Akatsuki Truth or dare

The bottle spun ominously round and round. It seemed to make a sinister hissing noise as it rotated, like a venomous snake. The fluorescent lighting glinted off its glass surface. Suddenly it exploded outwards in a shower of sharp glass shards as a gigantic red scythe slammed down upon it.

"Oops…" said Hidan with a grin. "Looks like we need another bottle!"

He picked up a full bottle of vodka.

"I'll just empty it for you…"

Hidan raised the bottle to his lips and began to down it in one. The other members of the Akatsuki sat in a circle, forlornly casting their eyes over the dozens of smashed bottles littering the floor.

"This was a ridiculous idea!" exclaimed Kakuzu. "Who in the hell thought of this?"

All eyes turned to Konan.

"Wha?" she cried out. "Why me?"

The Akatsuki looked at each other.

"Because you're the only girl here…" muttered Sasori, unable to resist a glance at Deidara, who was already anticipating it.

"FUCK YOU!" he yelled, having to be restrained by Pein and Kisame. "Don't make me take out the wood chisels again!"

Hidan finished the vodka and drunkenly placed the bottle in the middle of the circle. Sasori spun it with a flick of his finger. It spun wildly for a few seconds before coming to rest facing Deidara. Deidara moaned.

"Crap. I knew this would happen."

Sasori rubbed his hands. "Okay Deidara," he said menacingly. "Truth or dare?"


"Are you a man?" Kisame butted in almost immediately.

Deidara glared at him. "WHAT THE HELL?! It's not your turn you freakin' moron!" He looked back to Sasori. "What's your question?"

Sasori stared at Deidara. "Are you a man?"

Deidara slapped Sasori's face.

"That means he's a woman…" Kisame whispered to Itachi.

Sasori rubbed his swollen face. "Er, dare then?"

Deidara nodded.

"Prove you're a man."

Deidara's foot connected with Sasori's head at great velocity. They decided to move on. The bottle spun round and landed on Itachi.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Asked Zetsu nastily.

Zetsu woke up the next morning handcuffed to a New York lamppost.

Meanwhile, the game was progressing nicely. The majority of the Akatsuki were in a sulk because the bottle refused to land on Konan. It did, however, land on Sasori, who chose 'dare.' Kisame was unsure about what to ask, and then suddenly his eyes lit up. He whispered something in Sasori's ear. Sasori's eyes opened wide.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he cried.

Kisame grinned evilly. Sasori let out a bitter sigh. He climbed to his feet and stood on a chair in front of the puzzled Akatsuki. He gazed around sadly and took in a breath.

In as loud a voice as he could he declared: "I'm a real boy!"

Everybody nearly died laughing. Sasori sat down, humiliated.

He cursed under his breath at Kisame. "Yeah, laugh, Kisame," he grumbled, "But I swear you'll die before me…" (Note to Sasori fans: he's dead. Deal with it. Owned.). It was now Konan's turn to spin. The bottle was beginning to wear away the carpet. It finally came to a stop on Hidan. Konan's face was a mask of sadistic evil.

"Fuck…" was the only Hidan had to say in response.

Konan stared at Hidan for a while, before slowly turned her head towards Kakuzu like the child from 'The Exorcist.'

"I want you…" she said in a voice that dripped with malice, "to give Kakuzu a love bite."

The entire Akatsuki were speechless, staring at Konan and Hidan with their jaws open (especially Kakuzu, who also appeared suitably terrified). After a few seconds of silence, everybody started to laugh, realising it was only a joke. Even Kakuzu began to chuckle nervously. Suddenly, a blur shot across the room as Hidan launched himself at Kakuzu. Kakuzu screamed in terror as he was thrown against the wall and pinned. The other Akatsuki stared in shock and horror, though a few took pictures. All that could be seen were Kakuzu's franticly flailing legs beneath Hidan's robe, although there was also an ominous sucking sound. After a few uncomfortable minutes, in which no one could be bothered to help Kakuzu, Hidan withdrew with a contented look on his face. Kakuzu didn't get up, only curled up into the foetal position and sobbed quietly to himself while clutching at the enormous throbbing red mark on his neck. To everyone's disturbance, Hidan licked his lips. They all stared at him as he sat down again. After a moment, Pein gave an exaggerated yawn.

"Well…" he said with an anxious glance at Hidan. "I'm exhausted. I'm going to bed."

He began to walk slowly backwards towards the door before spontaneously bolting down the hallway.

"Er, yeah," mumbled Konan, "I've got to go… wash my hair."

She followed Pein at full speed. The other Akatsuki began to make excuses and leave as well.

"I've got a lot of work to do…" said Deidara.

"I'm gonna go get something to eat…" said Kisame.

"I've got termites…" claimed Sasori.

"You're a fucking mentalist." Itachi told Hidan, walking out.

Hidan sat alone on the floor. Then, with a wicked grin, he realised that Kakuzu was still there, sucking his thumb and rocking backwards and forwards. Crushing the broken vodka bottles on his way, Hidan got to his feet and inconspicuously locked the door.