Lovesick Mistake

By Bindy417

Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill. It belongs to Mark Schwahn and the CW. The title is based on the song by Erin McCarley.

Summary: One shot. Takes place at the end of 2x17: "Something I Can Never Have." What would've happened if Nathan didn't leave after Haley went onstage?

AN: Hey guys, I was recently watching S2 and this idea popped into my head. I always thought it'd be interesting to see what would happen if Nathan had actually stayed behind in 2x17 and waited for Haley. Mostly I just wanted to explore more of the emotions and angst Naley were feeling. Especially with Haley since we didn't really know everything that she was going through on tour. We just got a lot of Nathan's point of view. So here it is. I hope you like it and will leave a review! Thanks!

Nathan took a deep breath as he made his way down the hallway. He could hear the sound of the loud music and feel the floor vibrating from the speakers on the stage. There were people running around crazily everywhere, but Nathan kept moving forward. The man at the door said Haley's dressing room was on the other side of the stage. Nathan was worried that they wouldn't let him in without a backstage pass. It would've been a wasted trip, driving 1,000 miles from Tree Hill, North Carolina to Austin, Texas only to be turned away. But as soon as he told the doorman that he was Haley's husband, the guy had checked his list, asked for Nathan's ID, and let him pass.

As he continued walking, Nathan saw the faint light at the end of the hallway. He entered a small, empty dressing room and looked around. His hands brushed over a rack of clothes before his eyes landed on the large, lit mirror. He walked over and took a seat in the chair. It had to be Haley's area. He noticed a few pictures taped to the mirror. In the center was a photo of Haley and him on their wedding day. Nathan smiled as he remembered all of the pride and joy he'd felt when Haley officially became his wife. He hadn't been nervous at all as they said their vows. Nathan knew that they were meant to be.

From the first moment he saw her in the hallway talking to Lucas, he'd felt a strange urge to learn more about her. At the time he'd just attributed it to his little plan to get revenge on Lucas. What better way to hurt him than to seduce his best friend, only to break her heart in the end.

What Nathan didn't expect was how he fell for Haley so quickly. She was unlike any girl he'd ever known before. Haley didn't just let him get away with things because he was the Raven's star player Nathan Scott. In fact, it was the complete opposite. She didn't give a damn about his reputation. All that mattered was that she was his tutor and he was her student. Haley pushed him. She challenged him. And despite the fuss he'd made in the beginning, Nathan secretly liked it. It felt good to have someone believe that he had potential in something other than just basketball.

It wasn't long before they'd actually become friends. It took even less time than that for him to realize that he liked her. Really liked her. Nathan couldn't remember the last time he'd been all crushed out on girl—if ever. And so things between them continued to evolve from there. They eventually dated and fell in love. And somewhere along the line, Haley stopped just being his girlfriend. She was more than that. She was family. Getting married just made it official.

Nathan knew that everyone thought they were crazy for doing it. He'd heard all of their reasons. They were too young. They'd only been dating for a few months. Marriage was a huge responsibility. At the time, none of it mattered. All he and Haley knew was that the feelings they shared went beyond some high school puppy love and that neither one wanted a life without the other.

Nathan's eyes then drifted to the other photos taped to the mirror and felt his smile fade as reality came crashing down upon him. It was funny how things could be so perfect one minute and go to hell the next. His jaw automatically clenched at seeing the pictures of Haley and Chris together. He wanted nothing more than to beat the crap out of the scrawny, spiky-haired punk. He was the reason why Haley had wanted to go on the tour in the first place. As if kissing his wife wasn't bad enough, Chris had to take her away, too.

Nathan had been a complete mess since the night Haley left. Nothing felt the same. Just staying in the apartment was hard. There were constant reminders of her everywhere. Something as simple as seeing her clothes in the closet or inhaling her familiar scent on her pillow at night made the pain and loneliness of her absence hit him in full force. It wouldn't be too long afterward that he'd turn to some type of alcohol to numb the ache in his heart. Despite the ultimatum he'd given her, Nathan had never wanted Haley to leave. By the time he'd actually realized that, it was too late. She was already gone…

"Great. You'll have to tell her I said hi, okay?" Haley said as she quickly made her way into the dressing room. She had to be onstage in a few minutes and needed to just quickly check her makeup. Her body was already overheated from all the running around she had to do backstage to get ready for her set. It didn't help that people were always stopping her to talk.

