A/N: Have you fangirls seen the new Kanon/Scneizel scan in MiniTokyo? If you haven't, then please do so. Because it was what sparked this twisted crackfic in me.
I mean.. I almost fainted. hahahaha~
Anyways pure crack Schneizel and Kanon ahead. Plus innocent Nunnally and Suzaku, and a laughball named Cornelia.
STORYTELLING TALENTS AND ACTING SKILLS
It was Nunnally's gentle world... peace, harmony, no fighting and complete freedom in everyone. The world has been rebuilt from shambles.
There was anything but chaos, and so it wasn't any wonder how Brittanian nobles now had free time. Time to lay back for a while, relax, and spend easygoing moments with their families.
The Brittanian noble family was among those. And as Empress Nunnally had wished, once a month her closest confidantes and family gather for a special, private, casual... picnic.
A picnic between her dearest family members: Cornelia with Guilford, Zero, Odysseus with their other sisters, and her big brother Schneizel with his aide Earl Maldini.
It was a peaceful afternoon. Everyone sat on the picnic blanket and ate their snacks and talked cheerfully about anything but politics and world rule.
A peaceful afternoon indeed. And this peaceful afternoon, the Empress Nunnally's attention was caught by a certain... thing that was out of ordinary.
For Earl Kanon Maldini.
The pretty.. err, nice-looking man was acting like his usual cheerful and bubbly and refined self. And it wasn't odd to see him out of uniform either, since everyone seemed to be simply wearing casual clothing.
It's just that Nunnally was concerned, being the loving, sweet, thoughtful young woman that she was, about what could possibly harm her dearest brother Schneizel's obviously dearest best friend.
"Kanon-san", Nunnally started, peering curiously towards the roseatte-haired Earl. "May I ask what happened to your neck?"
Earl Kanon Maldini was usually not taken aback by such curious questions from a curious little girl. After all, Nunnally is known for her thoughtfulness.
But he wasn't pleased today.
It looks as if ever-perfect Earl Maldini failed to wear the right kind of shirt.
Kanon knew it, he inwardly cringed - he should have worn a turtleneck.
AND WHY - How DARE - someone still notice the almost almost FULLY hidden purple spot??? He had been sure to fix his collar well enough, but-
The Earl looked towards a smirking, purple-haired princess.
Cornelia was SMIRKING.
Earl Kanon Maldini was well-mannered enough not to glare and blame Cornelia li Brittania for letting her little children bother him and pull at him earlier that day...
...which resulted to one little bruise revealing itself in plain sight.
Oh - she planned it well enough. Or did she?
Returning to the dillema... Kanon had caught himself in the hot seat. Because Nunnally was still concernedly peering to a fault and Zero had now leaned curiously too, and Odysseus was coughing and Guilford was all but strangling his wife so that she wouldn't laugh out loud, thus being unethical.
Schneizel was suddenly very very very interested in a biscuit or something. It looks like he was trying to STARE back at invisible biscuit eyes and trying to LOOK back at said invisible biscuit eyes.
See, this is the main problem when Schneizel-sama was feeling.. passionate... on a day-off's eve.
Kanon smiled nervously back at his Empress and avoided her gaze for quite sometime.
"Nunnally-chan", Odysseus finally stopped coughing and wiped his forehead nervously.
It was SO HARD to explain this.
"I think it's... inappropriate to ask Kanon-san that question..." the oldest brother tried to say. "It's kind of...-"
"Eh?" the girl blinked. "Is it too private? It looks... bad."
Kanon, like Schneizel and Xing Ke - was a sucker for cute things.
And right now the little Empress was so cute with shining eyes like that. Plus, Kanon did not want anyone to suspect that he's hiding something from them.
"No, Nunnally-sama. It's okay for you to ask." Kanon finally replied.
This was going to be... tiring.
