PLAY IS DISATER
Never Use Puppets for Entertainment
Reporter Ise Nanao

This last Saturday the Gotei Thirteen was treated to a presentation of Chappy Extravaganza Behold. The play was preformed by Kuchiki Rukia of the thirteenth division and Fukutaicho Kusajishi. Apparently this was an attempt by the two to raise money for the Woman's Shinigami Society. Unfortunately, many people demanded their money back afterwords.

This being a puppet play, it was assumed that the event would be rated G, or PG 13 at most. However, the play turned out to be of a higher rating. The act was filled with various Chappy causing each other bodily harm and making sexual innuendos that I wonder if the two performers even began to understand.

While the eleventh division enjoyed puppets that sprayed blood all over the place, others did not. The tenth division taicho became physically ill due to the lewd connotations projected in the theatrical piece. Some argued that he should not have stayed for the whole piece, but one has to give him credit for attempting to be polite.

The play was written by an anonymous person, whom the leadership of the Gotei Thirteen is now trying to track down. Particularly the members of the Woman's Shinigami Society who never approved the play officially.

PLAY IS BLAST
Consume Crosstalk Festival
Reporter Abarai Renji

I happened to enjoy the play despot the fact that many people complained. The intifada eleventh division was in fact pleased, and that is what really mattered as the play was in fact aimed towards them and those of simulator likes specifically. So to complain about a dislike when it should have been obverse that this was no childless show.

I found it rather funny that the tenth division taicho even showed up, conciliating his constancy complains about childish things. He ended up being completely hazed by the blood and gore... oh come on, your supposed to be a taicho fro crying outlived Whitsunday... and ended up imprinting in the trash can. It was a pleasant afternoon.

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The small taicho of the tenth division sat on his bed as Matsumoto spooned him leek soup. The woman gave him a week smile. "I'm sorry I dragged you to that play taicho. I honestly thought it would be fun."

"I passed out overnight. I'm not going to live that one down. At least they'll eventually forget about it." Toshiro opened his mouth for a spoonful then noted the twitch of his fukutaicho's mouth. "What is the matter?"

"Well... the paper wrote up the play, and both articles about it mention you taicho." Rangiku sighed setting the bowl down. She watched as his small face twisted up in frustration.

"What did they say?" Hitsugaya asked.

"You can read it for yourself!" Renji stated, coming into the room and tossing the paper onto the small taicho's lap.

Two small hands picked up the paper and a white eyebrow twitched. "Whose this Whitsunday?"

"Huh?" The fukutaicho of the sixth simply stared.

"Your article is filled with errors. I'm surprised Hisagi Fukutaicho let it slide." Toshiro narrowed his eyes.

"Shuhei told me it was funny." Renji put his hands behind his head. "I mean, I thought you were made of sterner stuff. You've cut down plenty of hollows."

"It was the sexual comments that upset taicho Abarai." Rangiku sighed, watching her small taicho.

"You passed out because of that." The red head frowned.

"You realize that play was adult only? Thankfully no kids showed up. We would have been in huge trouble." Toshiro simply sat there.

"Yes there was." Renji suddenly laughed.

"We didn't receive any complaints from parents." Hitsugaya let out a sigh.

"Yes... we did." Abarai was laughing, his eyes suddenly looking at Matsumoto. "Well, closest thing you have to a legal guardian."

"You aren't funny." The small taicho frowned at the man. "I bet we know exactly who wrote that crap too. There are two possibilities I can think of."

"It wasn't..." Renji though backed off a bit upon seeing the glare Rangiku levied at him.

Author's note – If you can't tell, Renji's article is supposed to have errors.