TITLE: Comedy Sitcoms

SUMMARY: Vampire Bella gets annoyed because Edward is away A LOT with brother Jasper. One day, Alice, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme go off hunting, and Bella decides to go running. What occurs when she returns?

PAIRINGS: Bella/Emmett

Differences: No Renesmee, no Volturi, no Jacob.


AUTHORS NOTE: My first ever attempt at writing smut so please review and be nice!!! Give me some lovely constructive criticism. Tell me whether you like it or not etc, etc. Please don't be too harsh! Hope you enjoy, PSV XXX


Why ?! Why me?! Why did I have to marry a vampire who likes week-long regular wanders? One that wanders with his military emotional manipulating brother, no less! They're probably secretly taking over the world.

Ever since I became a vampire, with the red eyes, the hard skin and the immortality, Edward the sex - I mean Greek - God has been spending a little less time with me than I would like. Because as I am a new vampire, I have insatiable desires, and these days, he can't walk through the door without me jumping his bones. I swear he wants me to explode. He and Jasper spend so much time away from home together! Alice suffers too, but she gets the visions of what will happen when Jazzy comes home, so she's alright. And I swear, having to watch Carlisle and Esme and Rosalie and Emmett is excruciating…

So, Alice, Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme are all out hunting for three days. How amazingly fun. So, it's just me and Emmett.

It takes all of half an hour before the comedy sitcom and Emmett's corresponding bellows of booming laughter piss me off. I get up and whiz upstairs. I'm back down in seconds, wearing nothing but shorts and a sports bra.

"I'm going running. Be back soon"

"Yeah, sure thing Bells." he says, eyes glued to the screen. His booming laughter follows me as I hurtle towards the river.

I run halfway to Canada before I give it up and head home again. I ambush a grizzly just out of hibernation, and decide to do a little hunting of my own. My eyes aren't too red any more - more a dark orange. I start running again as soon as I'm done. I'll let Emmett know the bears are wandering the woods, he can come fight his food. I'm back at the house in little over two hours, due to numerous detours and my hunting. I burst through the front door, intent on irritating Emmett by making as much noise as humanly possible.

But he isn't here. The TV is off now, and I can hear a shower going upstairs. My phone buzzes. I don't bother with caller ID, I just pick it straight up.


"Bella!" Alice trills down the line.

"Hey pixie. How are you? You know, you only left two and half hours ago. Don't tell me you forgot something. I'm not running after you to give it to you."

"I haven't forgotten anything. No, Rose is trying to get hold of Emmett and his phone is off. She wants to speak to you."

"Yeah, sure, put her on."

"Hey Bella."

"Hey. What's up?"

"I forgot to tell Emmett that I mended his black pants. Tell him they are in the third drawer of the teak dresser. He'll know."

"Ok, sure."

"Um, by the way - why is his phone off? You aren't seducing my husband are you?"

"Yes Rose, I got so wound up by Edward's absence I seduced your beast of a husband. We're going to elope to Vegas. I'll leave the divorce papers on the table right?" I hear her laugh.

"Ok, have fun with that. Alice wants you back, OK?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. See you when you get home."

"I'm baaaaaaaaack!"

"Yes, Alice, I can hear that. You're like a human on crack, you know that right?"

"Shut up, Bella-Bell. um, and I need to explain something to you when we get home, OK? And if anything should happen during our absence, you mustn't feel guilty, right?"

"Alice, is there something I should maybe know?"

"I'll tell you when we get back! Now, why is Emmett's phone off?" I'm in my bedroom, wriggling out of my clothes. I want a shower.

"He's in the shower. And he is singing Alice! Singing! Come home soon! Don't leave me here with him!"

"Bye bye Bella-Bell!" Talk about leave me hanging! Stupid pixie. I hum my lullaby to myself as I wrench open the bathroom door.

"Oh, my God!"

"Bella!" OMFG, I cannot BELIEVE I just saw that. I slam the bathroom door behind me in sheer horror.

"Oh my GOD, Emmett, I'm SO sorry!" Shit, that was scarring. I just saw my big brother naked, in the shower, jerking it.

Mind you…four words.

Fuck. Me. That. Cock.

Jesus. Holy crap.

Fuck. Just…fuck.

"Bells, it's OK." He puts his hand on my shoulder. And runs that hand down my arm and up my side. Holy. Fuck.

"Really, Emmett, I was miles away, I am so sorry, I should have realised." Oh God, his hand just skimmed the outline of my breast.

"Bella, really calm down. Chill." Oh God, all he's got on is a towel. I can feel the heat starting in my stomach. And that voice. That sexy, come-to-bed, fuck-me voice, which I've never heard before on Emmett, and oh god, I want to hear it again.

"Um…are you done in the shower?"

"Bella…Isabella…of course I'm done in the shower, why else would I be wrapped in a towel…out here…talking to you…and thing how damn hot you look when all you have on is a poor excuse for a bath towel that makes your tits look fucking amazing." Holy. Shit. Did Emmett just come onto me? God, I'm wet. And I like him calling me Isabella. I really like him calling me Isabella…"

"Oh…god. Look, if you could just excuse me…I need to shower…" I try to slide past him, but his strong arms wrap around me, pulling me flush against him. God, his body feels good against me. And his large hands are running all over me, but avoiding the areas I most want him to touch right now. I moan out loud. He has no idea how good he is making me feel. Fucking tease.

