Hey guys!

Soooo, this is a wicked awesome story that's also a joint venture between me (theotherbella) and raok... this is out very fist fic together, and... you know... I'm kind of excited! Kel's gonna tell you about it so listen up:

Here's a fic about the two people you ship the hardest BxE - don't even try to front.
Bella's pretty awesome in this fic and not a total weakling (thank god!). We're gonna try not to make her a total pansy douche-tard so hopefully you'll like it. But who doesn't love a little DickWard, am I right?

Oh and reviews are almost as good as Edward's sex hair!


My life is pretty perfect.

I have basically everything I need; a good family, a decent group of friends, an above average intellect, and I'm no Quasimodo. But in every charmed life, there is a thorn.

An imperfection.

A blemish.

And for me, that's Bella Swan.

This girl is like my... my kryptonite; she just gets under my skin and festers there, and no matter what I do, she will not fucking leave me alone.

This is why I hate her.

Please, God... make her disappear.

The problem with my whole Bella situation is that no matter what I do, no matter where I go, I can't get away from her; she just seems to be everywhere.

Kind of like a shittier version of air. More annoying, you know?

Her parents and mine have been friends since the beginning of time, it feels like. Over the years, I've been forced to endure Bella through holiday dinners and birthdays, each more excruciating than the last. And if that wasn't enough, she has to be in most of my classes. She's even my lab partner in bio.

What the fuck?

It's like she was invented just to torture me; just to make me realize how good I have it the 20% of the time she's not around. I relish those moments when I don't have those stupid shit brown eyes watching me like a hawk.

I think that's what I hate most about her.

She's always staring at me, in fact she stares at most people, but she never says one word. And those people she calls friends? How do they even stand her?

Take Alice Brandon, for instance, the chick is seriously awesome. She's been dating my best friend, Jasper Whitlock for a while now, and it's like this chick was made for social situations. She's funny outgoing, and always makes everyone look at her.

So now, you tell me: why is she hanging out with a crazy girl like Bella?

No fucking clue, right?

The others aren't so bad; Angela's quiet, but still nice, and then there's Rosalie, the queen of practically everything.

But Bella appears to be the leader of the pack, so to speak. They follow her lead and she makes the decisions. Fucking figures. The girl's too good to share her opinion to us common folk, but she sure as hell can run her clique.

I seriously do not understand her.

"Hey Cullen!" I heard Jasper calling me from across the lawn. "You coming?"

I sighed and followed him up to Emmett McCarty's annual Halloween party. Em always has parties at his house, but Halloween is the one night that you can expect to see everyone, and I do mean everyone. From that weird kid who picks the corn out of the chili at lunch to the object of your desire... they'll both be here, commingling and maybe even swapping spit.


Either way, I know I'm going to have to look at stupid Bella tonight, and I'm not looking forward to it. Maybe she'll wear a mask.

Please... wishful thinking.

I headed through the open front door and into a throng of people who, presumably entered, but were too chicken shit to move into the actual party. It's crazy that people still go all out for Halloween. I mean, we're 18 years old; you'd think we'd be over it. But no. Here I am, dressed as some hot shot football player, with my idiot friends and trying to peel my way through the slutty french maids and 'kittens' to get into the kitchen where I know Emmett is presiding over a game of Black Jack.

House rules.

"Ok, Jess that's 18. Hit or stay?" Emmett says.

Ah, Jessica Stanley.

Poor, naive Jessica Stanley.

She's been fawning all over one of the three of us, since fucking forever. And true to form, she flicked a piece of dull brown hair over her shoulder and gave Em what I'm thinking is supposed to be a sexy smirk.

But only dumb things come out of Stanley, "Hit me, big boy."

Em raised an eyebrow and laughed to himself before flipping over the next card and putting it on Jess's pile. Six of clubs.

"Ohh, sorry, honey. That's 24."

Jess pouted at Em, and crossed her arms over her chest, pushing up what little cleavage she had. "But, now I'm sad. Em, who's going to make me feel better?"

Emmett's eyes went wide, but then he spotted Jasper and I in the doorway, and gave us a wicked smirk.

"Honey, I think Cullen's your man tonight."

Oh. Fucking. Hell.

My eyes widened as Jess honed in on me, and she smiled seductively (I think) in my direction. I heard Jasper laughing beside me and I shot him a furious glare. This could not be happening to me; now I could potentially have to dodge both Stanley and the vicious Swan.

I know I'm good... but am I that good?

We'll see my friend.

I start to back away from an advancing Stanley, when suddenly Jasper grabs my arm.

"What?" I shout frantically.

He nodded in the direction of the door, his face impassive. "Incoming."

I turned to look and all of a sudden, I was assaulted with the sickeningly sweet smell of strawberries. This can only mean one thing.


My eyes finally landed on her, and I groaned. She was dressed as a fucking cheerleader. I'm a football player and she's a cheerleader. What the hell? Well, okay; it's not just her, it's all of them in short, tight yellow and navy skirts with matching tank tops with FHS across their chests.

I hated her for having tits and then myself for being heterosexual.

They made their way through the crowd toward us, and it was like the parting of the Red Sea. How stupid.