She inwardly cringed when she noticed someone sitting in her chair as she entered the dressing room. Not again, she thought. It wasn't until she saw the person's reflection in the mirror that she completely stopped short. "Nathan, oh my god. What are you doing here?" she asked, stunned.

Nathan completely forgot his previous train of thought at the sound of Haley's voice. All of a sudden, he felt his need to be near her grow even stronger. He got up to stand in front of her. "I wanted to see you. I needed to see you," Nathan declared.

Haley smiled, still surprised that he was actually standing there in front of her. She'd lost track of all the times that she could've sworn a random guy walking by her or someone in the crowd was Nathan, only to be disappointed that it wasn't. "I'm so glad you're here. I miss you." She closed the gap between them and hugged him tightly.

Nathan buried his head in her hair and inhaled. God, he'd missed her, too. "Listen, I asked you to marry me, because I want to spend my life with you. I still want that," he murmured in her ear. He pulled back to meet her gaze. "I love you, Haley."

"I love you, too," she replied.

"So I came here for you. And I'll be here for you no matter what. I'll go with you on the tour; I'll wait for you. Whatever you want me to do," he explained. "I'm not giving up on us. I'm not giving up on our marriage." He couldn't stand another day without her. Whether they were physically together or not, Nathan needed her in his life.

Haley exhaled a long sigh, trying to take everything in. "I don't know what to say," she stated, backing up a bit. She hadn't been expecting this at all. They'd only talked a few times on the phone. But even then it wasn't hard to figure out that Nathan had been angry with her decision.

"Oh, no. Chris and I aren't together. I promise you. It's never been about that," she said when she saw him glance behind at the pictures on her mirror.

She fixed her sweater, and it was then that Nathan noticed her left hand. He grabbed it in his. "You're not wearing your ring," he murmured. He felt his stomach knot up in response.

"I love you," she declared, shaking her head. "Oh, I do. But I feel…like maybe we rushed things a little bit. Maybe I rushed things a little bit. We're so young, and I wasn't ready for all of this—you and the music…" she trailed off, trying to gather her thoughts. "And now it's all happening at once, and it's really hard. I don't know if I can be who you need me to be."

"All I want you to be is my wife. Is that too much to ask?" Nathan retorted. He'd come here to get her back, but all he could feel was her slipping away again.

"I—" She wanted to tell him no. That even though things were so complicated right now, she still wanted a life with him. That despite all of this success she was achieving, none of it mattered if she couldn't share it with him. But like all the times before, other obligations seemed to get in the way.

"Haley," the stage manager called. She turned to look at him. "We're ready."

Haley ran her hands through her hair. "I have to go…um, God, could you just wait here, and I'll meet you after the show and we can talk and I…I don't even…" she stuttered, backing away. There was too much happening at once. She couldn't process it all.

She felt her stomach lurch at his frustrated expression. She was hurting him again, and that's not what she wanted to do. "I'm really happy that you came," Haley repeated. She ran back towards him and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"I love you," she whispered. She held him tighter. "I love you." She kissed his cheek.

"Please welcome Haley James!" the announcer proclaimed.

Nathan watched as Haley quickly made her way onto the stage. She set up her guitar and glanced at him momentarily before focusing on the audience cheering her name. Nathan felt the ache in his heart return. How was he supposed to compete with that? He knew the affect a crowd could have on a person—when everyone in the room wanted and depended on you to perform. Normally Nathan would say it was one of the best feelings in the world to be acknowledged and appreciated. Now it just made him sick. It seemed like everyone else could have a piece of Haley but him.

It was then that Nathan felt the rage bubble within him. He was her husband, damn it! That had to mean something still. Nathan's fists balled at his sides as he considered just taking off. If Haley wanted her music more than him, then fine! She could have it. He turned around to leave.

He only made it a few steps before halting, not able to go any further. He swore under his breath. His damn head and heart were caught in a battle. His head told him that he deserved more than this. That he'd been nothing but a good, supportive husband when it came to Haley and her music. Hell, he'd been the one encouraging her to pursue it in the first place. If she really cared, she never would've walked out on him. She never would've been so panicked and unsure a few minutes ago when he said he didn't want to give up on their marriage.