Because Cornelia was already sniggering behind her husband, and Odysseus was gaping, and Zero was so silent. And Schneizel had looked up from his staring contest with the biscuit - nervously.
Kanon won't blow up. So the Earl said a very plausible excuse.
"It was a... stapler."
Hell seemed to freeze.
Odysseus' apprehensive look turned to... confusion. Zero had involuntarily said "What..?"
Oh, nobody else will see the princess laugh so hard.
Schneizel blinked at the man beside him. Nunnally had blinked too.
Until the Empress had chosen to speak up again. "Oh, that... that's horrible!! That should hurt a lot!"
"But I am fine now, Nunnally-sama. No need to worry."
Finally Cornelia spoke up. "How the hell did a stapler manage to damage your neck? Your neck of all things-"
"It was me."
Schneizel had spoken up. And the Second Prince blinked at all the stares.
Kanon blinked too. Was his majesty... confessing?
Oh my god - no. Now Cornelia was SMIRKING again and Odysseus was about to cry and Nunnally was the epitome of confused. And Zero was... silent. As always.
But then - they are getting the WRONG idea.
No, they ARE getting the RIGHT idea, which is.. WRONG.
Yeah, that's how it's explained.
"I mean - It was... my.. fault." Schneizel backed it up. "I hit Kanon with the stapler..."
"DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?" Cornelia mumbled, shocked. And Odysseus looked at his sister incredulously. And Nunnally can define 'confused' just by her expression.
"Accidentally. I did not and will never ever mean it." Schneizel stated again.
Zero now had the verge to take off his mask and scratch his head.
Kanon had sighed inwardly, then smiled reassuringly at his picnic-mates. "But it is completely okay now."
"How did you end up hitting him with a stapler?" That statement came from none other than Zero.
Kanon cringed. He HATES Zero double time now.
"I was..." Schneizel seemed to think, glancing at Kanon for a while - and he inwardly sighed. Kanon was now having a staring contest with an apple. "Playing darts. I was not looking at all when I accidentally grabbed the stapler and threw it to the dartboard. The stapler had a... sentimental value... and dearest Kanon, knowing that, decided to catch it before it breaks itself and the dart board. But it hit his neck instead."
Cornelia and Odysseus and Nunnally and Guilford stared back open-mouthed.
That was... odd.
Weird and it sounded so.. unbelievable.
"No kidding?" Cornelia asked.
"No kidding, sister." Schneizel replied. "Right, Kanon?"
Kanon lost the contest, and looked up, and smiled brightly. "Yes, that was so accurate, Schneizel-sama."
"Oh..." Nunnally nodded. "But, why were you playing darts that day, Schneizel-nii? I thought you only play darts when you're... stressed, or depressed?"
Kanon gulped. Schneizel smiled. Smiled so so so... hopelessly. Is there no chance for escape? They had to get out of this, or else Odysseus - no matter how meek the man is he's still older brother - will scold them for... tainting Nunnally-chan's innocent mind.
"Actually, I was rather.. depressed that time..." Schneizel nodded, and quickly strategizing his strategies.
There was only one thing that would possibly make Nunnally-chan believe.
"..That day... my puppy died."
Kanon looked blankly at his prince. Cornelia choked on iced tea. Odysseus' look crossed disbelief to amazement to incredulousness. Guilford looked down hopelessly, shaking his head. Zero had dropped a random sandwich that he was preparing for Nunnally.
In speaking of Nunnally, the girl was wide-eyed and blinking and all of a sudden, a look of concern washed over her face. "Really?... You... You lost your puppy? That's so sad..."
"You have a puppy?" Zero asked, catching everyone's attention. "I've never heard of that."
Schneizel smiled hopelessly. "About that, see..."
Kanon caught up with his majesty's tale. "Muffin-kun died the day we bought him."
Schneizel faked tears and wiped the side of his eye. "M-M-Muff-i-in-ku-kun.. Poor Muffin-kun..."
