Not Another Impromptu Musical!
Disclaimer: I do not own High School Musical.
Note: This was largely done because even if everyone at East High seems to be used to the impromptu musicals that occur roughly every five minutes, the people who don't happen to be Wildcats may not be so blasé about the whole thing.
There are only sixteen minutes left in the State Championship Varsity Basketball Game and I am seriously starting to panic. Why? Because the opposing team is from East High, which is widely known as the strangest school in the state. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have several friends who go there and they're perfectly nice when you get them by themselves. Whenever there's a group of them, however, bad things happen.
If, of course, by bad things you mean 'people bursting out into song', which I do, as I've never been too fond of musicals. What's the point of singing the dialogue when you can just say it instead and inject that extra bit of realism? My boyfriend had a job at Lava Springs Country Club last summer and he came back thoroughly traumatized and full of tales of nonstop musical numbers and what must a large part of the student body of East Side High obsessing over their so-called 'Golden Couple': the Captain of the East High Basketball Team, Troy Bolton, and some Hispanic girl. Frankly, if I weren't a cheerleader and thus subjected to my school's basketball team's near-obsession with winning back the State Championship from the school that took it away last year, I wouldn't know his name either. But seriously, I heard Bolton turned what was supposed to be the staff portion of the Lava Springs talent show into a ploy to win back his girlfriend, who had recently dumped him because the daughter of two members of the Lava Springs board had a crush on him. You know what's worse? It worked. AND everyone not only wasn't upset about his appalling self-absorption and ruining their act, but instead wouldn't shut up about how romantic it all was. Honestly.
Now, I've fallen victim to East High's bizarre need to sing everything that might ever be considered mildly important ever in the past. For instance, I was a cheerleader for West High last year, too, and the minute they won, everyone crowded in and started spouting some nonsense on how they were all in it together or something of the sort. Just because they won the game and some science thing and their favorite couple got to audition they went absolutely crazy. Even the people who lost their parts to Troy and what's-her-name were celebrating. Seriously, this place is like a cult or something.
Now, you'd think that it'd be a GOOD thing that there's only sixteen minutes left in the game and there's yet to be a single sign of lyricism. Unfortunately, I've got a bad feeling that this just means they're gearing up for something big. Quite frankly, they'll need it.
Both teams have disappeared into their respective locker rooms for a quick break and last-minute pep talk and we're ahead 47-26 and it's not hard to see why. The past quarter has been an absolute joke. Bolton was holding onto the ball and must have been suffering some sort of panic attack himself as he just stood there for a good half a minute doing nothing but breathing. It didn't seem to occur to his own teammates to try and snap him out of it and I guess our team decided that if he was just going to be eating up time that could be spent trying to close the gap, it was best to just let them. Then, when Bolton did finally snap out of it, he and his teammates displayed an almost embarrassing amount of fumbling and missing easy shots. How did they beat us last year again? Probably something to do with that 'inspiring' audition everyone was forced to watch after the lights mysteriously went out in the gym (it's interesting to note the theatre lights were fine and the minute Bolton was done with his little duet, the lights were back. I smell a conspiracy!). I just hope nothing like that happen again.
"Jessica," my friend Amy whispers in between our routines.
"What?" I whisper back.
I look around. The West High fans are pretty excited, nothing strange there. That must mean…sure enough, the East High fans, who were quite morose just a minute ago are now acting like the scores are reversed or something. And now the break's over. There better not be another musical number after the game, or I swear I'm locking myself in the bathroom until everyone's gone.
I could tell that the East High team was coming back out even before I could see them. You know how? There was suddenly this really loud chant of 'sixteen, sixteen' over and over again and drowning out all the cheering. And it all seems to be coming from the basketball team. Do they have microphones on their jersey's or something? And what do you know? Now that they're borderline singing again, their aim has improved drastically as they all shoot in sync. And score every last time. I swear, I'm starting to wonder about that Coach of theirs; does he put on Broadway tunes during their synchronized basketball practices or something?
As disturbing as this is becoming, I am a cheerleader and thus I have a responsibility to rally the crowd. Not that they really need much rallying at this point, but it doesn't due to get cocky and I'll be damned if I let the East High hodgepodge show us up. That's right, I said it. Hodgepodge. If nothing else, not one of these girls were on the squad last year and I'm fairly certain that most if not all of them are there because they are currently or will soon be dating members of the team.
