FIRST OF ALL. I'm so sorry for not posting anything FOR A MONTH. I got super busy. Let's just say I'm in a kind of John-Diane kind of situation right now, so please don't get mad at me. Second, This chapter was quite difficult to write because it involves disappointments and a LOT of kisses. I just hope YOU don't feel disappointed with it. I'll post more soon! Thank you! I won't leave this fic, I promise! :) thanks! READ AND REVIEW PLEASE! Kiss! -D

Chapter 18

For almost two weeks I've been thinking of nothing but what Randy told me. Eversince that incident, he started to not speak to me like he did before. We came back to the 'hi-hello' period when we would not speak to each other unless one would start talking, same to what happened to John and me before. Our schedules made it difficult for us to see each other too, which is probably a good thing for me. After everything he said, I don't think I'd know how to act around him. Confused would probably be the best word to describe what I'm feeling right now.

The same goes for John. Despite our decision to talk to each other, we never seem to have the opportunity to do so. WWE has been promoting and doing shows non-stop because Christmas was coming up and everyone would be out for 2 weeks vacation. Quite frankly, I can't wait to just get everything over with and to see my family again. It's been months since I last saw them and I miss them all so much, especially my dad. He'd be the one to assure me everything would be okay. He was my security blanket and I love him for that.

The days seem to pass so quickly since we we're so busy. We've been flying from state to state, going to show-to-show, meeting so many people and we were all very much exhausted. As a treat for all the wrestlers and some staff of the company, WWE has an annual Christmas Party, which marks the official start of vacation. I've always looked forward to this party because it was the only time we were completely allowed to get drunk since we wouldn't have shows after.

Somehow, this year was different. John and I agreed to talk after the party so despite the having no rules to follow, I still wouldn't allow myself to get drunk. If that happens, I might just blurt out words to him that I don't actually mean to say, things that I've been hiding for a long time. There's a big chance that once I get drunk, I'll tell him that I'm in love with him and ask him to marry me, or something like that.

Plus add the fact that Randy is still mad at me. If I get drunk there's a big possibility that I'm going to come up to him and act like nothing ever happened which would probably get me humiliated.

Honestly, I don't know what to do with my life right now. I just want to go away and leave, just like I always do. I want to forget everything and just live alone. Besides, I think that's what's going to happen to me in the future anyway, I'm going to die alone because of all the bad things I've been doing with my life.

When I was young, I never thought that I would grow up to be this cheating, lying person that I was now. I hate myself for being this way but there was nothing I could do. I'd like to think that I am a victim of circumstance as well. There were some things I couldn't control. There are some things that I do without thinking because I just follow my heart. That's why I've restricted myself now. Mind over matter, as they would say. I never want to make the same mistakes because I don't want Trish to look down at me in pity again for always being second best.

Basically I'd describe my life as one stressful blur. My sister is mad at me for some unknown reason and is trying to avoid me. The man I love is about to tell me that he doesn't feel the same for me and the man who loves me is mad at me for not loving him back. I can't accept a life-changing offer because of the promise I made to myself long before this ever happened and I'm lying to myself by thinking everything would turn out all right.

There's no such thing as a happy ending and somehow I should start convincing myself that.

The only thing that keeps me going everyday is the thought of seeing my family and being with them. Despite my mother's obvious favoritism towards Trish, she still understands me and I still love her beyond a doubt.

Tonight's Christmas party was to be held inside a hotel's party hall here in New York. This was our last stop with the tour and tomorrow we'll all be going our separate ways, back to our respective hometowns, away from all this pressure.

I slipped on my black halter dress and heels before throwing over my favorite white coat. Even if I was extremely tired, I still felt a little surge of energy inside of me, most probably caused by the anticipation of seeing and being with John. I took my time since the party was just downstairs, there was no chance I'd be too late. Besides, when it came to parties, WWE had no time limit.

Trish came out of the bathroom just as I was finishing strapping my heels. I continued to sit on the bed as I watch her pass by me. She was wearing a complete travel outfit as if she wasn't going to the party at all. The lights inside the room we're dim so I didn't see what her face looked like.

"I'm skipping the party. I have to meet up with the contractors and everyone before the holiday really starts." She explained to me before I could even ask.

She started to pull out her luggage that was under her bed. I had no idea she was already packed up for the flight. Originally, ours would be tomorrow morning but apparently, Trish couldn't wait any longer.

She aligned her stuff before she checked her purse, making sure that she had her passport and everything important with her. At the last moment, she looked at me and smiled. Her face seemed different to me, or atleast different with what I normal see in my own reflection. I wasn't sure whether it was Trish or me who seemed more different.

