Moist really needed to get his head checked. He was strapped to the chair again. Why Billy thought the straps were necessary Moist would never know. Maybe it made him feel evil or something. Either way, it was kind of grating on Moist's nerves. No, really, they were pinching a nerve on his left arm and it was really bothering him.



"Can you loosen this one, it kinda hurts."

"What?" Billy looked up from his new ray, goggles over his face again. Those thing always sent a shiver down Moist's back. He knew it was for safety, after all blinding the mad scientist would be a bad thing. But still, they made him look…



Moist never thought of Billy as evil, just crazy. A mess-maker. Anti-hero. But not evil. No matter how hard Billy tried, he never quite fit the bill.

"My wrist, it hurts."

"Oh!" Jumping out of his seat the villain-wanna-be (though L.A. found him to be full-fledged) loosened the leather restraint, checking Moist's pulse and reflexes.

"Dude, you haven't done anything yet, it's still the same."

"I know, just checking on you. You ready?"

"Sure, what's this thing do?"

"It's a death ray!"

"WHAT?!" Moist struggled to get out of the chair. Billy doubled over, laughing so hard that when he took his goggles off there were tears in his eyes.

"I'm kidding Moist I'm kidding! It's not a death ray! I'd never make a death ray, you know that. Killing's stupid."

"Then don't say it is!" Moist deflated into the seat again, heart pounding. Billy knelt down, putting a hand on his friend's knee.

"Moist, I'd never do that. I would never test a death ray out on you. Or anyone. I don't test my rayguns on you until I know for sure they won't kill you. I'd rather have the plant explode and kill me than point anything that could murder you at you." He patted the damp knee before standing and grabbing up his gun, taking a stance behind the tape-line on the floor.


"You're sure this won't kill me?"

"Eighty percent!" And the blue/green beam fired. Moist closed his eyes, feeling the strangest weightless sensation overcome him.

"Did it work?!" Moist opened his eyes when Billy asked him if it worked. How on earth was he to know?! Billy hadn't even told him what it was supposed to do!

"Dang." Billy "swore," kneeling down by Moist again. "You opened your eyes, didn't work."

Moist's heart rate skyrocketed again. His eyes opened?! Were they not supposed to?

"How do you feel?"

"Uhh, by bouth ib bubd." Huh?


"By bouth ib bubd."

"Oh! Idea!" Billy ran off, leaving Moist to hope for a pencil and paper. Sadly, he came back with his phone. After digging though Moist's pockets, grabbing his wallet, and flipping through, Billy dialed a number and waited for a voice at the end.

"Hello, is Dr. Molhair around?" Pause. If Moist had his hands, he would have facepalmed right then and there. His dentist?! Billy called his DENTIST to try and figure out what he was saying?! Good god.

"Hey Doc, Moist is talking a bit funny, can you understand him? You deal with that stuff all the time. Uh-huh, right. Okay, here." He held up the phone.

"Box, Ib bonah dill ya, by bouth ib bubd."

"Got that?" Billy put the phone to his ear. Then his grin dropped and his face paled. "Oh, okay. Um, thank you Doctor Molhair."


"Your mouth is numb? Why didn't you tell me?! Great, freeze ray needs work." Billy stood, tramping over to his gun (which would get larger as time went on) and started to take it apart. Moist, still stuck to the chair, glared at him.

"EHBLOO! Heg be oub oo dib gair!"