*A.N. – I've had two broken elbows a new job and exams, go figure. Apologies for the update taking so long, but if you had been living my life lately you would know why lol. I love you guys if you have stuck with me in faith ;) And aloha to all my new readers :D*
When I had finally recovered enough to speak, I set my mind to asking one question, and only one. I didnt care if they were werewolves, infact, I knew they were, their scent proved that for sure. I was just overwhelmingly curious, what did Jacob Black need to apologise for, in all honesty, I would have thought it would have been me that needed to apologise, afterall, I killed his friend.
"Why are you sorry?" I murmered, it was all I could manage.
His brown eyes seemed to darken to black at the question, filled with pain, I wanted to read his thoughts, I wanted to let go those walls that protected me at other times, but a nonvampire exhaustion was upon me. My race was not usually filled with such a heaviness, such a pure striking pain – one which took up so much of our extra mind space that thinking of other things was actually hard. Unheard of really. I waited a few seconds before dropping my eyes to the floor, I couldn't hold his gaze any longer, their was agony in his eyes, their brown was different to my... to Bella's, but they were brown all the same, and the way that the pain had overcome them so quickly brought back memories I would rather forget, ones which I prayed could lose their clearness through time, but that was not the vampire mind, the memories would never blur. They would be as clear as if it was just yesterday I broke her heart then left her for her own mind to reutter his painful words into her mind and force her to leave the world. I began to see that she truly had loved me as muchas I had loved her.
I saw Seth leave at a small flick of Jacob's hand; pure obedience, Jacob was the werewolves leader, it could only be expected, he was descended from the last cheif I had known.
Jacob waited maybe a minute more, maybe two, maybe ten. The time was playing with my mind, indecipherably, every time I began to count seconds I thought of her. 1, 2, 3, 4... The tresses of mahogany brown tumbling across her shoulders. 9,10, 11, 12... Her lips parting, two pearly white teeth nibbling down in anxiousness. 43,44,45... The tiniest drop of mud spattering onto her perfectly shaped jaw as she watched the Cullen's play basketball, the smile on her face was so open, so pure, it trusted everything about the situation.
"Did you love," he took a breath but his voice still shook on the last word, "her." He did not have to speak her name, I knew who he spoke of, in my eyes, she was the only one in the whole world deserving of such emotion. But I was bias.
I lifted my eyes to his before I answered, he seemed to only have aged around ten years, but his face knew wisdom. It was as simple as that, his face had grown uccustomed to knowledge, his eyes were full of it, and his mind had been read i was sure that the thoughts would be of a world weary person.
"You know I did."
"Why did you leave her?" He partially moaned the question and I found myself again wondering why he wasn't angry, I wouldn't have minded him tearing me apart. I couldnt do it ti myself for the guilt of hurting my family, but if someone else done it for me, it wasn''t really the same, it wouldn't by mt fault, not really. I couldn't answer him. It was as though the mud once again was clogged in my throat and it was impossible. I shook my head instead, my eyes once again downcast. "Y-you left her open for-" his voice tremored to a halt before it continued, as her friend he must have felt responsible for what happend, he finished his sentence of in the same tortured voice, "-all of it."
"I know." I answered him, trying to tell him with as little words as I could that I took the blame, it was my fault.
"But I'm still sorry, I shouldn't have just left her like that," I assumed he was talking of how he accepted the loss of her friendship when she was with me, they never really hung out when I was with, which had been alot.
"It's not your fault Jacob," I spoke with some of my former stength returning to my words, "if I hadnt left her, she wouldnt have done what – what she done."
Jacob's head snapped up, anger finally lightiing his eyes, I waited for the onslaught of the best but it didnt come, he only growled out a few short words, "it wasn't her fault what happened."
I wasn't sure how to reply to his words, I hadn't said it was her fault, "I never realised she loved me so much to... do that to herself or I-" he cut me off.
"SHE never done anything!" he raged, if you hadnt left those leeches behind she would have been fine, she would have been with me-" it was my turn to interupt, my mind spinning.
"I never left anyone behind,"
"I didnt mean a Cullen, I meant the enemies you left Bella to deal with-"
My mind spun, I saw the rush of the red head and my eyes opened fully to the world, this was the details of my Bella's life that I didn't know, I bit back the pain, and stood up straight to face Jacob, to listen with superhuman intelligence, to take in every letter into my mind and understand the exact meaning, it was like waking from a dark dream, the colours were once again bright and glossy on the leaves and flowers of the forest. I knew, deep down that it would not last, that once the story was told I would retreat into my hermit shell, but for now, I was open to stories of my beloved. With a force that came only from the images of Isabella Swan, I let down the mind blocks, and as he spoke, I saw the images in his mind.
I saw her.
I saw her being attacked, being bitten by Victoria.
Then I saw her change, I saw her change into something so wondrous and so familiar.
I saw the slight crooked nose which had been broken a good few times change into the beauty which I had already seen before. I saw the lips become redder, fuller. I saw the eyes change shades.
I saw her change from Bella to Victoria.
The hair was still a sweet brown and the features were not, the only way to explain it was blurred, as if the bones had been crumbled underhand and replaced themselves over years. Over a century. The eyes were a blood red but I could see them now, amber. Their shape in the face was not in hollowed socket, ones which looked scratched and disfigured, they were perfect.
I saw my Bella on the couch. On the Cullen couch. On my couch. In my home. Changed. Broken. But Bella. My Bella.
She was home, she was living.
She was changed and changed again but she was mine.
*A.N. Reviews are welcome, I guess a little undeserved for taking so long o update, but all the same, I take time to work on this chapter and reviews mean alot. Xxxxx*