Upon opening her eyes, the first things that came into focus were the bright red numbers on the alarm clock in front of her. 1:07. Every night she awoke at the same time and every night, she knew why. Attempting to dispel her thoughts, she rolled over and focused on the warmth of the person beside her.
She cared for him. She knew this, and she knew that she always would. Even when he annoyed and infuriated and made her feel stupid, she cared about him. And it hurt her, that, four years into an otherwise beautiful marriage, she questioned whether or not she loved him.
Helga was startled by the cool hands that met with the flesh of her belly; the calloused fingers from the construction job that he hated. He was working so hard to make her happy, but she could hardly bring herself to feel anything but sorrow.
She didn't know that he was awake, and by then, realized that he must have known that she was as well.
"You okay?" he asked, groggily.
Helga nodded, against the pillow, remaining silent.
"It's okay, baby. Next time, okay?" he said, rubbing the expanse of her stomach. Helga felt like crying again, but she knew that such an action would be a lie. She wasn't crying for the child that was supposed to be there, but wasn't. She wasn't crying because after years of trying, the two were still barren. She wasn't even crying because she knew how badly he wanted a child.
She cried because she knew that she could not bring herself to love the father of the child that she would have, even if she did love the child itself.
And Gerald deserved better than that.
I'm kind of on a posting high these days; I don't try to question it because then it gets an attitude and doesn't come around for a while. I'm really starting to LOVE Gerald/Helga, even though I'm the biggest Arnelgian ever. This wil never change.
Worry not, The Compromise and It's Only Life are not lost causes. They'll be back soon. My work schedule right now is crazy; I'm just getting back into the swing of working 10 hour days, so once I find my strides, I'll be back in full force. Just be patient with me, please!
Thanks for reading!
P.S. Did anyone notice what the time was that Helga kept waking up? 1:07? What's Arnold's birthday, again?
Yeah, I'm sneaky like that....