a full forty-five minutes before changing the subject to the outlawing of the hunting of Cornish Pixies. Almost all the class fell asleep and some snoring could be heard, but Professor Binns didn't seem to notice. He couldn't, however, ignore Fred's marvellous chainsaw impersonation and demanded why everyone was asleep. This probably didn't work so well because the ghost professor's voice remained its usual monotone, which could cause anyone to fall into a stupor if exposed to it for the right amount of time. Noticing that Fred was still performing his imitation of a chainsaw, Professor Binns told Lorraine Aptwater, a shy Ravenclaw who happened to sit next to Fred, to wake up the Weasley. After she had thrown a roll of parchment at the redhead, waking him up, Professor Binns changed the subject once again to the vampire revolts in Liverpool in the fifteenth century.
"That was absolutely dreadful." Lee groaned as they walked out of class twenty minutes later.
"But we have Potions next." George smiled.
"Why is that a good thing?" Fred wondered.
"All of the pranks!" George looked like his explanation was brutally obvious.
"Ah." Fred nodded. "So…what are we going to do?"
"I was going to do the Bat Bogey Curse on him." Lee said as they passed a group of Hufflepuff second years.
"What about the Hurling Hex?" George suggested. "That'd be a good one."
"What are we going to hurl him against?" Fred questioned. "The wall?"
"How about a cauldron of Vatamix Potion?" George said.
"But we're supposed to be making the Dreaming Potion today." Lee retorted.
"That's what Fred's going to do." George said. "Make the Vatamix Potion."
"I am?" Fred questioned, ignoring the group of Ravenclaw sixth years giggling in a corner by themselves.
"Look, when Snape goes to get the ingredients from the storage closet, you'll switch the Dreaming Potion with the Vatamix Potion." George said.
"And how do you know he's going to have a Vatamix Potion out?" Lee looked sceptical.
"Because I heard a second year talking to him about it yesterday at dinner." George said, feeling a drop in the temperature as they entered the dungeons. "We'll wait until he's helping Felicia before we actually curse him."
"Why Felicia?" Fred wondered.
"She's the female version of Neville, Fred." Lee said. "He'll be with her for a while." He turned to George and said, "But who's going to do the actual cursing?"
"I can." George said. "If no one else does, that is."
"Hey, it's your funeral." Lee shrugged as they walked into the Potions classroom.
As predicted, Snape had a cauldron of the Vatamix Potion simmering by his desk. When Snape went back into the storage closet, Fred hastily swapped potions and darted back to his seat before Snape would notice the change. While he was helping Felicia, George muttered the curse and Snape went flying back into the cauldron of potion, sending the liquid spilling onto the dungeon floor. Some of the Slytherins rushed over to help the Potions Master, but most of the other students found the situation very amusing.
"I heard what you guys did in Potions." Ron said later at lunch.
"That was really dangerous!" Hermione was, as usual, being overly concerned. "He could have gotten hurt."
"I don't think anyone would care, Hermione." Harry said as he bit into a drumstick.
"Exactly." Lee nodded in agreement.
"Well, I hope you don't have any other plans for today." Hermione said.
"What are you going to do?" Fred knew she wouldn't do anything really serious.
"I'll go straight to Dumbledore if I have to." Hermione tried to sound firm.
"Already been there." George took a drink of pumpkin juice.
"And it doesn't faze you?" Hermione looked absolutely astounded.
"Not really." Lee shook his head as he twirled his pasta on his fork.
"Just make sure we're not in it, all right?" Ron said. "I've had enough of your bloody jokes at home."
"Relax, Ron, we're not going to do anything to you." George rolled his eyes.
"Yet." Fred grinned deviously.
"Oh, no you don't!" Ron yelled, pretending to throw a spoon at Fred.
"Stop it, Ron." Hermione said, taking the spoon from his hand.
"We still need to annoy Umbridge." George said.
"Already did." Lee smiled.
"You did?" George and Fred said together.
"What did you do?" Harry wondered.
"Well, I switched her sausage with a dungbomb." Lee said. "Then I laced her butterbeer with a Sleeping Potion."
"You could've done better than that, Lee." George said.
"Oh, I replaced her afternoon tea with flobberworm mucus and octopus powder." Lee smiled.
"That's a bit better." Fred nodded.
"She's going to be furious with you guys." Harry said, finishing his apple tart.
