A Desire That I Don't Understand

Summary: Dean seeks comfort in the arms of his angel, and Castiel needs help when it comes to desire. Dean/Castiel, NC17. Cameo from Sam.


Dean Winchester sighed again. He was on his own in another dingy motel room. Sam has gone out. He wanted to be on his own. Dean didn't blame him. He had watched his younger brother exorcise another demon with his powers, and to be frank, it scared the living shit of him. He was terrified to think about what could happen to Sam if he didn't put a stop to it. He finished running a towel over his bare chest and through his hair, which was still soaked from the much-needed shower. He sat down on the bed, pulling on some jeans, not bothering with a t-shirt, letting his head fall into his hands, feeling defeated.

Suddenly, he was alerted of another presence as the space on the bed next to him dipped as the angel Castiel sat next to him.

"Dean. Are you alright?"

Dean sighed again, lifting his head to look up at the angel, who was staring solemnly back at him.

"Why me, Cas? I'm an ordinary guy. You should have left me in hell, seriously," he said, sorrow burning in his eyes. Castiel didn't look away. He couldn't.

"Dean, God sent me to release you from perdition and give you a job. I cannot go against my Father's orders," he said, watching Dean intensely.

"What do you want from me, dude?" Dean asked. This time, Castiel could not look at Dean.

"I told you. We need you to stop Sam, before we do ..." he said. "I don't want to have to do anything to Sam. I have grown fond of you, Dean, and I wouldn't want to do anything that would make you unhappy. I would make sure no harm would come to him if you would only confront him yourself." Dean stood up, throwing his towel to the floor. Then he turned to look at Castiel, who was staring at him again, his eyes burning through Dean's own. He moved forward to Castiel.

"I don't know what to do," he said, tears welling up, unexpectedly, in his eyes. Castiel stood also, putting a hand on Dean's shoulder, where the imprint of his hand lay. Dean's skin seemed to tingle when Castiel touched it, but he ignored it for the moment. Castiel pulled Dean towards him a little, and Dean took the hint, wrapping his arms around Castiel in a hug, sobbing into his shoulder, as if his whole world was falling apart around him. Pain, grief, fear and rage filled him, memories of his past, images of what could happen in his future plagued his mind, and the image of an angel standing in the midst of it all, pulled him back to reality. Pulled him back to Castiel. His angel.

It took some time for Castiel to put his arms around Dean, as if unsure what to do.

"We need you to be strong, Dean Winchester. We are depending on you," Castiel said. Dean pulled back from the hug and looked Castiel in the eyes. Those eyes. They were filled with such sincerity, such confusion, such hope that Dean would succeed in his task. Dean just hoped he could please him, make his angel proud of him. That was when Dean realised that they were both invading each other's personal space. Castiel did that often and it felt awkward, but at that moment, it felt good. He felt Castiel's eyes on him, so flicked his eyes up from the floor to meet his gaze, those piercing blue eyes almost looking into his soul, they were so intense. He watched as Castiel raised his hand to stroke his cheek, running it over the stubble on his chin and down his neck. Dean didn't know what to think. He closed his eyes and swallowed as he felt his face become heated. But he was Dean Winchester. And Dean Winchester didn't blush. But the presence of this man, this vessel, this angel, made him blush.

"I desire you, Dean. But I don't know what to do ... can you ... can you help me?" Castiel said. Dean's breath came out in a shudder as he realised what Castiel was asking. Cas wanted him, and for some strange reason, he wanted Cas. He needed release, to take away the pain and thoughts of what his future held, to make himself feel better, to reach away from the pains of Hell, and move closer to Heaven. But here was Heaven itself standing in front of him, in the form of a man. Dean moved closer once more, literally chest to chest with the angel, his hot breath on his skin. Castiel moved his head up, as he was a little shorter than Dean, and Dean leaned down and met Castiel's lips in a kiss, almost gasping at the feel of the angel's soft lips on his own. The kiss was a bit strange at first, as Castiel tried to get into the hang of what he was doing, but once it deepened it was much better. Castiel's hands slid up Dean's bare arms, caressing the skin, moving further up, over his shoulders, up his neck to cup his face. Dean was the first to pull back, making no attempt to move Castiel's hands from his face.

"How was that?" Dean asked.

