I laid there, on my back in the middle of the woods. The moonlight shone down on me. There were goosebumps all over my body, but it wasn't from the cool midsummer air and the light breeze gently stroking my skin. Even it was, I was in Jacob's arms, so it was a little hard to be cold. It didn't matter that I was naked. It didn't matter that I was still breathless. It didn't matter that his warm breath was grazing my ear in an uncomfortable way. All that mattered was that I was here, with him, and I had no intention of running away. And the only thing that had crossed my mind in the past five minutes was...wow.
I don't know how long we've been laying here, but it has to be at least fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes after Jacob and I had finally had sex for the "first" time, and I had absolutely nothing to say.
I didn't like comparing it to mine and Sam's first time, but I couldn't help it. After Sam and I had done it, we'd had an awkward talk. And the sex? Equally awkward. Neither of us really knew what we were doing, and he'd finished when I'd just barely gotten started. And then he snuck out the window and back to his house. In hindsight, I realize that we were only separated from Seth by a thin wall, and my parents were just down the hall. We didn't get caught, of course, but still.
But this...this was so much different. There was nothing awkward about the way Jacob and I were sitting now. It was...comfortable. Safe. No awkward talk, no promises of forever. Just him. Just me. It was amazing. And the sex? Equally amazing. Still, it had been quiet for too long, and I wasn't one for silence. Jacob was still out of breath, and I felt his chest rising and falling underneath me.
"Are you always this wiped out after sex, or is it just me?" I ask, laughing to myself.
"Seeing as though you're the only person I've ever had sex with, and I don't even remember the first time, I wouldn't know," he said, his breathing still labored. His smile was wider than I'd ever seen it. He then glanced to the west, towards the house a couple of miles away. "We should probably get you back soon," he told me, though it didn't seem like he had any intention of moving anytime soon.
"I don't want to leave," I told him honestly, feeling oddly shy. I was lying here naked in his arms, and I was scared to tell him this simple fact. I bit my lip and looked away from him into the trees. He took my chin between his fingers and turned my face back to his. He kissed my nose lightly.
"Don't look away from me. I hate it when you do that. I feel like...you're hiding something. And I don't want there to be any secrets. Plus, you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen," he said, our foreheads touching.
And now we're back to secrets. This is why I'd been so reluctant to take our relationship further. Every word, every touch, every breath, would be replayed back to the pack. And though they've all seen me naked before, I really don't want to give them a reminder.
I sigh, and figure he's right, we should be getting back. The sun was starting to rise, and I wanted to be back in bed before anyone woke up. I try to stand up, but Jacob tightens his grasp around me. I laugh, and try to wriggle free, but Jake's not having it.
"You said you wanted to stay. So stay," he whispered in my ear.
"But what I want and what I need are two different things," I whisper back. "And I want and need to be there when Jayme wakes up." That's all Jake needs to hear. He sits up, and helps me to my feet. He finds my clothes for me, and helps me dress before he dresses himself.
I ride the rest of the way home on Jacob's back, until my house comes into view. I then hop off, taking his hand, and strolling up to the side of the house.
The big oak tree next to my bedroom window had been my savior in high school, and it was my savior now.
"You coming up?" I asked. He shrugged.
"If you want me to."
"How long has it been since you were home?" He hesitated, and I realized he didn't know.
"Go home," I laugh, kissing him on the cheek. "I'll see you later." He nodded, but didn't leave. I raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"
"I want to make sure you don't break your neck on the way up the tree, and plus you haven't kissed me goodbye yet," he said.
"I just did," I said flatly.
"A real kiss," he demanded. I giggled, and took a step closer to him. He circled his arms around me, and kissed me so fiercely that if he hadn't been holding me up then my knees would have been weak.
"Maybe I will come upstairs..." he trailed off as we broke apart, glancing up at my bedroom window.
"Hold up there, lover boy. I don't think that's a good idea," I said, chuckling, but really meaning it. After that kiss, I don't know how long if at all I'd be able to resist him.
"Tease," he growled playfully in my ear.
"I love you, Jake," I said, kissing him on the nose.
"Love you too, Lee." I turned and started climbing. I had every step memorized, and Jacob had nothing to worry about, but once I was through the window, I stuck my head out, and smiled, motioning for him to leave. He sighed, and ran off into the night.