"Isn't she always?" George shrugged and with a quick look at his watch said, "We'd best be going to Herbology, now."
"Since when have you ever cared about getting to class on time?" Ron questioned as the twins and Lee rose from their seats.
"Never." All three said before making their way out to the greenhouses.
Seventh year Herbology was a complete bore. They did a lot of busy work for Professor Sprout. Sensing that they might cause general paranoia, she gave Lee the task of trimming the primroses while Fred fed the Venomous Tentacula and George replanted the Bowtruckles. The Bowtruckles were very troublesome plants since they liked to throw sticks at anyone who came near them. George wanted to set the annoying trees on fire, but he knew Professor Sprout wouldn't like that. Lee grew very bored while he trimmed the primroses, something that could bore just about anyone. Fred, on the other hand, had a bit of a problem feeding the Venomous Tentacula. Since they had razor-sharp teeth, Fred had to wear dragonhide gloves, which were usually enough protection. The Tentacula appeared to be in an aggressive mood today and by the time he was finished, Fred had gone through about five pairs of gloves because the carnivorous plants had devoured the previous pairs.
"Oh, this'll be fun." George said as they traipsed off to Defense Against The Dark Arts an hour later.
"Is she going to know about your prank, Lee?" Fred asked.
"She shouldn't yet." Lee pushed his dreds out of his eyes.
"Then we should be in the clear for a while." Fred said, opening the gargantuan doors to the Entrance Hall.
"Wait, you're telling me that you have no plans for Umbridge?" Lee looked quite astounded.
"Of course we do." The twins said together.
"It's April Fools Day." George said. "The perfect opportunity to wreak havoc and paranoia."
"That's what I thought." Lee looked relieved.
Sitting down in their seats, they waited for Umbridge to enter the room. Today she was wearing her usual pink outfit, complete with a mink-skin scarf wrapped around her neck.
"Now take out your textbooks and start reading chapter seven." She said before saying, "There will be no need for talking."
As she returned to her desk, the students took out their textbooks and started reading the dull material. George grew bored after the first paragraph and looked around the room for something to do. He eventually decided to bewitch the quill that Umbridge was writing with to write the first thing that came to his mind. So instead of writing "This student has failed miserably," it now read, "Tuna, cheese, cod liver oil, guacamole". She eventually caught on and looked at the class and said, "All right, who's the culprit?"
While the rest of the class looked confused, George tried to be as normal as possible. Fred looked at his twin and could instantly tell that this was of George's doing, even though he had no idea what it was.
"Which one of you rewrote my performance report?" Umbridge demanded. When no one answered, she turned to Fred and said, "Mr. Weasley, is this your idea of a joke?"
"No, Professor." Fred made the title as sarcastic as he could.
"Then it must be your twin." Umbridge then rounded her eyes on George, who was, perhaps too innocently, pretending to read the textbook.
"Of course not." George looked revolted.
"One of you is lying." Umbridge decided.
"And how do you know it's not someone else, huh?" Fred challenged.
"Because you two are always causing trouble in my classroom." Umbridge said.
"Are not!" George snapped.
"It's obviously them." Marc Hemlox, a rather annoying Slytherin seventh year, said with a sneer. "It's always them."
"Shut it, Hemlox." Fred glared at the blonde sitting several rows behind him.
"Okay, both Weaslys out!" Umbridge shouted.
"Why?" George demanded. "We didn't do anything!"
"Because I said you did!" Umbridge roared. "Now out of my classroom!"
And with that, Fred and George gathered their belongings and walked out of the classroom. They decided to go back to Gryffindor Tower to kill time until they had to go to their next lesson.
"She's a crazy old bat, isn't she?" George rolled his eyes.
"No doubt." Fred said. "Nice prank, though."
"You noticed?" George frowned.
"It was obvious." Fred smiled. "You would never read a textbook."
"Right, of course." George smiled back in reply.
A moment of silence passed before Fred said, "Happy birthday, George."
George nodded and said, "Happy birthday, Fred."
It's a lame ending, I know. If I have any of my regular readers reading this story, I'm changing my pen name from Mika-chan to either Magix or Xero. I haven't decided yet.
If this is your first time reading something of mine, I hope you enjoyed it. If anyone wants something specific, just message me and I'll see what I can do. I'll write yaoi, yuri, BL, GL...basically anything short of MPreg. Again, just let me know and we'll try to work it out. Thanks for reading! Reviews equal love!