Well, school is out for the summer, as is my computer (my graphics card died). I'm typing this up on my brother's computer.

Also, I must thank Blaze for the idea for rule 196.

Anyway, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

174. Don't glomp the aliens!

Atlantis-6's new ailen team member was apparently, according to Major Ann Teddy's team, "extremely attractive". However, he hadn't taken to well to the idea of the "slightly" drunk all-female SG team ambushing him- which led to the next rule added to the list.

175. Do not suspend people off the control room balcony.

Sheppard was surprised that an over-the-door coat hanger could hold four people.

176. No Mayonnaise!

Wolsey had been quite upset to awaken and find that a whole jar had been up-ended over his head. However, he had learned his lesson- Never fall asleep while briefing Atlantis-4 on their next mission.

178. Asparagus spears are not weapons.

The writer of this rule was unknown. As was the identity of the person who "folded, spindled, mutated, and smashed" an entire shipment of asparagus.

179. "The biscuit of Zazamarandivo" is not the national anthem of Atlantis.

Whatever had convinced Lorne's team to tell the vacuum-cleaner-worshiping natives of P3X-782 this, no-one knew.

180. Goats are not suitable substitutes for P-90s.

Doing a firefight in a dark barnyard, Major Joshua Harland of Atlantis-6 had lost his rifle, and grabbed an odd dark shape off the floor.

Sleeping alien goats do not like suddenly scooped up and pointed at Wrath. Especially if said goats are the fire-breathing kind from P4G-795.

181. The Wrath are not French peas. Would you lot please stop saying so?

Ronon's campaign to avoid hospitalization by driving both Dr. Becket and Dr. Keller insane was working nicely.

182. Felling a tree on the Stargate is not a way to power it.

Lieutenant Sophie Amos of Atlantis-4 had been trapped alone on a planet with no DHD. Her solution was original, but Sheppard didn't like trying to explain why "the great crazy one" had made a dent in the ring of the ancestors.

183. Do not talk while attempting to make a spitball.

Carson had taken an hour to fish the lower right corner of Sheppard's mission report out of his larynx.

184. When coming through the gate, even if you're coming in hot, get out of your tent first.

Atlantis-8 was apparently in somewhat of a hurry. Still nicely camped out in their tent, they managed to dial the gate, send the IDC, and rush through the gate.

They weren't happy when the Marines jumped the "strange eight-legged creature" that was apparently attacking Atlantis.

185. Telling the natives that punching people in the nose is a traditional earth greeting is not a wise idea.

Unfortunately, Colonel Sheppard and McKay were the next to visit the planet, and received an enthusiastic greeting from the natives.

But then again, it was their fault.

186. If ye must come through the gate in a tent, watch where ye'r going!

Carson was furious. Atlantis-3 decided to copy Atlantis-8's antics - and charged into the city still wearing their tent.

187. No tricycles!

Atlantis -4 was back in the running for "Most ingenious way to injure your entire team".

188. Do not attempt to talk natives into helping you repair your equipment.

When Rodney's Tac-vest had shed several of its pockets, a native girl had offered to help him repair it. Sheppard had said something inappropriate, and Rodney had come home with his tactical vest sewn to his hair.

189. Do not sew someone's pants and shirt together.

Sheppard should have known better than to fall asleep in the rec-room when McKay was mad at him.

190. Don't tie people's laundry together.

191. "John Sheppard Hair Day" is never to be mentioned again.

Lorne looked fine in a Sheppard-style haircut

Woolsey, however, was not in the mood to be ambushed with hair gel.

192. Please do not cloak the gateroom.

Radec's boredom would be the death of the command staff.

193. Tripping over Atlantis-1 will not bring you good luck.

This mysterious rumor had started flying after Sheppard had arrived late for the start of a mission, tripped over a certain Athosian who was sitting on the stairs, and fell down the stairs face-first, knocking over McKay and tripping Ronon.

They came back from the mission with a ZPM.

194. Never try to use the cloak to convince people you can fly

Sheppard had used the city's cloak to hide a stack of crates in the gate room, climbed atop them and announced that he was flying.

Everyone was startled for all of ten seconds- until McKay came barreling in and knocked the crates over.

195. You cannot disconnect one end of a slingshot and then shoot it.

Atlantis-4 had got over the tricycle incident, and found a more creative way to give themselves major bruises.

196. The "Rodeo song" is hereby forbidden.

Sheppard didn't really want to know.

197. You are forbidden to tell the natives that one of your companions is "the deity of stupidity".

Atlantis-4's former runner seemed determined to get them all killed by natives. Or just enjoyed provoking Running battles.

198. You may not cloak yourself!

Collapsing the city's cloaking device around a small area on the east pier, then jumping out and scaring people, was probably not the brightest thing Dr. Keller ever did.

199. Do not attempt to bottle-feed a baby fire-breathing goat.

The all-female botany team had thought the goats were cute. Unfortunately, the mother had discovered them kidnapping one of her offspring.

200. Pins are to remain with the sewing gear when not in use


Persons unknown had "armed" the briefing room chairs with a number of straight pins.

201. I don't care how funny it is- horses are not to be oiled.

An excessively long trip on horseback, a bored lieutenant-colonel, and a spare container of Crisco all combined to leave McKay a very slippery ride back to the 'gate.

202. You may not shoot people with slingshots and them clam you were re-enacting "David and Goliath".

Marines, rocket launchers, drones, and three plants were involved in the ensuing chase. Atlantis-4 really liked their "dumbest team" title.

Author's Note: Well? What do you think? Is it Horrible? Wonderful? Press the green review button and let me know!