Disclaimer: It is pretty obvious I don't own any of this. After watching the drama I was so moved that I had to write something. Trying to get into Aya's head was pretty hard but I had to give it a try.
By the way, I'm sorry if there's any mistakes or weird stuff. English is not my mother tongue.
One morning my life changed. I had been a normal girl up until that day, having fun with my friends, studying hard to get into Higashikou and thinking about what the future was holding for me.
Now there is no real future I can look forward to. My days are spent at the hospital because my body will no longer support my weight. I can no longer walk or talk. I'm afraid of going to sleep at night because I don't know if I'll wake up again.
There are days I wish I could just change my body. I wish that, only by closing my eyes I'd realize this is just a dream and not my life. But I know is not going to happen and I think a part of me has already accepted it, part of me realizes that this disease has come to be part of my life, part of me. Trying to change things is not going to be good for anyone, and it will only bring more tears. I don't want to cry anymore.
One morning my days here will come to an end, but the people I know will still be here. The streets will remain the same, the view will not change and some people will never know I even existed.
I will no longer be in pain, I won't shed more tears for my loved ones. Dying only changes everything for the people that stay behind and must keep on living, when I die, I won't care anymore, because I won't exist anymore. Maybe I'll be able to walk again, run. Talk.
I wonder if the people around me will remember me. I wonder what will my family do after I go, what will become of my brother and sisters, what the future holds for them. I wonder what Asou will do.
One morning, ten years ago, I tripped on my way to school. I put it in the back of my mind and paid no attention to it, thinking I was just really clumsy due to the lack of sleeping. It was so hard for me to realize I had an incurable disease. My world shattered into tiny pieces and every hope I had was crushed in a second. I can't remember how long it took me to finally accept the reality
One morning I met Asou-kun after I had knocked down a bunch of bicycles. He seemed a bit upset but he helped me and took me to school anyway. We became a sort of friends after that, although he kept to himself quite a lot. How I wish I could've had more time with him. Go out on a date. Walk with him. How I would've love to be kissed by him, just one time. But I never got the courage to ask him, or to do it myself. I don't want to regret that decision, but I keep wondering if I'll have another chance to see him and if I'll push myself to kiss him. I love him so and I don't want to hurt him, maybe it'll do no good to any of us.
One morning I couldn't walk anymore and I had to give up the school I loved so much, my friends and all the things I liked to do. I kept loosing control of my body and there was nothing I could do about it but watch. My only relief was that I could still speak and it was such a pleasure to do it as long as it lasted. To be able to have a conversation with okaasan or with Asou-kun was nice. Now that I don't even have that it seems like my world keeps getting smaller. How much longer is it gonna be like this? What can I do now? My hands won't hold a pen to write in my diary, I can't write down more words and there's still so much I want to say.
One morning I fell in love. But I won't be able to marry as things are.
One morning my dad took a picture of us and I was looking forward. Now I just think on how to keep on living.
One morning I'll die and when that happens I just hope that my words keep helping people out.
That's all I want.
An attempt to get into Aya's head on the last days of the disease. I might do another chapter with Asou's thoughts n_n