But his heart, on the other hand, was saying the opposite. Haley did love him. She never would've married him if she didn't. And she never would've called to keep in touch while on tour or looked so happy to see him just now if those feelings didn't remain. Nathan's heart was urging him to give her another chance. They still had so much more to talk about. The girl he fell in love with was in there somewhere. She had to be. It couldn't hurt to stay just a while longer to see if they could sort things out. He came here for a reason: to get her back. What would leaving now solve?

Nathan ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He looked from the exit back towards the stage. He already knew in which direction he was being pulled. "Damn it," he muttered to himself.

He was staying.

Haley bit her lip nervously as she swiped her key card through the lock. She then opened the door of her room. The hotel was big, luxurious, and conveniently located next to the stadium. Haley could feel Nathan's strong presence behind her, and it only served to make her more anxious. There was so much to discuss. They'd never really sat down and tried to work through it all.

Nathan glanced over the setup of the room. There was a large bed over to the right. Across from that were a dresser and TV stand. There also appeared to be double doors which most likely led out to a balcony. But he couldn't be sure, since it was so dark outside. Another door located on the left seemed to lead to the bathroom. Afterward, Nathan's eyes honed in on Haley's suitcases draping over the table and chairs in the far corner of the room. He felt a sharp pang in response.

Nathan quickly looked away and focused back on Haley. He hadn't gotten a chance to really take her in before she went on stage. It all felt so rushed. Haley's hair was straighter and blonder, and her clothes appeared much more fashionable than before. Despite the difference, she still looked beautiful. She would always look beautiful in his eyes.

"So…" Haley trailed off, trying to break the silence. The awkward tension was definitely present between them. "How have you been?"

Ugh, what kind of question is that? she instantly berated herself. Obviously Nathan wasn't doing well if he was in Austin to see her. Plus, it's not like Lucas hadn't called her and told her how much Nathan was hurting. It was at hearing news like that that the guilt and regret started to build in the pit of her stomach. Now was no different.

"Awful," Nathan answered honestly.

Haley could see that he was telling the truth. She could see the shadows on his face and under his eyes. His skin was a little paler than she remembered. But what affected her most of all was the absolute agony and devastation shining through his dark blue orbs.

"I want you back, Haley," he stated. "I love you. I married you for God's sakes. Why would you want to throw everything we've built away?"

"I don't," she replied softly.

"Does it even mean anything to you anymore?"

Her gaze snapped up to meet his. "Of course it does. It means everything. I just…I have to think about things."

Nathan shook his head in frustration. "Think about what? If I love you and you love me, then what the hell else is there to think about, Haley?!"

"Nathan, it's not that simple," Haley answered, trying to stay calm. Nathan was getting angrier by the second, and she didn't want to get into another fight. She wanted them to talk.

"I guess that's my answer," he laughed bitterly while shaking his head. He felt his original urge to bolt grow stronger. "I shouldn't have stayed."

Haley hurried to his side before he could take another step towards the door. "Don't go," she pled. She couldn't bear to have him walk out on her mid-conversation like the last time. That's how this whole thing had started. "Stay."

He sighed. "Haley—"

"Please, Nathan, just let me explain. Please," she begged and stood in front of him.

"You're choosing this over me, Haley. Over us. It can't get much more obvious than that."

"I love you, Nathan."

"You keep saying it, but somehow I just don't believe it."

"It's the truth."

"Then why haven't you asked me to join you on tour? Why haven't you said when you'll be coming back home?" Nathan argued.

"Nathan, I need to do this on my own," she tried to explain. "All of my life I've been either Taylor's little sister or Lucas' best friend. When we got married, then I was known as your wife. And even though I'm proud of that, there's a part of me that wonders if I can be Haley James. Just Haley James. I have to find out that I can make it on my own based on my talent. Not other people's reputations."

"No matter how much you sugarcoat it, Hales, it still means the same thing," he retorted. "You want the music over me."

"Damn it, Nathan, I don't!" she denied. She was getting agitated herself. She was trying to explain it, but he still wasn't getting it.

"Yes, you do. And either way I'm screwed! What happens if you do succeed, Haley? Huh? Are you really going to come back and live in Tree Hill with me?" he questioned.


