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I don't know what to say about this... Just read it. AHers will love this, and hopefully, love me. ;p
'This is a dumb movie,' Artemis thought, staring at the vampire and the human girl on the big screen TV. He wanted so badly to voice this thought, to suggest a change of films, to move, to groan – to do something to voice his displeasure. The only thing that stopped him was the fact that it was a romance movie, suggested by Holly. After he told The Lie That Ruined Everything, he had to accept that one bad vampire movie was a small price to pay to have her curled up on the couch next to him and not being angry at him.
Artemis snuck a glance at Holly. She was sitting on the cushion next to him, comfortably leaning back against the back of the sofa, a forgotten bag of popcorn in her arms. She looked relaxed, but that wasn't Artemis' problem. His problem was that she was leaning against the sofa, instead of leaning against him like she used to. She was sitting a hair's breath away from him, but she was still sitting a hair's breath away from him. Short of yawning and stretching his arms idiotically, Artemis didn't know what to do. Or how Holly would react.
Artemis frowned, unhappily. Maybe he had blown his chance with her. There was nothing that could make him feel worse. For once in his life, he hated being the villain. He was the most horrible person to have ever existed. He was the most evil, most vile, most repulsive –
"What if I'm not the superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?"
"Shut up!" It took Artemis a second to realize that he was the one who had snapped that at the television. Growing hot, he glanced at Holly to find her watching him with an expression of curiosity and – dare he hope? – a bit of amusement. He looked away. "Edward Cullen is an embarrassment to bad guys."
Holly laughed a little. "Foaly burned a fairy movie he thought you might enjoy onto a DVD." She frowned a little and glanced around. "It was in my black tote bag..."
Artemis got up. "You dropped that in my room when you arrived this afternoon. I'll go get it." He couldn't meet Holly's gaze as he left room.
As he walked up the staircase to his room, Artemis went back to sulking. He felt the memory of her lips against his, but it only served to make him feel worse, because she would never kiss him like that again. There was nothing that could be done about it.
Artemis sighed heavily and threw open the door to his room, only stop short and go into shock at the sight before him. His brain whirred, trying to come up with possible explanations for what was happening, but all he could think of was 'Evidently, there is hope for Holly and I.' Because before Artemis Fowl II was another Artemis Fowl II. And the latter was with a small, beautiful redhead, who the former quickly identified as Holly.
If Artemis' brain hadn't fully stopped functioning at the sight of Holly's slightly longer red hair falling over her bare shoulders and getting caught in his older self's hand, he might have consciously come to the obvious conclusion that these were time travelers.
Artemis froze, unable to take his eyes off of himself and one of his closest friends. Because they were busy. At the moment, the two travelers were in Artemis' bed, their bodies entwined and partially covered by the dark blue satin sheets, doing… Well. Themselves, really.
The Artemis in the doorway quickly realized what he and Holly were doing. And then he realized that Holly's tote bag was on the floor, right beside the bed. 'Awkward,' Artemis decided, his brain finally starting to function again. 'This is going to be awkward.' He wondered how to go about retrieving the tote bag without disturbing Holly and himself. Then, he started wondering how to go about retrieving the tote bag without looking at Holly and himself.
Artemis tried to look away, but found that he couldn't. Worse still, the time travelers were starting to have certain effects on him. Certain effects that would make it even harder and even more awkward to get the tote bag. The genius then stopped short, his sardonic side coming out. 'If they're time travelers, they're here for a mission. Why are they having sex while on a mission?'
Before Artemis had a chance to think about this, Holly called him from downstairs. "Artemis? What's taking so long?"
Artemis froze. The time travelers froze. Then, their eyes snapped to Artemis. For a second, there was silence. And then:
"Artemis? Do you need helping finding it?"
Artemis forced himself awake in order to answer Holly. His voice sounded strangled. "No. I have it. Just a minute."
Artemis answered with an ever-so-Artemis-like "Uh huh…" He still hadn't taken his eyes off the scene before him.
Then, the Holly from the future spoke, glancing up at the Artemis from the future to the Artemis in the doorway and back. "Gods, Arty, you're such a pervert."
Artemis straightened, indignantly, and snapped out of his daze. "Pervert?" He sent a rather burning glance over Holly, and took some satisfaction when her breath hitched a little.
The future Artemis reacted a little more obnoxiously. "Were. 'Arty, you were such a pervert.'"
Holly rolled her eyes a little. "You're still a pervert." She grinned when her lover only smirked before leaning down to kiss her neck.
The Artemis in the doorway forced himself to move. "What is going on here?" he asked.
Artemis looked annoyed at having to remove his mouth from Holly's neck long enough to respond. "What does it look like?"
