A/N: Inspired by and dedicated to Eli Dohe/IDentity-CRYsis/whatever you're calling yourself these days. Babe, ilu, you're a riot, let's go running in slow motion together through a field of orgasms. :DD

Contains crack and faggotry. You have been warned.


"So, apparently we're having wild gay sex," Squall says casually, closing his laptop and glancing up as Cloud enters the room.

"...Excuse me?"

The brunet rolls his eyes. "Fangirls," he explains dismissively. "And sometimes fanboys." Here, he gestures at the laptop. "They like to write about us doing awkward things in awkward places, mostly in awkward positions that aren't physically possible."

Cloud raises an eyebrow. "So we're fucking?"

A smirk winds its way onto Squall's features and he stands, making his way over to the older man and giving him a very pointed look. "If you call this fucking, we're going to have to have a serious discussion."

Curiosity piqued, the older man issues his challenge. "I consider this fucking."

Squall rolls his eyes and plants a hand on his hip, looking the other man up and down. "So you'll be satisfied if we just stand face to face and stare stupidly at each other every night?"

Cloud straightens up, lips curving further. "Yes. Yes, I will," he says easily, returning the smug look. "The real question is.... Will you?"

Squall pretends to contemplate this for a moment, before he decides: "I don't see why not. Some of us can take care of ourselves." He gives a small, lewd grin that leaves no doubt as to his meaning and wets his lips.


Squall holds up his hands placatingly. "I'm just saying I can imagine a scenario or two..." There's a glint in his eye that snares the older man's attention again, and Cloud consents to humor him.

"Oh? Like what?"

"Like..." The gunblader's smirk is downright evil now, as he takes a step back and eyes the other appraisingly. "Why don't I demonstrate?"

Cloud scoffs. "Please do."

Squall sidles away from Cloud, slipping out of his jacket and letting it fall to the ground with a thump. Fixing his eyes on the other's, he smirks and advances slowly, predatorily, as he begins to peel off his shirt, revealing toned muscle inch by inch. His hair becomes tousled as he pulls the shirt over his head, disheveled bangs falling into his eyes. And when he's face to face with the other man again, he drapes the white fabric around Cloud's neck and then breathes against his lips, "You just stand there and stare stupidly, all right?"

Cloud clears his throat, determined to ignore the effect the brunet's little show is having on him. He fixes his eyes determinedly on an indiscriminate plot of air as the younger man steps back, watching him. "I will, don't you worry."

"Good boy," Squall mocks, as he runs his hands over his own bare chest, thumbing his nipples for good measure before sliding his palms down to his hips. He undoes his belts but leaves them in place and begins stroking himself through his pants with a still-gloved hand, panting softly in an obviously deliberate but nevertheless arousing manner.

Cloud coughs again, but true to his word, he keeps his eyes on the brunet. He grits his teeth as the younger man backs against the wall to support his weight on it and undoes his pants. Arousal seeps into his blood, an inadvertent leak of want spreading through him at the sight of Squall stroking himself hard. He trains his eyes on the brunet's shoulder, which looks innocuous enough, and tries to think about sword drills. But, try as he might, his gaze keeps sliding back to the gloved hand wrapped around Squall's cock and the flushed lips that quietly gasp his name when the younger man thumbs the tip of his erection.

The blond groans internally as he feels his blood drain southward, trying to concentrate on anything other than the incredibly delectable sight before him. He slides his attention forcibly but (hopefully) casually upward, over chiseled abs and then peaked nipples, in hopes that the wall behind the brunet will suddenly become very interesting. He has no such luck. So he continues to drag his gaze upward, over prominent collarbones and bowed lips. It's a test of his resolve, but he's winning—until...

Cloud feels his throat knot at the guilty pleasure reflected in the other's sterling eyes, the look of sinfully delicious satisfaction that tells him just how aware Squall is of his hungry gaze and how much it turns him on. The younger man's breathing grows heavier, this time unintentionally, a low moan brewing in his throat and releasing itself as a shaky sigh. "Ah, Cloud," Squall breathes appreciatively as his eyes fall shut, just to spite him, his tongue sliding out to moisten his parted lips. "Fuck..."

Cloud is faintly aware that he's biting his lip, his senses heightened and exponentially more responsive to everything Squall does. Each accented breath seems to send a shot of adrenaline through his veins and he's glaringly aware of his arousal—his barely restrained desire to haul the brunet bodily across the room and onto the bed and fuck him senseless. He'll give fandom a whole new definition of 'physically impossible,' he thinks with a growl.

Squall gasps for air, hips jerking against his fist as he drives himself over the edge, shuddering as he finds release and white fluid coats his hand. He's still for a moment, catching his breath before he straightens up with a quiet sigh, stepping away from the wall. His eyes flutter open as he raises the hand to his lips, making contact with Cloud's as he begins to lick it clean. He shivers at the raw lust laid bare in the older man's gaze, and at the huskiness of his voice when he speaks.

"That..." Cloud clears his throat. "That was a lot less effort on my part than usual."

"Mhm," Squall agrees, as he curves his tongue along the length of his index finger. The feral look in the other man's eyes intensifies, and he tries vainly to ignore it. When this fails, he tries to shift attention away from himself with a smirk. "Tell your pants to stop pointing at me, Strife."

The older man snorts. "Says the guy who just came everywhere and is still hard."

"Dickwad," Squall retorts intelligently. "I'm perfectly satisfied."

Cloud arches one eyebrow. "As am I," he says slowly, mockingly. "If you're done now, we have a world to save."

Squall's pointedly blank expression gives way to a fierce glare and for several long moments, there is a battle of wills, the intensity of which cannot not be done justice by any combination of flowery extended metaphors. And then, with a snarl, the younger man delivers his ultimatum:

"...I swear, Cloud, if you don't stop staring stupidly and fuck me, I'll just jack off again. And then you really won't get any."

Cloud is across the room in roughly half a heartbeat.


A/N: I wanted to write something cracky and fun. XD I had fun. I hope you guys did too. 8DD;;