"And what if the opposite occurs? What happens if you somehow fail and this tour is all you get? I'm supposed to wake up next to you everyday and live with the fact that I'm your second choice? That our marriage isn't the actual life you want?!" he finished, shouting.

The ache in his heart was growing more pronounced. Either way he knew that he'd never get their life back. That he'd never fully get her back.

"Nathan—" she tried again.

"Or maybe it's Chris Keller you want," he added.

Haley felt her temper flare up at his accusation. "I told you a hundred times that this was never about him!" she exclaimed, getting in his face.

Nathan scoffed, not backing down. "That didn't stop you from kissing him."

"It was a mistake."

"Kind of like our marriage, right?" he bit back. "So tell me, Hales, what's it like being with 'The Keller.' I bet the whole arrogant-yet-tortured musician thing makes it more of a thrill."

Now she was seeing red. "I am NOT sleeping with him!" she yelled. "You're the only man that I've been with. You're the only one that I want to be with."

"And I'm supposed to believe that?!" He could feel her labored breath on his face as he watched the fire in her eyes increase.

Haley groaned out loud before their gazes locked. She could feel the anger coming off of him in waves, but there was also something else. Another type of tension and charge seemed to be hanging in the air between them. It was then that Haley remembered just how close she was standing next to him. Nathan's chest was a few centimeters away from hers; their faces seemed to be even closer.

"You're such an ass," she mumbled heatedly.

Nathan didn't reply. He didn't know what was happening. One minute he was positively seething and the next he couldn't tear his eyes away from her pink, succulent lips. They were so close. He felt his own throb with the urge to kiss them. It felt like forever since he'd tasted her.

"Nathan," Haley said much more breathlessly than she'd intended. She knew that look he was giving her. It always managed to shake her to her core. Now was no different. Haley could feel her heart thudding in her chest and face flame up at his intense gaze.

Nathan lifted a tentative hand and gently brushed his fingers across her blushing cheek. Her skin was so soft, causing his hand to tingle with the urge to continue. And he did. His fingers traced down her face and along her jaw before coming up to caress her oh-so-luscious mouth.

As Nathan's thumb swiped her bottom lip, Haley's eyes involuntarily closed. She could barely remember the last time he'd touched her like this. It felt like a few years rather than just weeks. And even then things had been strained between them with her sister Taylor gallivanting around the apartment and taking everything over. She and Nathan hardly got time to relax and be alone with one another.

"Nathan," Haley whispered as her eyes opened slowly. He was even closer now. His lips were a mere breath's away. Haley was practically shaking with the need to feel his mouth on hers. To have his hands move lower and explore the rest of her body with the same care and precision.

Nathan squeezed his eyes shut. He shouldn't be doing this. He should leave. Right now. He'd come here to get Haley back, and it hadn't worked. There was nothing else keeping him here.

Yes, there is, a little voice argued in the back of his mind. A moment later, Haley's hand slid up his chest to his own cheek. Nathan felt a tremor course through his body as she guided his face to hers. He hesitated for just a moment. His self control was seriously waning.

"Kiss me," Haley demanded in a low voice, not able to stand it any longer.

Nathan's eyes snapped shut a second time with a groan as he gave in to temptation. He'd wanted this for so long. He'd wanted her for so long. All previous thought flew out of Nathan's mind as his lips claimed hers in a hot, passionate kiss. His hands left her face and slid down to her waist to pull her fully against him.

Haley moaned loudly as their bodies collided. Her hands instantly gripped his shoulders in an effort to bring him closer. Their mouths and tongues continued to battle. With each frenzied kiss, Haley's head grew hazier.

Nathan's hands roamed over her curves, but it wasn't enough. There had been so many nights that he missed her. That he lied awake in bed as the loneliness threatened to consume him. Nathan yearned to feel Haley wrapped tightly in his arms. To have her naked skin touching his. To feel that love, comfort, and desire only she managed to evoke in him when they were together.

"Nathan," Haley whimpered when his mouth traveled down to her neck. Her eyes were practically rolling back in her head as he kissed and sucked just the right spots. Meanwhile, his hands made fast work of removing her sweater and shirt. She did the same to him and had to bite down hard on her bottom lip to keep from moaning out loud at the sight of his chiseled and toned chest.