Artemis the Younger bristled at his tone. But then again, he understood why he might be irritated. That didn't mean he sympathized, though; it wasn't like he was the one in the bed. In a sense. "You're time travelers. Obviously on a mission. Don't worry; I won't ask what, because I know you won't tell me. But why are you wasting time having sex?" Artemis heard the words coming out of his mouth and quickly held up a hand to silence the time travelers when they looked at him with amused expressions. "Never mind."
The Artemis in the bed looked thoughtful. "Honestly, I should start practicing what I preach. After so many years of telling everyone else to "trust me; I'm a genius," I should trust myself to know what I'm doing." He gave himself a pointed look.
Artemis inclined his head a little. "Fine." He nodded toward the tote bag. "I need that."
Artemis the Elder smirked. "Go ahead." With that, he turned back to Holly and they started making out, her arms encircling his neck and her hand catching a fistful of his hair.
Artemis couldn't bring himself to look away from them for a second before he finally started inching awkwardly toward the tote bag, keeping his eyes firmly on it and it alone. That didn't mean he couldn't hear himself and Holly though. He was halfway across the room when their gasps and breathy whimpers suddenly turned into loud, synchronized cries of pleasure. Artemis cursed under his breath and broke out into a sprint. In less than two seconds, he was out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him and thanking God that his room was sound proof.
"Artemis? What - ?"
Artemis straightened, and then sprinted down the stairs. Holly was waiting for him at the bottom of the staircase, looking a little confused, but her expression turned to annoyed when Artemis shot past her, barely pausing to shove her tote bag into her arms. Before Holly had realized what had happened, Artemis disappeared into the downstairs washroom.
Holly pulled the DVD out of her bag and walked to the washroom door. "Are you alright, Artemis?" she asked.
Artemis didn't respond for a second. "I'm fine." His voice sounded strange, like he was having trouble breathing. "Go put the movie on. I'll be right there."
Holly frowned in confusion, but went back to the living room to put the DVD on. She settled back on the sofa to wait for Artemis, growing a little worried when he took longer than she'd expected. She was just about to get up to go check on him when he stumbled in, his usual pale features a little flushed. "Hey," she said, turning toward him as he sat down beside her. "Are you okay? You look off."
Artemis stared at the floor for a long moment, but then he smiled. "I'm fine. Better than fine."
Holly grew curious. "What is it?" she asked.
Artemis looked up at her, and flashed her one of his more superior 'I know something you don't know' smiles. "You know what I just remembered?"
"What?" Holly pressed.
"At the zoo, when I was ten years old and after the lemur, I walked by the gorilla cage on my way to it," Artemis began. Holly looked at him with a mystified expression, obviously unknowing of where he was getting at. "Butler thought we should hurry up because you and I were nearby, but I – the ten-year-old - remember looking into the gorilla cage and thinking, 'I think we've got a moment.'" He raised an eyebrow at the fairy beside him.
Holly understood immediately. She clasped her hands over her mouth, but her eyes lit up in amusement. "Little Arty saw me kissing you!"
Artemis chuckled. "Exactly." He paused, suddenly pensieve as he thought back on watching Holly and himself as a ten-year-old and now, watching their future selves as a teenager. "What are the chances..."
"Of?" Holly asked, vaguely, a distant look on her face.
Artemis watched her for a second, enjoying Holly's expression at the moment. She was obviously lost in the memory, trying to figure out where Little Artemis had been at the time of the kiss. "What are the chances I'd have seen my first kiss?"
Holly shrugged. "What were the chances of you kidnapping the fairy you kissed?"
Artemis gave her a little half-grin. "The forces of the universe came together," he half-joked.
Holly was still smiling, but they both noticed the air grow a little tenser around them. "Why did you remember this now?" she asked.
Artemis smiled, looking satisfied and confident. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he said. "Put the movie on."
Holly reached for the remote and pressed 'play.' They were barely a minute in before Holly felt Artemis put his arm around her shoulders. She straightened a little, but when she looked up him, his eyes were on the television. He glanced at her with a small smile, like having his arm around her was nothing extremely special and suddenly, Holly felt happy and relaxed.
Holly smiled and leaned into Artemis, both of them feeling a sense of rightness when she did. Suddenly, the Lie That Ruined Everything was lost somewhere in the past, where it should be and Holly was blissful in Artemis' arms, where she should be. They both knew this; the universe itself knew this: This was where she belonged.
Lolz, I thought of this little "what if" scenario after laughing about Little Arty watching Holly kiss his older self. Read the pages after 138. XD
I know Arty was a tad OOC when he was sulking earlier, but, meh, nothing in the series has made him feel as bad as he did when he lost Holly. Don't worry, Canon!Arty, you'll get her back!
Was it funny? Romantic? Fluffy?
REVIEW! (Also, tell me if you want to know what Future!Artemis/Holly's mission was. I'll add a second chapter. I know what it is, but I couldn't find a way to add it here. XD!!)