"I quite enjoyed it. May I ...?" he said, touching Dean's lips with his fingers, asking for permission to kiss him again. Dean accepted and kissed him again, a little more forcefully this time, but Castiel seemed to enjoy it. His hands slid down Dean's bare chest, gasping at the softness of the skin and the rippling muscles he sported. Dean Winchester was perfect, in Castiel's opinion. Everything anyone could wish for.

Dean's hands found their way to Castiel's shoulders, sliding under the lapels of his 'holy tax accountant' trenchcoat, and he pushed it off his shoulder, letting it drop to the floor. Then the suit jacket and the tie went, too. Dean pushed Castiel back towards the bed and when the angel's legs hit the bed, he fell back, looking very angelic and hot, in Dean's opinion, splayed out on the bed. Dean moved on top of Castiel, straddling his lap. Castiel looked uncomfortable until Dean laid a hand on his chest and ran a hand through his hair to comfort him. Castiel seemed to relax and Dean moved his hands to Castiel's shirt, popping out each button slowly, exposing each inch of bare flesh as he went. He pushed his shirt open, not taking it off yet, but open so he could gain access to the angel's chest. He had a toned upper body. The vessel must have taken great care of himself. His stomach was slim, with some muscle showing and his skin was evenly tanned, making Castiel glow as an angel should. Dean ran a hand over Castiel's chest, watching his face to see his reaction. There wasn't much at first, but when Dean's hand skimmed over one of Castiel's nipples, he sucked in a breath through his teeth and bit his bottom lip.

"Dean, I must see all of you," Castiel said, stealing another kiss from Dean, as he lost his shirt completely. It was thrown over the room, and Castiel was pressed into the mattress by Dean, who was kissing him, hungrily. Their bare chests pressed together, skin on skin, and it felt wonderful. Castiel had never experienced such feelings before. He suddenly moaned out loud when Dean pressed a hand to his crotch, making him buck his half -hard cock into Dean's hand through the fabric of his trousers. Dean chuckled.

"You like that, huh?" Dean asked, as Castiel nodded, enthusiastically. Dean slipped one hand down Castiel's chest, towards his trousers; he unbuckled the belt, unbuttoned them and pulled down the zip, before slipping the trousers down the angel's trembling legs. He kissed down Castiel's thighs as he went, slipping off his shoes and socks, before removing the trousers completely. That left the angel in a simple pair of white, cotton boxers, which were not leaving much to the imagination as his erection strained against them and the precome leaked from the tip, making a small damp patch on the material.

Castiel made to sit up, but Dean pushed him back down.

"Let me show you how good it feels," he said, not really realising what he was saying. This was a guy. He was going to fuck a guy. But, damn, he didn't care. Castiel was an angel, his angel and he wanted to possess him utterly, leave his mark on his as Castiel did to him. He lay on his side, next to Castiel's body and took hold of the cotton boxers, before yanking them off and tossing them aside. He turned back to Cas. Now, he didn't know much about other men's cocks, but Castiel was impressive.

"Dean, please ..." Castiel said, almost writhing under Dean's gaze alone. Dean leaned down and took the head of Castiel's cock in his mouth, earning curse words and almost blasphemy from the angel. He tongued at the tip before bringing more of the other man into his mouth, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked on the hard length. He listened to the delicious moans coming from the angel as he sucked harder, and harder. Castiel spread his legs wider, allowing Dean to lie between them. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at Dean. The sight was amazing. He had never seen anything like this, and here was Dean, who had started to sweat in the heat of the room, almost lost in the pleasure of what he was doing to the angel.

"Dean ... oh my ... Dean!" he almost shouted as Dean's cheeks hollowed one last time and Castiel came hard down the other man's throat. But Dean wasn't done there. He carried on lapping at Castiel's cock, before swallowing, and letting go of his cock with a wet, popping sound. Castiel fell back against the pillow and tried to regulate his breathing, the sweat visible on his body. Dean slid up the angel's body, pressing a kiss to his lips.

"What was that?" Castiel asked, in awe, still breathing heavily. Dean smiled.

"That was an orgasm ... feels good, huh?" he said. Castiel nodded.

"It was wonderful," he said. Dean smiled. He went about taking his own jeans off, but before he knew it, Castiel was practically ripping the denim from his arse. Dean was finally naked in front of the angel, and it was amazing. He reached down into his jeans pocket and pulled out some lube. He took off the cap and coated his fingers. He made Castiel lie back and spread his legs. Castiel did as instructed, waiting. Dean pressed one finger into Castiel, earning an uncomfortable moan from the angel.