Nathan's arm around Haley's waist tightened as she practically melted into him. He could feel the heat radiating off of her body where their bare skin touched, and it inflamed his own. His other hand traveled up her back to her neck, keeping her steady has he left a trail of hot, wet kisses down her creamy flesh. Her breathing seemed to get shallower as he got lower and lower.

"Nathan," she choked out when he reached the top of her breasts.

Nathan's hands easily popped the clasp of her red, satin bra. It had to be new, since he'd never seen Haley wear it before. And while it looked amazing on her, he couldn't be bothered with it now. It was just another barrier between them.

As soon as it was cast to the floor, Nathan continued his previous path. Another strangled moan erupted from Haley as he took one of the small, sensitive nubs into his mouth. He could feel himself become harder as he savored and teased her. Nathan then switched to the other one and smirked against Haley's flesh when he realized that he was the only thing keeping her upright at the moment. She was like silly putty in his all-too-eager hands.

Nathan started walking them backwards. After a few seconds, his legs hit the bed. It was then that he felt Haley's hands move from his shoulders to his chest. She swiftly pushed him down so he was lying on his back. She straddled him and took possession of his mouth, once again. Nathan couldn't control the groan that escaped when she caught his bottom lip between her teeth. She bit down on it hard before pulling away.

Haley simply couldn't get enough of Nathan. Her body was alive and aching to connect with his. She brushed her fingernails along his chest and abs until finally reaching his belt buckle. She peppered his jaw and neck with kisses as she made quick work of undoing it. It was a few seconds before she found what she was looking for.

Nathan shuddered and hissed out her name at her touch. He was so turned on already and her stroking him only made it more acute. If he wasn't careful, it might be over before it even started. His hands moved from their place in her hair and slid down to her ass. It was barely a second later that he'd flipped them over, causing her to emit a small squeal in surprise.

"Nathan, I need you," Haley begged as his weight pushed her into the mattress. She was so hot. Her skin was already starting to feel a bit slick.

Nathan kicked off his jeans before unbuttoning Haley's. He slid them down and threw them to the floor with his. Nathan let his hands glide along her exposed thighs as he returned to his rightful place on top of her. He pressed his body more against hers and slid his hands around to her lower back.

Haley's eyes closed in ecstasy when she felt his mouth return to her breasts. His hands lifted her lower half up just enough to meet his. The friction of their bodies grinding through the fabric of their undergarments was driving her mad. She knew how much he desired her. She could feel it. She was craving it, too. Haley dug her fingernails into his arms in response.

Nathan moved his mouth to her ear. "Do you want me?" he questioned huskily.

"Yes," she breathed, losing patience.

"Are you sure?"

"I always want you."

Nathan paused for a moment at her reply. He then felt his previous anger resurface. If that were true, she'd be home with him right now. Or wanting to go home with him. They'd be in their own bed instead of this one in some random hotel.

"Nathan," Haley said, confused by his stopping. She met his gaze and noticed the hard edge to them.

"This won't change a thing."


"I'm still leaving," he declared.

Haley felt her heart constrict. She didn't want him to leave. Sure, she was confused right now. Not knowing how to balance both having a husband and her dream of being a musician. But Haley still loved Nathan. She still needed him. That would never change.

She stroked his cheek and kept her eyes locked with his. "But you're here now." Haley then bridged the small gap between them and kissed him softly.

Nathan didn't pull away or pause again. A part of him wanted to. To just leave her high and dry like she'd done to him a few weeks prior. But the desire to be with his wife, even if it was an illusion that would last only for one night, was too great. So Nathan's lips continued to caress hers as he removed what was left of their clothing.

He stared into her chocolate brown eyes once more before finally thrusting inside of her. They both gasped loudly at the sensation. It had definitely been too long. Nathan eyes immediately shut. He buried his head in her neck and just basked in the feeling of being so intimately joined with his wife. For a second, if he tried hard enough, it was almost easy to believe that nothing had changed. That there wasn't such a huge distance between him and Haley. That everything was good and perfect again in the world.

Haley's legs tightened around his hips as they started to find their natural rhythm. With every move she and Nathan made together, she felt their problems start to fade away in her mind. All that Haley could focus on was the way their bodies fit so perfectly. The way they glided against each other so easily. The way he touched and kissed her that made her feel so safe and loved. Despite the thrill, adventure, and newness of the tour, it couldn't compare to this. The tour was like a great vacation that you thought you'd never want to leave. But being with Nathan…well, he was that dose of reality that made you yearn for what was familiar. What was meaningful and true. He would always be her foundation. He would always be her home.

