Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight-related. Everything recognizable (c) Stephenie Meyer.
Dedication: To my beautiful best friend Iky! Thanks for the inspiration for this fic!
Warning: Slight spoilers for the members of Volterra, nothing really canon. Also, this is a definite crack fic. Don't like, don't read.
"They should be dealt with," Caius mumbled under his breath.
Aro was deep in thought while Marcus simply stared at the floor. They were attending their weekly meeting, debating whether or not they should go after a coven of vampires that were raiding parts of the States. Obviously, the fighting was primarily done in the South, yet those vampires were attempting to raid Northern territories.
It was only about half that a very worried receptionist knocked on the door separating their well-lit room with the dark corridors.
"Gentlemen, there's... um... an issue we have to deal with."
"Come in," Marcus drawled. He was ready for anything, as long as there would be some action. Anything that would get him slightly entertained was good.
The human secretary crawled inside, then smiled nervously at the three vampire Lords. "There's a creature here to see you. Well, I think it's here to see you." Her large blue eyes turned confused. "Why else would it get into Volterra?"
Caius was on the verge of sending the woman to her death when Aro jumped up excitedly, his face twisting in an expression of bliss. Excitedly, he said, "Of course, of course! Bring them in! We love guests!"
The door slammed shut rapidly behind the receptionist.
Caius then turned on his friends. "Why did you do that? We were counselling, remember? Didn't you say, exactly two thousand and eighty nine days ago, that no one was to bother us during our meetings?"
Aro pondered for a second. "It will be important!" he suddenly beamed. "I feel it!"
Marcus yawned when the brothers looked at him to make a decision.
Minutes later, the door was cracked open by the receptionist. "Leaders of the Volturri, I present you your guest!"
Then, slowly, a sheep crawled into the room.
Aro's eyes widened drastically as he jumped up from his chair. He shouted hurriedly, "How mystical! What is that creature?"
"Is that a...?" Caius replied uneasily, his eyebrows raising with shock.
Marcus almost smirked. "It's a sheep, brothers. You should both leave Volterra more often."
"This is so interesting," Aro drawled, suddenly taking a step closer towards the conspicuous white animal. "I wonder if I can read this sheep's thoughts if I touch it... And even better, if I'll understand said thoughts!"
"No!" Caius shouted, his long dark hair bobbing as he moved. Hurriedly, he intercepted Aro, planting himself directly between him and the animal. Suspiciously, he glared back at the innocent animal, then growled, "What if it's a trap...? What if it's actually a weapon disguised as a sheep?"
Marcus rolled his eyes.
Then, the sheep uttered a long bleat.
Aro jumped back about ten feet, while Caius whirled around and uttered a battle cry. "Guards! Guards! Get this thing out of here!"
The sheep then slowly began to walk forward, seemingly not intimidated the slightest that Caius was on the point of inflicting the world's greatest battle force on him. He made his way to Aro before peering up at him, then gently cuddling his hand.
Aro's face brightened. "Oh, calm down, Caius! See how adorable that poor little thing is? Come here, baby boy!" Then, he began to pet the animal's soft wool. "Hm, he seems to be too woolly. I can't read his mind! Oh, wait, I think I see something..."
The hot-headed brother leaned forward, interested. Even Marcus had a light smile on his face.
"It... it's in love with me!" Aro suddenly gasped, his eyes wide. "It thinks I'm his mate!" His face then contorted. "What will my wife think?"
Quickly, Caius blew up again. "That's it, sheep! You think you can just waltz in here, like you own the place, and then attempt to steal one of the leaders of the Volturi! This is an offence worth terrible torture and punishment!"
Aro seemed to be ready to break down. "It wants me to be its mate..."
Now, Marcus was chuckling. It was really rare that things got this interesting in Volterra. However, as soon as things got interesting, it was when his brothers both got to the brink of insanity. To restore the peace, he carefully said, "Guys, it's a sheep."
"No!" Caius raged. "It's an evil war machine sent to us! It probably comes from those Romanians! They should be eliminated, along with their production! It would end with the destruction of Volterra! What an abomination!"
The sheep blinked.
Marcus sighed, the bored look returning upon his face. "I'll take care of it."
Then, he went to grab said sheep by the collar, then dragged it out of the room.
Emmett groaned. "Alice, if you don't stop laughing in the next ten seconds, I swear I'll go grab Edward -and I don't care that he and Bella are on their fourth honeymoon- so he can tell us what you saw!"
The thin black-haired girl only burst in another wave of fresh laughter. Her good mood infectious, Jasper also chuckled, even though he himself had no idea what was so hilarious. About an hour earlier, Alice had obviously gotten a funny vision, one which she refused to share with the rest of their gathered family.
Finally, she said mysteriously, "You'll see in a minute."
Faithfully, exactly sixty seconds later, the doorbell rang. Carlisle was the first to answer, yet five curious vampires crowded in behind him.
The blond delivery guy looked at the holey box he had just hauled. "Uh, this is a delivery to Carlisle Cullen..."
After handing the box, along with an envelope, the delivery guy ran off.
"Well," Carlisle said as he studied the large box in front of him. "That's quite unusual."
Alice was giggling madly in the background.
Rosalie then burst forth, then tore the box open hurriedly and peered inside. She was instantly greeted by a loud bleat, and her face twisted confusedly. "Um, Carlisle? Who would send you a sheep?"
The blond doctor looked equally confused as he opened the card.
Enjoy the snack.
A/N: Hey readers!
Here you go, my first Twilight crack fic. Hope you enjoyed. I've always loved the Volturi, and I thought that Marcus deserved some laughs. He's surely a joker at heart, and I thought that it would be so -him- to send the sheep to the Cullen family.
As for how the sheep got into Volterra; don't ask. I don't know.
To my readers of "Forever Just Isn't Long Enough", don't worry, I'll keep on writing! This was just something I had to clear out of my mind.
P.S. Sorry, Iky, Aro didn't break in two like you had suggested. XD I couldn't really fit it in anywhere. But I did add the mate thing for you; hopefully you get the (very obviously) intended pun!!