R: We don't own Twilight. This version of Emmett is ours though.
K: Ouch he bit me!
R: I mean Alspers.
Kristin: hey ya'll this is our first Chaser for you. And it's from our wonderful lovable bear of a friend Emmett!!! YAY! This goes along with chapters 3/4 of One More Shot, so hopefully you've read that before you read this! Thanks, to Robin and Moira for feeding me classic Hip/Hop songs to get Emmett to talk. And thanks to Kelci who is kicking my ass Amanda Jackson style with her beta style! (love you girl!)
Robs: What she said. Loves to our fans. :D
Playlist suggestions: Anything by the following Artists: Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Eminem, 50 cent
The Bitch Slap Heard 'Round Washington
Tonight was going to be an interesting night, I could feel it in my bones. I wasn't a psychic or anything, just had a gut feeling.
Granted my gut feeling had to do with the tall, lanky fucker that was currently giving me hell about my stash. Whatever, dude. Big E needs this shit so I don't kill ignoramuses.
"Is the list long?" I looked over at my buddy. I've know this country kid for five years now. He's a cool cat. Minds his own, and protects his own with the passion of the deadliest predator. I can respect that shit. Not to mention his sister Rose was some one that I could definitely respect.
But in the five years I've known this cat, he's never once gave a shit about the bar flies that haunt Sue's. If anything, he acts as if they all have the clap, and stays far away from them.
That was until the little tinkerbell pixie waltzed in two weeks ago. Don't ask me why, but the minute she and the dude with the odd colored hair came in, I knew Jazz was in trouble. And I mean trouble with a capital mother fuckin' T.
My poor homie was whipped for this girl the minute he saw her. It became more obvious how love sick he was for this chick with each passing night. I would know the signs, it was like looking at a mirror. Well except, I have style.
After our customary smoke, Jazz went inside to check out the scene, leaving me to my duties. I loved my job. Sue originally hired me thinking that I could use my brawn to stop the fights. Sure, I'm a big fucker and I have no qualms about throwing a bitch down when it comes time too. But here at Sue's, people were chill, giving me a chance to hang out with good friends, good booze, and decent music.
I flipped through my ipod looking for my Dr Dre playlist, getting ready to go inside, when I noticed the familiar car. The cat that drove this bitch made me want to blow him. Any man would for a chance in a car that was the epitome of James Bond style.
I watched as the man with the funny hair and the pixie came strolling in.
"Glad to have you back," I said to him. He was a regular here so it was no surprise when he smirked and returned my fist bump.
As they walked inside, I had a… shit what did they call that shit? You know, when you realize something….
Epiphany! Yeah, that's what I had. I was going to help my dawg Jazz out and get the little sex kitten's name for him.
I'm the fucking bomb, yo!
I went inside, checking with Jake to see if he needed help at the bar. After learning from him that Quil and Embry were working tonight I headed over to the pixie's table.
I introduced myself, as a ploy to get her name. And because I'm a smooth dude, it worked. I also talked to her brother, Edward about the Mariners game last night. I was surprised that he was a Cubs fan mostly.
After speaking some to the Cubs fan, I excused myself to have a word with my redneck homeboy. He was completely absorbed in his own world, no clue that I had joined him and the girls.
"What up Big Balla B?" I asked fist bumping with Bella. She was a sweet, clumsy and beautiful girl. But my eyes were only for the blond bombshell Rose.
Bella laughed and rolled her eyes. She hated my nick name for her. But fuck man, she was a big baller, all the cash she makes for workin' with Jake's dad was proof. As if her dope ass ride wasn't enough proof.
I draped my arm over Rosie's shoulders, telling her how beautiful she looked, smiling as she giggled and turned pink. I didn't see how people like Jake could think she was an ice queen.
"Yo, Jazz," I said trying to get his attention, he was too busy looking at the new British guy, Rob something or other, while he played.
"Dude," I threw a pretzel at him. Damn I need to work on my aim. He looked at me.
"She's here," I waggled my eyebrows at him. I knew he hit that shit, it was obvious in his eyes. I shook my head at him as he craned his neck to look for her. I need to school that fool on how to be a playa.
My poor boo started to get her panties in a twist when Jazz didn't answer who we were talking about, again making me shake my head.
"Alice is over there at that booth," I pointed in her direction and had to hold back to laughter when I saw Jazz's body relax. Home boy has it bad.
I was up at the bar, laughing with a pretty little thing that was making fun of Jake's hair. She had a point, the fucker had better hair then most women did. But he rocked that shit. I supposed being Native American helped in that aspect.
I was pulled out of my conversation by hearing Jazz dedicate the song to a "certain lady". Smooth dog, I thought only to immediately regret it.
