By Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: I do not and probably never will own Naruto or any other copyrighted works mentioned in this story. I am not writing this for profit.
Author's Note: I'm just doing some housecleaning by getting my old stories out to be appreciated. Enjoy.
Sasuke Uchiha had anticipated that his day of hard training would end with a nice relaxing evening at home, where he could eat, rest and prepare for the coming meeting with his team. As he opened the door, however, his keen senses detected a presence in his home. The Uchiha survivor scowled, and drew his kunai. Slowly, carefully he entered his home, prepared to unleash hell on whoever had broken in.
Sasuke's grip on his kunai tightened, but he did not let it fly. Naruto Uzumaki sat at his kitchen table, cheerfully eating some of hisfood.
"What are you doing in my house?" Sasuke asked. He looked around. Rather than a total disaster area as he'd anticipated any visit of Naruto's would render his home, it was very clean save for the boxes stacked nearby, and the ice cream containers stuffed into the trash can.
"My house burned down, so I moved in with you," Naruto said. Sasuke slowly looked at the boxes stacked nearby, and slowly back to Naruto.
"… Your houseburned down?"
"Fire I guess."
"And now you're moving in with me," Sasuke finished. Naruto nodded cheerfully.
"...Says who!?" Sasuke demanded.
"Well, me. I didn't think you'd mind," Naruto said. "You did save my life in Wave Country, ya know. And I did save everybody against Gaara." Naruto had another bite of food, and swallowed. "So I thought if you were willing to give your life for me, and me for you, then sharing your house is a lot easier."
Sasuke stared. Naruto shrugged.
"I mean, you don't even have to die this time! Oh, and uh, you're out of ice cream."
"...Get out of my house."
"What? Oh come on Sasuke! We're friends right?" Naruto said.
"You ate all my ice cream."
"I bought more!"
Sasuke considered this. On one hand, he did owe Naruto and did consider him a friend. And his house had just burned down.
On the other... Naruto. He thought it over for a time, and then slowly nodded. "Okay, you can stay. For now."
"YEAH! Woo!" Naruto cheered happily. Sasuke went over to the refrigerator, intending to get some ice cream of his own. He opened the freezer.
"… Naruto, I don't see any ice cream in here."
"Oh… Yeah… Uh…" Naruto looked to the side. Sasuke recalled the ice cream containers in the trashcan, and growled.
"...You're buying more ice cream. Now."
"Aw man, but I'm so full..." Naruto sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I want to take a nap..."
"You go get some damn ice cream! NOW!" Sasuke snarled, Sharingan wheels spinning dangerously in his eyes. Naruto lost his balance and fell back to the floor.
"Ack! Okay, okay!" He ran out of the apartment quickly. Sasuke sighed, and set the chair back upright. Sasuke shook his head. All he'd wanted was a nice, quiet day home after his training. And now he had a roommate.
He could just throw him out… That might be amusing. But that nagging feeling of honor kept distracting him from just throwing him out on his ass.
"Hey Sasuke! I got your damn ice cream..." Naruto said, entering the apartment again with a few bags full of ice cream. He sat back down to the table, and opened up one of the containers. He held up a spoon cheerfully. Sasuke scowled and snatched it away.
"HEY!" Naruto shouted.
"Don't eat it all! Or I'll make you buy more!"
"Okay, okay, sheesh! Here, have some," he said, handing over another container.
"No! You have to make it last!" Sasuke growled. He took the other container from Naruto. "You already ate like three!"
"I was hungry! And you just had a bunch of health junk in the fridge..."
"If you're going to be living in my house, you're going to follow my rules you bottomless pit. One. You're going to buy ALL the food you eat," Sasuke stated flatly.
"Awww..." Naruto huffed. "Fine."
"Two. You're going to make the food you buy last!"
"I'll get other rules up. But like I said, my house, my rules. And I expect rent every month!"
"Rent?! Are you kidding?! We get paid from the same source! Besides, we're friends aren't we? And I already cleaned up the apartment..."
"Did you?" Sasuke asked flatly. Naruto formed a handseal.
"Kage Bunshin no jutsu!"A dozen Naruto clones appeared, and went about cleaning up. Sasuke scowled.
"...My house, my rules."
"Aww... Hmm..." He thought for a moment. "What did Ero-Sennin say about situations like this...?" He snapped his fingers. "Henge!"
"Ohhh... Are you sure, Sasuke-kun~?" Naruko asked, pushing her boobs up and giving him an alluring look and wink.
Sasuke gave him a deadpan stare. "Unless you're willing to pay with your body, I'm pretty sure."
"Pervert," Naruko huffed.
"You're the one trying to convince me with..." Sasuke reached out and poked a breast. "That."
"Fine..." Naruto grumbled, and returned to male form. "Will you take a ryo a month?"
"At the start and end of every month," Sasuke said.
"That's cheating!" Naruto accused. "What do you need with an extra thirty ryo every month anyway?"
"Paying for your expenses," Sasuke said flatly.
"My expenses?! What's that supposed to mean?!"
Sasuke pointed at all the lights on in the house, in rooms that were empty.
"... What?! Your house is creepy when it's dark!"
"I keep it dark to save money."
"No wonder you're so pale."
"Skin cancer is not a good thing for any ninja to have."
"You just do it because you burn!"
"Yes, because I'm not a freak who tans."
"Freak?! You're the freak you vampire!"
"I am your landlord, you know," Sasuke said flatly. "You really want to piss me off?"
Naruto scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. He thought about it.
"Look, if I keep the lights down will you take fifteen?"
"I'll consider the measure," Sasuke said with a slight smirk. Naruto growled.
Yeah, it's another idea I cooked up with some help from The Ero-Sennin. The basic idea is to take a Seinfeld approach to Naruto. Branching off in that vague period before Sasuke defects, Naruto's house burns down and thus he moves in with Sasuke. Naruto's burgeoning social life and assorted chaos thus collides with Sasuke's isolation (save that broken by fangirls). The point of such a story would be to make everything mundane, just like in Seinfeld. EVERYTHING. And of course, to emphasize the humor potential of the series over anything else.