At this Cornelia had to be stopped to not laugh pointedly at her brother. Odysseus was giving his brother a look that said 'What on Earth, Schneizel???' and Zero was patting Nunnally on the back.
Nunnally was... crying. "Oh, poor poor Schneizel-nii!! Poor Muffin-kun.. You.. Schneizel-nii, you loved Muffin-kun so much, didn't you??"
"Y-Yes, I.. for what little time it lasted.."
"Oh, that is so sad! So horrible. Muffin-kun... How did he die?"
"He caught some kind of disease." Kanon tried to explain, also patting the shoulder of his crying prince.
No kidding - Schneizel looked so damn shitty.
"He.. died in Schneizel-sama's arms..."
"Oh, I remember Lelouch-nii-sama... It was so sad, too..."
And Cornelia was laughing so hard at them. And Odysseus, for the first time, sighed in exasperation. "Oh, stop it you two..."
"What does.. M-Muffin-kun look like?"
"He was..." Schneizel and Kanon looked at each other.
And then they looked at each other again, and then back to Nunnally. "What we meant was..."
"White with brown spots." "Brown with white spots."
Uh-oh. Saying that in the exact same time was the worst idea for today.
Cornelia had finally grown tired at laughing at them, and resumed her smirking pose. Guilford had finally had time to eat a sandwich. And Odysseus looked at them disapprovingly.
The two storytellers looked at each other hopelessly and then both smiled at the young Empress.
"Schneizel-sama was right-"
"-it was brown with white spots."
Zero cocked a head to the side. "But Schneizel said it was white with brown spots."
"Oh, I meant.. Schneizel-sama was wrong-"
"-it was white with brown spots."
THIS IS HELL.
MENTAL, INTELLECTUAL HELL.
Nunnally looked at them, confused. "Oh, but.. nevermind the color! What breed was he?"
"A poodle." "A bulldog."
Schneizel sighed. "It was actually a-"
"...poodle with a personality of a bulldog."
"But I loved it so much."
"Yes, because it was so sweet."
Cornelia frowned. "How can a bulldog be sweet?"
Nobody could answer the question.
Nunnally then wiped her tears and nodded, consoling Schneizel. "Alright, Schneizel-nii! Cheer up! Everything's gonna be fine!"
"Thank you, Nunnally-chan." Schneizel patted his sister on the head. "Besides, Kanon here was planning on buying a new puppy."
"That's great! Zero-kun, I also want a new puppy!" Nunnally said, tugging on the masked man's sleeve enthusiastically.
Kanon sighed when the attention diverted from them. Finally their companions were minding their own businesses, Nunnally frantically convincing Zero that they just HAD to get a puppy. And Cornelia's kids who were eavesdropping were pulling their parents to buy them their own poodle. And Odysseus was busying himself with a staring contest with oranges.
Schneizel smiled charmingly at his aide, and the picnic was continued.. and the world is beautiful again.
Yes. Beautiful indeed.
"Cornelia, dear." Guilford was walking with his wife and the sleepy children to their rooms.
The princess looked up at her knight-slash-husband. "Yes?"
"This has been bothering me for a while now." the man looked sternly at her. "About Kanon and.. Prince Schneizel...-"
Cornelia smirked once again and shrugged. "Really, if somebody doesn't notice then it's either that somebody is totally slow, or still innocent. Like Zero and Nunnally."
"No, I am okay with that part. What I was bothered about is..." The man stopped dead in his tracks and released a really bothered look on his face.
"Say it, dear." the second princess urged.
"What does a brown white-spotted poodle puppy look like?"
A/N: Okay. Now THAT is one hell of crack. See, that scan in MT really had me almost fainting. For the fangirl that I am, I really was overjoyed and squealing to death.
Anyways, I will be gone until... (gasp) April 15?! Yes. I'll be taking a vacation to my grandparent's house and there will be no computer in there. ^^;; So, until then, see you all!
Thanks for reading! :D