Locust vs. Tellytubbies

Yet again it was a merry day in Tubbyland. The stupid baby sun was laughing at annoyingly loud volumes and the Tellytubbies were busy making stupid noises and pointing in the direction of an object which has no relevance to this story, or of any interest at all. The usual crappy tubby toast was being munched on and the same disgusting tubby custard was being consumed in all of its pink crapness. Yes, overall it was a merry day. Absolute Bollocks.

Suddenly, an inter-dimensional wormhole appeared (always a convenient plot device) and out popped a bunch of angry Locust (Yes, the ones form the Gears of War series). After having their asses handed to them on two occasions now by some badass soldier, an angry Mexican bloke, a crazy black dude and an arse, they were pretty peeved and looking to indulge in some needless violence involving chainsaws. Sadly for the Tellytubbies, they were about to be massacred.

A Theron guard scanned the area while a pair of grenadiers scouted out for anything worth murdering. They were granted with success and found a rabbit.

"Grenade out!" cried the Grenadier in its deep voice as it threw the grenade at the rabbit. The grenade hit it and exploded instantly turning it into a blood strewn paste. A few more rabbits appeared, curious to see what happened. A nearby Grinder turned and looked with malicious intent at the rabbits.

"GRIND!" it yelled and opened fire with its Mulcher. Within seconds, the rabbits were destroyed, nothing left but a bloody smear where they once were.

The commotion you'll understand attracted the Tellytubbies as they had a morbid interest in any thing that moved and liked to point and say a complete load of gibberish, even when it was an angry mob of Locust. Tinky Winky, being the diplomat of the group approached the Kantus Monk who appeared to be leading the Locust. He nonchantly offered a stale piece of Tubbytoast as an offer of greeting. The Kantus, obviously offended by both the crappy toast and the sight of a fat purple thing with a red handbag made a long screechy noise. From behind a nearby rock, a sniper shot flew striking the purple ponderer in the face, dislodging most of it and destroying the vast majority of his brain (whatever there was of it). Tinky Winky collapsed in a heap, instantly killed, courtesy of the sniper hidden in the rocks. Now alert, the rest of the Tellytubbies retreated, leaping on Po's scooter in order to make a quick getaway. The Locust fired shots in order to take them down, but Po's crap plastic scooter was too fast, and it sped of towards the house which was so blatantly nicked from the Hobbit.


When the Locust reached the cheap rip off of Bilbo's house, the windows were barricaded and a variety of heavy turrets were ready to take on any invaders. With a loud screech the Kantus initiated the assault. The Locust charged towards the door. Suddenly, an automatic turret popped out of the roof opening fire on the Locust. The first few chargers were ripped apart by the high caliber rounds, dismembering limbs and shredding the corpses as they fell. The remaining chargers took to cover. The Locust then launched a counterattack. A Boomer stepped up the passage and opened fire.

"BOOM!" it yelled in its incredibly deep voice.

The shot flew through the air and struck the turret, annihilating both it and the door. The ripped off house had been breached. The remaining Locust charged in, eager to rip as many annoying chubby children's entertainers as possible. But they were greeted by La La with the infamous Tubby Custard gun. She opened fire, sending a toxic spray of deadly and crappy tubby custard flying towards the attackers. The Locust immediately fell, melting into piles of pink goo where they stood. La La stood triumphant, but that was soon changed as a Torque Bow shot sped through the air and stuck itself in her head. She had merely seconds to react before it exploded, utterly destroying her body, leaving but chunks of bloody flesh which rained down from all around. The Theron Guard responsible emerged from cover chuckling to itself in hissing tones.

Po then leaped out cover, opening fire with his/her heavy machine gun. The shots ripped thought he Theron Guard and wounded a grenadier standing alongside. The rest of the Locust dove for cover, suppressed by a fat red thing which an unidentifiable gender. With a hissing sound, the Kantus ordered the Wretches to charge. The wretches charged suicidally towards the chubby red children's entertainer, each hoping to get a chance to maul the oversized and retarded Tellytubby. Po opened fire yet again dismembering a few of the Wretches. But there were just too many. The Wretches swarmed over Po, ripping him/her into several pieces and devouring the flesh. Suddenly, there was a loud crash from outside, and a huge missile struck the house nicked from JRR Tolkein, destroying all of the Locust within. A huge Noo- Noo was responsible, built by Dipsy for times of desperation. And this certainly was desperation. The Kantus, who had luckily escaped the blast, screeched once again, and a colossal Brumak stepped up to do battle with the green one and his mighty machine. The Brumak fired a barrage of rockets which struck the Nootron 2000, severely damaging its face. The Nootron 2000 kept on advancing however, and opened fire with the Tubby Toast cannons. The slices of rock hard tubby toast flew through the air, striking the Brumak and severing its right arm. The Brumak roared in defiance and fired another barrage of rockets at the Nootron 2000. This time however the shots were fatal. They struck the Nootrons' cockpit, exploding and destroying Dipsy within. The Nootron 2000 stuttered for a moment and exploded, sending cheap plastic everywhere which shredded through the remaining Locust observing the battle.

There was one thing left, the baby sun which had been gurgling and laughing the whole time was the sole reason the Locust had come to this crappy little place anyway. The Kantus ordered the Brumak to open fire on it with yet another screech. The Brumak obeyed, and a barrage of rockets flew towards the retarded sun. They impacted with the baby face, immediately destroying it and sending huge chunks of blood and gore all over the place.

It was over, the Tellytubbies were destroyed and the Locust had won. At least they knew they could beat stupid crappy children's programmes.


Thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed it! If you feel, read the two stories on this section by Gertyflea for even more Tellytuby death. I wrote those too...