"I'll see you back home." She told me.

I was waiting for her to approach me and hug me goodbye but instead she just took her things from the desk and took a final look at herself in the mirror. There was nothing else I could do but nod at her as she walked out of the room, pulling her luggage as she did so. She didn't even bid me goodbye.

"Take care!" I called after her as she closed the hotel room door. I felt bad that even at the last moment, we still had the awkwardness between us. Hopefully when we're together as a family, we would stop being this way.

After I strapped my black heels on, I heard someone knocking on the door. My heart skipped a beat with the thought of John of possibly being there. My bubble burst when I saw Maria and Phil standing outside.

"Hello there! Are you ready to party?" Maria greeted me. She was wearing a leather vest over some jeans, boots and some biker gloves. A party hat was on top of her head, like she had just come from a children's birthday party. Each of them was holding party horns in their hands as they smiled in anticipation.

They both blew their horns as I closed my door and laughed. Phil was wearing almost the same vest as Maria's and he had the same party hat too. They looked so cute together and somehow I felt like the odd one out when the three of us we're walking towards the elevator. Something inside of me was missing and I felt a longing for it. Maybe it was the fact that Trish wasn't around. Every year since we first started, we made it a point that we'd never miss a WWE Christmas Party. Apparently, she seemed to have forgotten about that promise.

We reached the hall a few moments after. As soon as we arrived, I could smell the alcohol in the air. The place was dim and crowded with the wrestlers and crew alike lingering about although most of them we're seated on their tables and mingling. Every side of the room had Christmas lights and ornaments. Even at the very entrance were elves that gave us Santa hats as we came inside. At the center of the hall was a big Christmas tree and next to it stood Vince McMahon who was wearing his usual crisp suit, only this time he had a Santa hat on too. He was saying something about the coming vacation and how each of us should be thankful for our families.

Phil grabbed 2 glasses of champagne from a waiter and handed them to Maria and me. He led us to one of the tables near the bar where some of the wrestlers were. Candice, Kelly Kelly and some other divas were already seated there. I caught my breath when I also saw Randy there sitting with Dave Bautista, one of the wrestlers of the company. As Maria and Phil sat down, they unknowingly left the chair next to Randy's, empty. I had no other choice but to sit there, so I did.

"Hey Diane!" Dave greeted me. He was this big, middle-aged man whose looks could definitely snag any woman he wanted. He looked cute as he wore a Santa suit, complete with the wide belt and gloves. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Santa!" I greeted him, acting like I was oblivious to the fact that Randy was staring at me already. I glanced at him and gave him a small smile. "Merry Christmas, Randy."

He gave me what seemed to be a grunt. As I sat comfortably on my chair, I started to smell the alcohol coming from Randy's direction. It was obvious that he already drank a lot so the fact that I was just beside him wasn't the best thing.

I started to move a little bit closer to Maria but she and Phil we're too busy chatting that they didn't notice me.

"Where's Trish?" Candice asked me from across the table. She looked a bit red too, so I figured she had been drinking for a while. Why did it seem like everyone couldn't stop themselves from drinking?

"She flew back to Canada already." I almost shouted. "It seemed like she wasn't in the mood to party."

"Oh!" Candice gave me a knowing grin. "She's not in the mood most of the time anyway!"

Before I knew it, Candice was blabbing about her mood swings too and how she often shouted at her husband on the phone. Her stories were amusing and I found myself laughing so much. The drinks came almost automatically one after the other. Soon I was feeling a bit dizzy myself.

I felt the need to pee so I stood up as fast as I could. When I did, I fell back because of my heels and I ended up almost sitting in Randy's lap.

"Oh God, I'm sorry." I mumbled as I tried to stand up.

Randy placed his hands on my hips as he helped me up. I didn't want to look at him since I was embarrassed. I turned around as quick as I could only to be stopped by Maria. She stood in front of me with a worried expression on her face as she took me by the shoulders.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

I nodded. "Just got clumsy with my heels. I'm going to the restroom."

"I'm coming with you." She told me as she grabbed my arm and clasped it with hers. We started walking towards the nearest exit when I felt someone tap my back.

I turned around and saw Shane McMahon smiling at me. He is Vince's only son and Vice President of the company. I rarely see him so having him stand in front of me was surprising. It was only after a few moments when I realized that he was raising something on top of my head.

Looking up, I saw that it was mistletoe. Thinking that I was about to kiss him, I had no other choice but to give him a small smile.

