15 years… 15 years since I left my angel, my Bella. What could have driven such a thing, I don't remember how I reasoned with myself. How could I leave her so helpless, so vunerable, without me. I went back to Forks when I could bear it no longer.
I came back to a devastated Charlie. "She died 14 years ago. A bear mauled her. We never found the body. She was never the same after YOU left." I expected him to blow up at me, but he was numb. I went back to my family, who would have been sobbing if they could. Alice blamed herself, "How could I have not seen this? I could have saved her, I could have saved her!!!" "Don't blame yourself," said Carlisle, "It only makes it worse."
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Why do I have to be soo weak!! If I just worked harder at resisting, maybe I could have resisted attacking her!!! Thought Jasper
So, I have destroyed this entire family. There was no happiness for 10 straight years. Emmett no longer had that mischevoius glint in his eye. Alice and Rose lost a sister. Rose constantly beat herself up about how mean she was to Bella. Jasper does the same. Carlisle and Esme feel that they have lost a daughter. Me? No one could describe how I felt. Despair, agony, misery, angst, the list could go on forever and it wouldn't cover a quarter of it. I am the worst monster in the world. I left true love dieing in the forest. You cant imagine how much I hate myself.
We need to keep moving. We are starting high school, again in Magic, Oregon. Alice is as excited as a depressed person can get. (Not very excited)
The future is all blurry. I hate it. I LIKE being special.
I hope this high school will help Edward get over HER. I cant think her name or else will be all depressed for like a week. Not to mention me. I cant find it in me to forget her. I try so so hard and so does Jasper. Hell, so does everyone else in our family. I put my hand on my dead heart, hoping it will sooth the agonizing pain I feel. If I could, I would cried out all the tears in the world and then some.
We started high school, again, 5 months ago. The other students lost intrest really quick. We were very boring and depressed. A little more life has come to us since we started. But none of were prepared when THEY walked in the front door.