Even I knew not to sing this song about a one night stand. It did perk my curiosity though. She sounded like she was a freak. Nice, she's a lady on the streets but a freak in the sheets. Mad props to Jazz for snatching every playa wet dream.
I took a drink from red bull, watching as my homeboy walk up to his lady luck.
Aw hell, this ain't gonna be pretty. I stood up from my seat as I saw her start yelling at him. I knew my boy, he normally ain't the kind of bitch to hit a girl, but even I was concerned when I saw his fists ball up.
"E, back off man, he deserves what ever is coming to him," Jake said from behind me. I turned to face him. Was he fucked in the head? He expected me to ignore my duties?
I turned my attention back just in time to see Alice's hand swing back and make contact with Jazz's face.
"Daaaaamn!!" Both Jake and I said, oddly reminding me of Chris Tucker and Ice Cube in Friday. That little girl knew how to pack a punch, cause she had just made a man that was at least a foot tall and a hundred pounds heavier then her fall into a near by table.
She stalked over to the bar. It didn't surprise me that Jake went to help her out. He was always one for the 'broken' ladies.
Finally the shit calmed down in here, everyone was shocked as hell that Jazz had not only, attempted to talk to a female other then his girls and Leah, but that said female had the balls to smack him.
I was leaning against the bar, arms folded over my chest as I waited for this night to be over. Alice was making her way to the stage now. She looked fucking broken and defeated.
Damn dog, you fucked up, I thought as I looked at the back of Jazz's head.
She started singing Beyonce's song and I was floored. Damn this girl's voice was making Beyonce look and sound like Hannah Montana.
Jazz looked in my direction, his face clearly saying, "Is this about me?"
Duh, dog. You acted like a poser and now this girl's heart is breaking. I shook my head at him then slapped my palm to my forehead, the international sign for dumb shit.
I didn't get to see the rest of the set, as I was forced to use my brawn to get some dick named Jorge and his twenty dollar whore Lauren out of the place.
When the cab came and got them, I was thankful. I needed to hit the jizoint so I could remain cool and collected for the rest of the night. As I went to my usual spot around the side, I heard the door slam open then shut. There stood my homie as he swore up into the sky.
I sparked one up as I watched Jazz attempt to beat the ever living shit of the building. I had to refrain from laughing when he inspected his hand. Yeah dawg, concrete and flesh don't mesh well.
Just as my man took another swing the door opened. I didn't see who was there, but judging from his look it was Alice.
He said something to her and in return I heard her soprano voice yell out "I don't know why I fucking TRY!" I saw Jazz reach for her keeping her from leaving. The music from the bar had quieted down as the door closed, but the voices of playa and playette had not.
This was not a battle of two strangers, oh no. This was a battle of two people that had known each other longer then even they knew. This right here was straight up kismet shit. Hey, don't be surprised that the stoner gangsta knows his fate shit. I believe in it. And whether or not Jazz wanted to admit it, Alice was his destiny
Damn, now I'm quoting Back to the Future in this mother fucker.
At this point Jazz had started to walk away from her, making me want to jump out like Ashton Kutcher and say "Sike!" or something. But no, I sat in the shadows watching like it was an episode of Dawson's Creek… no fuck that this is a soap opera. Fucking Passions up in this bitch. Wait, that's the one with the witch right? I shook my head. Days of Our Lives, now that shit I could get down with.
"Well since I'm a 'boy', I guess there's nothing I can do about it because I don't know how it feels to hurt, isn't that what you said?" Jazz's voice brought me back to the live showing of this soap, as he walked back towards Alice.
As the whiskey pours, these are the fights of our life. I chuckled at my own joke.
"I still have you with me every fucking day!" Home boy shouted as he turned around. Well yeah, that's what happens when you're in love douche bag.
Bro, when did you take your shirt off? Ha, way to catch up to the program Big E
I couldn't hear her response, but what ever said must have been sufficient enough as he put his clothes back on. He leaned closer to her and may the lord almighty strike me down if he didn't kiss her right then.
Ha, I was partially right! She grabbed him and forced herself on him. Damn baby boo knew how to take charge. I watched as he shoved her against the wall.
Holy snoop double d oh g! They're gonna bump and grind right here. Nah, Jazz ain't that much of a pimp.
"Emmett? You out here?" I heard Leah ask from the employee side door. I hid my roach.
"Yeah. I'll be in. in a second," I told her. I looked back over at Jazz but he was gone. Quickly, I searched the parking lot, barely catching the sight of Jazz being pulled into the back seat of his car.
Fuck her, my friend, fuck her good.