"Hello there, Diane! You got caught under the mistletoe! Now you have to kiss someone!"

"No problem, Shane." I shrugged. "I just hope your wife wont mind."

"Oh no, you're not going to kiss me." He winked. I watched as he tapped the back of the man nearest to him. I almost choked when I the man turned around.

John looked gorgeous in his white polo shirt and denim jeans. His hair was neatly cut and his face shaved clean. He looked at me and for a moment my heart skipped a beat like always. For a moment, he looked like he was happy to see me.

"Okay, now we have a pair!" Shane declared as he motioned John to come closer.

We just continued to stare at each other as he approached. My throat was dry in nervousness and I felt Maria's grip on me tighten.

"Diane, are you sure you want to do this?" Maria whispered.

Alcohol had the control over me so I just whispered a "yes" back at her as she removed her grip on me.

"Okay, let's go!" Shane urged us.

John just looked at me and I stood there not knowing what to do. Without warning, he leaned and took my face with his hands. I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine. We we're kissing like we meant it and I felt my knees weaken. I could feel his hand on my back as he pushed me forward. Each second seemed like an eternity to me. It took me a while before I heard Shane cheering.

"That's the best mistletoe kiss I've ever seen! Don't forget to lock your rooms tonight, you two!" His voice now seemed to be distant.

We separated and I realized that everyone was looking at us. I felt guilty because the people might think that I was acting this way because Trish wasn't around.

"We need to talk." John said as he kept me near him.

"I just have to go to the restroom. I'll come back." I sighed.

"Okay, I'll be waiting." With that, he let me go. I could still feel my heart racing when Maria and I reached the exit. We were in the lobby when I realized that I felt like I needed to change my shoes since my feet felt dead.

"I'll just go to the room first." I told her. "Can you tell John that I'll just meet up with him in the rooftop, say around 5 minutes?"

She nodded and gave me a small smile. "I'm glad you guys can finally talk. Drink some water first, I don't want you repeating what you just did, acting like a drunkard."

"Sorry." I felt guiltier. She gave me a small hug as we separated. Maria headed back to the party and I made my way to the elevator and back to my hotel room, which was located on the fifth floor. I could hardly walk by the time I got there. I can't believe I actually bought something like this for myself.

I opened my door and dove immediately to the bed, pushing my face to the pillows and feeling the warmth of it. I can't believe I just kissed John. The passion of the kiss was apparent and I couldn't push the feeling away from me. I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest any moment. I felt so scared yet so happy.

"So, you're meeting up John here huh?"

I quickly jumped up and saw Randy standing by the doorway, grinning at me. He had his suit off, leaving his white shirt on. His face looked red because of alcohol. He was holding his suit on his other hand as he stared at me. Meanwhile, I fixed my position and covered my legs with my hands as I sat properly on the bed.

"Why didn't you knock?" I asked him, visibly taken aback. Talking to Randy while he was drunk seems to be a bad idea.

"Door was open." He said matter-of-factly. I scolded myself deep inside for my clumsiness.

There was nothing else I could say so I just looked down at my feet, hoping he would just leave. Instead, he just did the exact same thing that I was doing. The silence was deafening.

"I saw you kiss each other."

The statement made me stare back at him in shock.

Randy looked like he was about to cry at any moment, but he held it in. He clenched his fists as he continued. "And even though I try to deny it, you guys look so good together. But Diane, why him?"

His eyes were piercing as he approached and pulled me up. He threw his suit on the floor and took me by the shoulders, tightening his grip as he started grinding his teeth. My knees started to shake in nervousness.

"He's not the one for you." He persuaded. "He'll only end up hurting you again, Diane. I will never do that to you, why won't you understand that?"

"You're hurting me now!" I tried to pull away from his grasp but he was much stronger than I am. I could smell the alcohol in his breath.

Suddenly, he pulled me closer to him and started kissing me torridly. I wanted to scream but I couldn't. His kisses were hard and I felt weak compared to him. He kept his grip tight on my arm as he pushed me down to the bed. Everything felt like a blur to me. I felt Randy kiss me even more but I couldn't fight. I tried to fight against him but obviously the odds were far greater. When I managed to pull away from him a bit, I shouted.

"Stop it!" I yelled. But he just kept on going like I didn't say anything.

"Diane, I love you." He whispered. He tried to unzip the back of my dress and at that exact same time I froze. This person isn't Randy because Randy would never do this to me. All the while I believed in his innocence. I can't believe that alcohol would give this much effect on him.

He continued to kiss my face and neck like a foul animal would. All my efforts of pushing him away seemed to be of no use. He kept on going despite my obvious resentment.