"God, I've missed you, Nathan," she murmured in his ear and clutched him tighter. "I love you."

Nathan didn't reply. He couldn't. Instead, he claimed her lips in a smoldering kiss and picked up the pace. Eager to possess her fully before the illusion vanished, Nathan drove into her harder. It wasn't long before Haley was writhing beneath him as his name spilled from her lips over and over again.

They were getting close.

"Oh…right there," Haley encouraged as he hit a particularly sensitive bundle of nerves. That, coupled with his rough, roaming hands, made it feel as if liquid fire was now running through her veins. Her body was so overheated and on edge that she swore she was close to combusting.

"Say it again," he growled.

Her hands pulled at his hair as her body arched against him. "Right there. That feels good."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "What you said before."

It took her a moment to realize what he meant. "I love you."

He pushed even harder and went deeper. "Again."

"I love you," Haley repeated, panting. "I love you."

She was just about shouting by the time Nathan finally felt her muscle's clench tightly around him. His thrusts and kisses became frantic as he, too, sought his own release. It wasn't long before he felt the intense and sizzling pleasure radiate throughout his entire body.

A couple of minutes later, he rolled to the side, out of breath. Haley snuggled up to him, and he automatically wrapped her up in his arms. The exhaustion from driving such a long way and their love making was starting to take effect. It was after his eyes had closed that he was vaguely aware of Haley lightly kissing his chest a few times and then his cheek.

"I really do love you, Nathan," she whispered. "Always and forever."

Nathan smiled sleepily. He liked this dream.

Haley felt herself slowly slipping back to into consciousness. At first she didn't know what was going on. All that seemed to register was the bright rays of light shining in her eyes from the sun. She groaned and buried her face in her pillow.

Maybe Nathan could get up and shut—Nathan! Haley's eyes snapped open at the memory of last night. Nathan had come to Austin to see her. He'd missed her and wanted her back. She'd told him that she had to think about things. They'd gone to her room and had gotten into a huge fight. Somewhere along the way their irritation with each other had turned into smoldering, unadulterated passion. Hence why the thin white sheet was the only thing she wore at the moment.

Despite their amazing night together, Haley assumed that things wouldn't be any better between her and Nathan this morning. They still had so much to discuss. She inhaled a steady breath before flipping over to look at him. It was then that the disappointment formed in the pit of her stomach.

His side of the bed was empty aside from the small, plastic bracelet resting on the mattress. He'd given it to her during their first tutoring session. The last time she saw it was just before she'd walked out of their apartment to join the tour. Haley grabbed it and sat up. She looked to the floor and noticed that Nathan's clothes were no longer there. He was officially gone.

The tears slid down her face before she even realized they'd formed. She didn't know why his absence was such a shock to her. He'd told her before they made love that he would leave. But she'd just hoped that he would….what? What did she expect from him? He drove all the way to Austin wanting to see her and save their marriage. The only thing she could say in reply was that she needed to think about it.

Haley already knew what Nathan must have assumed from that. She'd seen the anger and hurt it in his eyes. If Haley didn't feel like crap before, she did now. The truth was that she didn't have the answers he wanted. Not even close. She was beyond confused and completely overwhelmed.

Haley loved the tour. She was able to go to a different city every night. To watch the faces of hundreds and thousands of fans all wanting to see her and the other talented musicians onstage. It was one of the most thrilling and yet humbling experiences of her life. But it was moments like this, lying alone in a cold and empty bed, that she would question herself and her decision. When she wondered if all of the pretty melodies and applause would ever be enough to fill the void in her heart. God, she missed Nathan so much sometimes that it literally made her sick.

Haley looked over at the clock. She had to be packed and ready to go in an hour. They were traveling to Houston next. She wiped at her wet cheeks, but it was useless. She just couldn't stop crying. Haley had underestimated the pain that she would feel after having Nathan so close to her last night, only to lose him again in the morning. She didn't want to get up. She didn't want to go. All Haley wanted right now was Nathan and to feel his strong, protective arms around her, once again. She wanted him to tell her that this would all be okay. It would all work itself out.

Haley sobbed and buried her face back in her pillow. What had she done?