I flopped down on my bed, ecstatic yet utterly confused. I'd had sex with Jacob Black. I'd had sex with Jacob Black. Oh my god. I just had sex with Jacob Black. Again. And I wasn't even the least bit sorry about it. It was hard to believe, but I'd done it.
I wasn't sure how I'd gotten to this point. Where I could love Jacob freely with no regrets. Where I was comfortable in myself and my new life. But somehow, after all my wandering, searching for something that I never really knew, I'd found it. Completely by accident. After Jacob came into my life, all the pieces seemed to fall into place. Maybe he'd been what I was missing all this time. I couldn't be sure. But I knew that from this point on, there were no more regrets.
The next day, I spent planning things with Rachel. She'd finally made up her mind about the stupid stuff, and now we were really getting down to business. Today's agenda: guest list.
As I scanned the list, I frowned. I scanned it one more time, checking to see if I'd missed it. But no, I hadn't. Her name wasn't there.
"You're not inviting Rebecca?" I asked, looking at Rachel curiously. Rachel shook her head.
"Why waste the paper? She's not going to come," Rachel said.
"She's your twin sister," I said.
"When has that ever mattered?" she asked, and I looked away, knowing it was true. For the first couple of weeks that she'd started adjusting to pack life, all Rachel had wanted was to talk to Rebecca. Of course, she couldn't say anything to give away the secret, but Rachel begged her to at least come visit. Rebecca had refused. I wasn't even sure if the two girls had spoken since.
"When did you last talk to her?" I asked.
"It doesn't matter, Leah. I have nothing to say to her."
"Yes, you do. You miss her. We all do. But...when I saw her when I was in Hawaii...she's really really happy, Rachel. I don't think she wants to get sucked back into La Push." Rachel's eyes began to tear, and I pulled her into my arms.
"I'm s-so sorry L-Leah," she sobbed. "I just miss Becky. I want her to come home." I knew how she felt. And I also knew that Rebecca hated it when Rachel called her Becky.
"Look, I'll call her up, and I'll talk to her. I'll see if she'll come up for at least the day," I reassured her. Rachel had calmed down by now, and the tears had already stopped flowing.
"You know, I almost don't want her to come back. I wouldn't want to subject her to...this." I knew what she meant. As comfortable and as content with our lives as every member of the pack and imprints were, we knew we were cursed. There was no way we'd bring it upon anyone else. I nodded. How bad would it be if Rebecca came up for the weekend, and someone imprinted on her? Which was likely. She did have the Black family gene.
"Speaking of which, Rachel, I have to tell you something," I say, knowing that I had to tell her the truth. Honestly, now was just as good a time as ever, and I knew that sooner was better than later.
"Yeah, Lee? What's up?"
"I want you to hear me out before you get angry, okay? Don't jump to conclusions..."
"Lee...what's going on?" she asked carefully.
"I'm sort of...dating...your brother?" it came out as more of a question than a statement. Rachel seemed to have a hard time processing what I was saying.
"Continue," she said calmly. I was just glad she wasn't flipping out.
"Look, Rachel, I know it's kind of weird, but he makes me happy. He really does. I don't know how, or why, or when it started happening, it just sort of did."
"Leah, I understand, okay? I'm here for you," Rachel said, smiling at me. And I was so relieved. I hugged her once again, and smiled throughout the rest of the day and into the night.
My life was pretty good. But there were still a few things hanging over my head that I needed to fix. As Rachel had told me months ago, the only way to move on into the future is to come to terms with the past. I was going to do just that. As the dial tone on Jake's cell phone ended, and his voice mail picked up. 'Hey this is Jake. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you.'
"Hey Jake, it's Leah. I was wondering if you had Alice's number? You know, Alice Cullen? Call me back. Love you, bye."
Before you yell at me, please spare me a minute of your time. I have been extremely busy. I just took on a second job, and I still do have school. I have the week off for Thanksgiving, so I think I will have some good quality writing time.
Sorry to say, but this is the second to last chapter before the epilogue. We have one more, and then the finale. Thanks guys. You leave me speechless.
Okay, now you can kill me...unless you want the story finished...mwah hahahahahahahahaha ;)
Oh, I forgot...