A/N: Back again with another fairy/Disney parody thing for my English class. This time, I had to write a story about existentialism and absurdity. So here it is!
Disclaimer: Sleeping Beauty is also originally a French fairy tale, but I'm basing this off the Disney movie. So I don't own whatever is theirs.
Return of DogGirl: Existence of Sleep
Once upon a time somewhere in the U.S about a week ago, their lived the most unfortunate DogGirl, and her husband Geekboy. It is a well known fact to anyone who remembers DogGirls' previous adventure, that Geekboy died in a particularly embarrassing manner. Turns out he didn't, he just went to the hospital and is now completely fine.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, then ignore that last paragraph.
DogGirl and Geekboy lived in the castle of the late Playboy along with the dancing furniture and the woodland animals. They were as content as they could be. Geekboy spent most of his time in his room learning Japanese off of Rosetta Stone, so he could watch his favorite animes without subtitles, and DogGirl spent her time outside frolicking with the animals. However they had neglected to pay the bills of the late Playboy, because it had never crossed their minds. Apparently it had never crossed Playboy's mind either because he had avoided paying his bills at all costs and had assumed an enormous debt, which he had never talked about. So when a representative from the bank came to repossess Playboy's mansion, all DogGirl and Geekboy could do was take their stuff out and watch the movers hull the castle away because they were technically squatters. Shortly after that, the bank filed for bankruptcy because of the horrible downturn the housing market had taken. They also took out AIG when they tried to get insurance for Playboys' horrendously toxic assets. .
It was then that Geekboy and DogGirl knew they had to make a decision of what to do now. DogGirl suggested living in the forest, which she did mostly anyway. But Geekboy was adamant that he had to be somewhere near a wall socket so he could recharge his battery pack for his PS2. So he proposed they move in with his cousin, Aurora.
After a long and perilous journey across town, they came to the wondrous house of Geekboy's cousin, which was really the Kings' castle because she had just recently married the Prince. They were welcomed in by the Prince himself. He was kind, handsome, charming, but incredibly clueless. If the Prince had not been married and Geekboy hadn't been standing next to her, DogGirl would have tried to make a pass at him. But the Prince was in no state to be asked out. He was frazzled; his newly wedded wife was having a mental breakdown.
The Prince was at the end of his rope, his wife, Aurora wouldn't come out of her room, she brought him to tears when he engaged her in conversation and no matter how much Prozac he gave her, her mood never improved. As he led them up the grand staircase to Aurora's room, he explained that when they had married, she had had a pre-existing condition of narcolepsy, which he could deal with but this was different. As they entered Aurora's chambers, they found her sitting in a chair staring out the window while a stereo softly played avant-garde jazz, which Aurora would later describe as inherently absurd music.
DogGirl and Geekboy pulled up chairs next to Aurora while the Prince hung back, preferring to stay near the door in case she started talking about death again. When asked how she was feeling, Aurora smiled serenely and answered with only one word. "Empty." The Prince gave an abrupt cry, announced that he had some onions he needed to cut and ran out of the room doing his best to hide his tears and keep his wailing to a minimal.
DogGirl and Geekboy pressed further with their questions. Aurora seemed somewhat pleased to finally have someone she could explain things too without the drama the Prince seemed to have a flare for. She told them how she and the Prince met. She had been put under a spell by a pre-menstrual witch to sleep until true love's first kiss. However, during her long sleep, she had had a wonderful dream about being a butterfly. The dream was so vivid and pleasant that when she awoke to find the Prince at her side, she began to wonder which was real. Her dream as a butterfly or the waking hours she spent with the Prince. She had spent weeks pondering this and couldn't come to a conclusion. She knew that her waking hours were made up of what she experienced but for all she knew, she could be the butterfly dreaming about being Aurora or vise-versa. In fact she couldn't prove if either of them was true because she didn't know what constituted as self-consciousness.
Geekboy, remembering a cult he had come across a few times on Twitter, attempted to explain Aurora's condition by saying something about the falsification of a piece of cake and that all her base belonged to him. Aurora was furious about this, saying that she possessed her own freedom and therefore could choose whether or not she wanted to give all her base to him or not. Realizing that she had no idea what they were talking about, DogGirl decided to ignore the conversation and looked out the window, only to see a large and angry looking dragon coming over the hill.
Just then, the Prince ran in to announce that the castle was under attack by a dragon, who also happened to be the witch who'd cast the spell on Aurora. The witch was PMSing again. The Prince proclaimed that he needed the help of a brave warrior to defeat the evil witch once and for all. Geekboy, not much of a warrior but often thought of himself as one, stood to offer his services. With great embarrassment, DogGirl saw that he had his Link outfit on, and probably wouldn't come back alive. She told them she would stay with Aurora.
The Prince and Geekboy went out to fight the premenstrual dragon and had many heroic moments in the epic battle. Geekboy didn't survive. He was crushed by the weight of his own sword which was five times his height and width. The Prince did manage to vanquish the dragon, but as he watched it taking its' last gasps all the words Aurora had spoken to him suddenly hit home. He suddenly felt the anxiety of being, the isolation, and the knowledge that he could not stop time. All this was too much for him and so, because there was nothing holding him back, he ran himself through with his own sword to escape the horrendous agony.
Aurora and DogGirl mourned the death of Geekboy and the Prince for many years. They lived out the rest of their lives at the King's castle, listening to inherently absurd music and pondering their existence. Aurora eventually went back to sleep, preferring the more pleasant existence of a butterfly. DogGirl wrote a book about her experiences called "Life's a Bitch, And Then You Die." She lived happily ever after, or would have if she hadn't become a philosopher.