"Relax," Dean whispered, running a hand down Castiel's chest to comfort him. Castiel did as instructed, and Dean's finger was allowed easy access to his body. He slid his fingers in and out of the angel, whose panting and moaning became music to Dean's ears as he prepared him. He slid in a second finger, and Castiel seemed to be pushing down on them, trying to get more contact. Dean moved up to kiss him as he fucked him with his fingers. The kiss was desperate, needy. Tongues, teeth and lips collide, battling for dominance. Dean suddenly removed his fingers from Castiel, who seemed to whimper at the loss of contact between them. Dean stood up from the bed and slicked his cock up before taking Castiel's hand and pulling him to his feet.

"Jump up and put your legs around my waist," Dean said. Castiel did as he was told, and Dean pressed the angel's back against the wall to help keep his weight up. He lined up his cock with Cas' entrance and gently pushed in, watching as the other man closed his eyes, and his mouth dropped open, his head hitting the wall as it fell back. His hands gripped Dean tightly as he was held against the wall. Dean felt Cas move against him, so he took it as a sign to start thrusting into him. Castiel moaned, over and over again, almost not believing the sounds coming from his mouth or the sensations and shocks going through his body. His fingernails dragged down Dean's back, drawing a little blood as Dean fucked him faster, harder and deeper as he had been. Dean could tell when he hit the angel's prostate, as he moaned loudly and pulled Dean closer, but there was more pleasure in his face than there had been before.

"Oh God ..." Dean moaned. Castiel actually laughed, which sounded more like a throaty growl, but a laugh nonetheless.

"You shouldn't ... use the Lord's name ... in vain, especially at ... at time like this ..." Castiel said, through his breathlessness. Dean laughed, but it was replaced by a moan as he felt his orgasm approaching. He thrust up into Castiel again and again, until he shouted his name time after time, spilling his seed into him. He rode out his orgasm, Castiel still rocking against him, the friction on his cock between the two bodies too much and he exploded over his and Dean's stomach.

They both almost sagged in exhaustion. Dean carried Castiel back to the bed and laid him down, grabbing unused tissues and cleaning them both up before he collapsed beside him, absolutely spent. Castiel turned his head to look at the man next to him. He was lying with his eyes closed, his chest heaving as he tried to return his breathing to normal. He was so beautiful; he could have been one of God's angels himself. Dean turned his head to look at Castiel, who was staring at him. He rolled over to Castiel and he pressed another kiss to the angel's lips, making him moan against his lips. He pulled back and he looked down at the angel.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Dean asked, his voice, and his eyes, almost begging. Castiel studied Dean for a moment.

"If you would like me to," he said, his lips curving into an affectionate smile. Dean smiled back and he slipped under the sheets to his bed. Castiel waited until Dean invited him into the bed. Dean pulled back the sheets and motioned for Castiel to join him. They lay together under the sheets, clinging tightly to each other, as if the world was going to crash down around them. Dean buried his face in Castiel's hair, kissing his head as they lay together. Castiel smiled at the gesture, and he gripped Dean tightly. There was no way he would leave Dean tonight. He felt he couldn't. This was the one man he wanted to be near, and he would be here for him.

He would do it for Dean.


Sam unlocked the door quietly, knowing Dean would be asleep. He slipped into the room and began to remove his shoes at the door. That was when he saw it; the cream trenchcoat, on the floor, along with the black suit jacket and the blue tie. Castiel. Sam walked further into the room and looked over to Dean's bed, his jaw almost hitting the floor when he saw what he saw.

Dean was lying in bed, and lying on top of his chest was Castiel. Both were naked, by the look of things, but covered over with the bed sheets. Sam thought Castiel never needed sleep. But the one thing that made Sam stop himself from shouting about the situation was the small, affectionate smile that played on Dean's lips as he slept. His hand was lazily stroking Castiel's hair as he slept, and Sam had to admit they looked peaceful and happy.

Then he realised that maybe Dean needed someone to keep him from destroying himself, and Castiel seemed the right one to do that. And Castiel needed someone to stop him from falling. They needed each other.

The hunter and the angel.