She kept getting closer and closer to me, and then I felt something warm crash into my chest. I looked down at Stanley's crazy ass smirk and decided (in the moment) to go with it. I leaned down and crush my lips to hers, but all of a sudden the chaste kiss I initiated turned into the number of ways her tongue could violate me. In my mouth, across my lips, on my teeth, licking my cheek... God, she was taking fucking inventory or something. I finally pulled away to look at her, and thankfully Swan and her minions had passed and I could breathe.

"Like it baby?"

I refocused on Stanley, but I caught Bella watching us out of the corner of my eye, one arm draped across Emmett. So as much as I hated it, I went back in for Stanley's mouth.

Bella Swan would not ruin my Halloween with her stupid fucking stares.


He was nothing short of fucking disgusting. I was pretty sure Edward Cullen had felt the insides of more mouths in Forks than the only dentist in this town.
I had spotted him right away when I walked in. His bronze hair was unmistakable and stood up like bad sperm hair from Something About Mary. He of course hadn't seen me (thank god) since he had been fucking Jess's mouth with his tongue as we passed him. My eyes remained glued to him as we made our way over to where Emmett was trying to pull one over on Mike Newton.
I draped an arm over Em's shoulders giving him a light squeeze, my eyes still focused on the vomit-inducing sight that was Edward and Jess. Seriously it was like watching a gruesome car crash, I wanted to look away but I was curious to see if someone would emerge alive. The way they were eating each others faces... I wasn't sure either of them would. Maybe it would be a good Halloween after all. I could see it now, Forks Daily Newspaper, dated November 1: "Two local teenagers who were known in the community as being STD ridden sluts were found dead this morning. The cause of death has not been confirmed at this time but there is speculation that they sucked each others' faces off."
Emmett's boisterous voice brought me out of my daydream. "Bells, I'm sure Edward would more than welcome adding you to the mix he's got going with Jess over there. Why don't you go say hi?" He asked wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. I dropped my arm from his shoulder and elbowed him in the ribs. "Ew, gross Emmett. I don't need herpes for Halloween."
"Bella, I don't have herpes." Fuck, I had forgotten Mike was at the blackjack table.
What the fuck could you say to that? "Oh, um... that's great Mike."
Rosalie appeared on the other side of Emmett and glared at Mike. "That's because no one wants to kiss your whiny ass, Newton."
"Babe, calm down. Can't you see little Mikey here is just trying to flirt with Bells?" Emmett teased, pulling her onto his lap.
Mike stood up, giving me the twice over look before raising a hand and waving slightly in my direction. "I'm just gonna go grab a drink... I'll uh, see you around Bella."
I tugged at my skirt trying to pull it down below my upper thigh as I smiled and nodded, watching Mike practically sprint from the blackjack table towards the back porch. At the sight both Emmett and Rosalie busted up laughing. "Oh my god Bella, that guy has the biggest boner for you!" Rosalie wailed as Emmett's laughter had her bouncing up and down on his lap. "Seriously Bells, when are you going to fuck him and put him out of his misery? I mean he's a jackass, but each semester that you deny him, he gets even more pathetic."
I rolled my eyes. "Yea Em, that's a great reason to fuck him; to make him less pathetic in your eyes."
"You should at least throw him a bone; go down on him in the locker room or something," he suggested. Rosalie swatted at his chest shaking her head.
"Bella is better than that. She's not like a certain Edward who fucks anything that moves and has a pussy. Bella is waiting for something more meaningful than a Mike Newton."
I heard two people crack up laughing behind me and I spun my body around.
"So Bells, you've never let a guy touch you there?" Edward teased smirking. Jessica was standing next to him, trying to stifle her giggle as she tightened her grip around his waist.
"Like Rosalie said, I have more respect for myself than that. I don't need to fuck anything that walks just to prove that people like me."
"That's right, cuz no one fucking does," he sneered wrapping an arm around Jess flushing her against his side.
"Did you come here for something Edward? Or just to get a good look at Bells so you have a fantasy image to play out in your head while you're pounding the tramp on your arm?" Rosalie asked casually as she examined her freshly painted french-tip nails.
"Rosalie you fucking cunt-"
Rosalie stood up and was inches from Jessica's face. "What bitch?"
Edward shook his head and looked over at Emmett. "Em, keep your woman in check. She's hot, but she's the second biggest bitch I know," he quipped glaring down at me has he completed his sentence. Emmett held his hands up, surrendering. "Hey man, I don't try to keep a lock on my Rosie. She can beat down whomever she wants as long as I get to watch because that shit is fucking hot."
I couldn't help it, I laughed. Rosalie turned to face me and smirked, quickly finding her spot in Emmett's lap again. "Damn straight baby," she agreed placing a chaste kiss on his lips.
She turned to face Jessica, who had cowered down and was partially hidden behind the man whore.

"Oh and Edward? Bella may not be a fighter but I am - especially when it comes to your whore de jour taking petty shots at my friend here. I suggest you spread the word to your harem that what happened to Lauren Mallory can and will happen to any of your other girls if they mess with Bells."
That was a great day; the day when Lauren called me trash and Rosalie broke her nose in the middle of the quad without so much as a scratch on her body.
"Oh that's right. Wouldn't let pwetty little defenseless Bella stand up for herself, would you?" He mocked looking directly into my eyes.
I had never felt like such a little kid in my entire life;as if I couldn't take care of myself.
Without thinking I lunged at him, my fist slamming into his face as I clocked him right in the eye.
Bella Swan can take care of herself, thank you very fucking much.