Oh, well, I guess this chanting-verging-on-singing is okay as long as they stop by the time the game actually st-Dear God, is nothing sacred?!?!
"Gotta get it together!" one of them starts singing but I can't tell who. I think our definitions of 'getting it together' may differ slightly, however, as mine generally doesn't involve singing in the middle of state championship basketball games. But then, I don't play basketball, so what do I know?
"Yeah, pull up and shoot! Score!" Other people are now joining in like bloody LEMMINGS and what do you know? Bolton manages to score right at a convenient place in the song. I'm betting he's the instigator. Bloody drama queen.
"Shake 'em with a crossover," they continue to belt out, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they are announcing their grand strategy to the world. Or, at least, their opponents. "Tell me what are we here for?" Maybe that's the problem: They think that they're here for some sort of music contest instead of a basketball game! You'd think that the presence of basketballs and a game clock would clue them in, but perhaps they think it's a theme thing? " 'Cause we know that we're the best team!"
"No, no," my fellow cheerleaders and I attempt to correct them. So they scored twice; we still have a comfortable lead and while that second shot was a little tricky it wasn't anything spectacular.
"Come on boys! Come on boys! Come on!" the East High Coach – who I'm officially dubbing 'Coach Creepy' as he's really creeping me out with his over-the-top enthusiasm and the way he keeps staring at the teenage boys on the team – felt the need to shout over and over. SO not helpful, for anyone. Isn't he supposed to be commenting on how they're playing and telling them what to do differently or something? That's what our Coach is doing when players run by him at any rate.
"The way we play tonight, is what we leave behind," Bolton decided to wax sentimental as he abruptly stopped running after the ball and started strolling down the court. I mean, I guess, being a Senior myself, I can understand that whole bit about this being the end of the season and the last time we'll be a part of Varsity basketball and that's not easy, but…still. He's so busy missing the season that he's completely ignoring the last game going on all around him. Or, maybe not completely as he absently catches the ball that some moron who thought it was a good idea to pass to the guy who's not even remotely paying attention threw to him. "It all comes down to right now it's up to us." Well, at least he's back in the game now. Wait, did I say at least? He's on the other team and actually a really good shot. Well, when he's paying attention and not in any way slightly unhappy, because if he is then he sucks. I saw him run out of water at halftime once and he was so upset that the shots he was taking weren't even hitting the rim until Chad Danforth caved and gave Bolton his water bottle instead.
"So what are we gonna be?" Bolton & co ask. Seriously, are they taking suggestions or something? Looking for purpose beyond the season? I'm going to suggest 'singing dance troupe' with the way they're all dancing backwards (and in sync!) now that our team has the ball. In fact, I'm so strangely fascinated by that that I almost miss them attempting to do our (or, at least, their cheerleaders) jobs for them as they spell out, "T-E-A-M Team!" That's kind of weird, but on the other hand, it's not like the East High Cheerleaders actually seem to know what they're doing and keep trying to copy us.
"This is the last chance to make your mark!" Bolton has apparently decided he doesn't need backup singers as he's turned his mike up and cut everyone else's (probably because he's Coach Creepy's son. I swear, first team captain and now this…nepotism at it's finest. Still, at least he's cute. The senior, not the dad, I'm not creepy, after all). Oh look, some East High kid tripped and the Kyle tripped over the kid's foot and fell on top of him. Is that ref blind? How is that a foul? Maybe if the EH-er would tie his shoelaces this wouldn't have happened! But whatever. Bolton takes the shot (and makes it now that he's happy he can combine his great love for basketball and singing/dancing in front of a captive audience) and continues with, "History will know who we are. This is the last game so make it count, it's now or never!" Okay, I get this is a big deal and all, but history? Really? There's no way this game is going down in history unless it's as the game where the pretty blonde cheerleader snaps and beats the annoying singing basketball captain to death with her pompoms. And surely not the entire team are Seniors. There are some Juniors on the team this year just as there were some Seniors on the team last year but no one felt the need to mope about graduation then because it only affected half the team so why are they doing it now? And what in the world is wrong with the East High mascot? It looks like he forgot to go to the bathroom before the game and is now regretting it. And trying to eat his hands.
I was watching Bolton gear up to take yet ANOTHER shot when all of a sudden Chris slams into him. Okay, that might have been uncalled for, bad sportsmanship, and just rude overall, but at least it stopped the music short.
