Another C/E fic, just a oneshot this time. Short, fluffy kinda thing.
I sometimes wish the clock would just stop at 4AM.
Rationally, I know time can never stop - we can't be forever suspended in darkness. Because, as the world turns, this happens - darkness becomes darker, darker, then lighter, lighter, until it inevetably becomes daylight. Unless the world stops turning, we will always be caught in this endless cycle. And knowing my luck, the world would stop during the day, and we would always be in light.
The other option would be for the sun to fizzle out. But I don't think we could survive.
A lot of people prefer 'day time' - some people because they are afraid of the dark, or because they are activists, or because they can't do the things they love at night. Because you can't live life to the full in darkness.
For me, that's not the case. It's not because I'm a night owl, or because I hate college, or something like that, it's because, at 4AM, I feel content.
During the day - at college, at a party, in the fucking street - people expect me to be someone. Someone I don't really want to be. They want me to be the mask of myself. The sexy, everyone-loves-me version of myself. People expect me to sleep around, and they admire me for that. They expect me to look sexy, and they admire me for that. People expect me to be an individual, and they adnmire me for that.
Sometimes I wonder if people knew, if they would admire me for that.
I don't like being individual- no, it's not that. I don't like being alone. And I certainly don't fucking like people thinking I can never be in love with one person. That I can never be with one person. One being the key word.
At 4AM there are no expectations. Every night I wake up at 4AM, still tired, eyes heavy. My head on his chest, and I feel content. I would gently nudge him awake, look up at him, and smile. He'd smile back, pull me even closer to him, and press his lips against my hair. I'd whisper "I love you, Cook." And he'd reply "Mm. I love you too, Ef." Then we'd close our eyes again, sigh, and fall back asleep.
Like I said, feeling content. Happy. Being able to act the way we feel, not how people expect us to feel.
I wish it could be 4AM forever.