If He Had Saved Her
He stares off into the night sometimes and wonders how different things would be if he had saved her. He wonders if she would be by his side (not quite trusting him but knowing him well enough not to turn and run) or if he'd have scared her off.
He wonders if he would have ever built up the courage to ask her to join Angel Investigations. Her skills combined with his would have been deadly. They would have made an excellent crime-fighting team.
He hopes she would be with him. He still does, even knowing that it's an impossibility at this point. Dreams sometimes interrupt his sleep in which she is alive and well and with him. He's glad when he forgets the intensity of those dreams the morning after. He doesn't want to know the details of that which he'll never have again.
He misses her.
That is, simply, what it all comes down to.
He wants to let her go and not blame himself for her death but the burning in his soul, the pain of her loss, has not yet let him.
So he stares out into the night and wonders.