"I love you." He repeated as he kissed my mouth again. I tried to scream but no one seemed to hear me. At one point, I was able to move my face away from his.

"I don't love you, Randy!" I was crying now. It seemed to be the only thing I could do. He suddenly stopped and looked at me. His eyes became different the moment he saw mine. It was like it became gentler again.

Surprisingly, Randy released me and stood up. He looked like he was also surprised with what he just did. He stared at me as I held my dress on myself, the tears continually swelling from my eyes. I was shaking uncontrollably as I sobbed. I turned away from him in some form of self-protection.

"I'm sorry. " I heard Randy's voice choke. "I-I.. I shouldn't have..Diane, I'm so sorry.."

"Please leave." I sobbed as I curled myself on the bed.

It took about a few moments before I heard Randy's footsteps as he walked away, closing the door after him. My tears were uncontrollable. I couldn't believe that Randy would ever do something like that to me. Now I finally found out that it was indeed true, everything the people were saying against Randy was true. Randy does indeed have the tendency to hurt people.

My body wasn't the only thing that was hurting, but emotionally what just happened stabbed me in the heart. He was my friend and before this, we were happy. I wasn't sure if I was going to blame him or myself for what had just happened.

I heard footsteps again and I sat up as quickly as I could. I fixed my dress and covered myself in blankets, feeling terrified.

"I said leave!" I shouted, trying to sound braver.

"What happened?" John appeared by the door, looking worried when he saw me. My heart melted and I rushed to him, sobbing uncontrollably as he held me.

"Diane, what happened?" He repeated as he hugged me tighter.

"Don't go, please." I whispered. "Don't."

*

"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch!" John shouted and stood up from his seat. He looked furious and determined at the same time.

"Wait, John." I stopped him. "Don't start anything, please."

We we're sitting on the bed just after I had narrated everything that had happened to Randy and me. I watched as his expression turned sour after every statement I make.

"How can I not start anything after what he tried to do to you?" John shouted like he was mad at me, not Randy.

I tried to calm him down by taking his hand and holding it tightly. Even if I was terrified and traumatized by what had just happened, in the back of my mind I was still in denial. The Randy I knew would've never done something like this. Deep inside of me, I knew that what he felt for me wasn't the only reason behind this.

"John, Randy was drunk. He didn't know what he was doing."

"He tried to rape you, Diane." John stared at me. He looked like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "How can you just let that pass? Damn it! What he did to you was sexual harassment!"

"But, he stopped-"

"What if he didn't!" John yelled as he pulled his hand away from mine. "Do you think I'd just let you forget this whole thing? Do you think I'll just do nothing? We have to report this."

"John please!" I pleaded. John stared at me in disbelief as I tried to make him listen to me. "Randy has a problem, I'm sure of it. Besides, what happened was partly my fault."

"Of Course he has a problem! Why would he even do that if his mind is right?" He declared sarcastically.

"John." I interrupted him, trying to stop his anger.

"What?" He seemed to be confused now. Suddenly his expression changed when he looked at me. "You weren't going to sleep with him were you?"

"No!" I rebutted quickly. "It's not that!"

"Then what?" He raised his eyebrow in question.

I sighed for a while as I thought of the proper things to say. This wasn't what I had envisioned for John and me. I wasn't planning on telling him my feelings for him inside a messy, dark hotel room.

"He loves me, but I turned him down because I don't feel the same for him." I tried to stop myself from crying. Although I was embarrassed to admit my true feelings, it seems like I can't hold it in any longer. It was now or never. "I love someone else."

With that, John seemed to have calmed down a bit. He looked at me caringly and held my face as he sat closer to me.

"It's not your fault." He said.

I couldn't hold back my tears anymore so I started crying again. John pulled me to him and held me, gently caressing my back as I sobbed. I could hear his heart beating clearly as I leaned against him, his arms around me made me feel so secure.

"From now on, I will never leave you. You understand that?" He told me.

"We can't be this way, you know that." I replied. "We can't just be together, there are consequences."

"I don't care." He argued. "I'm going to protect you and I promise that this will never happen again. Diane, you're the most important thing in my life. "

I pulled away from him and saw the sincerity in his eyes as he stared back. He took my face in his hands and started kissing me. Although I felt better because of John, the moment I closed my eyes I started to imagine Randy again and the way he kissed me. It terrified me.

"I'm sorry." I said as I turned away. "I can't. Not now."

John looked at me apologetically and pulled me into a hug. At that moment, we we're both at a loss for words.