"Hey! That's a foul!" some middle-aged guy from the audience feels the need to point out. Like, we know. If you can spot such an obvious foul, then the referee sure can.
What's this? Bolton needs to be PULLED TO HIS FEET? Oh, he is so just milking this. He's injured not bloody crippled! Did I mention he was a drama queen?
"You okay?" Danforth (for of course it is Danforth; it's always Danforth. Those two have got some kind of intense bromance perpetually going on) asks, concerned.
"Come on Troy," Coach Creepy says, sounding vaguely menacing. Like 'if you're not okay and don't win me this game then there will be consequences.'
Then, for some reason, the entire Wildcats section of the auditorium is covered with some weird folder thingies that look like a bunch of white paws on a red background. Apparently this doesn't sit well with one of the girls, though, as she immediately stands up so she can see what's going on. Oh, no, that's Bolton's girlfriend isn't it? This better not be the start of a duet…
"Troooooooooooy!" she belts out. She has a nice voice, I'll admit, but I'm not sure why she has a microphone when she's not playing or even cheerleading. Granted it doesn't look like she has one, but given that her voice started out sounding normal and then by the end of her saying his name it was greatly amplified, I'm willing to bet there was a microphone somewhere. And what happened to the lights?
"Right now I can hardly breathe," Bolton sings as he complains. And what the hell? Christ knocked him to the ground; he didn't puncture his lung!
"You can do it; just know that I believe," Bolton's girlfriend smiles at him as she puts her hand over her heart. Wow, she believes her boyfriend is capable of breathing. That's faith, right there. Golden Couple, I can totally see it. Seriously, though, he must be some kind of moron if he needs people to believe that he's capable of breathing. Well, that or she is.
"And that's all I really need," Bolton decides. Yep, all he needs is people having faith that he can perform basic functions. I can just see this play out. 'Hey, Troy, you're drooling. Troy? Come on, man, I believe you can swallow.' 'Troy, I love you and all, but you've GOT to stop staring at me. It's kind of creepy. I believe you can blink!' 'Troy, stop falling over; I believe you can stand by yourself!'
"Then come on!" Bolton's girlfriend seems to notice that they're making a scene and wants to wait until the game is over so they can be all cuddly while they do it, so she's encouraging him to hurry this up.
"Make me strong," Bolton entreats and seems to take it for granted that she will, somehow, accomplish this. Perhaps by believing it? "It's time to turn it up, game on!"
Okay, what was that about? That was strange even by East High standards. Or, what I've seen of East High standards at any rate.
Wow. Turning over the folders reveals a completely different picture that is still showing school pride and supporting their team. Someone clearly had FAR too much time on their hands.
"Wildcats! Go tear it up! Go Wildcats! We're number one! Hey Wildcats! We're the champions!" Yeah, we get it, they won last year. They've been reminding us of this for over a year now since the game seems to have been pushed back three months. Or maybe they mean they think they've already won this game? We're not going to stand for that.
"West High Knights, hey. Yeah, we're putting up a fight!" we valiantly cheer, but the rest is drowned out by the East High Cheerleaders, who also seem to have acquired microphones at some point. We should seriously look into getting some of those at some point.
"Wildcats! We'll never quit it, gonna win it! Let me hear you say HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY!"
Are they mocking us now? God, they are so obnoxious! It's not our fault we actually practice being cheerleaders before the last game of the season! Well, actually, yes it is. Let me correct that: It's not our fault they don't!
And now East High is calling a time-out because they're mad that we have three people guarding Bolton because we've discovered that the better guarded he is, the less he sin-er, SCORES.
They've apparently decided that the best thing to do in this situation is to put in some obviously ADD-ridden kid. And look, now they're doing a group huddle refrain! It's nice to see they're not wasting everyone's time with frivolous time-outs or anything.
"This is the last time to get it right! This is the last chance to make it or not! We gotta show what we're all about! TEAM! Work together!"
Wow. Just…wow. We block Bolton and so he passes it to the new guy who looks like he's a Sophomore at the oldest. He stands there, looking shocked that he has the ball (clearly he has not only never been in a game but never attended practice either. But, then again, it wouldn't surprise me if all they do at their practices is learn to coordinate their dances and practice coming up with on-the-spot lyrics). He eventually tosses it up half-heartedly as the buzzer rings and it goes in. They won.
Oh, well, at least it stops the singing.