"Isabella," he breathes into my ear. "You don't escape that easy." And then he's picked me up, and we're in Alice and Jasper's room. I know how this will end, and so does he. But we need neutral territory.

He throws me on the bed. I land slightly sprawled. The towel is barely covering anything. But my eyes are black with sheer desire. I don't just want him. I need him. His eyes match mine. And his gaze holds me spellbound, and the amazing feeling between my thighs feels so good right now, and I need him, I need his hands on me so bad. His gaze runs up and down my nearly nude body, covered only by a scrap of cloth masquerading as a towel. I pull him down to lie on me. He covers my body with his, and starts trailing a finger up and down my body. Even through the towel, that feel amazing. I summon all my strength as a new born and flip us so I'm straddling his lap. Only his towel separates us, my wet heat pressing against his bulge.

I run my hands up and down his chest and abs. I tease him like he teased me, running one nail lightly along the line where towel meets flesh and then scooting back up to his chest. I never go lower than the towel line, and I never touch the nipples that are begging for my attention.

"Cock-tease" he grinds out between gritted teeth. I wriggle on his lap, and moan at the sensation of the rough towel against my screaming clit. Before I know it, I'm under him, and my towel is on the other side of the room. "It's not nice to tease Isabella." I wrap my legs around his waist - fucking bastards still got his towel - and deliberately buck my hips. I wrap my legs tighter and wriggle, desperate for friction. He snarls and lowers his head to my ear. "Don't…tease…"

"Then lose the towel, big boy. Or are you ashamed of the goods?" he growls at me. He lowers his head even more. And then he is kissing me, a furious, hard, wild kiss. Oh, he is going to make me pay for teasing. I'm going to suffer before he grants me release. I moan into his mouth, and he plunges his tongue in, hard, fast and dominant.

I'm really going to enjoy this.

He moves from my mouth to my neck, sucking and nipping, kissing and licking at the nips. Oh damn…I need him, I need him inside me. And then I feel his fingers move down, tracing down my side, stroking my hip in widening circles, getting ever closer to my throbbing, aching, wet cunt. And then he reaches it, and he slips his fingers into the wetness that has gathered there and starts stroking my slit, slowly, torturously. Oh my god, the man was born to seduce. I growl. I need so much more than that.

"You like that, Isabella? You like me stroking your soaking cunt, kissing your neck? You like it?"

"Yesss…Emmett. I need you… please, more…" He moves his mouth to my tits. He doesn't change the speed at which he caresses my cunt. I reach behind him and rip the towel away from him, and push him off me. I shove him onto his back, throwing the towel away. I crawl up the bed towards him, knowing that every move I make makes my tits swing and move. He swallows thickly. But I am almost entirely focused on his cock. A cock which stands proudly to attention, waiting for me. I take it in my hand and start stroking it slowly. And then, never taking my eyes off his, I lower my head and take him in my mouth. I bless the gods who spared us from having gag reflexes. I deep-throat, swirling my tongue around him.

"Holy fucking shit!" His hips buck wildly, pushing his dick further down my throat. My nose is touching the skin just above the cock which is buried in my mouth. I withdraw slowly, and then start humming around him. Half his cock is in my mouth, and I swoop down, still humming, to take back the rest. From the way he is reacting, I can tell Rose doesn't do this for him. His hips are out of control, and he is moaning, growling, snarling.

"Fuck… Isabella…Bella…I'm gonna come…" Well, I can't have that. I pull away from him, fast. I am backed up against the headboard, smirking at his face of fury. "You are gonna pay for that. He yanks my legs, pulling my so I'm lying flat on my back. And then he says the magic words.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you won't be able to walk, you filthy whore. You want me to fuck you like that? You want that, huh?" God I love it when he talks dirty.

"I love it when you talk dirty."

"You're just a little whore aren't you Isabella? A filthy slut that is just loving having to beg for my cock."

"Oh god yes. Fuck me, Emmett please…" I am going mad with want. I need him inside me, right now. "I need you." I breathe, desperate for release. That breathy little sigh seems to decide something. His eyes turn to liquid black, and he plunges inside me, and my screams echo round the house.


"Oh god, Isabella, yes…fuck… so tight." He is panting, I am moaning. My nails are clawing his back, scrabbling like a wild cat, and oh god, his cock feels so fucking good. He puts his arms under my hips and starts pumping faster, and he hits that spot and ohhhhhh my god, yesss….

"FUCK! Right there! Oh god Emmett!" My hands are clutching the bedclothes, gouging chunks from the head board , grabbing at Emmett's hair. If I'm not careful, I'll gouge his eyes out. He is pistoning faster and faster. Shit. I'm gonna come.

"Emmett…I'm gonna come! Fuck!"

"Oh shit Isabella…you filthy whore…you wanna come huh? You wanna come?"

"Oh God Emmett yesyesyes!"

"Then come, my little whore…come for me Isabella, come for me!" My orgasm hits me like a wall, like a speeding bus, and ohmyholyfuckinggod it feels good, and oh my god, my scream would have split human ear drums. Emmett hollers something indiscernible in my ear and then slumps onto me.

When Alice and the rest got back from hunting, her shriek shattered a window.


Oh shit…